So this is really fucking stupid and I know it. I honestly don't know why I'm even bothering with this because there's really no point, but I guess I'm going to try for some fucking reason that I still don't understand. I'm probably way too fucking tired so my brain shut off and I'm making these stupid fucking decisions without actually permitting myself to. My sleep deprived self has decided that it's a good fucking idea to make my first post after using this site for the last couple years, so here we go I guess.
I need some help. Some serious fucking help. I'm a shitty person with a fuckton of problems but no one to unload them on. So I guess I need a free therapist who isn't going to sit there and fucking stare at me with that stupid fucking judgemental look in their eyes as they do, blatantly lying while saying they understand what I'm going through and scratching out a few words in those stupid fucking notes they take like there's going to be some sort of fucking pop quiz at the end of the day and they need to remember just how much of a fuck up I am despite all the fucking drugs they've told me to take so they can fix my stupid fucking brain. I need someone to be on my side for once. Someone I can rant to who won't get tired of it. Someone who I can talk to and not have to worry about them getting offended or angry or scared off just because they know who I am. Someone just as broken who might actually understand instead of just pity me. Someone who I can maybe help as much as they help me. Someone who can deal with me on my bad days and more than just puts up with me on the less shitty ones. I guess what I need so damn desperately that I'm typing out this stupid fucking note at three in the fucking morning is a friend.
Fuck, my mom would be fucking delirious in her happiness if she knew I was writing this up. 'Good for you, honey, I'm so proud you're reaching out and trying to make friends.' In that stupid fucking voice that's way too high pitched like she's praising a fucking toddler. So forced and fucking fake. I fucking hate that, all the fucking comments like she cares so damn much when she hasn't even fucking tried to actually help. Just wanting to keep up appearances while the perfect fucking family she's made falls apart from the inside out, unraveling in a way that can't be fixed.
Damn, this is such a stupid idea. I can tell even while I'm so fucking out of it. What the fuck ever, I guess I don't really care if this even fucking works or not. I don't really care what kind of person responds to this, if anyone's even does. I don't really give a fuck about anything at this point.
Posted - 4:20 PM 20 April 2017
Post by: fuckificare