A Complex Fellow

After several minutes, Chandler and Monica are finally able to pull themselves apart from the group hug with Rachel, Phoebe and Joey. They turn to look at each other; Chandler wraps his arms around Monica's waist and as he pulls her close to him, she reaches her hands up and clasps them behind his neck. Chandler leans in and kisses her forcefully on the top of her head, as if he needed to establish as much physical contact as he could in this moment to reassure himself that this was real and she was not some kind of apparition. It was real. She was here. She said yes.

He knew how important this moment would be; how much it would change his life. The sheer weight and all of the possible outcomes behind such an act could cripple a man. It was part of the reason why proposals, marriage, and commitment frightened him for so many years. Today though, any fear he felt had nothing to do with any of those things and everything to do with the fact that he thought he had lost this amazing woman that he now holds so tightly in his arms.

He had known for a while now that he was going to propose. It was something that was building over the last year or so and intensified once he and Monica moved in together. Of course, there were little wonderful romantic instances between them that helped get him to this place, but it was really the more mundane aspects of sharing an apartment, sharing a life, that informed his decision. Stupid things, like watching her shave her legs or floss her teeth. Seeing her re-use a pair of sweatpants two days in a row, blowing her nose, clipping her toenails and even finding used tampons in the bathroom trash. His comfort level with all of these things let him know that this was what he wanted to be. This was the life he was meant to live. This is what commitment was all about and he was prepared to take that next big step.

What he wasn't prepared for was the onslaught of emotions that would rush through him like a freight train with no brakes. He never truly understood how people could cry when they were happy. It made no sense to him. There's happy which involves smiling and then there's sad which involves crying. Yet, here he is with stray tears rolling down his cheeks as this super-adrenalized euphoria overpowered him to the point that he was practically giggling. He looked over at Monica and he realized, as their eyes met, that she was doing the exact same thing.

Monica couldn't help herself though, just a few short hours ago, she thought her entire world was crumbling apart. That he was inexplicably changing and becoming someone else. Someone who didn't want to be with her for the rest of his life in the same way that she wanted to be with him. After all this time, and all the hints and conversations that skirted around the subject of marriage, but left enough meat on the bone to resonate with them both that this was where they were headed, he had pulled the rug out from under her. Leaving her in a state of emotional vertigo. It drove her insane, made her irrational and forced her to question everything that she had known to be true.

Yet, here they stood, all that ridiculous, self-inflicted drama washed away and all that was left was this perfect moment, against the soft glow of a hundred candles. She was engaged to the man she loved. Her best friend. She wanted to shout it out to the heavens, loud enough to carry all the way to Long Island so her mother could hear. She was going to get married. Her body was shaking with endorphins. She was so excited she felt like she would burst.

Chandler pulled back a bit from her, but kept his hands wrapped around her waist tightly, as if she were the only thing tethering him to the earth. He was too afraid to even raise up one hand to wipe a tear away and instead tried to blink them out of existence. He cleared his throat and looked towards Rachel, Phoebe and Joey. "Hey, guys? Do you think maybe you could give me and Monica some time to celebrate alone?"

Rachel and Phoebe's smiles immediately faded a bit, both of them adopting a wounded countenance at the prospect of being kicked out of this celebration. Joey, seeing this, wrapped his arms around them and started to usher them towards the door. "Sure buddy. We get it. You guys want to celebrate." Joey added a wink and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Chandler rolls his eyes. "Joe, we are just looking to have some alone time." Monica, her head laying on Chandler's chest shoots a stern look at Joey as she nods in agreement.

Joey's eyes playfully narrow a bit as a salacious grin spreads across his face. "We get it. You guys want some alone time." He then winks at Chandler and excitedly adds, "Naked alone time."

Chandler scoffs. "Joe. You're talking about my girlfriend."

Monica raises an agitated eyebrow and points an admonishing finger up at Chandler. "Fiancé! I didn't light all of these candles so I could still be somebody's stupid girlfriend!"

Chandler nods and finally finds the wherewithal to loosen his grip on Monica as he lifts one hand up, gesturing his surrender. "You're right. You're right. Guys, my fiancé and I," He looks down at Monica for approval and she flashes a smile that reveled in hearing the word fall from his lips, snuggling her head against his chest once more. He continued, "would like a little privacy."

Rachel, finally coming to her senses and recognizing the groups trespass on this moment between two of her best friends, reaches out and grabs Phoebe by the hand. "Of course, we can give you guys some privacy. How about we go try to find Ross and we all meet up back here in an hour for some champagne?"

Phoebe lets out a loud laugh. "An hour? This is Chandler we're talking about. We can probably come back in ten minutes." She turns back to face Monica and Chandler, assuming they will appreciate her joke, but instead, they only offer her a pair of irritated glares.

Joey reaches both arms out again and corrals the two women, herding them towards the front door and pushing them out into the hallway. Chandler and Monica detangle their limbs and he walks over to the door, shutting it and putting on the chain. Monica walks over towards the couch and holds her ring up, trying to catch the light from the flickering candles. "Oh Chandler. This ring is so beautiful. I don't think I could have ever imagined a more perfect engagement ring."

He laughs as he closes the gap between them, placing his hands on her waist. "You had one picked out already, didn't you?"

She protests with an exaggerated "Nooooo." But then allows a sheepish grin to curl her lips. "Okay, maybe. But this one is better. It really is." She lifts her arms around the back of his neck, stands on her toes and as she kisses him she can feel his grin against her lips.

Chandler pulls his lips from hers abruptly. "Oh wait! I almost forgot! I'll be right back!" He releases her from his embrace and Monica whimpers a bit, already missing the feel of his arms around her. He scurries through the apartment and into the bedroom. She turns around and looks after him, waiting for him to come back, and when he does, he triumphantly holds up a cassette tape.

"Uh, honey. I'm really happy and I think I could probably put up with anything right now, but I do not want to hear Janice singing on the night that I get engaged."

Chandler shakes his head. "No. This is a new one. I made this for the other night when I was going to propose at dinner." He slides the tape into the stereo and presses play. He walks over towards her as the first notes of an acoustic version of "Everlong" by the Foo Fighters begins to play. Monica smiles and stretches her arms out, beckoning him to return to her embrace. As he does, they press their bodies close together and sway gently to the music. She rests her head against his chest, breathing him in. When she looks up, she notices that he has a few tears rolling down his cheeks. She raises a finger up to his face and softly wipes them dry. The look in her eyes matching the tenderness of her touch.

"Chandler. Are you okay?" Her sincere concern almost making him feel guilty.

He nods at her, trying to dispel her worries. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just a bundle of all of these emotions right now and my body is just doing its own thing. I promise I'm okay. I'm just all over the place." Monica offers him a reassuring nod and rests her head again on his chest as they continue their dance. "I mean, one minute I thought I screwed this all up and lost you and now here we are and I've never been happier. These have been the best two years of my life, and it's all because of you."

They grow silent for a moment, enjoying the closeness and swaying together to the music. Monica lifts her head and slides her hands up from his neck and into his hair. Dragging her fingers lightly through his scalp. "I feel the same way. I feel the exact same way."

She rests her head against his chest again, and she can feel his heart beating fast as his breath catches in his throat. She can hear his voice crack and sputter into watery words. "My whole life I felt like I was doing everything wrong. That I just was never any good at anything, and then you and I happen, and for the first time in my life, it's right. This is right. And then, when Joey told me about Richard…" His voice cracks again and trails off. He squeezes her tighter, holding her in place, almost trying to hide his face from her eyes. She can feel his tears just from how he is breathing and she presses a kiss against his shirt.

"Chandler. Oh baby. I'm so sorry. Please, I can explain."

She pulls back again, and looks up at him, but he shakes his head and offers her a weak, half-smile as he pulls her back into him. "No. You don't have to. It doesn't matter. Don't worry about it."

They go quiet again as Phil Collins' version of "A Groovy Kind of Love" softly fills the room from the stereo. Her eyes widen as she tries to understand exactly what just happened. "It doesn't matter? Don't worry about it?" She feels his arms tighten again around her, as if he were trying to fuse their bodies together. She was certain she could hear him humming along to the music at a barely audible level.

She was speechless. How could it not matter? How could he be humming right now and telling her not to worry about it. This was Chandler. And this was about Richard. There has never been a time where "it doesn't matter" when it comes to these two.

She had been fully prepared to deal with this topic head on tonight. Once the candles were lit, and Joey was set up to intercede Chandler for her own surprise proposal, she stood there in the living room and waited and it was all she could think about. How was she going to talk him off the ledge? Reassuring him that he had nothing to worry about. Even if that would have been a lie just a few short hours ago when she thought her entire world was fading into dust.

She thought she was losing him. Losing Chandler, and she felt like she was drowning. And then suddenly Richard had thrown her a life preserver. And as she stood there in his apartment and Richard took her in his arms to comfort her, she had a moment. A fleeting millisecond when she got on her toes and looked up at him, studying his eyes, trying to see a glimpse of what she and Richard had together. She thought that if she could just imagine it for a moment, maybe it would provide some evidence that this was the end of her story. That after all the time apart, they were supposed to circle back into each other's lives. Maybe this was where she was supposed to be. But as quickly as that thought entered her head it evaporated. She saw nothing in his eyes. Richard was no longer a part of her. Even more damning for him; Richard wasn't Chandler.

Chandler was the one she wanted to end her story with. She knew it with every fiber of her being. He was the man that she loved. He didn't need three years away from her to figure out that he wanted a life with her. He was the man who knew all of her little idiosyncrasies and never once made her feel like it wasn't okay to just be herself all the time. He was the man that made her finally fall in love with herself. Chandler was the man who loved her, who took care of her, and who pleased her in a way no other man ever could or ever had. Not even Richard made her feel the way she feels about Chandler.

All of this came to her in that brief, unmeasurable moment while she was standing on her toes, looking into Richard's eyes and she knew; it was Chandler. It was always going to be Chandler. And when he looked back at her, she was certain Richard knew it too. She made some excuse so she could turn around and leave, trying not to hurt him anymore than he probably already was. She had to go home, she had to find Chandler and they had to fix this. She was going to fix this. Her life depended on it.

And now here they are, dancing slowly to "One" by U2, basking in the glow of their engagement, and she has never felt more in love than she does right now. All that was left was to clear the air about today and she doesn't understand why he doesn't care.

"Why doesn't it matter?"

Chandler looks down at her and offers an unsure crooked smile. He slips his arms from her body and for the first time in what feels like an eternity, they break into two separate people again. Needing space and movement to find the words that will express his thoughts, he walks into the kitchen and paces. Monica leans up against the back of the couch. He looks down, afraid to meet her gaze. "I guess it doesn't matter because I won."

Monica raises a suspicious eyebrow. "What do you mean 'you won'?"

He puts his hands in his pockets and his eyes dart from the floor to the kitchen table and back again. He shuffles his feet nervously. "Richard and I both offered you the same thing. Marriage, kids, happily ever after. We offered you the same future." A small smile starts to form on his lips that is a mix of satisfaction and insecurity. He is finally able to look up at her. "You chose me. I know that sounds childish, and I know maybe I should be jealous or angry or maybe my ego should be bruised, but...Mon, I love you. My love for you will always be stronger than any jealousy or anger or even a bruised ego. My love for you is stronger than anything else I could ever feel."

Their eyes meet again as they stand across from each other, still occupying their own space in either room. Monica tries to contain her smile, not wanting to make this moment about how his words make her feel. Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" starts to play and the two of them begin to eye each other hungrily, but resist their passion. Chandler closes his eyes and looks down again. "I guess it doesn't matter because I knew that you shouldn't be with him. You should be with me."

Monica's eyes soften and start to glow with fresh tears. "Chandler."

"The thought of you and him, yeah, that was killing me. Things like this," he gestures emphatically between Monica and himself, "they don't just happen. At least not to me. Sure, we have both been in love with other people before, but, with you and me, I know that we get to be in love with our best friend. So, sure, I make too many jokes, and I can't grow a mustache, and maybe I'm not technically a doctor…"

Monica, unable to contain herself anymore, runs across the room, closing the gap between them. She crashes into him with such force that they almost fall over. She wraps her arms around him and they share a deep, firm kiss. As they come up for air, Chandler smiles and Monica looks up at him once more. "You know, you're wrong. You and Richard didn't offer me the same thing."

Chandler, clearly taken aback, can only look at her confused, his open mouth as his only response.

"His offer didn't include you."

A/N – Another story and I cheated by jumping to the ending first. I couldn't help it. I had this rattling around in my brain for over two months and I couldn't contain it anymore. I know that this moment has probably been tackled dozens of times and I hope I was able to make this version fresh and different. You'll be the judge of that.

Starting at the end made sense since we all know where they are headed anyway. So, we see where they end up and the rest of this story will be about how they get there. This won't include anything from The One That Could Have Been, so I added some dialogue from that to this to keep it connected. I might do that again if the opportunity presents itself

I have some different ways to present their story over this next year and a half or so of their lives. I hope you guys are interested in going along for the ride. I'm going to try and use a line from the show as the title of each chapter just because I thought that would be fun.