Takes place after the invention of the telephone but before Dionysus is sent to Camp Half Blood

"Alright" Hermes said while cradling his head "Explain it to me one more time."

Hermes woke up that morning with a horrible headache and little recollection of the previous night. When he came into the throne room, Athena spend five minutes ranting at him about poor decision making and giving that lunatic a job. It was only after she noticed his confusion that she explained.

The night before, Hermes decided to take some time off and attend one of Dionysus' parties. Apparently, at some point during the night, Dionysus had witnessed a drunk Hermes offer Eris a job as his customer service assistant. Not only did Dionysus fail to stop it from happening, but he recounted the story to the remaining Olympians at varying periods throughout the night and early morning.

What was I thinking? What was Dionysus thinking? Why didn't anyone try to stop him? All these questions lingered in Hermes mind. He sighed and began pulling at his hair. Suddenly Ares decided to add some unhelpful commentary.

"Would you stop worrying. I mean what's the worst that could happen someone gets cranky over the phone."

"What's the worst that could happen!" Athena snapped "Have you lost your mind?!"

"He had a mind to begin with?" Hephaestus mumbled.

"I was about to ask the same question." Artemis commented.

"Why do you care anyways?" Ares added "I thought you hated having to handle people's complaints. At least with her working for you people are less likely to bother."

Hermes thought long and hard about this. "Maybe Ares has a point."

"For the love of…" Athena said as she jumped off her throne and began pacing the room.

"No" Hermes continued "Maybe it doesn't matter. I mean how much can she do over the phone." Hermes began to reassure himself that this wasn't a huge mistake. As if sensing his changing opinion Athena screamed

"You have got to be kidding me. You aren't seriously considering this."

"I am" Hermes said confidently "Now if you'll excuse me, I have deliveries to make. Any further comments can be taken to Eris at customer service." And with that he left the room.

The previous night

Eris was never really a fan of parties and she certainly didn't frequent the ones on Mount Olympus. It wasn't that she didn't like to have fun, she just had a different definition of fun. Plus, she doubted she would ever find a party that would top the wedding of Thetis and Peleus. So how did she end up sitting at a table at one of Dionysus's parties with her sisters Philotes and Nemesis?

Well, a few days prior Hermes made a routine stop to the underworld to deliver some satyr statue to Queen Persephone for her garden. In casual conversation with Charon he mentioned that he was looking for someone to work customer service. Apparently, he is getting overwhelmed with the constant complaints and needs someone else to handle them. Her current job was working the Tartarus phone line. While she did enjoy listening to people freak out about encountering Echidna's children, the customer service job could provide so much more. With deities like Demeter and Zeus calling with complaints or concerns, the possibilities were endless. Eris slowly began to grin as she imagined how much fun she could have terrorizing people. The air around her table shifted as she subconsciously drew the shadows closer to her. Before anyone else could notice, Eris felt someone swat her right shoulder. She looked up to see Philotes glaring at her.

"I swear I can't take you anywhere" Philotes mumbled as she reached out and began fixing Eris's hair again.

Philotes had chosen her entire look for the night. Knowing that nobody in their right mind would give Eris a customer service job, she immediately sought help from two most manipulative people she knew. For two hours, her sisters argued about the best technique. In the end, the girls decided that the best technique was cornering Hermes while he was drunk and alone.

But Philotes still made sure to give Eris looked presentable just in case.

"Stand up" Philotes ordered. When Eris obeyed, Philotes began admiring her work. She had fixed Eris's trademark unmanageable curls, so it fell neatly past her shoulders. She wore a fitted black dress with a plunging neckline and black slippers, because she had no faith in Eris's ability to wear heels.

"She looks fine Phil" Nemesis commented. Before Philotes could rebuttal Nemesis decided turned her attention to Eris once more.

"We've been here for two hours so Dionysus probably got him drunk. Just remember what I told you and you'll be fine" Nemesis said with a mischievous look in her eye.

"And if it doesn't work…" Philotes added.

"Yeah yeah whatever" Nemesis interrupted.

"It's not whatever, we've been through this before, seduction is the easiest method to use on Olympian men without getting caught."

"Listen you little..."

"Wish me luck ladies" Eris yelled not wanting to stay around for another argument.

Eris scanned the room and found Hermes sitting atop a table with an annoyingly cheery Apollo and an annoyingly drunk Dionysus. She wasn't concerned with the company because Dionysus wouldn't care and Apollo was terrified of her.

She gazed at Hermes as she made her way across the room. He had a nice athletic build with salt and pepper hair cut short. At some point Hermes saw her approaching the table and brought it to his brother's attention. Mr. Rainbows and Sunshine followed Hermes gaze. Once he spotted Eris, he visibly paled and scurried away from the table.

"Still got it" Eris thought to herself while smirking.

"You clean up well" Hermes commented.

"You should thank Philotes" Eris replied, "She did all the hard work."

"I will" he said while admiring her dress again. "So, what brings you here Eris? I didn't take you for one to attend these parties"

"I didn't take her for one to get invited."

Eris turned around to see Artemis standing with her hands crossed and an eyebrow raised. She saw Apollo standing behind Artemis shuffling his feet nervously.

"Oh great" she thought "he brought his sister." Eris was fully prepared to exchange some not so pleasant words with the hunter duo when Dionysus stepped in to diffuse the situation.

"Who I invite to my party is none of your concern?" For a second Eris could see the fire in his eyes. The two glared at each other for about thirty more seconds before Artemis huffed and left the party entirely, dragging Apollo with her.

Dionysus left the table soon after saying something about not wanting to just sit and talk at a party. Hermes looked to Eris and repeated his previous question.

"I don't generally come to these parties but, I just so happened to need to talk with a certain messenger god"

"Really" Hermes said, swaying a little. "And what did you want to talk about?"

"He's drunk" Eris realized, "This will be easy."

Eris moved a little closer to the table. "I happened to hear that you were in need of a customer service employee"

She took a step closer and whispered, "I might be interested in the job."

Hermes began scratching his chin and looking at Eris as if he were questioning her motives. For a second, Eris became nervous. She looked around, formulating a plan to drop blackmail material with the least witnesses possible. Thankfully Hermes wasn't exactly in his right mind because he responded with an enthusiastic yes.

"Why not" he practically shouted, "I mean you can't be any worse than me."

"You have no idea" Eris thought with a maniacal grin on her face. She turned around to signal to her sisters that the plan worked when she noticed that Dionysus had returned to the table to get his bottle of wine. He looked between the two of them, shrugged and returned to his party. She was ready to make her way back to their table when Hermes abruptly grabbed her arm and began dancing with it.

"Come on" he whined "No more business talk. Let's have fun." He then proceeded to drag her to the dance floor where he stayed for the remainder of the night.