AN: This story is loosely set after 7x16, but Mike and Rachel still live in NYC and didn't take any job in Seattle yet. This idea has been in the back of my mind since november/december 2018 and I thought why not give writing it another try..so here we are. This chapter is (very) short, but the next ones are probably going to be longer. Enjoy!

December 14th, 2018

Donna sits on her couch with a glass of wine, a few tears are silently rolling down her cheek. She had tried to distract herself from the pain the reoccuring event of the 14th of december caused her and by now she has gotten pretty damn good at it. The only time she allows herself to truly feel the pain and wonder what if is the day itself..or she tries to at least. Her thoughts get interrupted by a soft knock on her door. She immediately knows who it is. Harvey. It's become their ritual. She doesn't even care if he sees her with puffy eyes or messy hair and clothes anymore.

"Hey." she mumbles and lets him enter. Instead of responding, he slowly wraps his arms around her. She feels incredibly safe in his embrace and can't help but feel happy that he is here, even if it is for a sad reason.

They just stand there like that, hugging, for 10 minutes, trying to ease a little bit of the pain by sharing it. When they finally let go of each other to sit down, Donna feels the cold she felt before he hugged her, rushing back and she finds herself wishing that he would hold her the whole night. Harvey walks straight into the kitchen to make some tea. Strawberry flavour, of course.

"Here." he says, when he hands her one of the two cups. She takes a second to inhale the scent of strawberry, before she takes a sip. They tried numerous teas with strawberry flavour, until they finally found one that didn't taste so articifial. It is something both of them drink a lot, especially in december, when missing her just becomes too much.

"I can't believe she is already turning fourteen today." Donna whispers and he nods quietly. He searches for his wallet, just to take out an old and crooked picture. It shows a red-headed baby girl peacefully asleep in somebody's arms. Donna's arms. He remembers taking this picture like it was yesterday. It is the only picture they have of their - by now not so little anymore - baby girl.

"She would probably look a lot like you by now." Harvey says and he can feel his eyes tearing up a bit, when he hands the picture to Donna.

"I didn't know you had this...all this time.." Donna admits, feeling a little surprised. He gives her a sad smile. Normally he would have teased her that she is Donna and that she is supposed to know everything, but his heart just feels to heavy to crack a joke.

"She has your eyes." Donna whispers, softly caressing the picture. She looks up at him, his eyes are so similar to the ones of the little girl on the picture. He lays his arm around her and they lean back into the cushions.

14 years ago, their little daughter was born. Ava Paulsen. A beautiful and healthy red-headed girl. Aside from the fact that they were still very young and didn't have the time to take care of a baby, neither of them felt ready to become a parent. Their complicated situation (they weren't a couple, Ava was created at a one-night-stand - the other time as they liked to call it) only pushed them further towards the decision to give her up for adoption. Both of them wonder sometimes, if it really was the right decision, but they never talk about it, too afraid to make the other one anxious or uncomfortable.

"Do you think she is doing okay?" Donna asks into his neck, her hot breath causing him to get goosebumps.

"I am sure of it. She is a wonderful girl...just like her mom." he replies and a soft smile plays around his lips. He can hear her sniffle and presses a short kiss on her forehead, before he gets into a more comfortable postion, without ever letting go of her. It's the only time of the year they can be this close without bringing up other stuff. It does bring up other stuff, of course, but just like any other day of the year they never talk about it.

Shortly after, they both fall asleep, still tightly intertwined like they need something to hold onto. It's become a cherished tradition of them to spend the evening of the 14th of december together and it is the only time of the year they speak about her - to anybody. They grew a lot closer because of it, especially in the last few years. Aside from them, nobody knows about Ava's existence. Telling their parents would have only complicated their situation - or that's at least what they always tried to tell themselves. Since nobody knows about her, nobody asks after her and they both are glad about that. It is already hard enough, they don't need people to constantly remind them of what they gave up. Donna snuggles up even more to Harvey, feeling like it is the safest place to be right now.