(anything but that)
(by mondie)
(started on may 4, 2003)
(disclaimer: Mondie owns Pinhead. Disney and respective families own the newsies. Their portrayal is Mondie's, and the dialogue and plot are Mondie's. But don't sue me. The characters actually belong to Disney. Disney. DISNEY. Not Mondie. Disney.
therapist!skittery: You're getting good at that.
Mondie: I know.
(chapter eleven: mush)
(chapter written: february 5, 2005)
Chapter warning: …This chapter was written while I was hating on straight boys. So since I decided I hate all straight boys, I couldn't leave any of my favey-davey characters straight. …I don't know how these things happen to my stories. Really, I don't.
Thursday, October 2, 2003
I woke up with a smile on my face. There was bright meringue-yellow sunlight streaming through my window – or there would have been, had my window faced the sun – and my red plastic radio alarm clock was playing "Embraceable You," Sinatra's version, and I had just talked to Cowboy last night and he had decided that I got to be in charge of decorating for the rally on Saturday! AKA purple streamers with plum balloons and silver accents, ooh classy! And I had talked to Adam on the phone for a little while too, and he kept complimenting me and my ass, and so that was super fantastic too!
I walked over to my window, threw up the white blinds dyed yellow with morning sun trying to shine through, and beamed at the loveliness of the day.
And came face to face with something I really hadn't been planning on.
I pulled open my window and stuck my head out, confused. "Blink?"
He jumped guiltily, and nearly fell from his precarious perch on his rooftop. He gave me a little sheepish smile. "I was hoping you'd get up soon," he said softly.
I climbed out onto my roof too, although I was still just wearing a pair of black silk pajama pants and the air was getting a little chillier now that it's October. I sat too and looked at him expectantly, waiting to hear what was wrong. Blink hates coming to his dad's house, and the only time he comes voluntarily is when he needs advice from me.
(I keep hoping that he will someday soon ask for advice about coming out of the closet. But that's because I'm hopelessly optimistic.)
"It's just…" he started, then broke off, staring at me. I became a little self-conscious, which I usually don't do, and I think that was when I knew something was really wrong. I suddenly noticed that his hair was uncombed, and he was wearing the same clothes (green long-sleeved t-shirt and a pair of jeans) as he had yesterday. He kinda shrugged at me. "Can you come over here? I… I just don't want to shout it across the roofs."
Feeling incredibly insensitive for not perceiving this from the get-go, I did my well-practiced gazelle leap across to his roof, landing heavily at his feet. He held out a hand to help me scramble up beside him, and when I was situated, he still held my hand.
Blink has never done that before. Ever.
I stared at him quizzically; I couldn't help it! And he looked sorta embarrassed, but he didn't let go of my hand. Instead, he gripped at my fingers harder. I gave his hand a little squeeze back, a reassuring squeeze, a let-go-of-my-hand-before-I-read-more-into-this-than-you-will-appreciate squeeze. He didn't take the hint, and didn't loosen his grip on my hand. I felt the familiar pull of my stomach, that little flip-flop that happens when he gets too close to me, and I wished he wouldn't do this to me, because he knows how I feel and he knows how hard it is for me and I know that none of the stuff he does means as much to him as it does to me.
Ignoring the euphoric voice in my head that was shouting hallelujahs at the fact that Blink was clutching my hand, I cleared my throat and said a little cautiously, "Blink, I don't –"
He shot out his other arm and grabbed my far shoulder with it, twisting my torso to face his. I was bewildered. This was so unlike him.
Even more unlike him? When he squinted his eyes shut and pushed his lips onto mine.
…Okay. Even I knew that this could not be good. But I kinda wanted to pretend it was, ya know? Especially when his hands moved to splay themselves on my chest, and I could feel each of his fingers gripping at my bare skin like it was something he needed. He pushed against me until I was lying back on the roof, and he was on top of me, and I wasn't even sure that I wasn't dreaming at this point. The shingles dug into my back and his hair was in my face and he was kissing kissing kissing my lips and my jaw and my neck. And this time, I didn't have to take off his shirt; he pulled it off himself, throwing it off the roof somewhere. My feet braced against the gutter so that we didn't slide off.
His skin was so, so smooth. I laughingly traced the farmer's tan lines upon his bicep, marveling at how everything about him was so excellent, then I kissed his shoulder, biting it lightly so that he squirmed. Grinning, I let my hands indulge in tracing circles upon his back. His mouth stopped roaming and became reattached to mine. I didn't mind at all, not even a little bit. He let me put my tongue in his mouth, and as I began to learn my way around its inside, I became aware of a rather personal area simultaneously getting a little… excited. Apparently Blink noticed too, because for a moment his hands became still from their restless searching of my body, and he stopped responding to my kisses, just for a split second, as if out of confusion.
Then I could feel him untying my drawstrings.
My head spun, and I became less aware of everything else in the world. The shingles in my back were now nonexistent, and it's certainly a good thing my legs were locked with my feet against that gutter, because all thoughts of our precarious balancing were out of my mind within seconds. All I was aware of was Blink's tongue mingling with mine, and his helping hand, and his tight ass, which was where my hands had chosen to land and grab onto.
When I came, he seemed a little bit surprised, and pulled slightly away.
Not wanting to let him go, I leaned up after him, kissing his cheek, licking at the corner of his mouth. "Blink," I breathed. "I don't know how it is when you do it, but… that's supposed to happen."
He smiled then, a sort of sad, embarrassed smile, and then I understood.
"Shit," I moaned, staring at him. "Please, please, Blink…"
He moved back closer again, but I noticed how he avoided climbing back on top of me. He kissed me again, perhaps even with more emphasis than before, but I pushed him away.
"Do not fuck with me, Blink," I said, staring into his eyes. "If it's gonna hurt me in the long run, I'd rather you didn't do it at all."
He answered by kissing me again.
Too bad the kid is just about the best kisser in the entire world. I rolled over onto my side, and he pulled me to him, lying beside me, and now the shingles pressed into my side, but even they didn't cut through to my brain as much as the feeling of him in my arms did. His toes began teasing at mine, and I lost myself in the kiss for a little bit too long, then I pulled away again.
"Blink, seriously, I'm not joking," I said, trying very hard to convince my own mind that I was being truthful. He kissed at my jaw, and it was very hard to remember what my point was, exactly. Then I hit the right idea. "Blink, do you think you're gay?"
That made him pause, finally, and I could shake my head a little and reorganize my thoughts.
He finally shrugged. "What does it matter?" he whispered throatily into my ear, punctuating with his tongue, making my breathing speed up and all coherent thoughts fly out of my head again. "You're the only person who's ever really loved me, Mush. So what does it even matter, what I am?"
I started to say that it mattered to me, but he started kissing me again. And good Lord, he can kiss. Suddenly, he stood up and stepped through his window, putting a hand on my arm and pulling me along with him. Before I knew what was going on, exactly, he had pushed me down on his bed and then had lain down beside me.
He looked so serious, staring at me. "I really need this, Mush," he said. "You're the only person I've ever known who can always make stuff okay. So make everything okay." He was wearing those faded, pretty jeans, and he leaned down and began unbuttoning the fly.
I don't usually have to be told twice. This was no exception.
Twenty minutes later, I lay my head on his chest and attempted to ignore the shouts from my mother in my house. "Micah! Are you over at Blink's? You have school today, mister, you had better get your ass back over here before I come after you and bruise it myself!"
Rolling my eyes, I rolled off the bed and grabbed one of Blink's t-shirts that was on his floor and pulled it over my head. I leaned out his window. "We're going to school in a second," I shouted back to her. She raised her eyebrows at me from where she was standing inside my room. I raised mine right back. She began drumming her fingernails on my windowsill. Finally I leaned a little further out and stage-whispered, "Blink needs some advice, I'm just helping him out. We'll go to school in a second."
"Micah, if I get word that you've skipped another day—" she began in her most maternal voice, her fingernail pace speeding up to twice as fast.
I gave her my most angelic smile, followed by blowing her a kiss. "I love you!" I sang. Then I shut Blink's window and pulled down the Venetian blinds.
He smiled, almost shyly, as I climbed back under his covers and snuggled close to him. "Would you mind if I called you Micah?" he asked softly. "It's just… I dunno, Mush is such a young name. I think you're finally starting to grow into a Micah."
I grinned. "Does this mean I get to call you Treeflower?"
His eye narrowed. "No. And don't you try to sneak it in, either. Or else."
"Or else what?" I teased, tracing his side with one finger.
He leaned down and kissed me. I grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it over my head, and smiled to myself when I noticed Blink noticing my body. "You know that you're… y'know… beautiful," he mumbled.
I laughed at him. "Why, Blink, I think that was almost a compliment!" I grinned, before leaning up and kissing him again.
"…I have to tell you something," he whispered a minute later.
I nodded. I had been waiting for it.
"Dutchy called me last night," he said, and then he stopped, as if this explained everything. I rolled my eyes and bit his elbow. Sometimes Blink's a little out of it. He glared at me, and rubbed ruefully at his elbow – wuss – and then turned away from me. "He said that… that he and … Tricia… oh, God, Micah. Dutchy has been sleeping with Tricia."
Micah suddenly did sound a lot older than Mush all of a sudden, and I really wished that he'd go back to calling me Mush. Mush could have come up with an answer, something that made sense and would make everything better. Micah had no idea of what to tell his best friend.
"Oh, Blink," I said, my heart sinking.
He was crying. He was trying to hide it, but he never was very good at acting. "The really bad part is…" I cringed, waiting for his newly-realized regrets about him and myself. But when he rolled back to face me, I was surprised to see a little bit of laughter hiding behind his tears in his eye. "The worst part is, when Dutchy told me, I just felt…" He paused, trying to find the word.
"Betrayed?" I suggested. "Hurt? Shocked?"
He shook his head, and now his mirth was evident. "Relieved."
I rolled my eyes. "You were not, you lying asshole."
Now he was laughing outright. "I really was, Micah. I swear."
"But…" I was at a loss. "But Tricia's perfect for you! She was so pretty and funny and pure…" I thought for a moment. "Well, until she started screwing Dutchy, that is."
He shook his head. "Nope."
He wasn't making sense anymore. "Nope what?" I asked, staring at him.
"She wasn't as pure as I kinda led you to believe," he answered. "…Don't you get it? She wanted to have sex. But I…" He suddenly let out a howl of laughter. "I couldn't keep it up!"
"What in the hell are you talking about?" I asked. None of this conversation made sense. "You were fine just a little while ago."
He nodded at me. "I know." He shrugged. "So that's really making me think. Y'know?"
I blinked. "So… wait a minute. You couldn't keep an erection when around your girlfriend of about a bajillion years, even when she wanted to have sex with you? And yet when it's you and me…"
"Yeah," he agreed. "Yeah."
"Oh." I stared at him.
"So what does this mean?" he asked. One of his fingers was playing with my curls. I loved that feeling.
"Well. You know how I feel about you," I answered. "How I've felt about you for a long time."
He nodded. "I'm just… I wish I was as sure as you are, but… how am I supposed to know what feelings are real anymore? I thought that I was gonna be with Tricia for like the rest of my life. And now…"
I climbed on top of him underneath his dark blue sheets, and I gently leaned down and kissed him. I'd read in books of really great kisses, where they explained how they were feeling and communicated through the kiss. I don't know if it worked when I tried it, but that's what I was attempting to do to him. I wanted him to know how I'd keep him safe, how I'd never hurt him the way that stupid Tricia had. I wanted to let him know that I would worship him, that I would worship every cell making up his seraphic body. I wanted to let him know that I adored the way his smile lit up his entire face, the way his hair got in my mouth when we kissed, the way his arms felt around me – the way I'd always imagined they would. I wanted to let him know that this was my fantasy come true, and that there was no way I would let the fantasy slip from my fingers when it was finally coming true. But most of all, I wanted him to know that I loved him, that I loved him with my entire heart and soul and mind.
I think it might have worked.
When I pulled away, he was just kinda gaping after me, and when he exhaled, it was all shaky and uncertain. "…Wow," he breathed. His hand clenched at my quad muscle in my thigh, and he clutched it like it was the only thing keeping him alive or something. "Just… wow."
"Does this mean I have to cancel my date with Adam next Friday?" I asked, batting my eyes innocently.
His arms immediately snaked around my torso, pulling me close to him, knitting our limbs together. "You'd better," he answered. "I'm not sharing you with anyone."
And seriously, the day only got better from there.
Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention that we never got to school that day. Cowboy said they didn't miss us, that the strike was continuing beautifully and that he had gotten the word out to all of the schools in the area.
We didn't miss them, either.
embrace me, my sweet embraceable you
embrace me, you irreplaceable you
just one look at you - my heart grew tipsy in me
you and you alone bring out the Gypsy in me
i love all the many charms about you
above all, i want my arms about you
don't be a naughty baby
come to mama, come to mama do
my sweet embraceable you
(frank sinatra, "embraceable you")
Shoutouts!
THANKS TO ALL OF MY LOVERS! The song of the moment is "Wig In A Box" from Hedwig. Put it on and rock out. Okay, thank you for pretending to indulge of my fantasy of people besides me rocking out to "Wig In A Box."
Geometrygal )( Have I mentioned that I adore your reviews? Because I do. And look! You were right about more than just evol-slut!Tricia! Bwaha. Erm. This chapter was written while I was emo about straight boys and decided that I could not have one of my favorite characters possibly be a straight boy. Then the boys went insane and were like bunnies and I just couldn't keep them apart. shrugs? Aha. LOVES TO YOU!
Braids21 )( Aha yay for squeals! Thanks for reading :) Look, it only took me like… a little over a month… haha. Slightly better than a year, at any rate. :D
Mush's Skittles )( You are just my favorite. No way around it. I glomp you eternally. :D
Studentnumber24601 )( B, I LOVE YOU! And you're one to talk about my having lovely writing, lol, as your writing's about fifty bajillion times better than mine! …And there. Resolution feeling better? (Does this mean I can officially leave this story forever and never finish it now:D)
Queen Kez The Wicked )( Kezala… you are so fantastic. I just love you like w0:D You are like my favoritefavorite ever. And here-gives you Bumlets- You can sex him up just as much as you like, really. :D
Omni )( I just love you even more. –snuggles-
ThumbsuckerSnitch )( Lutells, it is always such a victory to me when I get a review from you, since you… never leave them… haha! I LOVE THEE, Cutells! And bwaha, I will make you "aw" when you least expect it. Because I am hardcore.
The Second Batgirl )( Hm. Only one. And part of another. BECAUSE I WIN:D If this chapter sucks, I blame you and B for not steering me in a different direction. Bwaha! –lovesyou-
Pyromaniacal Llama )( Ahaha! –loves on you- Thanks so much for the lovely, lovely review :D And the story just keeps getting racier and racier, I dunno, these boys kill me. They insist upon doing things their own ways. I'm like "I have a plot idea!" And Race, sitting in the corner, just laughs and says "Yeah. We outvoted you. Twenty to one. Better luck next time." Tis sad when even your characters are more imaginative than you are… :ahem: Anyway.
Sinhe )( Aha, I love when you abuse your caps ;) Hehe! And yes, Bumlets really is starting to come out of his movie!shell… really, he wasn't supposed to become so major… eh. None of these boys listen to me anymore. :D Anyhow! –loves on you like WHOA-
Gothic Author )( YAY! To hear Rent is to love it. Unless you are my friend Patrick, who identifies most with –BENNY- and only likes "Light My Candle" and "Over The Moon." …Yes. Patrick rather loses at the whole Rent-love ness. XD I LOVE YOU TOO! And you know that wherever I can, I put in double meaning. So of course that was double meaning. :D Haha! You might have been the only one to catch that, which makes me love you thirty bajillion times more. Hahaha! –LOVES-
DreamlessMermaid )( Thanks hon:) I'm glad that Specs and Dutchy finally agreed to get back together too, GOD they were annoying me. LOL. :D
Broadway1 )( Ahh guess what! My friend Dave is thinking about coming to work at Cedar Point with us too! Ahaha. He makes me laugh. He will have to change his grooming habits if he does, lol, and I have never seen him without his huge bushy beard, so it will be the funniest thing EVER. Hehe! YAY I'm super excited for this summer! I've been talking to some of the people who are working in Area 2 Foods with me, and we're already setting up movie nights and stuff. :D YAY! I miss talking to youuu! And as soon as I get a damn paycheck, I'll send your package to you!
Twilight-maiden )( Thanks! Haha. yes I rock at the cheesy aw-worthy dialogue. Hehe! Thanks for reading :D
Charlie Bird )( Thanks for reading! And it's quite possible. But for now, I'm letting the characters have a little bit of fun. They deserve at least a –little- bit. :D Thanks for the review, hon!