(Post Series) Emma's sick and needs to go to Boston for treatment. Everyone has kids and responsibilities in Storybrooke, so she is going to set out on her own. Leaving her family, her best friend the Queen, and even her babygirl behind to get the help she needs. It will be a fight to get healthy again, but a surprise visitor follows her to Boston to make sure she's taken care of properly. Things change for the better in many ways. Light story about fighting the big C. Not angsty, but very comfort/feely I hope. First time writing in first person so be kind.

I'll Stand by You - Part 1 Emma

Sitting in the bay window in the living room of my house, watching the rain fall down. I couldn't help but cry at the irony. The light drizzle was unexpected and was supposed to burn out before the big day tomorrow, but the dark and dreary weather fit my mood perfectly.

I remember reading somewhere that you will never know the depth of someone's love for you until they've taken care of you while you were sick. I always thought that it meant bringing your girlfriend or boyfriend chicken noodle soup and vapor rub when they had a cold or the flu. Making sure they had enough tissues to keep their nose dry, and magazines to keep them busy.

I never even fathomed that situation as being life or death, because those two things were associated with every other aspect of our lives living in Storybrooke. We were always facing a new evil, a new big bad, or a never ending series of curses. Along with the inhabitance of this town, I had become quiet adept at facing life threatening situations and apocalypses by now. Growing up an orphan and not depending on anyone, becoming a thief to survive. Even fighting my destiny here in Storybrooke only to accept it completely. In my many lives I never even considered the possibility of my body being my biggest foe.

It had never occurred to me before now, that no one in Storybrooke had ever been struck with a 'real world' disease. There were enough kids increasing the populations in the realms, to not have the usual smaller viruses run through the town when it was that time of season. My parents were always getting sick because of Neil and the twins. Even Hope had been through her bouts with the sniffles.

About a month ago when I started loosing weight, and not eating double bacon cheeseburgers like they were going out of style, I knew something was wrong. I made an excuse with my family to visit Boston last week on my own, and made an appointment with a real doctor. Last thing I needed was Whale running these test, and having the town know what was going on before I did.

It took all of a day to get a call telling me it was cancer. A surgery that I had debated on after giving birth to Henry could have prevented this, but hindsight and all that bullshit. Not knowing my family's medical history back then, I had contemplated having everything removed as to not risk medical complications like this. Now, my own fucking uterus had turned against me and brought my ovaries into the fray.

I had passed on the procedure back then because I think a part of me knew that I would eventually want kids again some day. So even with the stress of my pregnancy behind bars, and giving Henry up for adoption, I opted out. I believe that's why having Hope felt like such a blessing for me. Even if Killian and I were no longer together now, I had a second chance to raise a baby. I had indulged in delusions of havin more children, but now a lot of options were being taking off the table with this single diagnosis.

I came back from Boston two days ago, after making a game plan with the oncologist, and prepared myself to tell my family. I called the entire clan and set up a dinner at my parent's farm for tomorrow. Regina had some Queen business going on, but would be joining us afterwards. A part of me wished I could pulled her aside like I used to, and tell her first. She could calmed me down enough to talk to everyone else, but I couldn't do that to her. Not with this. Call me a coward, but I knew I could only get the words out once.

Since the uniting of the realms, our small town had remained miniature in comparison to the others. Only the dynamics had changed slightly. Every realm functioned individually, but they all reported to Regina as the Queen of the United Realms. Most of us were surprised that her throne had never been challenged. None more so than Regina herself. I assured her that along with the people's newfound respect for her, some were still equally scared of her enough to shut the hell up. A statement that had earned me a hard punch in the arm, but a chuckle nonetheless.

I missed not seeing Regina as often as I use to, but that came with the territory of being Queen I suppose. Add to the fact that I hadn't been Sheriff of Storybrooke for some time, so we did't have reason to see each other on a professionally capacity either. After splitting up with Killian, taking care of Hope and being their for the two Henrys became my priority. I still held a seat on the United Realms Council, and Regina brought me and my parents in to discuss our opinions on some heavier decisions. For the most part, though, things in the Untied Realms had been peaceful. So the need to collaborate or conference was near to non-existent.

The post of Storybrooke's Sheriff was now taken up by Duey, or 'Wishverse Henry' if you really wanted to piss him off. He hated both nicknames, but had accepted Duey a long time ago. It helped our relationship that we had both retained our memories from that nightmare wishverse. The only positive thing to come out of that world was the memories I had from raising him from a baby. It did take him some time to adjust to this world, but he was happy to have me back in his life, and I had a lot of fun with him. He now took up residence in the old loft along with his dog, Bolt.

Older Henry, or 'Kid' as I still called him, was making a go of it as a writer. The sequel to his fairytale book had been a huge hit in Europe, and his two books were now getting a second wind here in the states. He and Jacenda bought a home near the waterfront for them and Lucy, and were awaiting Lucy's little sister due in a couple of months.

Mom and Dad's horse farm was on the outskirts of town, and also housed sheep and some cattle. Dad ran a horseback riding business off their property, and Mom was now the superintendent for the schools of the United Realms. She, of course, had refused to give up the title of "Princess Snow."

The rain stopped and I was thrown back to reality. Looking at the clock above my mantel, I saw I had less than 24 hours to woman up and get ready for the big reveal. The nausea in the pit of my stomach had not let up. I knew that a happy go lucky family like mine would be devastated by this news, and it truly was the last thing I wanted to do.

The clouds had cleared up the next day, and it came time for me to confess my diagnosis. My family all sat around my parent's ridiculously long picnic table in their back yard, eating burgers and hot dogs. I almost chickened out completely, but decided to wait until all the kids were tucked in for the night instead. Regina arrived just in time to do her rounds of goodnight with the children that adored her. When she joined us, we all sat out on my parent's porch with coffee and pie.

"So guys, I have a bit of news I need to share with you," I began softly and tried swallowing the lump in my throat. "I told you guys that I went to Boston earlier this month to visit an old friend that was sick in the hospital. I'm really sorry to say this, but I lied to you. I did go to a hospital in Boston, but there was no sick friend. As it turns out the sick one... is me."

I watched my mom take my dads hand tightly. Everyone else tensed around me but remained quiet, waiting for me continue.

"About a month ago, I started noticing that I wasn't feeling well, and I wasn't able to shake it off as quickly as I use to. I kept thinking Hope had given me a stomach bug or something. Or that all the spicey food Regina had been warning me off of for years, had finally given me an ulcer like she said it would."

I saw Regina smirk only briefly, but her eyes were already glazed over with worry.

"So I went to Boston to run some test and see a doctor that wasn't Whale. I figured that they could also screen for more things if necessary. Guys, there's no easy way to say this or sugarcoat it so I'm just going to come out with it. They found cancer in both my uterus and my ovaries."

I didn't have to look up to know the gasp came from my mom. Or that Duey was probably clenching his jaw in order to hold in his emotions. Older Henry was running a shakey hand through his hair, as he always did when he was at a lose for words. Just like his grandfather. I knew a number of questions and thoughts were waiting to be let loose from all of them, but none came forward so I continued with less nerves in my voice.

"Good news is that I've been told they caught it pretty early, so they're positive that with treatment I'll be able to beat this. But I am going to need to head back to Boston for treatment as soon as possible." I could hear my Mom start to interrupt, "Before you ask, I already checked, and our hospital here is not equipped for this. If you think about it, Mom, we've never had a case of cancer pop up here in Storybrooke. All I can figure is that maybe it's from all my years in the real world. There's really no way to know the why or how about this. Either way, I'll need to go to Boston for a couple of months, maybe more. They want me to do three rounds of chemo, one every two weeks, before surgery. Then another three rounds after I've recovered from surgery."

"We'll go with you. We'll be there to take care of you and support you." My Mom said adamantly.

"Mom, I love you, but you know you can't. You guys have Neil and the twins to take care of. You all have responsibilities here. I appreciate it, honestly I do, but I know it would be next to impossible for any of you to get away for that long. As it is, I'm going to ask Killian to move back into my place to take care of Hope while I'm gone. He's really been stepping up for both of us, and I want you to know I trust him to do this. I've also set things up to stay at a cancer rehabilitation center in Boston while I'm there. I'll be taken care of."

Older Henry came forward to hug her.

"Can we at least come and visit you?"

I squeezed him hard, and threw as big of a reassuring smile I could muster at Duey. He took his turn as soon as the Kid released me.

"I couldn't stop you if I tried. But I ask that you guys give me some time to adjust. This might kick my ass for a bit, and I don't think I'll be much for company. But guys, I am coming back here after surgery, and before the second round of chemo. I'll be back before you know it."

I received hugs and well wishes from everyone, but I could tell they were still trying to process everything. Hell, so was I.

The morning I was leaving for Boston, everyone but Regina showed up at my door to surprise me and see me off. Regina's absence was odd to me, but Mom told me she had been called into an emergency meeting the night before that had carried into that morning. She, herself, had left the meeting to come say goodbye. I kissed and hugged each of them goodbye one by one. Getting cards and drawings from all the kids, and holding onto Hope until the last possible moment. I was glad that she was too young to really know what was going on, and prayed that she wouldn't remember my absence.

Killian, for his part, had agreed to help however he could. He even reactivated his phone so I could communicate with him and Hope whenever I wanted. He may not have been a good husband, but was starting to be a great father. I think his doppelgänger smacked some sense into him by example. Alice was proof that he could be a father Hope could be proud of.

I was fighting heartache everyday since learning I was going to be separated from her for this. There was just no way for me to know if I'd be able to care for her while going through treatment, and there'd be no one to care for her during and after surgery. So, although it was a huge weight off my shoulders knowing Hope would be safe with Killian and my family, it didn't make leaving her behind any easier.

I loaded up my trusty beetle and headed out the day before my first appointment. Another secret I hid from everyone was the fact that I wouldn't be staying at the rehab facility the whole time I was in Boston. Truth be told, there was no way I could afford to stay there my whole time away. So I rented out a small furnished apartment on Boston's south side.

It was a small studio that had a Murphy bed in the same room as the kitchen and the bathtub/shower. The kitchen consisted of a mini fridge, a sink, and a counter with a microwave. The toilet had it's own little closet, next to my one and only other closet. It was a little ghetto, but it would do. What other choice did I have?

That night, I found myself looking in the dinky mirror over the sink, and running my fingers through my hair. I wondered how much of my hair would still be there after all of this. I was told there was a chance I could keep it with the type of chemo they were going to give me, but it always depended on the person.

A pang of guilt hit me at the vain feeling of loosing my blonde hair. I had always been proud of my awesome hair. My curls and texture were always on point, even straight out of the shower. I remembered Regina teasing, "Of course the Charming's daughter has a perfect blonde mane. I'm surprised you didn't come out with a button nose and dimpled chin, like a cherub."

Regina. I left Storybrooke with an upset that bordered on anger at not seeing her one last time. Why couldn't the Queen of the United Realms step away from her duties for a couple of minutes to say goodbye to her best friend? She's the frickin' Queen. I had to be understanding though. The night I told my family, she had come to me afterwards with a silent but firm hug. It felt like she wanted to say more when she didn't let go of me after a beat, so I squeezed back.

"You'll beat this, Emma. That disease doesn't stand a chance."

A small but steady comfort to me, but I felt it harder than anyone else's well wishes.

The next morning, I took a cab to the hospital and checked in. The kind nurses there led me to my station and began setting things up, and taking my vitals. The volunteers there were pretty amazing too. They brought me juice and snacks, and because some patients tended to get cold during treatment, they even brought me a blanket. With my IV hooked up and the drip flowing, I closed my eyes, sat back in the firm but comfortable chair, and tried to forget what I was doing there.

"You know, somehow I knew you'd forget to wear something warm. Lucky for you, I brought your lucky beanie."

I didn't open my eyes, wondering what exactly these drugs were doing to my mind in a matter of seconds to make me hear things. I felt a beanie being placed on my head and opened my eyes to see Regina tisking disapprovingly as she took a seat on a small stool in front of me.

"Regina?"

I surprised myself with the squeak that came out with her name.

"What the-."

She held up her hand instantly silencing me.

"You didn't honestly think you were going to do this all on your own. Did you, Miss Swan?"

I made sure there was no one in earshot to hear us, but leaned forward nonetheless to whisper.

"Well, yeah. Regina, you're the frickin' Queen. You're the last person I thought could leave Storybrooke. What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to be with you as long as you need me, or rather, until I deem necessary. And as of this morning, your mother is the acting Queen."

"What?!"

"I called a meeting last night and explained your situation to the council, under strict sworn secrecy. I told them the penalty for a breach, or just plain pissing me off, would be left to my imagination. So I can assure you that no one will talk."

"Okay, that wasn't really a concern given we're talking about irritating you, but how? Why?"

"I've taken a leave of absence from the throne. I'm here with the council's blessing, and they all send their well wishes. I will say, however, that if anyone breaks the oath, it will be your mother. When she does, she's all yours because I won't be held responsible for my actions if it is left up to me."

"You left the kingdom to be here with me?"

"Oh, don't act so surprised, Emma. You're delusional if you honestly thought you were going to go through something like this on your own. What kind of best friend would I be if I wasn't here with you for something like this? I am here to go to the store for your medications, make sure you eat what you can, hold your hair back if you need to puke, and just be here for you."

"Hold my hair while I puke?"

"Wouldn't be the first time."

I couldn't help but laugh with her at that, and we leaned forward again to hug. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face at the trill of having her with me.

"Thank you, Regina."

Before she could respond, a volunteer came by with a cart of games.

"Would you and your wife like a chess set, cards, or a board game to play, Mrs. Swan?"

"A chess set would be lovely, dear. Thank you." Regina smiled at the girl and took the box from her.

I reached on the side of my recliner and pulled out the tray table extension. When the girl was gone, I turned back to Regina with amused questioning eyes.

"Wife?"

"I had to tell them something to let me back here without too many questions. But if anyone asks, you marked single on your paperwork because we were separated, but we are still legally married. We reunited after your diagnosis, and are trying to work things out."

"That's awfully detailed."

"You also cheated on me, but I put my feelings aside to help you out of pity."

"Pfft! Now that's just a down right lie. Like I would ever cheat on you."

"Alright, fine. But I am taking care of you out of pity."

"Liar."

She smiled and went to open her purse, pulling out a small ring with a generous sapphire setting. Placing the ring on my finger, she spoke a bit louder so any nurses nearby could hear.

"You forgot your wedding ring by the vanity again, sweetheart. What would you do without me?"

"What, indeed."

I looked down at the impressive ring. It wasn't my style, and a bit on the larger side than what I was use to.

"Eh, I could do worse."

"Correction, dear. You have."

We played a couple of rounds of chess before I began feeling tired. Regina put it away, and urged me to lay back to relax. When I was done with the treatment, and against my insistence, one of the volunteers wheeled me out to the curb in a wheelchair. Hoping into a cab to head back to my apartment, I could see that as we drove further away, Regina was becoming more confused by where we were going.

"How far is this rehab facility?"

"About that. Don't be mad, but-"

"Oh, why is it those words always start a sentence that is going to do exactly that?"

"I sort of lied to you and my family."

"And the tradition continues. What did you do now?"

"It's nothing major, okay? It's just that the rehab center I told you guys about is only set up for the two weeks following my surgery."

"Oh. Well then I'm not mad."

"Seriously? Thank you, Regina. I can't tell you how much-"

"I'm furious! Are you kidding me, Emma? Where did you plan on staying? At some rundown motel filled with contagious diseases, harlots and thieves?"

"Harlots and thieves? Really, I-"

"And who was going to take care of you? No one? Are you quiet serious?"

"I've taken care of myself after being beaten down before, Regina. I would have been fine. AND I rented a small studio to stay in until after surgery and before going home. I'm not a complete child."

"That remains to be seen as we are heading into the south side."

She said it like she already knew what awaited us. My initial reaction was that of anger in defense, but now I was ashamed by what I had to confess.

"I couldn't really afford anything else, Regina. It's in the same neighborhood where I use to live before Storybrooke. Figured I could do it again since I had to. But now that we brought it up, this place isn't going to be big enough for the two of us."

"Why aren't you staying in Neil's old apartment?"

"I had that thought too, but apparently the building burned down about a year ago. I'm glad Henry and I went up that summer to empty it out of anything the Kid wanted of Neil's."

Regina looked like she was going to say something else snarky, but stoped short and remained quiet the rest of the ride. When we arrived I could tell she was really biting her tongue. We passed the broken elevator in the lobby and climbed the stairs to the third floor. All without her saying a word.

By the time we got to my door, she had to take the keys out of my shakey hands to open it for me. Her worried frown turn into a deep grimace of disgust when she took in the studio, and helped me sit on the bed.

"Oh, we are so not staying here. Grab your things, Emma. We're leaving immediately."

"Regina, I told you. This is all I can afford while I'm here."

"Well, it's not all that I can afford so point me to your bags. I'm packing up your things right now and we're going to my hotel. It will be more appropriate quarters and there's room for the both of us. We'll have to stop back at the hospital, however, as I fear we may need a tetanus shot when we leave here."

I held in my comeback because I truly didn't have the energy to argue. Regina was too refine to stay in a place like this anyway, and I don't mean that in a condescending way. She deserves the Ritz not Motel 6. I pointed to my open luggage case behind me that was still filled with all my things.

"I never unpacked."

Stuffing everything back into the case and zipping it up, she pulled out her phone and called for another cab to pick us up in twenty minutes. Giving me time to make my way back downstairs with her help. At some point in the cab, I must have closed my eyes to stop my stomach from flipping, because when I opened them again we were in front of a swanky looking hotel, with a doorman opening my door to help me out.

To my surprise the doorman had a wheelchair with him and helped me into it with a sincere smile. Two concierges appeared and one stepped behind me to push the chair while the other took my suitcase from Regina. She tipped the men generously for escorting us to the room and offering to help me to the couch or bed. I respectfully declined to the sound of Regina's disapproving guffaw. They men quickly left to avoid the possibly awkward spat.

"You're something else, Regina."

I chuckled, watching her stop by the mini kitchen before walking toward me and handing me a ginger ale.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. What do you mean?"

"You. Walking into this hotel, still ever the Queen. I'm surprised those concierges didn't genuflect before leaving just now."

I looked around the suite and noticed there were two bedrooms, one across the other on opposite sides of the living room and kitchen area.

"You had this planned, didn't you?"

She said nothing but walked toward one of the rooms to kick off her heels. I heard her sigh out of sight before she walked back to the kitchen to get herself a bottle of water. Coming and taking a seat next to me, she finally met my eyes but still hesitated.

"Come on. Be honest."

"It is I that wants you to be honest, Emma. Why didn't you tell me that you were ill?"

I wasn't expecting that, but she hadn't said it in an accusatory tone. The look on her face was telling me I wasn't going to be able to dodge the obvious question any longer.

"Because at first I couldn't accept it myself, okay. I could tell something was wrong with me, but hell, my worse case scenario before getting diagnosed was it was another curse. You know things are messed up when you wish for something like that."

"You're deflecting."

"Fine. I was scared out of my mind, okay. I was afraid of finding out what was wrong with me. I also didn't want to freak anyone else out until I knew more. But Regina, I promise that I didn't wait or hesitate too long before getting checked out. I mean, I'm here aren't I?"

"You could have talked to me, Emma. You should have talked to me."

I knew her tone was meant to give me attitude, but the avoidance of her eyes and the sadness in her voice took the venom out of it.

"Listen, I know I've had a lot on my plate being the Queen, but you should have known... My being Queen will never get in the way of being there for you. Especially with something like this."

"I know. I'm sorry I didn't come to you, but trust me when I say that it's all I've really wanted to do through this whole thing. All I wanted to do was come cry on your shoulder while you fed me your apple cider and told me to calm the hell down. I wanted to confide in you so badly, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. And while yes, you have enough on your plate as Queen, I didn't want to worry you without knowing more. I confess that I also didn't think I could get the words 'I have cancer' out twice. That's why I gathered everyone together. I was scared, and I'm sorry."

I met her eyes with every ounce of sincerity in me, trying my dampest to show the truth behind my words. She released the heavy sigh I knew was coming and moved closer onto the seat next to me, drapping her arm behind me. I instantly leaned into her offered comfort.

Subject seemingly dropped, we leaned our heads together and sat in comfortable silence for a bit. My body relaxing further against her as she began raking fingers through my hair. I maneuvered my arms around her waist and tried to relax.

"This is new."

"What is, dear?"

"You're cuddling me."

She pushed my head away and made like she was getting up, but I pulled her back down with a laugh.

"Knock it off. You know I'm messing. You have to admit it, though. We've never done this before. At least not without Henry between us."

"While that may be true, I assure you that this is not cuddling. This is comforting. I am comforting you."

"Sounds a lot like cuddling."

"I'm going to my room, you're exhausting."

I again pulled her back down when she made to get up. This time laying my head in her lap, and taking her hand to put it back in my hair. Adding a cheeky grin seemed to do the trick, and she was running her fingers through my hair again. Albeit with her royal roll of the eyes in amusement.

"Are you sure you don't want to go lay down in bed, Emma? How are you feeling?"

"Better now that we're not in a Boston city cab. I'm comfy right here, though. I don't want to move."

"Well, good. Don't move then. Do you want to watch television or anything? Henry had me grab your Rizzoli and Isles DVDs."

"The kid knows you're here?"

"I'm sure everyone does by now. I did put your mother in charge after all."

"Regina."

"Well, color me surprised that she didn't tell you I was coming before I crossed the Storybrooke town line."

"Honestly I'm little surprised too. She didn't give anything away when I spoke to her last night."

"Well, Snow's tattling habits aside, we found the same common ground we've always agreed upon. You. I didn't want you fighting me on this, and she agreed you probably would if you knew I was coming."

"You're right, I would have."

She released a satisfied huff, but continued playing with my hair. Letting myself sink into her and indulge in the closeness, I decided to push my luck a bit.

"You didn't answer my earlier question. You plan all of this, didn't you?"

"Oh of course I did, Emma. And after seeing that disastrous apartment, you should be glad I did. You could have easily gotten some sort of infection living there, and in your condition."

I couldn't argue with her. Hell, after getting there and seeing the leaks and mildew stains, the thought had crossed my mind many times. She was right, and there was only one thing I could say to that.

"You're right. Thank you, Regina."

"No thanks are necessary. Now do you think you can stomach some lunch? I can order us room service."

The bait was hooked, I had to go for it. Mustering up the most snobbish sophisticated accent I could, I pulled my shoulders back and stuck my nose in the air.

"Yes, darling. I'll have the lobster tail with the cavier side dish. Oh! And champagne. We simply must have champagne. Do tell the help to hurry, though, as I am positively famished."

"Is there no end to your sarcasm?"

"Not so far, Muffy."

"So help me-"

"Yes, Regina. I would like to try and eat something. I don't know if I'll regret it later, but it's better that I have something in here to throw up just in case, right?"

She huffed and rose quickly from the couch, making me fall back onto the cushions she vacated. We ordered and ate lunch before I excused myself to go take a nap.

This became our routine. The first round of chemo seemed to take it a bit easier on me than the second round. Regina got her chance to hold my hair back when my stomach emptied for what seemed that entire night. She was amazing though. She always had saltines at the ready so my stomach wasn't hit so hard.

She had a medical tray brought to our suite for me to eat in bed comfortably, and kept me busy with jigsaw puzzles, sudoku and even chess. More often than not, we both curled up on my bed to watch television together, and I would often wake to her sleeping against me.

It was shortly after my second round that Regina refused to leave my side. She confessed she was afraid I would need her in the middle of the night, and wouldn't be able to hear me from across the suite. So it became an unspoken understanding that we sleep in my bed. It was not as awkward as I thought it'd be, but it was definitely an adjustment. Especially when she'd rub my stomach for me when I wasn't feeling right. I loved every moment of it.

It was shortly after my third round of chemo, while taking a shower, that some of my hair began to fall. Every time I ran my hands through it, strands of it would come out in my hands. In hindsight it wasn't a lot of hair, but I still ended up sitting on the shower floor, crying until the water became cold.

Regina had come knocking on the door when I didn't come out right away. I quickly put on my robe and opened the door. The look on my face must have been a fright, because Regina instantly took me in her arms and led me to the bed. I collapsed with my head in her lap and began to sob in earnest. She ran her hands over my shoulders and back until I calmed down enough to fall asleep at some point. When I woke up by myself, night had fallen. I put my pajamas and beanie on to go look for her.

I walked out of my room and caught Regina talking to one of the concierges in hushed tones. The young man nodded with a kind smile, before taking a tip from her and leaving. Seems that the young concierge had brought Regina a set of hair clippers and a bottle of THC/CBD pills. Two things happened that night; Regina got me high, then shaved my head.

She informed me her research had shown THC/CBD combinations were widely used for cancer patients, and helped with pain and nausea immensely. All I can say with certainty, is that I hadn't felt that loose since I was in high school. I even swooned a bit when Regina said I looked like a rock star with my head shaved. Only she could have made loosing all my hair sound sexy.

The week before my surgery we received a visit from the family in intervals. My Mom even made sure each of them had a doctor's note giving them a clean bill of health to visit me, so as to not impede my surgery or recovery. Mom left the thrown for three days with the council in charge of any emergencies. She and my Dad came without my baby siblings, but brought Duey along with them.

Then the kid came with Jacinda and Lucy for a couple of days, too. They surprised me by bringing Hope with them, and I cried for a solid thirty minutes while holding her. She got a real kick out of rubbing my bald head, making me feel about a thousand times better than I had since leaving her.

The night before my surgery was an emotional one. Regina and I tried watching television in the living room after dinner, but nothing on the screen could hold my attention. My mind was going a mile a minute about what the next day would bring.

We had gone to the hospital earlier that day for some pre-op paperwork and tests. As per hospital policy I had to fill out paperwork for my advance directive, letting the hospital know what measures I would want taken, be it worse case scenarios or possible alternate high risk procedures. All things that I had never put much thought into and was now freaking me out.

Regina was a bit shocked when I asked her to be my power of attorney, if I were no longer able to make decisions for myself. I assured her that despite the fact that she was the only one physically with me, she was the only one I trusted with my best interest above all others. She agreed.

Since filling out the grip of questions and paperwork, however, my mind just couldn't stop thinking about all those 'What if's' that had been listed. I couldn't focus, and whatever inner rant my mind was on was only paused by Regina's worried voice.

"You seem a little restless, dear. Do you want to try going to bed? We have to be at the hospital by five in the morning. It might be a good idea to get to bed early."

"It's only seven-thirty."

"Yes, Emma. But like our son, you do better with a solid eight hours of sleep. You won't be grumpy in the morning when I wake you before sun up."

"I guess you're right, but I don't think my mind's going to let me sleep tonight."

"The pills aren't helping?"

"Oh I'm loose as a goose, but it's not shutting my brain off. If anything my mind's gone all philosophical."

She released a gentle laugh with the carefree smile reserved for Henry and me.

"Really?

"Yeah, you know. I'm replaying moments in my life. Thinking about all the good and the fun times. Our family and the kids. The battles and triumphs."

"Emma, you sound like you're ending your book instead of a chapter."

"It's the perfect analogy if you think about it. We don't know what tomorrow will bring."

"I can assure you that it will not bring an end to anything."

"Why? Because you won't allow it? Anything can happen in there, Regina."

"Nothing is going to happen. Other than a routine surgery that will make you better."

She said it with a stern finality that threw me off for a moment. The lightness of our joking demeanor was fading, but I wasn't going to fold. Not if I was depending on her to keep a level and realistic head if things went south.

"Regina, I'm just trying to be realistic for one second, okay. We both know the risks. We both know a number of things can go wrong. Do I hope everything comes out okay and I get to see my kids and grandkids again? Of course. I'm just trying to tell you how I'm feeling, and truthfully, I'm fucking scared. I thought you'd understand."

"Of course I understand!"

She snapped at me, making me jump in my seat as she stood to pace the room.

"I understand perfectly well what can happen, Emma. I've spent every minute of every day while you've been asleep or resting, researching it. I've read all the statics and possible side effects, and the likelihood of reoccurrence. I know!"

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Because I'm fucking terrified too! Did that ever occur to you?"

My mouth opened to snap back, but for the life of me I couldn't form words. It was like my brain hit pause on my sarcasm button to reanalyzed her statement. My heart jumped into the fray just to break more at the sight of tears in her eyes, stealing all breath from my body.

"You are?"

"What do you think, Emma."

"Why?"

My question surprised us both. I didn't exactly know why I was asking. It's not that I was questioning her motives, but it was clear she wasn't sure how to answer either.

"Why what, Emma? Why do I even care about you. Don't ask me such stupid questions. You're being ridiculous."

"Fine, I'm being ridiculous. Big shocker, I know. But I'm asking you something I really want to know the answer to. I know you're worried about me as my best friend, but-"

"You're more than my best friend, Emma, and you know it! Maybe its you making this into something more than it is."

She practically ran from me to the bar, busying herself making a drink. I got up slowly and went to her side, leaning heavily on the counter. She saw me falter, and even in her upset state, she placed her drink down and was instantly at my side.

"Careful."

"I'm okay. Just got up too fast. Now please. Talk to me, Regina. What's going on?"

I felt her pulling away and caught her elbow to turn her back toward me. I'm not sure if it was the sudden closeness we found ourselves in or the fact that emotions were at a peak. I could see her lip begin to tremble. A sight I had never seen given the wide array of emotions I had witnessed when it came to Regina.

I slowly turned her fully toward me and I placed my hands gently on her hips. She placed her shakey hands at my elbows to steady herself. Tears now falling down both our faces as we just stared at each other, seemingly waiting for the other to break.

"I can't loose you, Emma. So you have to be fine. You said it yourself remember? I've fought too hard to have my happiness taken away from me."

"That was because of the dark curse, not me."

"No, Emma. It was because of you. That's exactly what this is, all over again. Only instead of a dark mass of evilness encircling you to take you away from me, it's this stupid disease. I don't want to loose you to something so out of my control."

The fear in her eyes mirrored that of the faithful day I had taken the dark curse away from her. Like that day, I decided I had to be brave again. I cupped her cheek so that she would focus on my sincerity.

"You could never loose me, Regina. Not really. It'd piss you off too much."

That got a chuckle out of her, and the tension loosened.

"You're right about that."

I wiped the tears from her cheeks and tucked a stray curl back behind her ear. She had kept her hair short and naturally curly since returning from Seattle. Something I never confessed to absolutely swooning after. Almost as much as I had her new foundness of wearing jeans.

When our eyes met again my heart jumped into my throat. Years of holding in my own feelings for the gorgeous woman standing in front of me came to the foreground and I was having a hard time breathing. My thumb on her cheek began to move of it own volition.

I didn't want to be mistaken, but I swear I saw the same emotions I was feeling reflected back at me. Regina's eyes were bouncing between my eyes and my lips. I had to be brave.

"So then why don't we do something we do have control over?"

"What do you mean?"

Without hesitation I leaned forward, one hand cupping her jaw, and kissed her with all the years of yearning to do so. I kept my eyes open only long enough to see hers shoot open wide in surprise, before calming close and kissing me back. I tentatively wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her closer, she happily obliged. We didn't deepen the kiss but stood there pressing our lips together gently. My knees buckled, but she caught me.

"Are you alright? Do you need to sit down?"

"I'm alright, Regina. That was just one hell of a kiss. I knew it'd be powerful, but you almost knocked me out of my socks."

"You mean I didn't? Well that simply won't do."

Before I could respond, I was being pressed back against the island with Regina's lips on mine.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking control of the one thing I can right now, Emma."

With that simple, raspy and sexy voice saying my name, I melted back into her arms and against her lips. This time we deepened our kiss and clinged to each other. My hands seemed to take on a mind of their own as they skimmed up and down her sides and hips. It was when they happened to land on her curvaceous rear end, that she pulled away.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking charge?"

"I don't think so, Miss Swan. You need to save that energy for tomorrow."

She pulled my hands off of her, even after giving her the biggest pout I could.

"But..."

"But nothing. You are having surgery tomorrow and I don't want you going into it with weighted limbs and no energy."

I must have grinned wickedly because she rolled her eyes and took a step back.

"Weighted limbs and no energy? What exactly did you have in mind, Highness?"

She playfully pushed my face away when I leaned back in for another kiss. I didn't let her walk away though, but instead pulled her into a hug. She sunk into my arms and buried her face in my neck, sending goosebumps through my body.

"I've wanted to do that for a very long time."

"As have I. I must admit that you were the one thing I feared most for the last few years."

"Me? The Queen of the United Realms was afraid of little 'ol me?"

"Oh, you know what I mean, Emma."

I pulled back to meet her eyes.

"I do. I was afraid too. But all this talk and thoughts of my mortality kind of gave me the kick in the pants to go for it."

"I see. So you waited til you were ill on the off chance I'd take pity on you."

"You kissed me back out of pity?"

I gave her the lost puppy eyes I knew always gained a reaction from her, and she again playfully pushed me away. A slightly more serious look took over her expression.

"I kissed you for many reasons, Emma."

"I understand, Regina. Honestly I do. But I also think that the reasoning and motivations behind it are a more serious conversation than I have the energy for tonight."

"Understandable. I don't want you going into things tomorrow over analyzing things and worried about our relationship. So I will keep it simple for now."

"Regina, you don't have to hold-."

"I'm in love with you, Emma Swan."

"-back. You're in love with me?"

"I am. I have been for some time."

"And that's keeping things simple?"

"Emma, if it's too much too soon, I-"

I cut her lips off with mine, and poured every ounce of love I had been holding back when it came to Regina Mills, into that kiss. When we pulled away breathless, I had to confess as well.

"It's okay. I've been in love with you too."

"You have?"

"And I thought I was the dense one."

She laughed and pulled me back in for another powerful kiss. When we pulled apart, Regina looked at the kitchen clock and her shoulders slumped.

"I know. I know. We should probably go to bed."

"It's for the best, dear. Would it make you feel better if I joined you?"

"You always sleep with me."

"True, but I don't want you getting any ideas if we share your bed now that we've kissed and admitted our feeling to one another."

"First of all, contrary to what you may believe, Regina, I am not that easy. Second, spending this time with you, and sleeping in the same bed, has been the highlight of my time here in Boston."

"Of course it is."

"Very funny, but I'm being honest. I can't imagine what my time here would have been like without you. I can't tell you how much it's meant to me to have you here with me. I think it just solidified my love for you."

"As it has for me."

"Well good. Then I think I can continue to control myself while sharing a bed with you. That is if you can do the same."

"I will try and control myself."

"Good... for now."

She released a content sigh with a smile before placing another gentle kiss on my lips.

"Emma, It was my love for you that drew me here. I loved you too much to let you do this on your own. I knew this is where I needed to be."

"Well the fact that you willingly handed the kingdom over to my mother, even temporarily, tells me you really do love me."

"Is that so? Well, you not fighting me on every little thing while caring for you, shows me how much you love me."

"Oh, I see. Okay, so you eating Thai food without a nutritional fact sheet, was a love confession on its own."

"You putting your clothes IN the hamper."

"You watching the Investigation channel with me."

"Learning the science behind potions."

"Playing Chutes and Ladders."

"Oh, enough."

My next comeback was cut off by playful lips laughing against mine. When we pulled apart, I took her hand and led us to my room. We had already changed into our pajamas earlier, so Regina pulled down the covers while I brushed my teeth and washed up. While she took her turn, I killed the overhead lights.

When we crawled under the covers and turned off the lamps, Regina came up and spooned me, kissing my shoulder and cheek.

"Everything will be fine tomorrow, you hear me. Now that we have this, I won't let it go. Not without one hell of a fight. I expect you to do the same."

"Yes, your Highness."

"Good. Now go to sleep. I love you, Emma."

"I love you too, Regina."