Author's Note: It has been a bloody long time since I have published or even worked on any FF! My mental health has been kickin' my arse the last few years, and there's a lotta shit happening in my life that I'm not enjoying dealing with but needs must, I suppose. I'm very proud of myself for writing this, it's a story I've wanted to do for a very long time but I don't think I had the proper vocab or the knowledge to do so until recently. I really hope I do it justice and you guys like it or can at least respect it.

Essentially this story ignores pretty much all of Glee from the end of season one onwards, Santana never had sex with Finn and her and Brittany left the Cheerios by the end of season one. Think of it as an AU where I'm fixing some bullshit and writing my perspective on it all.

It's not particularly plot driven, more about the characters themselves, their relationships with each other and how those relationships/characters grow and change.

Inspired a little by the song 'Misguided Ghosts' by Paramore.

If you have the spoons or the time please feel free to let me know what you think =)

Much love,

Maxx

Disclaimer (been a long time, do I still need one of these?! Ahh well, I'll put it in anyway just in case!): I don't own anything, writing purely for the love of the show, the characters and cos I love to write!

Warning: This story has not gone the way I initially saw it going so for those just finding it these are the themes/subjects/potential triggers that will come up: violence, assault - physical and minor sexual, depictions of mental health issues, mentions/discussions of suicide, medical talk, blood, vomit, injuries/wounds, neglect/abuse from parental figures, homophobia, bullying, polyamory, scenes of s*x, brief mentions of r*pe, mentions of pregnancy... I will add more as I go. And there will be content warnings at the start of chapters - but for anyone who needs to skip a chapter or needs specifics of where each thing is in a chapter, PM me and I will happily give you cliff-notes of a chapter or direct you around the triggers.

And please don't hesitate to let me know if I've missed any content warnings out anywhere! I want everyone to be as safe as possible.

Chapter One

As the bell rang, Santana, pinkie linked with Brittany, strode down the hallway towards the choir room. Her steps getting quicker and her heart growing lighter the closer they got. Brittany was bouncing with excitement beside her, chattering about a dance number her and Mike Chang had been working on the last few rehearsals.

The girls were happy to be free of their Cheerios uniforms, having told Coach Sylvester where to stick it just before Regionals last year. They had spent an entire year with that woman in charge of their lives, learning to hate everyone around them and only value themselves on their looks and ability to do a round-off. It was a toxic environment. No wonder Santana had been so angry and confused all the time.

Although she did have to admit that Coach Sylvester had done a little to redeem herself, what with blackmailing Principal Figgins into giving the Glee Club another year. Even if her motives for doing so were a little… murky. But still one nice thing did not excuse all the woman had done to Quinn and to Brittany and to Santana herself, never mind the entire Glee Club!

A thought that stayed with Santana and had spurred on her desire to spend her summer finally figuring her own shit out. Santana's eyes landed on Brittany and she could not help the smile that lit her face – her heart full as the girl tugged her the last few feet into the choir room and linked their fingers together properly once inside.

They were the first ones there as usual. Santana just managed to get the door shut behind them before Brittany had her pressed to the wall and their lips crushed together. Santana's eyes slid closed; she wrapped her arms tight around the blonde's neck and opened her mouth hungrily to the other girl. Brittany giggled as Santana spun them, their mouths never parting; the brunette's hands slipping under Brittany's t-shirt to splay on her back keeping them as close as possible. They both knew they only had a few precious moments alone before the rest of Glee Club appeared, and this was when Santana was at her most relaxed so full advantage must be taken!

Brittany nipped at Santana's lower lip, eliciting one of the brunette's tiny whimpers that Brittany loved so much. A smile on her lips, the blonde pulled away to lean back against the wall, Santana still pressed against her, secure in her arms.

Santana frowned. "Britt?" She blinked the lust away after a few seconds to take in her girlfriend.

Brittany smiled her beaming smile that took Santana's breath away each and every time, and pulled the brunette back to her for the sweetest of kisses. Before Santana could deepen it, the choir room door opened.

"O-Oh!"

Santana sighed and broke the kiss. "Ever heard of knocking, Rachel?"

Rachel Berry, clad in her usual skirt and animal-print sweater, stood in the doorway, face reddening, eyes flickering back and forth between the two girls still locked in each other's arms to, well, pretty much anywhere else. "I-I mean, this is the choir room, not your bedroom so really I shouldn't have to knock. Plus I didn't see that anyone else was in here so…"

Santana stared at Rachel evenly, an eyebrow raised. Brittany giggled into Santana's shoulder, pressed a kiss to her jaw and tugged her over to the chairs by the hand, giving Rachel a reprieve.

The choir room filled steadily with Glee kids, all chattering and calling greetings to each other as they arrived. Quinn took the chair next to where Brittany sat happily on Santana's lap, arms around her neck.

Quinn took one look at Rachel's still red face and smirked. "She forget to knock again?"

Santana rolled her eyes. "Every fucking time!"

"You'd think she'd have learnt by now, one of these days you guys are going to scar her for life!" Quinn nudged the Latina with her elbow.

Santana smirked and lent over without hesitating to press a kiss to Quinn's cheek, Brittany followed suit.

"I think Rach quite likes us," Brittany shrugged, absentmindedly playing with Santana's fingers.

Quinn frowned and cocked an eyebrow at the tall blonde.

Brittany nodded earnestly. "She likes to watch us, especially in Glee."

"Since when?" Santana's eyes landed on the diva sat in the very centre of the front row, engrossed in a book of sheet music.

"Since we came back after summer break and she caught us kissing in here that first Glee Club back."

Quinn snorted and sat back in her chair, arms crossed.

"I don't mind her watching though, we're hot," Brittany grinned at Santana as the brunette pulled her to her for a kiss.

"Yeah, we are, Britt."

Out of the corner of her eye, Quinn saw Rachel Berry's book slide out of her hand and, as she bent to retrieve it, she watched her steal a long glance back at them. The diva's eyes passed over Quinn and landed straight on Santana and Brittany beside her, staring quite blatantly until Mr. Schuester's arrival made her jump and almost fall out of her chair.

Will Schuester clapped his hands twice and waited until the chatter had died down and all eyes were on him. "Now that we are back into the swing of things after summer break, it's time to focus on Sectionals again. They are fast approaching and we need to be prepared." The teacher looked about the room at the Glee kids and his heart swelled. "I know we suffered a hard defeat at Regionals. It knocked my confidence too, guys. But we are still here and we still have each other, so let's be grateful for that and give it our all."

The cheer that arose from the kids made him smile, they had all been so destroyed at the thought of Glee being over on top of their loss at Regionals, he hadn't been sure how they would even come back from it. Or if they could come back at all! But here they were. He couldn't have been prouder if they were his own flesh and blood.

"So, without further ado, let's get started! Mike, I believe you said you and Brittany had something to show us?" Will swept his arm wide as he stepped away to clear the floor for the two dancers.

Brittany pressed a kiss to Santana's cheek before hopping off her and joining Mike at the front. As the two of them excitedly explained what they had been working on to the rest of the Glee club, Quinn shifted closer to Santana, happily letting the brunette sling her arm around her shoulders so she could settle into her.

"Britt's right, you know," Quinn murmured so only Santana could hear.

"About… Berry?"

"Uh huh. I caught her staring too, just now."

Santana hmm'd softly, her eyes flickering to the tiny diva in the front row just in time to see Rachel look away. She chuckled.

"What?"

"Might have just caught her myself."

Quinn shook her head and linked her fingers with the hand Santana had round her shoulders. "Do you think something happened with her over summer?"

"How d'ya mean?"

"I don't know. She took losing Regionals harder than any of us and she barely said two words to anyone all summer long. Not even Finn. And I know he told her he loved her at Regionals, so…"

Santana hadn't taken her eyes off Rachel – the diva had seemed somewhat withdrawn since their return. She was even more intense and focused, she didn't seem interested in Finn even the slightest and avoided everyone except to discuss Glee assignments and share singing tips. Quinn nudged her out of her thoughts.

"You okay?"

Santana nodded, exchanging a smile with the blonde and pressing a kiss to her temple. "Just thinking, Q."

Quinn took in her friend for a long moment. "You're worried about her too."

"It's Rachel Berry," Santana shook her head. "Give her a week and she'll be annoying the fuck out of us all with her motor mouth once more."

Quinn nodded slowly, not taking her eyes from Santana's face. "Uh huh… and if not?"

Santana met Quinn's eyes for a split second, before her gaze landed back on Rachel. "Then I'll maybe consider starting to worry, okay?"

Quinn smirked. She stretched a little until she could press her lips to Santana's, mumbling into the girl's mouth, "Whatever you say."

Glee Club was over for the day and most of the kids had already filed out of the choir room to head home, but a few hung back. Brittany had wanted to practice with Mike some more so Quinn and Santana had remained too, since Santana had driven the three of them that morning and was their ride home.

Rachel had situated herself at the piano. She had sheet music in front of her and was going through some vocal and piano exercises by herself – her voice as strong and sure as ever. Well, so it should be! She had spent the latter half of the summer at a musical summer camp that her fathers had been more than happy to pay for. The first half of her summer had pretty much been spent alone in her room and the men had grown concerned about her.

Rachel had always known who she was and exactly what she wanted. And she was not afraid to go after it. But their loss at Regionals? Everything with Jessie St. James? With the sudden appearance of her mother? All the drama and hurt she had inadvertently played a part in last year? It had all made her take a look at herself and all of a sudden, that girl she saw in the mirror every day as she did her vocal warm-ups? Well… she didn't recognise her anymore.

In her fight to be a star she had ended up trying to dim so many other peoples' lights. In a fight to get the boy she thought she loved she had ended up causing so much hurt for so many other people. Last year, she had been ruthless and unapologetic in her desire to become a star and to get what she wanted. Yet still they had not even placed at Regionals. What else was she supposed to take from that experience but to re-evaluate who she was, who she wanted to be and what she was willing to do to get there.

She had spent all summer trying to answer those questions. She had spent all summer taking a long hard look at herself in the mirror… all she really knew for sure was that she still wanted to be a star, she still wanted to be on Broadway and sing in front of hundreds of people every single night, still needed that applause! It was everything else, however, that she was no longer sure about.

Rachel glanced over at the others in the choir room. She watched Brittany and Mike dancing, looking focused and intense, but with smiles and excitement radiating from them as they moved in perfect sync. She took in Quinn and Santana sat at the back of the room together, the blonde content with the brunette girl's arm around her as they talked softly and shared smiles and an intimacy Rachel had never had with a friend, never mind anyone else…

Her eyes stopped on Santana for the longest time. There was something different about the girl this year. She was somehow softer and more confident all at the same time and Rachel just could not work it out for the life of her. It seemed to her that Santana had figured something out, some big secret that no one else knew, and it gave her a kind of power. Their first Glee Club back she had walked in on the two ex-Cheerios making out in the choir room, Brittany straddling Santana, the pair so completely caught up in each other that they hadn't even heard her come in. Even when she had finally made her presence known Santana had only rolled her eyes and Brittany had giggled and offered to let her join them.

Rachel had known the offer was not genuine, Brittany still had not managed to tick Rachel off her entire-school-make-out list yet. And when she had met the Latina's eyes, she had seen the smirking challenge there; not wanting to give the girl the satisfaction of knowing she had unhinged Rachel even a little, the diva had hmph'd indignantly and ignored them both completely for the rest of Glee.

Since then though, she had seemed to be running into them everywhere. At first she was certain it was just a coincidence and she had been embarrassed. But now? Now it seemed a little fated and she was intrigued. Not just about the sudden openness surrounding their relationship, but also the new side of Santana the Glee Club was privy to. The girl was more relaxed, kinder even. She was still snarky, badass Santana who could cut anyone down with just a few words… she just laughed so much more now and flirted with almost every girl in Glee quite openly.

Rachel scowled and shook the thought from her head, along with the strange aching that seemed to accompany it. She had better things to focus on than the fact that Santana had just pulled Quinn onto her lap and wrapped her up in her arms as the girls laughed together. And she definitely had better things to focus on than Brittany galloping across the choir room to engulf the now kissing girls in a massive hug, her infectious laughter even drawing a grin from Mike as he packed up to leave.

They were a distraction. And staring at them was not going to help her improve her vocal range any more than it would help her figure out how to be the person she needed to be to make her dreams happen! So she focused on the sheet music in front of her and continued her exercises with a renewed vigour.

Rachel was interrupted a few minutes later by a tap on her shoulder. "What?" She whirled, snapping at whomever dared to disturb her.

A wide-eyed Brittany stood there, smile slipping slowly from her face. The blonde looked over at Santana and Quinn stood by the choir room door. Rachel immediately stood, apologies flying from her mouth.

"I am so sorry, Brittany! I was focused and I didn't hear you come over. I-I never meant to shout!"

Brittany's smile reappeared. "That's okay, Rach, I shouldn't have snuck up on you. San says I should be a cat burglar 'cuz she never hears me coming either."

Rachel's eyes flickered to the brunette watching them carefully by the door before she focused in on what the blonde dancer was saying.

"…then I fell off the roof and San had to catch me, I mean, it was only once but Quinn said it probably wasn't a good career for me, and Quinn's always right so I'm going to keep looking."

"Umm… I'm sorry, Brittany, what exactly was it that you wanted?"

Brittany frowned in thought, a smile lighting her face not a moment later. "Oh, do you want to come to Breadstix with us?"

Rachel's eyebrows shot up and her eyes immediately went to the two girls stood behind Brittany - Quinn could barely mask her smirk and Santana only raised an eyebrow questioningly. The diva found her heart was suddenly beating rather fast and words seemed to escape her. She managed to focus in on Brittany, who had started talking at her again.

"…it looks like worms, right? But San says it's not made from them so it's okay to eat. Quinn usually has pizza, or something with bacon on, it's her favourite. I'll eat anything with lots of melted cheese-"

"Uh Brittany?" Rachel waved her hand in front of the girl to get her attention.

"Sorry, Rach, forgot you were here for a second! What's up?"

"Um… thank you for the offer. It's very thoughtful of you, but I can't tonight. I have to… work on my harmonies," Rachel just about managed to stop herself from glancing at Santana again. "Sorry." She turned to the piano and sat back down.

"Sure thing, Rach. See you later!" Brittany skipped over to Santana, eagerly taking her hand as they headed out.

Rachel listened to their footsteps retreat before shaking herself out of it and going back to a very tricky run she had been working on all summer.

"Hey."

Rachel whipped round to find Santana leaning against the doorframe, staring right at her. "S-Santana?"

"It's an open invitation, okay? We go every Friday after Glee."

Rachel frowned.

Santana rolled her eyes. "Breadstix?"

"O-Oh! Oh, okay, well… thank you. That's…" Rachel trailed off, averting her eyes. She cleared her throat nervously.

Santana didn't move. She just stared at the diva who refused to look at her. She sighed. "I guess I'll leave you to it. But, Rachel?"

Rachel met her eyes now.

"If you're going to lie, at least make it convincing."

Rachel's face burned as she stared at the piano until the door shut and the other girl was gone.

"We staying at yours or Britt's tonight?" Quinn asked through a mouthful of pizza.

Santana smirked, leaning forward to swipe some sauce off of the blonde's face with a finger. She licked her finger clean with a wink at Quinn. "Well… Dad's working a double at the hospital and Mom's out of town so we got the place to ourselves. That okay with you, Britt-Britt?"

Brittany nodded enthusiastically. She finished tying her spaghetti strands together into one long rope and finally started eating it. Santana watched her girlfriend with a smile before pressing a kiss to her cheek, the hand that rested on the blonde's knee gave an affectionate squeeze, before Quinn commanded her attention again.

"So what happened with Rachel?" Quinn watched the brunette carefully.

Santana shrugged, skewering a meatball with her fork.

"Come on, you didn't go back for nothing, S."

"Well we didn't fuck on the piano if that's what you're asking!"

Brittany giggled beside her, making Santana smile.

"Dumbass," Quinn flicked a stray bacon bit at the girl opposite her.

"If you must know, Q, I told her Britt's invite was open ended and that she's welcome to join us any time. Oh and that she kinda sucks at lying."

Quinn brandished a finger at Santana. "Ha! I knew you were worried about her too. You're a fucking softie, Santana Lopez, don't try and deny it!"

"How fucking dare you. Take that shit back right this second, or-"

"Or what, S?" Quinn quirked an eyebrow at her. "What are you going to do? You talk a big game but you love me so you won't do a damn thing."

Santana's face softened as she held Quinn's gaze. "I do love you, Q."

The cockiness vanished from the blonde's expression and was replaced with a blush and a shy smile. "Oh yeah?"

Santana gave a nod, her hand edging across the table until she could slide her fingers in between Quinn's. "Yeah."

Quinn could only smile as Santana brought the blonde's hand to her mouth for a kiss. "I love you too, dumbass."

Santana let out a quiet laugh and pressed a kiss to each of Quinn's knuckles before finally sitting back again, their fingers still linked.

"You know that, right?"

The Latina's brow furrowed at the tinge of uncertainty and desperation in the blonde girl's voice. "Of course I do, Q. Why-"

Quinn shook her head, averting her eyes to her half eaten pizza. "Because I… because we haven't…"

Santana leant across the table again, stilling the blonde's hands as they picked at a napkin. "Quinn… Q, look at me, please."

Quinn met the brunette's intense, serious gaze. "Santana-"

"You are incredible, Quinn. You are so fucking badass and so fucking beautiful some days it's all I can do not to kiss you every time you look at me. And I have known I loved you since the moment the three of us met, since Kindergarten when you called Puck a buttface for kicking Britt's sandcastle over."

Quinn couldn't help mirror Santana's smile.

"So I don't mind that you want to take it slow. I don't mind that we haven't had sex. I don't mind that you keep everyone at a distance because you don't trust people not to hurt you again. I know how badly last year fucked you up, Q. But all I care about is you. And I will do whatever you need me to do to support you – both as friends and as whatever else you want. Okay?"

Quinn dashed the tears from her eyes and leant across the table until she could press a kiss to the corner of Santana's mouth. Santana held her close, their foreheads pressed together, for a long moment. When they pulled back, Brittany slipped out from beside Santana and joined Quinn so she could hug the other blonde tight and press a kiss to her cheek.

"I think you're really hot too, Quinn and I love that I can fit both you and Santana perfectly in my arms. It makes me happy." Brittany nodded with such seriousness that the other two could not help but laugh.

"We love you too, Britt," Quinn squeezed the dancer's hand tight, Santana nodding her agreement.

Santana watched, her heart aching with happiness, as the two people she loved most in the world sat arm in arm, chatting happily as they ate. She had watched Quinn get hurt over and over and over again last year and it had killed her not knowing how to fix it. She had tried to be there for the girl as much as she possibly could but Quinn had pushed everybody away so all she could do was be there when she did reach out.

The summer just gone had been one of the best of Santana's life, but it had also been one of the hardest. Not only had she needed to work on herself, there had been things to work out with Brittany as well as finding the wreckage that had once been Quinn Fabray on her doorstep late one night. Quinn had asked if she could stay with her for a little while, she could not stand the constant re-appearance of her father and the arguments between him and her mom that were an everyday occurrence.

For the first few days Quinn was over they had barely spoken. Santana had kept her distance, knowing the blonde well enough that she knew Quinn needed to make the first move. Control was important to the girl – she'd never had much of it before except being head Cheerio at school, so when even that was taken from her… For almost a year she had had no control over anything, not even her own body. So Santana would be damned if she was going to push and risk hurting the blonde further.

It had been on their third night together that Quinn had rolled over in bed and asked, so quietly that Santana had almost not heard her, if she would hold her for a while until she could fall asleep. Santana hadn't even hesitated; opening her arms to the blonde and wrapping her up tight until there was no longer any space between them. Quinn had cried herself to sleep that night but at least she had finally slept through the night.

Quinn had awoken the next morning to the sound of someone singing softly. She was still in Santana's arms and the soft vibrations of the girl's voice chased away the sudden panicky feeling of being trapped she got whenever she was this close to someone. Santana had sensed the blonde's sudden tension and had moved to let her go, not wanting to cross any lines – Quinn had only held onto her tighter, burying her face in the crook of the brunette's neck. That's how they had fallen asleep together ever since. More often than not with Brittany pressed to Santana's back, her long arms encircling the two girls keeping them both safe.

It had taken a few weeks but the first night Quinn had fallen asleep with a smile instead of tears, Santana knew she was exactly where she was supposed to be, doing exactly what she was supposed to be doing. And all those doubts that had been eating away at her for years – doubts about her sexuality, about if she even could, or should, be in a relationship, doubts about who she was and if that person was worthy of love – suddenly didn't seem so important nor did they have as loud a voice in her head as they used to. Because if these two incredible, brilliant, loving girls trusted her and loved her that much when she was just being herself? Maybe, just maybe, she was enough.

"San?" Brittany's quiet voice broke the silence of the night.

Santana shifted a little, careful not to disturb the sleeping girl in her arms, until she could see the taller blonde. "Yeah, Britt?"

"I really like Rachel."

"I know you do."

There was silence for a moment. Santana waited patiently for her girlfriend to continue.

"She was bossy and kinda mean last year, but so were we. I think she's sad now and I want to help make it better," Brittany rested her chin on Santana's shoulder. "You're awesome at knowing what to do to help me and Quinn, maybe you can figure out how to help Rachel too?"

Santana pressed a kiss to the girl's forehead. "I love how big your heart is, Britt."

"Is that a yes?"

Santana chuckled. "You know I can never say no to you."

"I know, but I don't want you to do it just because I asked you to," Brittany trailed her hand down the brunette's arm until she could link their fingers together. "I think Rachel really needs a friend, and I want it to be us. But…"

"But she's probably still a little wary of me," Santana finished for the girl.

Brittany shrugged, pressing a trail of kisses along the Latina's shoulder. "You can be scary when you want to be, and I know Rachel seems to have a way of getting under your skin a lot-"

"It is one of her many talents, yes."

"So!" The blonde pressed a finger to Santana's lips to shush her. "So I think it would be good if you made the first move."

Santana opened her mouth, but Brittany beat her to it.

"I know you already tried today! And I am so proud of you for that. But will you keep trying? Like you did with Quinn?"

Santana sighed. "I will think about it, okay, Britt?"

Brittany grinned and kissed her firmly on the lips before snuggling back down behind her again, arms pulling Santana, sleeping Quinn and all, tight into her chest. They both knew Santana was going to do exactly what Brittany had asked, not just because she really couldn't say no to her girlfriend, but also because Quinn had been right – she was genuinely worried about the tiny diva.

AN: I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I have been enjoying writing this story! Please be kind when you review, I'm still getting back into the swing of things and have no beta so there will be mistakes =S