A/N: Well, this is a thing. Might as well preface this with the usual "This is my first Neptunia story!" type dealio. Thought this would be fun. Plus I have some ideas on how to twist the Neptunia-verse without going full on reboot. I don't have enough creativity for reboots, that's why this is a very clear self insert.

For those about to read, I salute you. And I apologise in advance.

I'm your average everyday guy. I wake up at god knows what time in the morning, drink tea and watch videos on the Internet, watch anime. The usual things.

I'm being sarcastic of course. I was a no-life NEET with more anxiety and social issues than your local school shooter. Thanks for nothing, life.

Anyhow, I was walking through town, blasting crappy video game OST through my earphones while I wandered over to the local store in order to get alcohol. You know, like most normal people.

Unfortunately for me, I failed a spot check and walked into the road without looking both ways. Right as a truck was hauling ass.

To be fair, it was my fault. But still,screw that guy. I hope I got blood in his grill. Oh right, so I got hit by a fucking truck. I feel that's an important detail that I nearly missed.

Well I assume that's what happened anyway. One moment I'm listening to trash weeb music, the next my corpse is flying across the road while my spirit stands next to the vehicle that hit me.

Of course, that would be a bit of a shock to the system. Me, being my nihilistic, edgelord self thinking there would be no afterlife literally watching my beliefs fly off into the goddamned sunset.

And only then everything went black.

Waking up, there was only one thing on my mind. Or it could be considered inside it. Regardless, that thing was why does my head hurt so much fuck.

"Ugh." I belatedly mutter to nobody in particular, as I slowly open my eyes and gaze upon the whiteness in front of me.

Wait, what? I must be seeing things, I usually associate painful headaches with a night of poisoning myself with alcohol. And when I did that I always ensured I was going to be somewhere that I wouldn't be kicked out of before I passed out.

So why am I in this place full of whiteness?

The feeling of cold wetness alerted me that this white stuff was in fact, snow and that maybe I should stand up at some point. God forbid I catch a cold out here. So, I slowly brought myself to my feet and took around wherever the hell I was to see well, where the hell I was.

Using those weird eyeball things I scanned my local environment to see what was what.

Aside from the white snow, there was more white snow, even more white snow, white snow on hills, white snow falling near some mushroom shaped buildings, god even more white snow….

Wait? Mushroom shaped buildings? Civilisation? Booze?

"Hi ho, to the mushrooms!" I yelled at nobody in particular, as I set off towards this town. Maybe they'll have some good Itallian food.

The trip was surprisingly uneventful. All that happened was that I started to feel the cold. I was not prepared for actual snow, even as someone who generally lived in a colder region of the world. I'd blame global warming but honestly I think it might just be the lack of a hoodie or jacket, since all I'm wearing is a shirt.

What shirt? Nothing special, just a black t-shirt. As for the lower half of my body, it was a generic pair of genericly generic tracksuit bottoms. If you think of tracksuit bottoms, it's probably exactly what I'm wearing..

What can I say? I preferred comfort to looking nice, especially with me being… Not sociable. Ignoring that for a moment, here I was in the mushroom town and it was… Quaint.

I hadn't really been paying attention to the details of this place beforehand. Each building had a mushroom instead of a roof, but it seemed to be practical enough so questioning it wasn't really on my list of priorities. The place was bustling, yet not crowded. I grew up in a small citty and it felt the same as this place was. It was… Nostalgic. Almost homely.

I say almost because I'm standing in a constantly snowing city in just a t-shirt and tracksuit bottoms and as you might imagine, stopping to reminisce on times gone by was not exactly healthy. Quickening my pace to a fast walk, I headed into the nearest building I could find that wasn't just a house. I needed to regroup my thoughts, figure out where the hell I was then find some way to survive.

As it turns out I dipped into a big, governmental-looking building, you know the kind. People in queues, some waiting chairs and plenty of pamphlets to pass the time if you didn't have a phone on you.

More importantly, this place had heating. Thank lord, I can think for a few minutes without arousing suspicion or getting hypothermia. Grabbing a random pamphlet, I sat down on one of the many chairs located in the building and began to think.

"Alright, so I have no idea where I am, aside from being in a mushroom town, I've ducked into a bank-looking place with no idea if my cash would even be accepted…"

Wait a second. I quickly checked my pockets. To my dismay, they were empty. Shit.

"Well, even if I did have money on me it would likely be denied. Looks like I'm starting from scratch."

I finally took a look at that pamphlet I picked up. It stated in all caps bold

WELCOME TO THE GUILD! A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO QUESTING!

Huh, this wasn't a bank then. Stlll, a guild? Some sort of group of artists? Wait, it said questing, like in an MMO? Did I get transported into a fucking RPG?

These questions would have to wait. I can question my sanity after I find out what this questing guide has to offer, because odds are it's my best chance of getting some cash. Cash helps buy basic supplies, and those help me live. Very simple.

Reading on, I won't bore you with the details. It's a basic user guide on how Questing worked in this world. Accepting, what kind of jobs people want doing, membership. The one interesting detail is registering. You seem to be automatically assigned a class based on your "Stats".(There's also something about receiving a bag, but those are standard in RPGs. I assume hammerspace is involved.)

Still though, as an outsider, would I even have stats? Even if I did, I wasn't exactly ripped. Hell, I'd consider myself a mage if my intelligence stat wasn't wonky as hell.

"Excuse me, sir? Are you thinking about registering to the guild?"

"GAH!" I was taken out of my monologing thoughts by someone who clearly was concerned about the weirdo sat in the Guild holding a pamphlet. Attempting (Keyword being attempt.) to regain my composure, I stood up to meet the voice eye-to-eye.

She seemed very generic. I don't mean that as an insult, I mean that I think I've seen her face while wandering through town before. And in whatever RPG I was playing before I got here. Or in most games with NPCs.

She was generic, ok?

"Uh, yeah. Could you tell me where to go?" I asked in my best "I'm a normal human being!" voice.

She gave me a blink before pointing towards one of the windows that had no people in front of it. "Because if you are, there's no queue to register right now."

How terribly nice. Or maybe they just wanted me to register so I don't look like a vagrant. Whatever. "Thanks." I state before heading towards the window.

Inside was another genericly generic NPC. Is this a running theme?

"Good morning sir, would you like to register with the Guild?" She askedi in her most "I work retail and hate my life but if I don't keep it together I will be fired!" voice.

"Uh, yeah." I stated, rubbing the back of my head. "I must be honest, I'm kinda new to this wo- place so I just needed a few minutes to read the Guild Guide." I showed her the pamphlet to emphasise my point and hopefully garner a bit of pity.

"Oh, alright then. I'll keep it simple for now. What's your name?"

My name? You know, whenever I get asked to put in my name for anything that isn't a government document I put in the stupidest things. That urge was rising within me, but "McDong Fucktard" isn't the best name to have.

I thought to names I had heard recently. Maybe not characters, because that might get awkward if someone else is called by that name too. Game names? No, that's silly. Maybe…

"Koei. Koei Tech," Screw it, close enough. This place seemed pretty Japanese anyway.

She gave a blink, probably because I spent a few seconds thinking of an alias. "Alright, can you put your hand underneath the scanner so I can determine the best class for you?"

I complied, with the device emitting a blue light and a small screeching noise for several seconds before the light turned green with a nice ding.

On her side, a piece of paper printed out and as she scrutinised it, she became visibly confused.

"Sir, are you sure you want to become a Guild member? It seems that all your stats, barring Intelligence are below average."

Wow. That's sad.

"I like a challenge." I shrugged. That and I need a job, however temporary.

"Alright, so… Here's the thing." She gave her best "I'm sorry." face.

I visibly tensed. Usually this ends with embarrassment. I feel like I wasted this poor clerk's time, even though I haven't, as at most it's taken a minute. Still, my social anxiety has kicked in and I'm trying to keep calm.

"Normally with a high intelligence stat, you'd be assigned the basic Mage class, with the opportunity to specialise into different weapons later. However, your Strength and Agility stats are low enough that wielding a staff would actively hinder you in battle."

Wow. That is really sad. I can't even be a mage because I'm weak and slow enough that I wouldn't be able to dodge things. Jeez.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time then." I stated, trying and failing to keep the sadness out of my voice, as I turned to leave.

"Wait, Koei! You didn't hear me through!"

Huh? What more can you do to a guy who can't use his one competent stat?

"You see, I said that you can specialise into a different class later one. There's a variant on the Mage that needs far less Strength and Agility, but requires some more finesse. Could you please wait while I try and get clearance from my supervisors for you?"

"I uh… Sure."I reply meekly. This poor girl was going out of her way for me. Was I that pitiable?

Whatever, I sat back down on one of the waiting chairs as she went into the back. I would have read another pamphlet, but my nerves were getting at me. What if she got in trouble for trying to help me out? Hell, what if she got fired? I mean she was trying to circumvent the system for some rando who looked like a lost puppy. Surely this wouldn't work ou-

"Koei, could you come back to the desk please?" I approached the desk again and found the desk clerk with someone I assumed to be superior.

She was surprisingly ungeneric. Long, yet spiked brunette hair flowed down onto her navy jacket, decorated with various things, including what I assume to be way too many phones. Inside that was a simple vest and shorts held up by some sort of belt (Shorts and a belt?), along with her shirt having a simple i on it. Yes, the small one with the dot. One odd thing that was her jacket seemed way too big for her, as it covered her arms entirely.

Oh and she had a leafy hair decoration. She was certainly far less generic than anyone else I've seen so far.

"So listen up, Koei." She spoke in a command voice, driving me to her OH GOD THOSE EMERALD EYES ARE STARING INTO MY SOUL I'M IN THE SHIT NOW AAAAA-

"Normally you'd be classed as a basic Mage in order to learn the basic magic and skills. However, due to your… Unique stats, I've had to be called in order to verify your… New advancement."

She placed a short blade onto the desk and slid it over. "Go on, take it. You're a Spellblade now."

"Spellblade?" I questioned, as I did just that, getting a feel for the light-ish metal blade. The blade standard, with the exception of the metal itself seeming to have a cool blue tinge to it. Strangely, despite being metal, didn't reflect at all, so something normal like Steel was out of the question. Must be some magic non-reflecting blue metal or something.

Along with this, the sword was barely the length of my forearm, making it not much lengthier than a chef's knife. Taking a look at the hilt, it was a much lighter blue than the blade, with the white of the ball on the edge of the handle making a nice contrast. On one side of the hilt itself was the word "Serenity" etched in. Guess the sword's called Serenity then.

"Thank you, but what's a Spellblade?" I asked the obvious question, as the slightly scary brunette slid a scabbard for the blade. It was fairly practical, with the only flourishes to it being the same light blue that was on the hilt, with an "L" on top of a snowflake in the dead center. Seemed to be more of a generic blade scabbard than one built for Serenity, though it still fit in fine.

"Well, you use a sword instead of a staff. That's really about it. But spells are less effective, even with a specialised magic-based sword, so you have to use both physical and magical attacks." the clerk replied. She then pointed to the brunette. "IF here is actually one of the best Spellblades in all of Gamindustri, despite her using… Was it Katars or Qatars?

"Yes." IF replied, before unsheathing her weapons. They were in fact, handheld blades. Pretty slick, actually. Still, explained the overly long jacket.

"And you're trusting me with this sword because?" I asked inquisitively. It was a valid question, with an advanced weapon being trusted to an absolute newbie.

"IF" shrugged. We all have to start somewhere. I've been training with these since I was 5, so I knew what I was doing even before I learned magic. Just try not to unsheathe your sword in public. The guards with have you in a bloody pile before you can even cast a spell."

Zero tolerance, then. I suppose if you have a bunch of randoms running around armed, having a competent set of guards would keep people's mind at ease.

"I'll keep that in mind. Off I go to adventure! Thanks for everything!" I waved off IF and her supposed subordinate before heading out the door..

As I stepped out, I breathed in the cold air of this place and sighed in relief. I was armed, I had a name.

But I didn't have any quests. Dammit!

Hello again, OP here! I do hope you tolerated my writing!

As for any formatting issues, this is my first go at using . So feel free to yell at me about that.

Or anything else on your mind about this.