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She wasn't sure when it first started. That ping in her heart whenever Chat would kiss her hand, or when he made a particularly flirtatious joke. Looking back on it, maybe it started after Kagami had gotten akumatized the second time, or maybe it was after Gamer when he once again, sacrificed his life for her.

She would deny it to her last breath when her brain whispered that maybe it was way sooner than any of those times.

She begged the feelings to stop, to slow, to disappear, because they just couldn't, not with what their duties entailed. But her heart just wouldn't listen. The feelings festered, and grew, and she was angry because of it.

There was also Adrien, who she was very much, deeply in love with. He… he was always going to be like a magnet to her, and she wasn't sure that pull to him would ever go away. She didn't know if she wanted it to.

She tried to move on with Luka, and that didn't exactly work out. He was a nice guy, but they just didn't connect. She didn't get why, it would've been so easy just to fall for him. If she couldn't fall for someone that was within reach, someone that she knew she could be happy enough with if she just tried, then how would she ever be able to fall for Chat?

Because it would be worth it. Her stupid brain supplied. Luka is a good guy, but we both know that the only guy that you could compare to Adrien would be Chat. You've known that for a while.

No, she didn't.

Shut up brain. Or heart. Whichever one was speaking at the moment. She wasn't quite sure which one was.

She was broken out of her thoughts by her partner landing next to her with a soft thud.

Craning her neck to get a full view of him, she watched silently as he took a seat next to her with his usual catty smirk and stupid pretty green eyes that sparkled happiness and calm. The open night sky above them had a bit of competition for who shone the brightest, but she wouldn't dare say that out loud. His ego would get too big, if it wasn't already.

Why did she like him again? Because she didn't, nope just total unreciprocated-

He broke the silence, cutting off any thoughts she had been fighting against. "Hey, bugaboo. Might I say, you're looking lovely tonight."

She was thankful that she had known her partner for so long, otherwise, her face would be flushed brighter than her suit and her words would be in scrambles. But she could control herself enough around her kitty to where, only a slight blush crossed her cheeks. Reminding herself to playfully roll her eyes at him as well. "Whatever you say, kitty."

The spark in his eyes withered just a bit, and Ladybug instantly let her shoulders drop on their own accord. "M'lady. Are you okay? You've seemed off for days now."

Her breath hitched, and she suddenly had to look away for unknown reasons onto the city beneath them. "I'm fine."

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he begged her to look at him, but she refused the request. She couldn't. "Ladybug, seriously. Something has been going on with you. You can trust me. As long as we keep it general, we won't figure out each other's identities."

That was the thing. Trust. They trusted each other so blindly. She saw his trust in every fall he took for her, in every sacrifice he made. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw him falling willingly when they were fighting Gamer. All because he wouldn't dare raise his baton to fight against her.

"I'll always fight by your side, M'lady, but against you, I could never."

Something inside just broke at that. She crumbled inward and she just cried. It had all started to become too much. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, with her head bent over and just let the tears flow. She felt his arms come around her, but she didn't acknowledge his questions of what was going on and why was she crying.

It took a few minutes, but when her sobs finally evened out, and her air was back in her lungs, she finally spoke. "Why.. why do you sacrifice yourself like you do? Why do you always take the hit?"

"Because you have the mirlac-"

She snapped. "Don't you dare say it's because of the cure. We both know that's a lie. A horrible one at that."

He sighed, retracting his touch and she didn't want to admit the whine that she had to fight in the back of her throat. His face reminded her of a kicked kitten and she just wanted to erase it. "What do you want me to say, bugaboo. You already know I'm in love with you. It's no secret. We've talked about it. But you're in love with someone else. And if I learned anything after the whole incident with Frozer, it's to respect that."

Her shoulders shook with the small sobs that still were coming through. "It's not just because of the other boy. There are other reasons we can't be together, kitty. What about that other girl that you carried home after she was de-akumatized?"

She could see in his eyes that he wanted to question the part as to what the other reasons that they couldn't be together, but filed them away for the moment. "You mean Kagami?" At her nod, he sighed. "Bugaboo, I was trying to move on, but….. I just couldn't. She's a friend, and I like her, but not like I love you."

That was...weird. Something didn't settle right in her chest at that. "Oh."

His concerned expression morphed into something that resembled excitement. "LB, are you… are you jealous?"

Her spine stiffened. "Wh-what? No, of course not. Where would you get an idea like that?"

That annoying smirk festered on his lips as he leaned just a bit closer. "You were, weren't you. Well, no worries, m'lady. She has nothing over you. She's a great person, but I just.." His cockiness turned to solum as he truly found his words. "She's just not it. You are. Even if I can't have you."

She sighed. "Chat, even if there wasn't another boy, we couldn't be together."

His tone was hardly above a whisper as his gaze pleaded for an explanation. "Why?"

She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them, resting her chin on top. "Because it's dangerous with Hawkmoth. We're in danger everyday because of him. If we were to start dating, he would target each other against one other even more. Up till just a while ago, I thought your flirting was just… playful teasing. Nothing serious."

"But I am."

"I know. But you have to understand that from my point of view I didn't know that, and by then I had already fallen for someone else." She took a deep breath. "How could we even love each other when we're always wearing masks? I live in Pairs, Chat, and I walk the streets every day. Not once have I seen someone and thought, that could be my kitty. Because I don't know you. I don't know anyone that… that's like you. And there's nothing wrong with you, but if I can't even connect a face to you Chat, what kind of relationship could we even have?"

He kept still in his seat, not making a peep for what felt like an eternity. "I'd give up my miraculous to be with you. No matter the cost."

She sputtered, not expecting that, and almost lost her balance on the ledge she rested on, but caught herself. "But.. but...you can't."

He quickly backpedaled. "I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or anything like that. But you are my partner, not just because we have our miraculous, but because I want you. I want you to be my partner, and if I was given anyone else, I wouldn't be Chat. If I had to choose between my miraculous and you, I'd chose you, bugaboo. Being a superhero wouldn't be worth it any other way."

The air was just a bit too thin up there, and his love stuck gaze wasn't helping any. "Chat..lately.. Lately." She couldn't lie to him anymore, not with everything that had happened. "Lately, I don't know exactly where my feelings lay. And you don't deserve my indecisive head."

His lips dropped, but his eyes remained hopeful. "I can… I can give you time. I don't mind waiting, m'lady. I've waited so long, that even if there's just a hint of me clawing my way into your heart, I'll take it."

She just didn't know what possessed her, but one second she was trying to hold herself together, and the next, she flung herself into his hold, and just rested there. "I…. I don't know, kitty. I just don't. I need to think. I need to come to terms with this. And even then, even if I gave the okay for us to date, the boy I love will probably always have a piece of my heart, and you don't deserve that— to only have some of my heart."

"Ladybug." He breathed against the crown of her head, and that should be illegal. The way he spoke her name, like she was the only one in the world. Adoringly, lovingly. Like she was his whole world. "Having any piece of your heart is worth more than all the miraculous in the world. Trust me."

She did, and it hurt.

Pulling back, she set her stare on him, serious, and asking him to listen. "I… I need to think, kitty. I can't give you an answer. Not a for a bit at least. I need to know…" What did she need to know? What was she looking for? "I need just some time. And I know that's selfish."

He shook his head, cutting her off. "That's not selfish and I understand. I really do. Go home, rest. Paris seems pretty quiet tonight. Just take as long as you need. Even if it's years. I'll be here."

"I shouldn't ask you for that." But she wanted it all the same. She jumped to her feet and prepared to take off to her home to escape for a while. Just as she was on the ledge, about to take flight, she turned to her partner, a bittersweet sadness dancing in her chest. "No matter what, even if it's not romantically, I'll always love you. You're my friend above all else."

He smiled. "I know."

She took off, trusting her yo-yo to guide her home.

And all the way home, she heard his silent, I'll always love you, too.

Please lemme know your thoughts! Lots of love, until tomorrow!