Hallo,
This was originally published under my 'Valduggery for Every Occasion' series but I decided to take down the chapters, edit them and post it as a new fic.
My valduggery fanfiction from years ago is highly cringeworthy.
Not really sure where this story sits within the order of the books. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nevertheless, enjoy.

Skulduggery Pleasant bent down to pick up his hat. A nice hat like that, he thought, doesn't belong in the dirt. He dusted it off a little before placing it back on his skull, making sure it sat at the right angle as he turned to look at Valkyrie, who was just as flawless now than before the brawl – bloody nose and all. She was staring at him and he tilted his head in question. She looked away swiftly, letting loose hair fall into her face.

"You have a little something." Skulduggery pointed out, "Just there."

Valkyrie wiped at her nose, her hand coming away red with blood. She groaned and tried to flick the blood off her fingers, but the red liquid stayed put, she cursed as she wiped it off on her pants in defeat.

"You could try being a little less obvious with that, you know." Skulduggery commented.

"Huh?" Valkyrie sounded, leaving the comically large pile of unconscious bodies behind her as she turned from his seemingly quizzical gaze to walk over to the Bentley, Skulduggery hot on her heels.

"You know, all that staring you've been doing recently? I don't really mind, but I already know I'm pretty, so there's no need for the constant reminders."

She climbed into the passenger seat, with a pointed roll of her eyes, and Skulduggery followed as he smoothly pulled open the door to the driver's side, effortlessly sliding into the black leather.

Valkyrie couldn't tell which was smoother, his voice or his movements.

"You're doing it again."

"I am not." Valkyrie lamely retorted.

"Are too." Skulduggery replied, being his usual childish self.

"Now you're just being immature. You skeleton."

"I am indeed a skeleton."

Valkyrie ignored him, turning to look outside the window instead, directing her gaze to the passing lights and buildings of the city rushing past, the scenery melting into a blur as Skulduggery sped through the streets.

Long silent minutes flew by until they became long silent hours. Valkyrie stared out of the window until familiarity leaked back into her vision. The drive back to Skulduggery's place wasn't too far from the outskirts of town, but the added distance from where their last fight was, and the awkwardness of their last conversation made the drive seem heavy and long. Valkyrie craved for home, a hot shower and sleep, but a long night of writing sanctuary official reports for their 'sanctuary official jobs' loomed ahead of them.

Skulduggery parked the Bentley in front of his house, turning to look at Valkyrie.

"What's wrong with you?" He questioned as he pulled the keys out of the ignition.

"What do you mean?" She replied, refusing to meet the overbearing stare of his empty eye sockets.

"You've been acting weird lately."

"How so?"

"The staring for starters."

Valkyrie had suddenly found an intense interest in her shoes and stayed silent; she was too tired to get into this.

"There's nothing wrong." Valkyrie tried. You can't blame her for that.

"You can't tell right now but I'm raising my eyebrows skeptically."

"If you turn your façade on, I'd have a visual."

Skulduggery grunted in agreement. They sat in the Bentley awkwardly, letting the tension of their conversation hang over their heads. Like a snap, Valkyrie was the first to move, unclipping her seatbelt lightning fast and making a break for the door handle. But years of experience and naturally fast reflexes payed off as Skulduggery was too quick for her, locking her in just before she could pull the handle.

"Hey!" Valkyrie exclaimed as she tried to open the door, pulling at the handle, irritated.

"You are going to sit here with me until you finally tell me what's been going on with you. You're not leaving until you tell me." Skulduggery replied firmly.

Valkyrie glared for a moment until her eyes focused on something behind his skull.

"What is with the staring? Is there something on my face? Has my skull been sitting weird? It's been doing that for ages, I thought you would have noticed by now. Am I just too pretty? All these years with me and you're still taken with my attractiveness."

"Uh... Skulduggery?" She jerked her head to the broken piece of wood that hung where the door used to be. He didn't notice her gesture, keeping on with his speech.

"You should really tell me about what's going on. What happens if we're fighting some evil mastermind and you drag your teenage angst into it? I'll have to save you. Again. It's very alarming how much I have to step in to rescue you, some would say that I'm a terrible mentor. You should listen to me sometimes; you're going to get yourself killed."

"Can we talk about this later? We have more pressing issues to worry about."

"My dear Valkyrie, what could possibly be more pressing than your imminent demise?" Skulduggery replied in a confident manner.

"Breaking and entering?" Valkyrie questioned and Skulduggery whipped around to face the front of his house.

"Buggeration." Skulduggery exclaimed, "We WILL be coming back to this." He warned, unlocking the car before he slid out.

"Looking forward to it," Valkyrie mumbled as she did the same.

Valkyrie sauntered up towards the sorry excuse for a door, intending to slip silently through the opening without alarming the intruder until she caught sight of Skulduggery outside of his untouched living room window. He raised his gloved fist to the glass.

"Skulduggery, what are you doing?" she whispered.

"Doors are for people with no imagination, I thought I taught you that already." He replied smartly, before adding, "Plus, if I'm hopeful that if I do more damage, the idiots at the insurance agency will give me more money, not that I really need it. I'm making excuses. I just really want to punch a window."

Before Valkyrie could say anything, Skulduggery's fist flashed forward, crashing through the pane of glass, closely followed by the rest of his skeletal frame. Valkyrie shook her head in amusement and slipped through what once was Skulduggery's front door, meeting him in the hallway.

"See anyone?"

"Or anything," Valkyrie added. "Don't be discriminative against inanimate objects."

"Or Nye."

"Why would Nye be here?"

"Maybe it got bored?"

"Stop talking about Nye. We don't talk about Nye." Valkyrie huffed.

"Ah, yes."

"Or vampires." Valkyrie tacked on.

Skulduggery raised one hand, reading the air.

"Whoever had the most unfortunate idea to break in is still here, somewhere upstairs."

"And what do you propose we do?"

Skulduggery said nothing as his hand reached for his gun and moved off to the stairs.

Valkyrie smiled, clicked her fingers to summon a handful of fire and moved with stealth to follow his trail.

Skulduggery didn't need much of a house, he had no use for a kitchen as he had no need for eating and no "bedroom" per se, as he needed no sleep. He did, however, teach himself how to meditate into a sleep-like state. Which would explain why each of his rooms were furnished with big, comfy sofa-chairs instead of beds.

Valkyrie went off to check the rooms on the left side of the top floor, leaving Skulduggery to check the rooms which held his own personal belongings.

Skulduggery busted through the closed door and a loud, piercing scream sounded from the furthest corner of the room. Instinctively, he fired, shots not intended to kill. But to wound. Severely. Wounds that might lead to death eventually, but Skulduggery could only hope.

Valkyrie appeared behind him a few seconds later, hands full of fire.

The screaming coming from the figure crouched in the corner of the room didn't stop until Valkyrie vanished her fire and Skulduggery lowered his gun. Moonlight from the window behind Valkyrie streamed in, illuminating the room with a silvery, dull light as the figure moved to stand. His hair was a dark black colour with purple hues streaking through, frantic green eyes looked between them both in fear. But none of that was noteworthy in contrast to his skin. His skin phased between different hues of colour, from red to blue to green to yellow until it seemingly settled on a deep shade of brown.

"Hello, Lucas." Skulduggery greeted, giving a little wave with his gun.

The man screeched in reply.

"Wait, you know him?" Valkyrie turned to Skulduggery, confusion on her face.

"Definitely not."

Lucas shrieked again.

"Can he speak?" Valkyrie asked, irritated with the noise.

"I can speak!" Lucas squealed, skin turning a light shade of red.

"Ah."

"What are you doing here, Lucas." Skulduggery asked and gestured around him with his gun.

"Looking."

"For what?"

"For what you stole."

Skulduggery remained silent for a moment before replying.

"I didn't steal anything."

"Yes, you did."

"I... borrowed it for a while..."

"Stole."

"I surprise borrowed it."

Lucas went back to screeching in frustration. Valkyrie wished Skulduggery had actually shot him.

"He needs to work on his social skills." Valkyrie murmured to Skulduggery underneath the screeching. Skulduggery nodded in agreement.

"You thieving bastard!" Lucas shouted as he suddenly leapt at Skulduggery, his skin turning to a violent, vibrant shade of violet in the process.

"Well, that's just rude." Skulduggery childishly responded, skilfully dodging the attack.

Valkyrie, on the other hand, wasn't quick enough to counteract him. She felt the slam of Lucas' body into hers and she stumbled backward, unable to keep her balance with his added force. She burned with the colour of his skin, violent pain swam through her veins, lighting up her nerve endings with intense agony. She barely even registered herself falling until she hit the grass with a heavy thud, broken pieces of glass from the window above showering her, Ghastly's clothing protecting her from most of the sharp pieces.

It took a minute of complete stillness for the intrusive pain from Lucas' magic to subside, when it did, Valkyrie could still feel the faint flicker of its effect under her skin, but she didn't have much time to sit around. She concentrated on her magic instead, blocking out the burning still making its way through her system. Eyes closed, fingers flexing as she manipulated the air to shoot herself up through the now broken window, back to the fight.

Skulduggery was on his knees, Lucas' hair in his bony grip as he brought his face down to slam on the floor. Blood sprayed out of his nose, staining the carpet as Skulduggery was muttering something about how much of a pain it'll be to get the blood out. He didn't notice Valkyrie as she hurled through the window, stand upright, promptly take her booted foot and slam it onto the back of Lucas' head, getting Skulduggery's fingers in the process.

Violence is fun, she thought, especially when it's done to people who push other people out windows. Skulduggery grunted and withdrew his hand in unexpected pain.

Lucas turned a ghostly shade of sickly white and passed out, lying limply on the floor, blood leaked from his possibly broken nose.

"What in the buggery?" Skulduggery looked up at Valkyrie. "My poor fingers! What did they ever do to you?"

"They let me get pushed out a window." Valkyrie glared, watching as Skulduggery got on his feet, nursing his hand in an overdramatic manner.

"You should have moved, plus I was pre-occupied with trying to not fall out the window."

"You should have caught me." Valkyrie huffed.

"If I had eyes right now, I'd be rolling them."

"Like this?" Valkyrie rolled her eyes expertly, smug to one-up him.

"Yes, like that. Except I'd be better at it."

Valkyrie snorts.

"Who's this guy?" She asked as she kicked Lucas with the tip of her boot.

"His name is Lucas Hendrick and that's all you need to know."

"What did you steal from him?"

"I just said that's all you need to know."

"Skulduggery."

He hesitated.

"I believe I said I surprise borrowed it."

"What did you do?" Valkyrie demanded.

"I might have taken something extremely important to the Hendrick clan."

"Which was?"

"I took a very important thing when they were busy attempting to destroy the world in the 1800's."

"I swear to GOD Skulduggery, so help me."

"I surprise borrowed a locket."

"A locket?" Valkyrie deadpanned. "What are you, a common thief?"

"It's engraved with unique magic, every generation in their family, up to the time I got my hands on it, took turns updating the engraving with their individual magic signature, after they experienced their respective surges. It's had centuries of raw magic poured into it. It's highly powerful. And dangerous."

"Oh."

"Yes. Highly magical artefact plus evil clan in the pursuit of world destruction equals disaster."

"So, what does it do exactly?"

"Haven't the foggiest."

"Skulduggery." Valkyrie warned, irritated.

Lucas stirred in his unconsciousness; his skin turned to a faint shade of pastel blue. His eyes snapped open and he inhaled sharply, like he'd been trapped underwater for several long, painful hours. His mouth opened to say something, but Valkyrie expertly kicked him in the face before he had the chance. There was a very specific thrill, she thought, of boot meeting face. He laid there, uselessly, a lifeless white once again.

"Good reflexes" Skulduggery complimented.

"I learned from the best."

"Thanks."

"I was talking about Tanith."

"Ah."

"So, what are we going to do with Lucas?"

"Kill him, probably."

Valkyrie gave Skulduggery a pointed look and Skulduggery shrugged in response.

"Okay, maybe not kill him, kill him. But we could shove him in 'the basement'?"

"Sounds like a plan to me. I got his legs."

"You always get the legs." Skulduggery grumbled but moved to pick up Lucas by his ankles anyway.