Second installment! Because Shinra is just that screwy.

51. You are not allowed to know who writes up these lists.

52. You are allowed to bring coffee to work. However, under no circumstances are you allowed to share/give/sell it to anyone else, nor bring it for them, no matter how much they ask/bribe/threaten you. Shinra is not a coffee shop.

53. Do not snip off locks of the Firsts' hair or collect their feathers as souvenirs (see Rule # 30).

54. Do not draw mustaches on JENOVA's containtment tank.

55. Commander Rhapsodos is not Gackt's long-lost twin. Or Gackt himself in disguise.

56. Amazingly, the Vice President has a job. He is not the spoiled rich boy you all seem to think he is and he is certainly not wasting everyone's time playing computer games in his office all day.

57. Yes, Hojo is a mad scientist, but he is very unlikely to snatch sleeping cadets from their beds in the dark of night and whisk them away to the labs to perform horrible experiments on them, so please stop telling them so. We know someone is telling them, and whoever you are, we will find you out.

58. If you are caught commiting a violent crime while not on company business, you may not use your job as an excuse to get out of trouble with the police. While on company business, you may not commit any violent crimes unless your orders explicitly give you the privilege.

59. Do not take death threats or murder attempts personally. It's part of the job.

60. Please stop deliberately and violently mangling the Head of Public Safety's name. It is pronounced... never mind. (Note to Registration: how is his name spelt?)

61. Only one doughnut apiece at board meetings/conferences/etc. A sugar high for the rest of the day will be the least of your problems.

62. Unless you are a SOLDIER or a Turk, do not chase, attack, or attempt to capture any escaped lab specimens. The company does not have a sufficiently flexible budget to cover unnecessary funeral expenses, which are unfortunately covered by the insurance.

63. If you have knowledge of AVALANCHE's doings, you are required to report it to the Turks immediately. Failure to do so will result in your being branded a member of AVALANCHE and subsequent execution.

64. There are only so many times you can call Commander Rhapsodos a warrior poet before he begins to suspect shallow flattery.

65. If you do not like the cafeteria food, do not purchase it. Do not make us repeat this.

66. Do not engage SOLDIERS in conversation, sparring, or anything else immediately after their Mako shots, as they tend to be quite groggy and disoriented. They will either vomit all over you or mistake you for a mutant Tonberry or an AVALANCHE agent and slaughter you where you stand.

67. In reference to Rule # 40, there is no hidden Turks' supply of coffee. You heard nothing. You know nothing. This is not the coffee you are looking for.

68. If you have blue eyes, do not be alarmed if you are routinely taken to the labs to be tested for unauthorized Mako exposure. One cannot be too careful.

69. Yes, the Space Program is a huge joke. It is no secret.

70. Do not ask why they are called Buster Swords. No, they are not named after the dog you had in the fourth grade.

71. Before you attempt to flirt with the secretaries, remember: they have guns in their drawers.

72. Be extremely careful of what you say within the hearing of the Head of Weapons Development. You never know what obscure phrase she will latch onto and take off with as inspiration.

73. Yelling 'for honor' on the parade ground will not impress Commander Hewley, even if you are sincere.

74. If you are a Turk recruit, be aware that you may not change your codename after you have chosen it. Make your decision seriously.

75. The words 'let's mosey' are forbidden.

76. Do not ask what Hojo's first name is. Many braver and smarter than you have tried and failed miserably.

77. Hangovers from last night's parties do not qualify you for handicapped parking spaces.

78. No, the Vice President did not add Rule #56 to this list.

79. SOLDIERS, troopers, cadets, and other assorted combat personnel are not allowed to emulate the General and attempt to grow their hair as long as his. Perhaps when (and if) you become a First Class Soldier you may do as you wish with your hair, but for now you are required to follow the dress code.

80. Unless you are a Turk. Turks may do as they like with their hair.

81. Or maybe that's just Reno.

82. In response to all the angry scorned women calling the Director of SOLDIER a misogynist for upholding our policy of prohibiting women from the SOLDIER program, three words: Mako-enhanced PMS.

83. Before making fun of the accents of employees from the Midgar slums, remember: they are from the Midgar slums. You have no idea what they teach people down there.

84. Scientists and their assistants are required to obtain written permission the President or Vice President before recruiting volunteers for their experiments. Hojo's permission does not count.

85. 'Pants-Free Friday' is not an official company holiday.

86. When filling out AAR forms, you are required to fill out the 'Lessons Learned' section. You'd better have learned something.

87. 'Your mom' jokes are absolutely forbidden, particularly in the General's hearing range, which is larger than you think.

88. To be on the safe side, avoid using the word 'mother' at all in any context in the General's hearing range.

89. If you are a male employee, particularly in the infantry or SOLDIER, be aware that if you happen to catch the Head of Weapons Development's eye, she may order you down to her office or the conference room to be her footstool. Don't complain and keep your spine straight and she may not dig her heels into your back.

90. SOLDIER is not an acronym for Stoned On Lifestream Dudes In Eternal Rage. It is not an acronym at all.

91. Do not ask why Commander Rhapsodos's blade is named Rapier when it is not, in fact, a rapier. The man may do as he pleases with his own belongings.

92. Never, ever say "oops".

93. READ THE FINE PRINT.

94. Stop distracting the secretaries with cute blond troopers so you can steal pens/hack into their computers/raid their brownie stash/sabatoge the printers/etc.

95. Mr. Fair does not have fleas, nor does he sleep in a kennel. Please stop circulating rumors. (Related: see Rule # 29.)

96. The mutant panther that occasionally prowls through the hallways is the Vice President's pet, not an escaped lab specimen. Show no signs of fear and it will (probably) not attack you.

97. For your own sake, do not attempt to blackmail Reno into anything. The man has no shame. It WILL NOT WORK.

98. For the love of JENOVA, whoever keeps 'accidentally' summoning Bahamut Sin over the parade ground had better abandon their sick hobby right here and now before the entirety of SOLDIER First Class is mobilised to search every bunk, locker, office, etc. for summoning materia.

99. You should not have personal stores of any kind of materia anyway.

100. Whatever happens in Shinra, stays in Shinra.