The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!

From the director whose list of accomplishments is so short that he doesn't even have a filmography page on Wikipedia, comes the sequel to a film adaptation of a Broadway musical that didn't have a sequel

Mamma Mia! Here we go again!

Sophie and the gang are back, and they are ready to party like it's 2008. Except for Donna, who croaked between films in order to create some halfassed drama, because killing off Meryl Streep is much easier than taking the time and effort to create an organic plot that would contribute something fresh and original to the story.

But don't worry, we won't be staying in the present for long, cause Mamma Mia II is actually part prequel, so buckle up as the plot zips back and forth between the past and the present like Doctor Who on crack.

Enter the life of a young Donna, who, having graduated from one of the most prestigious schools on earth, decides to throw it all away and travel the world. Huh, sounds eerily similar to a another shitty life choice from the first movie…

Follow along as this uninhibited party girl flits from boy toy to boy toy, living life to the fullest on her own terms… after which she ends up alone and pregnant on some godforsaken island off godforsaken Greece. Huzzah for promiscuity and irresponsibility!

Meanwhile, back in the present, Sophie must fight against the forces of nature and emotional depression to reopen her mother's hotel, in an edge of your seat drama the likes of which you haven't seen since Eduardo sued Mark in The Social Network.

If you were concerned that the movie would fail to learn from the mistakes of the original, then feel the satisfaction of having your worries completely justified, cause Brosnan's still singing, ABBAs still rolling, and Sky is still boring; but at least they finally acknowledged that Greece is an economic dump.

So dig out your wallets, hand over that sweet, sweet money, and prepare for a film that shamelessly capitalizes on your nostalgia to make a quick buck, and shows absolutely no remorse for doing so. Oh Mamma Mia II, Disney must be so proud.

Starring:

The Ghost Of Mamma Mia Past- Donna

Architect 007- Sam

The Swedish Viking- Bill

Grandma Cher- Rudy

Old Ass Don Juan- Fernando

Mamma Mia: Jesus, Not Again!

And for your viewing pleasure, a secret sneak peek of the pitch meeting for Mamma Mia 3!

Universal Pictures Executive: "So let me get this straight, you want to make a sequel for Mamma Mia II?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "A sequel to a sequel of a movie adaptation of a Broadway musical that had no sequel?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "And the plot is that the Greek Mafia come to the island and try to take over the hotel?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "And they kidnap Sophie's son?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "And Sophie must rely on a very particular set of skills in order to save him?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "Skills that she has acquired over a very long career?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "Skills that make her a nightmare for people like them?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "And she will look for them, and she will find them, and she will kill them?"

Michael Bay: "Yes."

Universal Pictures Executive: "What's the title?"

Michael Bay: "Mamma Mia Chapter 3: Parabellum."

Universal Pictures Executive: "I'm sold."