I do not own the Naruto franchise. Naruto is trademarked by Masashi Kishimoto – who is generous enough to allow myself and other fanfiction authors to play with his creations and concepts. Thank you, Kishimoto.

The concept of this piece is some odd combination of my experience with the military as well as the Naruto canonical universe. I took major liberties with character backgrounds, basic logistics of the universe, as well as past and present timelines. You will notice major canon divergences straight away. I have special place in my heart for Sakura Haruno (who will be the POV of this fic) and the women in this universe.

If any of the above statements bother you, feel free to click away.

Also, here's a quick shout out to a comic that inspires a very specific line. You'll recognize it, I hope: /rhymewithrachel/status/752987175172599808

SOUP SANDWICH: SHAVETAIL PT.1

The Shinobi Academy was no longer what it used to be.

Gone were the days of rapid graduation by prodigal students.

Gone were the days of clan influence creating inconsistent levels of skill and general know-how in the genin-corps and larger shinobi-corps.

Following a decree from the Third Hokage, the Academy became the fine-tuned, military institution it, arguably, should have always been. Recruits were housed in provided barracks, their appearances standardized while their education and well-being were closely monitored. Recruits had equal access to warm food, mental and physical health resources, and a wealth of knowledge about the world around them.

Civilian and classless shinobi referred to it as the great equalizer. Those from clans called it unnecessarily regimented.

Sakura Haruno would concede that sure, it wasn't perfect – but, the Academy's results were far better than what they used to be. She would point to the statistics detailing lower casualty rates and an increased likelihood of career advancement for graduates of the past five years. The results, she would argue, showed the effectiveness of the new Academy against that of the past.

Sakura would also concede the new Academy was tougher on its recruits. Its graduation rates were lower for recruits from all sectors of the village. The Academy was lovingly referred to as 'four years of hell' by some due to the intensity of its coursework, physical training, and sense of competition between recruits and their units.

This did nothing to sway Sakura's decision to enroll, however.

She wanted the intensity, she wanted the physical training, she wanted to be the strongest in her class. In the Civilian Academy, she consistently placed first in her class (though she had the sneaking suspicion that the Nara in her class was too lazy to be bothered with studying, or trying in general). After class, she would practice katas, improve her throwing aim, and learn to control her chakra. Sure, she didn't make a lot of friends, but she was determined to be as prepared for the Shinobi Academy as she could. After all, this was her future she was preparing for – and how many kids would make it through the Academy at the end of the day?

So, on the morning after her graduation from the Civilian Academy, Sakura Haruno walked through the doors of the closest Shinobi Corps Entrance Processing Station with all the confidence she could muster. This Shinobi Corps Entrance Procession Stations, SCEPS, was connected to the only pediatrician's office in the civilian sector. It looked harsh next to the tall, wooden civilian buildings with its dull, concrete walls and metal doors.

A harsh building for a harsh career, Sakura's mother told her.

The inside of the SCEPS seemed as spartan as its outside. Simple, wooden benches lined the floors, metal doors with no windows signified the examination rooms, and a small desk with a secretary was placed to her right. There were only five kids in the room. Two of which were flush against the back wall, a girl with blonde hair fawning over… Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha.

Sakura knew Sasuke Uchiha from the Civilian Academy. He placed second in their class and had a glare that could level a building. Sakura never understood her classmates' obsession with the Uchiha – he was a bit unsettling. She heard about the Uchiha Massacre, who hadn't? More importantly, she heard of the insanity that seemed to plague the Uchiha clan. So, she kept her distance. She figured a flight risk like him wouldn't make it through the Academy.

Sakura shook herself from her thoughts and walked to the front desk. The shinobi hardly spared her a glance, "Name and I.D.?"

She handed her village I.D. over to the man, "Haruno Sakura."

The shinobi sniffed and noted something down, "you are patient 33. A physician will call your number and conduct your examination. Any questions?"

Sakura shook her head and the shinobi handed back her I.D., "please take a seat."

She slipped her I.D. into the pocket of her gym shorts and turned to find a seat, huffing at the blatant disregard of the shinobi. The other three kids waiting for their examinations looked like average civilians. They looked about the right age to be in her class but she couldn't think of their names. She glanced at the back of the room and caught the Uchiha's gaze. His eyes were hard but… they didn't look particularly crazy; if anything, the kid seemed annoyed. Sakura shook herself, sat on a bench close to the wall on her left, and told herself not to get involved.

Sakura didn't think of herself as particularly unfriendly or antisocial. Her reluctance to become friends with the kids in her class at the Civilian Academy stemmed from a place of insecurity – not that she would ever admit it, but she didn't want to be looped into the same category as the other civilians playing shinobi. She didn't want to use either Academy as a social event like the other civilians she knew. If she had taken that a bit too far, well, she at least had the time she would spend at the Shinobi Academy to form bonds with the other kids.

"Patient 29."

One of the unmemorable kids stood up with a huff just as the front door slammed open, revealing a boy with yellow hair and ratty clothes. Sakura squinted at the kid as he went to the front desk, trying to recall his name.

Narto? Boruto?

She noted the two civilian kids edged away from the blond boy, their faces twisted as if they smelt something awful. Out of pure curiosity, Sakura took a sniff in his direction. She didn't smell anything but the waiting room's musty scent. The boy slunk over to a bench near hers and sat with a thump. He didn't send a single look in her direction.

She remembered that the kid liked to pull pranks, particularly clever pranks – such as the time the kid smeared itching powder on all the chalk in their classroom, leading their instructor to excuse them early in lieu of heading to the nurse's office. He was never caught.

The kid was clever, a trouble maker, but a clever trouble maker. Sakura could see the practical implications of the kid's pranks – an affinity for traps or subterfuge.

She hadn't been particularly social during her time at the Civilian Academy and maybe, just maybe, she ought to try to be social.

Sakura stood up and made her way to the kid's bench. She could feel the Uchiha's eyes follow her. With a huff, Sakura sat down and extended her hand to the kid, "hi, I'm Haruno Sakura, I forget your name."

The kid looked at her as if she had three heads but moved to shake her hand nonetheless, "I'm Uzumaki Naruto."

"Naruto," Sakura tested the name to feel how it felt and sent the kid a grin, "I always enjoyed your pranks, thought they were clever."

"Really?" Naruto grinned back at her but his eyes were wide.

"Yep, my favorite was the itching powder on the chalk."

"Aah, that had to be one of my more difficult – "

Naruto paused mid-sentence and send her a wary look, "how did you know it was me."

Sakura snorted and knocked her shoulder against his, "you're the only kid in our class who could pull off a prank of that caliber."

She watched as the kid was torn between puffing up a bit at her compliment and feeling nervous. His pride won out in the end.

"Heh, I guess."

"Patient 30."

The Uchiha stood and made his way to one of the exam rooms, she felt his gaze on her back but Naruto didn't seem to notice. When he passed through the metal doorway and the physician shut the door behind them, Sakura leaned over and told Naruto in a hushed voice, "I bet he'll look like dirty cotton swab with his hair sheared off."

Naruto let out a barking laugh before leaning over, "I'll have my hair shaved, too."

"Yeah, but you won't look like you've sniffed dog shit."

The two broke into giggles and, distantly, Sakura swore that she heard a sneeze coming from the Uchiha's examination room.

"Are you aiming to join tactical when you graduate?"

Naruto looked at Sakura as if she had done something extraordinary, "what?"

"I mean, your pranks were really clever. I can see you specializing in traps or subterfuge after you make chūnin."

"You think I'd make chūnin?"

Sakura snorted, "well, of course. You've pulled pranks over trained shinobi – I bet that you'll advance quickly."

She furrowed her brows and thought on what the kid could accomplish, "if you do well enough on your written and physical exams. You know, I've been learning some of the Academy kata for the past couple weeks – from some scrolls from the library and from watching some students."

Naruto look struck, "I didn't think of that – of doing that."

"I can help you at the Academy if you want like – if you want to hang out."

Sakura felt her ears turn red but couldn't find it in her to feel embarrassed, Naruto was lighting up as if she had gifted him gold.

"You'd do that?"

"Well, yeah, we can be friends and all and – and you can teach me how to prank or something!"

She didn't know when she became so awkward… maybe she had become antisocial at the Civilian Academy.

"Yeah! That sounds awesome Sakura-chan!"

Sakura let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and smiled widely, he had added an honorific to her name.

An examination door opened and the civilian kid who went in earlier walked out with a sheared head and a duffel bag in his arms. Sakura turned to look at the kid and her eyes caught with the blonde girl who fawned over the Uchiha earlier. She looked… relieved, almost, that she was alone. Sakura smiled politely at the blonde who smiled back, "Sakura-chan, do you know her?"

The blonde stood and dusted off her lap.

"I don't, do you?"

"No, wasn't she in our class?"

The blonde made her way over to them and Sakura noticed, for the first time, that the girl had long hair. It seemed like a stupid thing to notice but the girl's hair seriously went down to her hip.

Didn't that have to be super heavy?

The girl sat on the bench besides them and got comfortable before introducing herself, "I'm Yamanaka Ino. I know you, Sakura – but I don't quite remember your name."

She pointed a manicured, manicured, finger at Naruto.

"Oh, uh, I'm Uzumaki Nar – "

Ino jumped to attention, "Naruto!"

Naruto gave the girl a confused look, "uh, yeah – "

"I knew it – I mean, I just wasn't one hundred percent sure that was your name."

Ino looked content and waved her hand, "anyways, I think this medical exam is making people nervous."

Sakura huffed, a bit annoyed at how the girl interrupted Naruto, but stayed quiet when Naruto gave an inquiring noise.

"Well, I asked Sasuke-kun how he slept last night and he told me that he never sleeps, he only dreams."

She choked and Naruto let out a disbelieving laugh. The two stared at Ino until they dissolved into giggles and Ino looked happy that she had made them laugh.

"Are you two nervous for the Academy?"

Sakura hummed, "not really, I've been preparing pretty hard."

"I'm not! I'm going to give it my all."

Sakura knocked her shoulders against Naruto, smiling wide, "Naruto-kun here is going to teach me how to prank."

She felt happiness radiate from Naruto and noticed that Ino looked deep in thought, "well, I've got a pretty good grasp on throwing and aiming stuff. I could help you two out during down time."

Sakura's wide smile shifted into something a bit shyer, "That'd be awesome, Yamanaka-san."

"Please, its Ino-chan to you, Pinkie-chan."

Sakura flushed and Naruto let out a laugh. She shoved his shoulder and he shoved right back, grinning wildly.

"Patient 31."

Ino stood and stretched, "well, that's me! Hey, we all should walk to the Academy tomorrow morning."

Sakura hummed and looked thoughtful, "well, we can meet by Kaito's café and get some coffee?"

Sakura loved coffee, she loved the smell and the flavor and – well – pretty much everything else about it.

"I have to have breakfast with my parents, but I can meet you when you're done?

"Sure – "

"Then it sounds like a plan, Pinkie-chan! I'll see you two tomorrow."

Ino turned to make her way to the physician just as the Uchiha walked out of the neighboring examination room. Her face twisted at his newly shaved head and Naruto choked.

Well, Sakura thought, he really does look like a dirty cotton swab.

She patted Naruto's head distractedly, "I'll pay my respects to your hair, now."

Naruto shoved her off the bench as she broke down in giggles.