A/N: This is short, and I'm sorry.

*hides in a corner*

THOUGHT I WAS DEAD, DID YOU?! WRONG YOU WOULD BE!

Could we hold off on the flames and trolls? Just this once? Please?

EDIT: This chapter's deliberately a humor-filled one; if only to help folks smile in these dark times.

Before anyone asks, there's a REASON Scathach wasn't quite so keen as to see Naruto as her student last chapter. Everybody she trained? They died.

Of course, that's changed now that she's realized just how stubborn he is.

While I'm...not the happiest person due to life at the moment. I've found myself with the time and strength to update again. Putting aside some veeeeery persistent trolls, I'm back to updating at a consistent and regular pace once more. Updates will be every TWO DAYS from now on, with the odd surprise here and there. A day just isn't enough time to write without causing a story to suffer in its own way, and I don't want that.

Shirou is...slightly less of a prick in this story thanks to Naruto.

Scathach is best girl in this story...and thanks to our boy? Pretty damn strong.

Remember, Naruto's still wearing that red turtleneck and a pair of worn blue jeans. His casual attire hasn't changed. You haven't seen his combat attire yet. If it isn't obvious yet, this Grail War has gone screwy. This chapter? Makes that abundantly clear. Now, then! Come one! Come all!

LETS MEET THE REST OF THE RED FACTION! ALL OF 'EM!

Bit of tongue in cheek here, if it ain't obvious.

Do I regret being cheeky? Nope. Not a bit.

"You are, quite possibly, the most manipulative bastard I've ever met. What's the point of this ruse? Is everything a game to you?"

"Not really, no. But everyone underestimates a fool. And I am very, VERY good at playing the fool. That aside...

"Well? Carry on, then. You have my undivided attention. And Archer's, apparently.

"Fair enough. I wanna make Shirou squirm a bit."

"Well said. Allow me. I've just the thing."

~Lancer, Watcher, and Archer.

A Most Unlikely Faction (Interlude)

How had it come to this?

On a certain level, Shirou Amakusa Tokisada knew someone was screwing with him. He wasn't sure what, or even who, but he knew something, be it a man, a being, or just Fate itself, was actively working to ruin all that he had worked to build in the last few years him. Nothing made sense any more. He'd woken this morning and begun his preparations, ready to enact his grand plan. Semiramis would enthrall the Masters of Red and all of their Servants, thereby leaving them to do his bidding. He knew all their identities, save for Lancer. Not that it mattered. Those of the Black Faction would be eradicated and the world would know peace through his wish.

All told, it was a good plan, a simple plan, his plan.

Said plan blew up in his face the moment Naruto and his Servant sauntered into the church and started drinking.

"Shirou~!" the former called, his whiskered cheeks flushed as he raised a flagon at him, "We're *hic* home! Feels like months, but is only been a day! Diddya miss us?" he laughed, even as the priest balked at them. "This is Scathach, by the way." a sweeping sleeve gestured grandly to his companion as the latter scowled over his shoulder at the priest. "She's a Lancer too-OW!"

Said lancer swatted him on the back of the head.

"What was that for?!"

Shirou never heard her response, he was far too busy panicking. Scathach.

Amakusa was many things, but a fool was not one of them; after all, he'd been a Servant before his incarnation and a small part of his mind still retained pieces of the information supplied him by the Throne. Even if Naruto hadn't flung her name in his face, he would have recognized her. This woman was a candidate for the Grand Lancer, one of the most peerless killers in all of existence. It shouldn't be possible. She shouldn't be here. How in blazes had he summoned her? The spear? Of course it was the spear. How had he failed to make the connection?!

Worse, the woman was watching him. Even as she argued with her Master, she positioned her body between the two of them. Clever girl.

"I don't suppose you can kill her?" He asked in a mental aside to Semiramis. "Ambush her, perhaps?"

"Oh, you do amuse me sometimes." Incredulous laughter answered immediately and Assassin notably refused to materialize. "Kill her? That...thing? You must be joking. I'd be hard-pressed to do so even with my Hanging Gardens. Now? I wouldn't stand a chance. You'd have a better chance going for her master. Keep your guard up."

Absolutely not. With that spear? He'd be butchered.

Naruto caught him staring and waved happily. Scathach yanked his ear for it and Shirou favored them both with a smile that felt just as false as his dreams while they began to bicker again. Was the blond buffoon playing the fool again or was he actually soused? Shirou couldn't be sure. His old ally was too unpredictable. Could he even be called an ally? No. He had to be faking this. It was all a ruse. Well! He wouldn't fall for it! No sir! They would need more than this to make him lower his guard-

"Ho, there!" A deep, resonant voice cried. "Started without me, have you?! I brought a friend!

But when Archer of Red ducked into the church after them, a flagon of his own clenched in a giant hand?

Shirou's jaw clicked open at the sight of Heracles. Was this a sick joke of some kind? "What the actual hell is going on here?"

"We've come to drink, of course!" another Servant's head peeked over the brute's shoulder; a slight slip of a girl beside him wearing an eyepatch.

Events snowballed rapidly after that.

"Heeeeeeey! Archer~! Saber~! Over here! You're just in time for the party~!" Right, that settled it. Naruto was either soused out of his mind or a very good actor to stumble around in such a manner without bumbling into anything. Likely the latter. Shirou refused to believe that the whiskered warrior would simply stumble onto other Servants like this. So what the devil was he planning? A small voice in the back of his head shrieked at him, telling him to stop this, to head things off before things got out of controll, to prevent singular disaster that he saw unfolding before it was too late. Could Servants get drunk? He wasn't willing to find out.

To his credit, the betrayer at least made some modicum of effort. "Look, I don't think this is wise. Surely its too early to drink?"

"Oho?!" a new voice cried over him. "Are we drinking this early?! I want some!"

A pale pair of blurs sent him spinning again. "I shall partake as well~!"

Of course Berserker of Red chose that moment to materialize and make her grand entrance, as he'd inevitably known she'd would. Caster was only a heartbeat behind. Bloody Oni. He still didn't know which Master of Red managed to summon Ibraraki and Shuten Douji two; had he known, he would've throttled them. Well at least he still had Semiramis...or not. Why was she over there?! How was she already drunk?!

The poisoner hiccuped softly and raised her dish as she sagged against Scathach. "To excellent drinks, then!"

"You know what?" his right eye twitched. "I give up. Knock yourselves out, if you can."

A large arm closed around his shoulders. "And were do you think you're going?"

Heracles pressed a flagon to his lips and made him drink.

"Don't be like that, priest! Come! Join us!"

Shirou had a bad time.

A/N: Hehehehehe~!

Shirou defeated by alcohol. Haven't seen that before, have you? CAN Servants get drunk, I wonder? They can in this universe!

Naruto is VERY good at playing the fool, isn't he? So lets clarify in case anyone's asking, because I KNOW someone will bring this up sooner or later here. Its is HEAVILY implied that most of the Red Servants are drinking because they KNOW Naruto...or at least an incarnation of him from a different grail war. At this point the Throne's all but given up trying to erase memories. I've said that my Most Unlikely series is interconnected, so it felt necessary to further reinforce that here.

With the exception of Rider, but he's...a little unique.

Still working on A Most Unlikely Berserker -ten thousand words!- but I felt I owed you all an update today.

Sorry about it being short; this was just a little something to make folks smile, set the scene, and get us back into the swing of things. Now then, I've got a lot of updates to work on here, so I'll not keep you. Hope you enjoyed the nice warm little reintroduction to this story. Sorry for vanishing off the face of the earth like that.

So here we are. A list of the Red Servants!

Archer of Red = Heracles.

Lancer of Red = Scathach.

Assassin of Red = Semiramis.

Saber of Red = Miyamoto Musashi.

Berserker of Red = Ibaraki Douji.

Rider of Red = Ivan the Terrible. For the Lostbelt~!

Caster of Red = Shuten Douji Yes. That's actually a thing. Look it up.

Rest assured, you'll get to see the Black Faction fight next chapter...and they've got some right monsters on their side.

I don't have it in me to ask for reviews.

No previews. I don't have the heart for them.

I'm sorry, but that's the long and short of things now.

I'll see you guys and gals later, I guess. Maybe. I don't know.

Have a nice day/evening, wherever you are, and may your life be brighter than mine.

...fine just one preview.

(Preview)

...I didn't think it was possible for you to play the part of a drunken lout so well."

Naruto preened.

"Can I have my bed back, then?"

Scathach smiled. It was all teeth. "If you can beat me."

Yeah...that probably wasn't going to happen. She was too scary.

...nah." he said in the end. "But why do you need a bed anyway? I thought Servants didn't sleep?"

"Can I not indulge myself?"

~Nz.