This is my first Shaman King fic (actually second, but I threw the first one out three paragraphs into the story.)  I wanted to originally to a Yoh/Anna ('cause I love that pairing!), but I couldn't make it work and still preserve their characters.  So now it's an Anna soliloquy on Yoh that turned out mostly angst with a little fluff and tongue-in-cheek. 

Disclaimer: Yep, Shaman King's mine.  And Chocolove can tell hilarious jokes.  And the Iron Maiden is a normal teenage ditz.  Uh-huh…give me a break.

Between Us

            He doesn't love me.

            I suppose I'll have to learn to accept that; why did I expect it anyway?  I don't think I love him, either.

            It doesn't makes sense for us to "fall in love," whatever that means.  We're in junior high school, and life demands our all between the shaman fights and academic work.  We don't have time for that foolishness; it isn't at all practical.

            Well, I don't have time for it.  Yoh might, but that's irrelevant.  Just because his favorite pastimes are lying around and listening to music doesn't mean that he'd want to bother with me.  Just because we've been betrothed for practically as long as I can remember doesn't mean he loves me.  And it doesn't mean that I love him.  Okay?

            I don't really spend much time with him.  He has his friends, both human and ghost.  He has his CDs, his homework, and his chores (not to mention all the training.)  Just because we live together doesn't mean there's love.

            Actually, there isn't much of anything at all.  He tolerates me well enough, I think, and maybe he's a little afraid of me, but that's it.  As for me, I think he's all right and in need of more training, but no more.  To each other, we are simply there.  No matter what the rumors around school claim about us, it doesn't matter.  We're indifferent.

            Love, after all, is senseless.  I've seen a few examples, and the way the couples turn to absolute mush makes me retch.  Being in love seems to mean that all skills of observation and deduction go flying out the window without a parachute: something a good shaman simply cannot afford.  Yoh and I are, undeniably, excellent shamans.  (Don't tell him I said so.  As long as he believes he's less than adequate, I can force more training on him.)

            And Yoh?  What's his opinion?  Well, I don't believe he's even thought about our upcoming marriage yet.  The whole thing's a lot like his term papers: he knows it's coming, knows he ought to face it, but he procrastinates.  There's always more time; it hasn't come yet; I really don't want to think about it; not now.  I hear that from him again and again, though he never says it out loud.  He's too young and concerned with being himself to worry about sharing the rest of his life with me.  I'm little more than a term paper to him.

            Actually, I'm a bit disappointed in him.  He's the closest thing I have to a family right now, and I was hoping that maybe once he hit adolescence he'd actually care about what I thought and felt.  Don't get me wrong; I'm categorically not the sappy type, but I think every human's a little romantic deep down inside.  Most of all, really, I want acceptance. 

            I suppose I just want to mean something to him, especially if we're going to be husband and wife someday.  Maybe that's why I push him so hard to train.  I know that too much work will wear him out, but being somewhat of a personal trainer and coach makes me feel as if I might be significant in his life.  Perhaps I'm not a fully favorable factor, but at least I have some effect. 

            Yet he doesn't even talk to me.  The most I hear from his is the occasional meek, "Yes, Anna."  If anything, I do all the talking as I repeatedly order him to train.  After all, the last thing I want is for him to get killed in a shaman fight.  Sometimes I almost wish he would talk back…  Of course, I slapped him good and hard last time he did.  I was sorry after, but it would have defeated the purpose of his training to apologize.  

            He's not really what I wanted in a spouse, either.  I don't want a subordinate or a slave.  I wanted a partner and equal, someone I could be proud to call my husband.  Yoh's just too passive.  It's enough to drive me insane, but he won't toughen up as much as I want him to.  Well, sure, he's become an excellent shaman fighter, but he fights too much with his heart.  A good fighter needs to be ruthless, especially with the title of Shaman King on the line.  It's strange: his attitude makes me think that maybe he's not cut out for something like this; yet, he's so talented that I can't help but believe that he's destined for greatness. 

            But when he finds his place someday, will I be left behind, blotted out by his shadow?  What if he decides to remain living quietly, cheerfully helping anyone he meets without aiming for great power?  I, after all, am the one who wants him to gain influence, not him; the final decision for his future will lie with him, not me.

            But maybe all I want is to matter in some way, whether as the wife of the Shaman King or simply as the motivation behind Asakura Yoh.  Or maybe I just want to matter to him, even if I'm sure he doesn't love me. 

            And then, would you believe it, he burst into my room yesterday, grinning like the world would never end, headphones around his neck with the music blasting loud enough for me to hear halfway across the room; and he dumped a haphazard bouquet of hand-picked (from the neighbors' window boxes) flowers, just for me.

~~~

I haven't decided whether or not to do a corresponding Yoh POV.  Feedback would be greatly appreciated.  (In other words, review!) ^_^