TWO YEARS LATER

It has been two years since Harry and his lovers had returned to the past. And things were great for the most part for Harry. And today was a wonderful day. "Sirius, I got the popcorn!" he said as he sat down in couch in front of a large mirror. "You got the butter?"

"Right here!" Sirius said as he sat down next to his godson on the couch. The large mirror was magical of course, and it worked like a DVD and VHR player in one. Whenever one of the mirrors connected to it sees something, it is transmitted and recorded in the mirror network. Several of them were spread around households of people they like to see humiliated or carried by House Elves to record memorable occasions.

"Oh, they got another one on Umbridge. Those are always golden." Harry said. Harry remembered how much he hated that woman. Of all the past recordings, hers were the most satisfying to watch. "Let's play the first clip we ever had of her back to back with the new one! To see how much of a wreck she had become."

"That's great, pup! Let it rip!" Sirius said. Harry was glad Sirius was free, and in his life. Harry had told Sirius all about the future he went back in time for to prevent. Like he predicted, Sirius was proud of him for such lengths he went to to save the world, the fact that Harry played the biggest prank on the world ever and Harry had two girlfriends. Though being an adult in a child's body didn't prevent Sirius from trying to give harry a second childhood.

They watched the very first clip they had of Umbridge. She just had the Daily Prophet delivered, she then shooed of the owl without a tip. As she unrolled her newspaper, a rabid wolverine suddenly popped out of the newspaper and started to maul her. Harry and Sirius just laughed as they saw it. After Umbridge finally got the beast of and vanished it, she went for a pantry to get some food (wizards and witches didn't do fridges, just pantries with preservation and cooling charms), only for another wolverine to pop out and repeat the process.

The clip of present day showed an even uglier (if that was possible) Umbridge. her hair wasn't combed, her cardigan was ripped and disheveled and she looked like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in ages. "Where are you hiding, you filthy wolverines...are you in my pillow?" she blasted it apart, spreading feathers anywhere. "Are you in my slippers?" she then destroyed her slippers. "You are not going to get me this time, you hear me? Not this time!" she said as she stomped the ground, activating a trap door which was not her design obviously, and then fell in, into a pit of wolverines.

The best thing was that all of these random wolverine attacks prevented Umbridge from focusing on her bigot plans, so she was effectively neutered as a political threat. Sirius and Harry were now rolling over the floor laughing. "That was great, any one about certain Death Eaters?"

"Nah, most have already fallen into our traps, aside the Malfoys and a few others whom are actually smart enough to keep their heads down." Harry noted. The Malfoys and a few others have been saving what little they had left but didn't dare to risk anything else for the moment, mostly because they wouldn't be able to buy their way out if they hadn't got caught.

"Oh well, then let's re-watch some of the previous ones." Sirius suggested. Several other Death Eaters and sympathizers had tried to steal and raid to regain their fortune, but thanks to their House-Elf network they wouldn't get a chance.

A compilation akin to Funniest Home videos played up. There was McNair whom was mysteriously sent to a Hippogriff herd through (unknown to him) House elf magic. He remembered that he had to bow to a hippogriff to show respect. To his relief the hippogriffs bowed back. "Luckily these big dumb ugly chickens are sticklers for politeness or I would be in trouble". McNair had forgotten that insulting the hippogriffs is the stupidest thing you can do to them, as he was then mauled by the herd.

Then there was Nott, one whom was as snobbish as Malfoy, and almost as rich prior to the loss of fortune. He had approached a rich muggle home to steal the riches there as suddenly, an invisible ward the House Elf had triggered activated, and he was electrified. He made some weird spastic moves while being shocked. An ignorant muggle whom had been coming by thought those dance moves looked neat and turned it into a dance craze in the Muggle world for a few years to come. A crispy fried Nott was later picked up by the DMLE. They remembered Fudge's reaction that day.

"I am sure that everything with Nott is a misunderstanding, he is an upstanding citizen and pureblood whom gives to good causes..." Fudge said.

"He is broke, sir." one of the Aurors explained to him.

"Off to Azkaban with him! No way I'll let a Death Eater run free!" Fudge said, changing his mind faster than a chameleon changing colors. He was a political animal, despite being an idiot. When he noted previous Death Eaters no longer had bribes for him, he was easy to discard them. The reason he threw his former benefactors so easily into jail is the reason Harry, Hermione and Luna hadn't done anything to him...yet. But his time would come.

The two liked these bonding moments over the misery of the dickweeds and the wankers of the wizarding world. Sirius was now his guardian as it should have been (though he had claimed his titles, Harry didn't want the world to know, and he wanted to give Sirius a chance to be a father figure after all), Dumbledore had made it difficult for them at one point.

FLASHBACK

"He must stay with the Dursleys! The blood protection is of vital importance!" Dumbledore said during the Wizengamot meeting.

"But the Dursleys treated him badly. The medical reports of St. Mungo's confirmed that. Mrs. Figg has told us how she warned you but you didn't take her warnings seriously." Amelia Bones claimed.

"I'm sure it is all a big misunderstanding, why wouldn't they love their own nephew?" Dumbledore noted.

"Lily spent days ranting on how much her sister infuriated her. She even went over the will with you so that Harry wouldn't have to go to them. What were you doing then, old man?" Sirius asked angrily.

Dumbledore had a pensive look on his face as he thought back to the past.

FLASHBACK IN A FLASHBACK (whoa, Flashbackception)

Lily Potter spoke to Dumbledore. "And I know she's just jealous of me because I am at Hogwarts and a witch while she isn't, and she tries to hit me or play cruel pranks on me every time I return."

Dumbledore pretended to listen, but in reality he was daydreaming. It was himself, dressed as a German girl frolicking through a field of woolen socks in colors so garish they make your eyes hurt. "Remind me to go to that sock sale at Hogsmeade this weekend..." he thought.

A bit forward in time. "Now, my sister cannot get custody of Harry. To make sure there are no misunderstandings I'll put in a letter that declares we switches Secret Keepers at the last second, and a document which is a binding godfather contract which will prove that Sirius couldn't have betrayed us without losing life and magic..." Lily explained.

Dumbledore sat there, still pretending to listen, but he was daydreaming again. Of Severus Snape this time. Sexy, bad boy Severus Snape. He liked his boys bad, just ask Grindelwalt. Oh yeah..."

END OF FLASHBACK IN A FLASHBACK

"Nonsense, I'd have known if they told me like that." Dumbledore said. "I am Dumbledore so I know best."

"Though the will proves that Harry should have gone to Sirius, the evidence is overwhelming, so even you can't overrule this, whom approves of Sirius Black gaining custody?" Amelia Bones asked. Most of the Wizengamot approved. After all, they wanted to rectify a mistake with the Boy-Who-Lived, and even the former Death Eaters didn't dare oppose it since they were broke.

Dumbledore sat there unmoving, but that was not because he was shocked, but because he was daydreaming again. This time it was both of Grindelwalt and Severus Snape giving him lap dances. When he snapped out of it. "He needs to remain with the Dursleys..."

"The hearing is already over!" Amelia Bones said frustrated.

END FLASHBACK

"Let's see what the Dursleys are up to." Harry said. They were not doing well since Harry was out of their custody. They had no money, no wards and without Harry there was no reason to cover their collective arse and crimes. Vernon was demoted at his company, Dudley got actual punishment from the teachers and Petunia was exposed to the bad side of gossip when it became known they had lied about their nephew. Marge Dursley had lost his kennel due to claims of animal abuse so she and Ripper now lived with her brother.

And without Harry they turned their anger towards each other. "Why I have so few gifts?" Dudley whined.

"Because we are broke, you little shit!" Vernon growled.

"Don't you dare talk about my Duddikins that way!" Petunia shot back.

"You both shut up, you are scaring Ripper." Marge said.

"I don't give a shite about your dog!" Vernon growled back. Marge tackled her brother to the ground, Ripper helping his mistress by biting Vernon's ankle, in the process knocking Dudley's plate of bacon of the table; Dudley didn't like anyone getting in the way of his food and body slammed on top of his dad and uncle, while Petunia grabbed a pan and whacked them to try and break them up.

"Oh, are those the Dursleys?" a new, female voice sounded. It was that of someone whom had just returned from work. She was a beautiful young woman with tanned skin and black hair.

"They certainly are Gwennie. Shall I rewind?" Sirius asked.

"Later, we are going to need to put everything in order for our boy's party!" Gwenog Jones said as she ruffled Harry's hair. In the old timeline, Sirius' status as a fugitive prevented them from rekindling their relationship, and Sirius didn't bring her up due to painful memories. So Harry didn't know about Sirius' past relation with Gwen until later. But he was glad his godfather also had a significant other now. That and she made a good mother figure.

"How was work, Aunti Gwen?" Harry asked.

"It was fine. Matilda is nervous, but she managed to lead the team well. I think I'll be ready to fully retire." Gwen replied. She was Beater and Captain of the Holyhead Harpies, but she decided to train a replacement and get a different job in the Department of Magical Games and Sports. They were certain they would put Ludo Bagman out of a job. "And that way, I'll have more time for my favorite man and little boy in the world."

"You know I'm technically a man in a boy's body." Harry said. With Gwen now married to Sirius she had to be kept in the loop. She had taken it quite calmly, and with a 'whatever' attitude.

"You are still biologically eleven, so I'll treat you that way. I will not let a technicality like time travel prevent a chance of playing mother hen." she said, ruffling Harry's hair again, and sporting an impish grin. Yeah, she and Sirius were made for each other all right. "Now Siri, please help me set things up, the guests arrive in two hours!"

The last few birthdays have been some of the best he ever had. He had a family and some friends to surround him with now. After Sirius and Gwen were done, Luna and Hermione were the first few to arrive with their parents as well. The Lovegoods had taken their time-travelling daughter extremely well. The Grangers didn't know that much, but they were now aware of their daughter's magical abilities much earlier. The fact she somehow had made two friends whom were magical as well which made sure Hermione wouldn't be friendless and alone anymore, just warmed their hearts. They also didn't know about the three way relationship.

Instead of the Floo, Portkeys or Apparition, they came in through a new invention; Portals. The other ways of magical travels, aside from brooms was very disorienting at times so they invented the new Portals. You pocket the magical ring, throw it out to enlarge it, and step through to your new destination. It was keyed to them so no one else could use it. That and they covered all their bases within the confines of the law.

It didn't take long for Luna and Hermione to tackle Harry in a hug. They had to avoid kissing when Hermione's parents were around. "Happy birthday Harry!" both girls said to their boy.

"I'm so glad to see you girls." Harry said. He was always glad to see them.

The Floo then sprang to life and in a few bursts of green flames, more people went through. First were Neville Longbottom and his grandmother, then it was Molly Weasley with her two youngest children, Ginny and Ron. It was time to greet their friends.

"Happy birthday Harry...I hope the gift is good enough. I didn't know what could measure up to the new wand you gave me..." Neville said.

"Coming from a friend, it will be just fine. How is the new wand doing?" Harry asked. He had vowed to keep a better relationship with Neville, whom had been a brave and valuable ally before.

"It went great, the spells I did with it worked out great. Still keeping dad's old wand as a spare, you may never know. How did you know the wand would work so well?" Neville asked.

"I just ordered a wand I thought would be attuned to your interests and personality, didn't know it would work out that well." Harry said.

He then turned to Ginny. Luna had managed to hold on to her friendship with Ginny and prevent her from going down a dark path. She still was flustered around Harry, but she tried to act more normal at least. "Hey Ginny, congrats on you being enrolled a year earlier."

"Thank you. I am glad I won't be left without friends." Ginny said. She couldn't bear being left alone in the Burrow with her siblings and Luna at Hogwarts. "The test wasn't easy but it was worth it. I don't know how Luna made it look so easy." Ginny wondered.

"It only looked easy, but the actual test wasn't that easy." Luna said. To her, with her future know-how, it was that easy but they couldn't tell Ginny that.

"That's all fine, but enough with boring school stuff, when is the cake coming?" Ron asked.

"You ate all the chocolate frogs, the ones that were supposed to be a gift to Harry by the way, how do you still have room for cake?" Ginny asked.

"I'm a growing boy. Hey Harry, let's ditch the girls and Neville and talk like best mates?" This Ron was deluded to think he had a relationship with Harry like in the old timeline. Unfortunately this Harry wasn't so starved for affection and friendship he was putting up with Ron's flaws anymore

"They are all guests and all my friends, I will not 'ditch' them, and I only put up with you because your mother insisted." Harry noted.

"Ha! Good one, mate!" Ron said. Harry wondered if Ron always has been this stupid or if the time travel had made dumb people even dumber.

"If you are really his mate, you don't mind me doing this!" Ginny said as she picked the Famous Witch and Wizard cards from Ron's pocket (from the Chocolate Frogs he ate, the ones he was supposed to give Harry). "Here Harry, my dumb brother deprived you of a sweet, but at least take the cards."

"Hey, they are mine!" Ron whined.

"The frogs were for Harry, so the Cards are also Harry's..." Ginny growled.

"But I finally had Agrippa..." Ron muttered. "Besides, Harry doesn't mind sharing, right?"

"How is it sharing something if you hogged everything from the chocolate and the cards yourself?" Harry asked. Ron had no answer as his ears went red. Ginny pulled his brother aside by one of the red ears to avoid him making a scene. Harry was glad for this new non-mentally damaged Ginny.

"So...let's party everyone!" Harry said, ignoring Ron as he was given a bollocking by his sister and mother. Despite Ron's whining and obnoxiousness, Harry still was able to enjoy the party. He got nice gifts, he was among friends and family and managed to sneak off to snog both his girlfriends a few times.

In about a month, Harry knew he and his girlfriends and friends would go to Hogwarts, and they have a lot planned to tear a new one to quite a few people like Snape or Dumbledore.

Speaking of the old man, he was at Hogwarts reviewing a few stuff for the upcoming year. "Two girls whom proved young enough to be enrolled early. Not too bad, they are only a few months too young anyways. And of course Harry. Oh dear, that boy has been spending two years with Sirius. Though the man means well, he would be encouraging some James-like behavior. The boy would not fulfill his destiny with an inflated head. The Dursleys would have kept him humble. He doesn't care what the reports said, he knew that if they tried Harry could live a happy life with the Dursleys. Who are they to say that because he was never there he shouldn't judge. He knew better and that's final. He was not immature, it was just because he is the smartest and everyone should know it.

He had vanished his meds again and replaced it with more delicious lemon drops as he made plans for the Philosopher's Stone as Minerva came in. "Professor Dumbledore, I have a few questions about...DEAR MERLIN, ALBUS!"

"Yes Minerva, something wrong?" Dumbledore said.

"You do realize you are not wearing pants...and that you have a trumpet up your...Posterior?" Minerva asked.

"I am. I wanted to try out a ritual I read about. Unfortunately my glasses need replacements because I may have misread the requirements somewhat. I also lost the book and didn't have time to double check what the right requirements were..." Albus droned.

"Never mind, please fix whatever the thing with the ritual is and I'll come back later." Minerva said. If she wasn't sure Poppy mentioning he is taking meds she would have thought the old man was of his rocker.

"Good thing she fell for it. No one has to know my secret hobby of creating musical farts!" Dumbledore said. He then stood up, put on some silencing charms and started to record his newest hit.

TO BE CONTINUED