AN: Hi guys! This is just a quick one-shot to tide you over until the new and final season of Suits begins.

The Three Times Harvey Celebrated

Harvey knew exactly why he went there. It was time to celebrate, and he didn't have a one-night stand with a stranger in mind. He wanted to talk, to connect. To recharge the batteries in a romantic sense. The whole Hardman thing threw him back a couple years, and she came to mind. If he was honest with himself, something he rarely was, it wasn't his first choice. His first choice was off-limits. But this didn't mean his second was a bad a choice. She knew him. Or at least she knew enough. She knew a side of him that he didn't like to show to most women, at least not those who were there for one night only.

So there he was, being enchanted by her niece. Was he getting soft? It was all Mike's fault, really. A year ago Harvey wouldn't have thought of bringing flowers to a girl in kindergarten age only to win her aunt's heart. And although her brother's situation hit him, it wasn't stopping him from going through with it. If anything, it was a way out. A way out from this trip to happy family land, a country whose passport he had lost a long time ago and wasn't sure he wanted to reapply for.

He regarded it as a trial run. A trial run for what exactly? Or for whom, to be exact? It was a question he didn't want to answer, not even to himself. He hated himself for keeping his first choice on the backburner, but he was determined to keep her. He had already lost her once this year, and he should have celebrated with her. Her excuse was an excuse he was very familiar with, it was one he was using himself. I don't love you like that. He was hoping it was a lie. But on the other hand she didn't hesitate to high-five him over some banter about last night's conquest. Maybe she did love him like a brother or a cousin. It didn't matter now. Now he was with Zoe, even if it was just for one night.

Months later, Donna would call him out on his behavior, and tell him he hadn't fought for Zoe. What she didn't know was what was on the tip of his tongue then. Maybe Zoe isn't the one worth fighting for. But boy, has he fought for Donna months before that. He didn't make the connection though...

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This time his synapses played a trick on him altogether. It was time for another celebration, and this time he went to a woman who had helped him through the roughest time of his life. She knew him. He didn't have to start at the beginning with her. She knew it all, or at least most of it, and she still didn't hesitate to go on a date with him. She didn't even hesitate to go on a second date with him after the disastrous first date was cut short. He enjoyed their time together. He didn't know if he was happy enough to make it work, but he was happy. Ish. Because she gave him a chance at a real grown-up relationship.

What he should have known then was that not taking reins over the firm and not asking the right woman out on a date were linked. Harvey was scared, so he thought he'd tackle the former, and the rest would work itself out. The truth was that she wasn't the first that came to his mind when he wanted to celebrate. He had no idea why he told her that lie.

It was all just a test to see if she rejected him. After everything she knew. After having diagnosed him as the collateral damage of his mother's infidelity and his father's determination to not see what a blind man could have seen. A woman who claimed to celebrate an anniversary with him, a date that had completely slipped his mind. Unlike an actual anniversary, one that he's been celebrating for over a decade with a whole other woman at Del Posto. He couldn't help but wonder, why exactly did she agree to go out with him? He had told her about his panic attacks, they had figured out what or who had caused them, and then there was the whole thing with the key.

Then there was an ultimatum. Wouldn't a therapist know that ultimata are the perfect means to end a relationship? And would a therapist date their former patient when they knew said patient was having dreams involving another woman? This time it wasn't about self-sabotage on his part. This time it was because something that should have told her to never get in bed with him in the first place came back (if it was ever gone), and ended something that shouldn't have started.

In hindsight, it bewildered Harvey that Paula had never really taken his dream with Donna and Tanner as what it was: Barely masked jealousy in a nightmare scenario. Why wasn't it obvious to the Harvard-educated psychiatrist that Donna was quite literally the woman of Harvey's dreams? Or more importantly: Why wasn't it obvious to Harvey when the same thing happened again after Jessica had left? Why was he always seeing Donna in a sexual context in his dreams? Because she's off-limits in that area, he was thinking to himself. He knew exactly what Donna had meant when she said that he was having everything, and she wasn't. One more trial run, that's all he wanted. Just like a mock trial, but one he wasn't keen on winning.

Because a celebration is something you have with the first person that comes to mind. That kind of celebration wasn't an occasion where you settled for your second choice. And that person has been buried deeper and deeper into the back of his mind, until she was so deeply rooted within him that he was certain she was there to stay forever. He should have seen it sooner. The signs were everywhere. The way she cared for him, the way she called him out on his bullshit. The way she always seemed to know what to do to make him come around. The way he wanted to please her just so she could be proud of the man he was becoming. For her. This was what forever looked like, but it took him another six months to realize all that and to make himself see that he was as big a part of her as she was of him.

But, of course, she was seeing someone else. And it ate at him. This time he couldn't utter the obligatory "I'm happy for you". Because truly, Harvey wasn't. He wasn't happy for her, but he was sad for himself. He had missed his chance. Again. Possibly for the last time. Why couldn't she wait for him? The stupid title of a pamphlet he was handed in sex-ed haunted his mind over and over again. You could have waited. Wasn't it their understanding to go through as many trial runs as either of them needed? He knew he needed more of those than she did, but that hadn't stopped her from screwing Stephen Huntley and a douche called Mitchell. Harvey knew he was being unreasonable, and, more importantly, unfair when he was having these kinds of thoughts. She was a grown woman. He had told her numerous times that he wasn't interested in her. But couldn't she see that it was all just a façade? Wasn't she supposed to know everything? Hadn't she assured him also that she wasn't seeing him that way, only to make it very clear that it wasn't the case after all? Wasn't it all such a transparent game? Both of them had chosen one another over romantic partners, yet they both insisted it wasn't for the obvious reason. Harvey shook his head as it got clear for him that it wasn't him and Scottie, but truly Donna and him that were two peas in a pod.

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When it was time for yet another celebration, Harvey needed each of his co-workers holding a metaphorical neon sign before he could come clean to himself. That it all had been a charade. Or hide-and-seek. That it had been Donna all along and previously exchanged words on the matter were all just part of a giant campaign of lies. The brain fog had cleared, and it was so obvious to him that he felt like slapping himself for all those years of delaying tactics. All the other women felt like treading water now. But Harvey was ready to leave the Kneipp bathing pool behind and face the music. All his thoughts were swept from his usually busy mind. Getting to her was his first and only priority in that moment. As if the patience was worn out for good when it came to her.

Nothing else mattered, and as he ran up to her apartment door, it completely hit him. How it hadn't mattered for her either when she kissed him last year. She just had to know and for once she put herself first. It was a rare moment of self-reflection, and all Harvey could think was to apologize to her for his behavior then. He completely got it now. The impatience, the needed clarity, even the carelessness. It was all there for him, and it brought him closer to her still. If that was even possible.

Finally, the truest form of celebration could begin. He saw her face, how doubt turned into understanding, and understanding turned into a teasing grin. And just like many, many times before, Donna didn't need any words from him. She just knew. He wanted to tell her, but it could wait. He was there, and she was willing to take him - God knows why - and that was all that mattered now.

When they were just lying in her bed, after the first wave of passion had rolled through, Harvey turned to face her.

"I'm sorry, Donna," he told her calmly as he played with the strands of her hair.

"For what?" she asked with an unsure voice.

"For having gotten so angry with you after you kissed me, when I was with... Paula. I get it now. It felt the same for me tonight. I just had to know."

"Thank you," she said and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "You were always kinda slow to catch on."

"Believe me, no one hates me more for that fact than myself," he admitted.

"It's OK. Now there's finally a sexual encounter that can keep up with the other time," she said with a low voice and a suggestive raise of her eyebrow.

"And there will be plenty more..."

"You're very sure of yourself."

"I know us. This was just the preview," he now grinned from ear to ear.

"And yet you need an intermission before the main movie will start," she teased him and motioned to his crotch for emphasis.

"Well, looks like you'll be getting a half-time show out of it," he whispered, threw the duvet off her body and moved his head south.

Thank so much for reading! Be kind, review! (Yes, that was a lame attempt to come up with something catchy like Be kind, rewind. Sorry!)

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