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A/N: Lost my mojo, found it again. Thank you to my reviewers, who I apologize immensely for not getting back to this time around. Kind of an awkward tango of is-it-too-late-to-reply and do-you-even-remember-what-you-wrote, and I'm not the best at social cues.

I've decided not to have any major pairings in this story. It's not romance-centered. Just your typical high school drama types of romance and nothing too serious. Friendship rocks.

Happy reading!

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Chapter Five

…:::Altered Data:::…

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September

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"Surpri– AHHHHHHH! Sasuke, what the shit?"

Oh.

Sasuke had forgotten about his disguise.

Kakashi dropped the knife he was holding in horror, nicking a few of his fingers in the process. Had Sasuke not been fighting an oncoming panic attack, he would have laughed at the uncharacteristic scream. As it was, he was currently yanking off his glasses and scarf, feeling dizzy and like he was going to throw up and oh shit oh shit oh shit his experiment was going to fail and –

"Sasuke, calm down," Kakashi urged. He wrapped his bleeding fingers in a hand towel and stepped towards Sasuke with a look of utmost concern wrinkling his fine features. "What the hell is going on?"

Sasuke had been about to yank the pillow out from under his dress shirt when he heard the unmistakable slam of Itachi's car door from the driveway. Itachi? Home early? Kakashi seemed to sense the even greater panic in the young Uchiha and put two and two together:

Itachi did not know.

The older man gripped his sense of reality and urgently shooed Sasuke out of the kitchen. "He left work early for me. He wanted to surprise you. Go change whatever exactly it is you're . . . wearing and I'll distract him."

Sasuke flew up the stairs before Itachi had even put his key in the door.

What had just happened? He slammed his door shut and collapsed on his bathroom floor, heaving hard. His meticulously planned experiment, all gone. His face burned in embarrassment; what would Kakashi say about his hypotheses? He would have to explain everything, from the party in July to his poor reputation at Konoha High. Would he tell Itachi?

Damned if he wasn't grateful for the silver-haired man's quick thinking, though. His heart ached and he longed to hug the man to make up for the reunion cut short; oh how he'd missed him. His experiment didn't matter for the time being.

Sasuke scrubbed off his makeup and hid his uniform as quickly as he could before he was running downstairs and barreling into Kakashi's chest. The silver-haired man hugged him back so fiercely that Sasuke felt a lump form in his throat and tears sting his eyes.

"Hey again, kiddo. Good to see you."

From across the room, Itachi smiled softly at the two of them. "It's nice to have the three of us together again. A nice break from work."

"Even if I'm here for work?"

Kakashi finally released Sasuke and plopped down onto the couch. Sasuke noticed the fresh bandages around his fingers as he sat down by his side.

"How long are you here for?"

"A week-ish. Emphasis on the –ish." Kakashi ruffled his hair affectionately. "Itachi called me down for some business affairs. Company's doing well."

"Well enough to move with us here?"

The hopeful look in Sasuke's eyes made Kakashi wince and look to Itachi for help. The older Uchiha shrugged helplessly. He had already told Kakashi about how poorly Sasuke was coping in Konoha.

"No promises yet, but we won't rule it out for the future."

The three of them fell into easy, familiar routine. Kakashi had cooked a surprise dinner of Bolognese pasta and salad as Itachi and Sasuke updated him on what they had taken away from Konoha thus far. Itachi was constantly stealing glances at his younger brother; he hadn't seen the boy that happy in months, and it broke his heart just a little to see how lonely he must have felt.

When Itachi was snoring softly on the couch an hour later, Kakashi stood in Sasuke's bedroom doorway.

"Do you want to go out for some ice cream?"

Sasuke knew he was itching to ask him about the disguise incident in private, but he couldn't risk being seen outside without it. He shook his head and motioned for Kakashi to come in, closing the door behind him. There stood the largest elephant in the room, weighing the entire house down until Kakashi continued casually,

"So . . . That was some costume."

And it all came out.

Sasuke hadn't realized how much he'd had bottled inside of him until he opened his mouth to explain to Kakashi what was going on and was surprised at the waterfall of words that tumbled out. He started with the party and Samui's revelation, then his plan and disguise and how poorly it had worked for him. He mentioned Naruto and Sakura and The Spot, his asshole reputation that followed him around, and finally his journal which he showed Kakashi. Pages and pages of notes and planning scrawled in neat paragraphs and charts.

Kakashi was a phenomenal listener. He mmhmm-ed and uh-huh-ed in all the right places without interrupting and without the slightest bit of judgment. Listening to Sasuke's experiences and reputation made him want to sweep him up into a hug and hide him away, but he'd always suspected the youngest Uchiha to be socially inept. For him to be confiding in him made him swell with pride.

By the time Sasuke was done, he and Kakashi were laying side-by-side on his bed staring at the ceiling. Kakashi caught Sasuke in the dimmed light of his room and noticed for the first time just how exhausted he looked. The skin of his cheeks was pink with a small dusting of acne, no doubt from the makeup he had been using unskillfully. He seemed thinner than usual. Kakashi brought one hand up to ruffle Sasuke's lengthened hair.

"Naruto sounds like a good friend, you know," he said. He chuckled lightly at Sasuke's pout. "He sounds like just your type. You just don't see it as friendship yet. And this Sakura girl sounds cute. I don't think I've ever heard you have a girlfriend, huh?"

"Not interested," Sasuke mumbled, though he knew Kakashi could see right through him. He'd never been interested in anyone at all in Kumo. He'd kissed his fair share of girls, but the experiences had been so lackluster that he hadn't bothered to explore anything else. Maybe what he felt for Sakura was infatuation? He would have to do more research into it later.

A very groggy Itachi poked his head into Sasuke's room. Sasuke laughed at the hair flying every which way on his usually clean-cut brother.

"What are you two still doing up? It's ten." He yawned widely, smothering it poorly with the back of his hand.

"Ten? Is that your bed time?" Kakashi teased. "No wonder you don't have a social life, Sasuke."

He dodged the pillow aimed for his head and rolled off of the bed. The three exchanged their good nights and headed off in separate directions. Sasuke barely had the energy to get out of bed. Revealing everything to Kakashi made him feel giddy with relief; a weight lifted from his mind for the week the man would be here. He finally had someone close to him that he could confide in. With bliss he hadn't felt in weeks, Sasuke closed his eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

…

The days leading up to the weekend were a whirlwind of good events for Sasuke's experiment journal. Naruto had been missing in his usual action, but Sasuke had grown closer to Sakura. He would take her invitations to The Spot or to lunch in stride and sit and observe. Only Shikamaru and Sai had ventured into casual conversation about classes, during which the Uchiha would be sure to speak as little as possible until his reputation healed itself. Sasuke dubbed them Neutral Parties in his experiment, and Sakura a positive variable. When he wasn't seeking out Sakura's invitations, Sasuke was with Suigetsu in the Culinary Arts lab, though their time together was usually cut short by Karin, who refused to associate herself with the Uchiha at all.

Friendship, thought Sasuke, didn't seem too hard.

He found himself wondering where the obnoxious blond had gone to, however. Sakura told him Naruto was just busy, and Sasuke found himself a little disturbed to feel that he actually looked forward to his interactions with the boy, though he would never admit it out loud. He far preferred Sakura's company for the time being. With Sakura, his lack of conversation skills was at least filled in with her incessant gossip.

Now Sasuke was seated on the bench by the lake, Sakura on his left with her usual bag of bird feed and Kiba, Ino, and that Hinata girl on the grass around them. Kiba and Ino tolerated Sasuke's presence as he tolerated theirs, but he hadn't spoken a word to them other than a murmured greeting since the last incident.

He spotted a familiar bobbing of blond over the horizon and his chest did a strange flop of relief. Naruto. He hadn't seen him in two days. The boy was squinting at a paper held in both hands as he walked towards them without lifting his head.

"Hoo boy," Kiba called to him. "Math?"

At that, Naruto's head perked up. He frowned and waved the paper. "Failed my first assignment. It's not looking good this year. Hey guys."

Sasuke wanted to ask him where he'd been for two days. Surely he hadn't been absent in the first week of school? Preposterous. He watched Naruto sit by Ino on the grass and loosen his uniform tie; the girl hugged him briefly, a sympathetic frown on her face.

Naruto sighed. "Genma says I can redo it for a better grade, but I'm worried about the rest of the year."

"Live up to your hair color, Uzumaki?" Sasuke found himself blurting and immediately regretting it once he'd caught Ino's murderous expression.

Naruto, to his relief, genuinely laughed. "I missed that shit humor of yours, Uchiha."

"Naruto is an honors student," came a whisper so quiet that Sasuke would have thought it was the wind until he realized the purple-haired girl named Hinata had moved her lips. He couldn't remember the last time he heard her speak. Nonetheless, for some reason the news came as a surprise. Naruto in honors? He hadn't pegged the boy to have a GPA above sea level.

Naruto shot her an appreciative sunny smile. "In everything except math. Can't make sense of numbers."

"Sasuke's pretty good at math!"

Sasuke's head whipped to Sakura's with an expression of just-what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing?

"He could tutor you!"

Sai looked incredibly confused. "I thought tutoring was just an excuse for sex. I don't understand why you're encouraging them."

Kiba doubled over and howled with laughter from beside them. Naruto's face turned a fantastic shade of red despite his wide grin at Sakura, who looked entirely too pleased with herself. If this was her sick and twisted way of encouraging Sasuke to make more friends, the Uchiha did not appreciate it. He would rather pull his own teeth than sit and teach someone as dense as Naruto Uzumaki the basics of numbers.

"Sakura is just as good from what I've seen in class," he retaliated.

"Sakura? Nah, she's some kind of reincarnated angel." Naruto blew a kiss at her, to which she blushed. "She interns at the hospital every chance she gets. She doesn't have the time to deal with a lost cause like me. And Shikamaru tried before, but he doesn't have the patience. He'd be done with college now with that IQ of his if it wasn't for his lazy ass."

Sasuke cocked his head slightly. It was the second case of self-deprecating humor he'd heard in the blond. He filed the information away for his journal and said, "I would rather lick a cactus than tutor you."

"That can be arranged!" Kiba said brightly.

Naruto brought himself to his knees and hobbled towards Sasuke with his hands in prayer. "Pleaaaaaase," he begged sweetly. "Please, please, please, please, please? I'll even get you a whole cactus to lick every time you tutor me." Sasuke opened his mouth again to decline, but Naruto gathered his hands in his and batted the eyelashes of his impossibly blue eyes. "If my godparents find out that I'm failing math, they won't let me compete in jujutsu! It's literally the only thing I'm good at! You can't deprive a man of his primal instincts! Please!"

Sasuke wasn't sure what it was that had him accept. He wasn't sure if it was his curiosity at Naruto's alleged talent in jujutsu, or the ocean blue eyes staring back at him, or the prime opportunity to have Naruto influence his reputation for better. He gave a deep, deep sigh.

"Fine," he finally said.

Naruto cheered and threw his assignment into the air. "I'll repay you somehow. I could teach you jujutsu if you'd like?"

Tempted though he was, and incredibly intrigued, Sasuke shook his head. Working up a sweat with his disguise would be a poor choice. Naruto offered to settle the repayment on a day-by-day basis instead, leaving Sasuke to wonder just what he had gotten himself into. He would need to factor Naruto's tutoring times into his already tight schedule. Even going out to the movies that afternoon was an incredible risk that he wouldn't have taken if it wasn't for Kakashi reassuring him that he would keep Itachi occupied (if his older brother didn't drop dead at the fact that he had actual plans with actual people first).

Everyone stood up to prepare to walk to the pizza parlor down the block. Sasuke watched Naruto spring to his feet and jump onto Kiba's back for a ride like it was a normal everyday occurrence. Kiba dutifully latched his arms under Naruto's knees and ran forward, the blond calling, "Onwards, my loyal steed!" with Sakura skipping and laughing behind them.

Sasuke closed his eyes and smirked in spite of himself. If this is what friendship was supposed to look like, he didn't think he'd mind.

…

"This the kid?"

"Yeah. Fucking brat, he is."

"Looks just like his brother."

"Tell me about it."

"Well we got a lead from a tap saying he was headed to the movies at this time with the mayor's godkid."

"Let's go."

Two men sat in a black sedan, tinted windows rolled up to obscure their faces. The first man tossed a set of pictures onto the dashboard as the other put the car in reverse and set upon their destination.

"We aren't grabbing him today, right?" the driver asked.

"No. Too soon. We're just going to follow him around a bit, make sure we can tail him easily. I don't know what their security situation looks like, if he's packing heat, or if he's in range of body guards at all times."

"All right, boss."

The car soon came upon a gaggle of teenagers maneuvering the sidewalks together, one of them holding a pizza box as another attempted to fold pizza slices into a bag under his shirt. A shock of blond hair caught the passenger's attention.

"Naruto Uzumaki," he intoned. "This is the group. Look for the boy."

The driver's eyes scanned the group, but could not find their target. "Not here, boss."

"Impossible. Circle around again and get a good fucking look, Kisame."

Kisame threw the pictures from the dashboard into the passenger's lap. A handsome, dark-featured teenage boy stared up at him from the images. "You think I don't know what the kid looks like? I've worked with them for years. I was just at their house. I'm telling you: Sasuke Uchiha isn't with them."

Regardless, he heeded his boss' words and circled around the block to pass the group of teenagers once more. At best, there was a lanky, pasty teenager with the same coloring as Sasuke, but clearly not him. The boss growled low in his throat at the waste of time.

"Do you think Hatake is aware of us? That he purposely fed us false information in his call with Itachi?"

Kisame shook his head as he drove. "It's more likely that that little shit stayed home. All I've seen him do is eat and Netflix. Didn't even know he had friends."

The boss threw the pictures onto the floor, disgusted. "Fix your intel, Kisame. We can't afford a fuck-up of proportions I know you're capable of."

Kisame glowered, but said nothing as they drove out of sight.

…

"You're telling me you've never seen a fucking movie theater, Uchiha?"

Sasuke shook his head at Kiba. No, he hadn't. He couldn't even recall the last time he'd actually hung out with his classmates in Kumo outside of school. What point was a movie theater when he could watch whatever he wanted at home, in the comfort of his bedroom? Why should he eat stale popcorn and overpriced candy when he could make a meal fit for a king at home?

No one shared his sentiments, apparently. They were all staring at him like he had beamed himself in from a spaceship. Shikamaru summed it up succinctly for them: "You'd think you were a foreign exchange student instead of just the new kid a few countries over."

"What do you guys do in Kumo for fun?" asked Chouji, though hesitantly, since the last time anyone had asked Sasuke questions hadn't boded well.

The rest of Naruto's circus clowns had joined them at the pizza parlor, where they had barely fit inside of the small space. Sasuke looked to where Hinata was helping Shino conceal all the leftover pizza he had managed to stuff under his oversized overcoat for the movie. There were tips peeking out from his sleeves that the shy girl dutifully tucked away.

Sasuke shrugged. "Soccer. Parks. I don't know, I just never felt the need to go to a movie theater."

They stared at him in awe, some proclaiming that he needed to try the popcorn (and stay away from the nachos), others telling him he hadn't lived until he'd gone deaf sitting front row during action scenes. It was Ino who stopped them in the movie theater's parking lot.

"Sasuke Uchiha losing his movie theater virginity!" she exclaimed as the others instinctively huddled around her and she raised her arm.

Naruto hooked his arm around Sasuke's neck and pulled him in to stop him from retreating. Before the Uchiha could even understand what was going on, there was a collective murmur of "Cheeeeeese!" and a distinct camera click!

"One for the grandkids," she said, staring at the picture on her phone and frowning when she realized her department store uniform made her look frumpy.

Naruto nudged Sasuke with his own phone. "What's your number? I'll send you the picture once Ino sends it to all of us."

The concept was entirely foreign to Sasuke, and he was beginning to think Shikamaru was right. He felt like a foreigner on a new planet, not one in a new town. Commemoratory selfies? Piggyback rides and pizza parlors? Movie theaters in a group? He'd had no data about what friends should be doing to cross-reference with from Kumogakure and tell him if what all that he was going through was normal. Where was the daily gossip about the others at school? Where was the competitive athleticism or climb to the top of the honor roll? Was this what Sasuke had been missing out on his whole life?

Naruto nudged him again and Sasuke took out his phone to exchange numbers. He noticed Naruto save his name as "Sasuke the Theater Virgin" with an emoticon of an eggplant, then laugh when he caught Sasuke staring. "I do that to all my contacts, don't worry."

Sasuke saved him as merely Uzumaki.

The theater was underwhelming, the movie even more so. Sasuke tried to smother his yawns at the supposed horror movie on screen; he had never been one for horror, finding it incredibly tacky and clichéd. The seats dug into his spine, making the weight of his hidden pillow unbearable. And why was it so cold? He sniffed at the popcorn and declined Sai's invitation to try some; the smell of artificial butter and cholesterol churned his stomach.

He could have been at home. On the couch. With a bowl of cereal and his laptop.

Sasuke turned his head to look at the others and a small, traitorous smile tugged at his lips. Regardless of his discomfort, Sasuke couldn't have wished for a better day.

The movie was quickly over and the gang piled into the theater lobby. One by one they left with their goodbyes, smiling politely in Sasuke's direction or nodding their head in acknowledgement. Only Naruto and Shikamaru stayed behind. The latter yawned widely with his hands dug deeply into his pockets but made no move to leave. Naruto grinned at Sasuke.

"Shikamaru and I are usually the stragglers," he explained. "The night is young if you want to join. We're going to go throw some rocks into the lake until Mrs. Nara calls yelling, right Shika?"

Shikamaru put the least amount of effort possible into shrugging one shoulder.

Every ounce of Sasuke's energy was telling him to go home, curl under the covers, and watch the ceiling for the rest of the night. He'd had enough socializing for one day. The journal tucked under his mattress, however, haunted his thoughts. He needed more data. He needed more information on what people thought about him, and he always gathered his best intelligence with the least amount of people. Naruto and Shikamaru were prime participants.

He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly with a passive "Sure." The three of them headed out into the tranquil Konoha night.

Sasuke had originally pinned Shikamaru to be a shy, quiet boy. Walking alongside Naruto, he soon realized he wasn't shy or quiet – he was just lazy. If he didn't need to answer, he didn't answer. If he could answer in a single word, he would. It seemed that Naruto brought out his inner conversationalist, however; he easily kept up with Naruto's waterfall of words as The Spot came into view. If either took notice of Sasuke's complete silence, they did not seem bothered.

Sasuke took a seat on the bench by the lake and watched Naruto skip rocks across its smooth surface, never once allowing for a lull in conversation.

"Jiraiya says his latest book is going to be a hit," he prattled on to no one in particular. He let another rock fly from his fingers and it skipped impressively until it sank halfway across the lake. "Granny would have my head and his if she knew he gave me a copy to read."

Shikamaru turned his lidded gaze to Sasuke to explain, "He writes porn."

"Artistic erotica!" Naruto corrected. "Icha Icha Paradise! Do you get it in Kumo, Sasuke? It's an international bestseller."

Sasuke wrinkled his nose, vaguely remembering the name but not enough to ring any bells. "I wouldn't know even if we did."

That caught Naruto's interest for some reason. He laughed and turned to give Sasuke his full attention. "Are you saying you're not into porn?"

"I thought you called it 'artistic erotica'," Shikamaru shot at him with a smirk.

Naruto waved him off and walked closer to Sasuke, a smile playing with his lips. "Online porn is great and all, but there's a certain art behind erotica. You've never tried? I've got a few copies you could use."

The topic was making Sasuke incredibly uncomfortable. He could feel his stomach flipping and flopping oddly, the heat rising in his face. He wasn't about to have a conversation with Naruto about his porn habits (or lack thereof). His discomfort only seemed to amuse Naruto more. The blond put his hands up in defense.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Prude. No worries, you and Shino have something in common."

Flashes of Samui burst into his vision, Naruto's face contorting into hers. He took a step back, suddenly disgusted. Prude. Asexual. The most prized lay in the whole country, she'd said. A dare. Naruto saw his expression morph and his own softened into concern.

"I'm sorry if I triggered anything," he said immediately. "I was only joking."

Sasuke brushed him off, then immediately regretted it. You ignore us half the time. You brush us off the other half. Gritting his teeth, he managed to grind out, "It's fine. Just change the subject."

He was secretly impressed with how easily Naruto had managed to do just that. He tossed Sasuke a rock and the boy caught it deftly. "Hold it like this," he said, holding up his own in demonstration. "It'll catch the water just right. It takes a few tries to get it."

Sasuke skipped the rock further than Naruto's on his first try.

He smirked, setting his dark eyes on Naruto's sapphire ones in a wordless gloat of triumph. Naruto laughed that obnoxious laugh of his, but it didn't grate on Sasuke's nerves that time. Memories of Samui lay forgotten in the background of the moment.

"Should've known," he said. "Sakura mentioned you were kind of a genius. Good at everything, aren't you?"

Shikamaru nudged Naruto teasingly. "With enough geniuses in this group, maybe we'll be able to make up for your lack of common sense."

"I'm sure I'm more than enough for the group."

As soon as the words left Sasuke's mouth, he realized how horribly arrogant it sounded. He was becoming more and more aware of how he came off to people. More and more aware that he was kind of a dick, especially being around Naruto's friends who seemed to be molded from saints (with a few exceptions). So when he saw the edges of Shikamaru's mouth twitch, he was expecting a frown and retaliation, and was about to hastily attempt some form of apology. What he didn't expect was the smirk of amusement he received.

"Yeah, I think I've kind of got you figured out, Uchiha." Shikamaru picked up a few of the stones at the bank and began throwing them aimlessly into the lake. "You come off as a huge asshole, but I don't think you mean it. I don't think you want to be an asshole. I think you just don't know how to deal with people. You were probably a lonely guy back in Kumo for one reason or another. I think you think people are kind of . . . useless? That's not the word. Time-wasting. You think people are a waste of your time and that you're better off with yourself. You weren't exposed to them a lot, and now that you've moved to what I'm assuming is a smaller town, you're kind of at a loss of how to interact with them. So you're a dick, but mostly because you don't know any other way. Am I right so far?"

Sasuke turned his head in defiance. Shikamaru was mostly right. He would've been completely right if he'd known what was really hiding underneath the layers of makeup, the glasses, and the oversized clothing. He would've known that Sasuke's only interactions with people had been in a fantasy world of his own, where he was regarded as a god. He'd lost his godhood and with it, the people who kissed his feet.

"You got parents, Uchiha?"

That was taking it too far. Sasuke stood up, doing his best to control his breathing. Just who did Shikamaru think he was? How had he broken down the basics of his character in mere seconds? And how the hell did he know Sasuke didn't have parents?

Naruto stepped into his line of sight. There was something calming about the ocean-blue of his eyes and Sasuke found himself lost in the waves.

"Shikamaru does that," he said apologetically. "To everyone. He gets a kick out of predicting people."

Shikamaru had his gaze trained steadily on Sasuke. The depth of intelligence behind his lidded eyes surprised – and scared – the Uchiha. "I took it too far. Wrong time and place. Got ahead of myself. I apologize."

It was a simple apology. No passive aggressiveness, no ulterior meaning, no hidden connotations. Nothing but respect. Sasuke nodded his head in acknowledgement and closed his eyes to calm himself. Despite everything, Shikamaru had been right. He felt like an alien amongst men and was afraid of the moment he'd be unmasked.