A/N: This chapter is more a teaser than anything else, since SOME people are snarling at me for falling a day behind on my update schedule.

That's right. A gag chapter. Please don't eviscerate me for it, would you kindly?

Still, its meant to make you smile and relax in these crazy times.

SPEAKING. OF. WHICH.

I swear by all that is holy, if ONE more person points out that I'm a day behind on daily updates...! I'm writing this while I'm bloody sick for crying out loud! Don't even know what the hell I have, only that its not the virus. Whatever it is has left me with a raging fever and no strength. Yet in spite of that, IN SPITE OF THAT, I'm still updating daily. You don't need much stamina to type. And yet a bunch of people keep reminding me that I'm behind.

*twitches*

I'm still updating daily. But at the end, I'm only human. I want to finish my older stories too, such as "Die Another Day, "A Boy's Journey," and "Date or Die." Don't even get me started on the hot mess that is "Imperfection."

Hope you're all keeping healthy and safe.

Alright, to clarify, Naruko looks the way she does thanks to that damn Innocent Monster skill. I've already said that, haven't I? I'll say it again, this is a MALE Naruto trapped in a female form. The Innocent Monster skill is mostly to blame for that-given his excessive use of a certain jutsu-but his legend was certainly warped by a fair amount of hearsay as well. Don't mind me while I go around cleaning up and editing this story.

He's none too pleased about this twist to his legend, I'll tell you that.

I won't lie, I was...hesitant for a bit. A LOT of people gave me flak for this story.

But a man made promises, so a man will keep them, if only for a man to make a point.

As ever, references. References for daaaaaaaaaaays. Oh, and a timeskip of about twelve hours here.

"What do you get when you cram a Lancer, an Archer, and a Berserker into the same room?"

"Um...a dead Lancer? Is that the right answer?"

"Ordinarily, yes! But not this Lancer."

~?

You Aren't Human!

Was this the end?

Was this the sum of Emiya's ambitions?

Was this his fate; was he destined to fall here?

Try as he might, Archer couldn't manage to move the obstacle before him. It was a mountain, and he, a pebble by comparison. For all his strength, Emiya found that he had failed. Try as he might, he couldn't move. His legs threatened to buckle beneath him, until, finally, then did. This was it, then. He'd failed. He couldn't escape. His opponent had him trapped. Utterly pinned. Even his Reality Marble wouldn't be able to to eliminate this terrible threat in time. He would know. He'd tried. It was all Illya's fault. She'd betrayed them. Rin had already been defeated, and that boy was of no use whatsoever. It was all up to him. And he'd failed them.

A bead of cold sweat ran down his brow.

He stared into the face of his demise and said his final prayers.

And if said visage wore blue eyes and whiskered cheeks...well, that wasn't his fault.

"Give up?" she purred at him.

Emiya growled, defiant to the end. "Never."

That cherubic face twisted into a terrifying smile. "Nice knowing you, then~!"

Pain flared throughout his entire being as he grappled with her; two hands to her one. Even then, the stubborn Archer tried to hold on. It was no use. No matter how much he reinforced his body, it was like trying to swim upstream. A landslide of strength wrenched his body to the side, exposing his neck back. He tensed himself for that fatal blow, a vicious cut to the throat that would inevitably end his existence and send him snarling back to the Throne of Heroes in all his furious glorious.

It never came.

Oh, make no mistake; EMIYA did move...

Naruko slammed his arm down on the table a heartbeat later. "OLE~!"

...just not at all in the way he had expected.

Fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on your point of your view- Archer wasn't conscious to consider his abrupt turn of fate; by then he was quite airborne, and Shirou Emiya's household now had a distinctive servant-shaped hole in one of its walls. Alongside a decidedly Rin-shapred imprint.

Illy groaned in Naruko's lap. "Children. Complete and utter CHILDREN, the both of you! Why did I agree to this?!"

"Whatever you say, sweetie." Lancer pattered her head. "Now call your giant Berserker over here so we can arm wrestle."

And if the stoic Berserker just so happened to whimper a little at those words..why...no bothered to mention any of it. No one at all.

A/N: Huh, would you look at that.

A gag chapter. Its not often I do one of those.

I'm not feeling me best, which is why the chapter's shorter than I would've liked.

Naruko's a good girl; she'd rather make friends than enemies. But if you're an enemy? She'll kill ya~!

We'll get to see Caster next chapter of course, and all of the silly shenanigans that ensue from her machinations.

Now Naruto's found himself in a female body-much to his chagrin-and a weakened one at that. He's not happy about that. Not one bit. Remember this'll be gone in two days if people don't like it.

In any case, I'm pulling a double today, so wish me luck!

So In the Immortal Words of Atlas... ...Review, Would You Kindly?

Sorry folks, no previews this time! Got a death scene to write. Did I just say that...?

R&R~!