Author's Note: As I mentioned last time, this chapter was much faster to put together as I had already written a lot of it as part of chapter 15. This chapter's content is also something I have been planning since chapter 1, so it was nice to finally get to this part of the story. The next chapter looks to be a very long one, but it is my intention to get it out at the end of June or early July. But if it takes longer please forgive me.

Speaking of June, I have been working on this story for almost a year now. I'm not as far into this story as I would like, but on the other hand, I'm not all that far behind considering all the personal life stuff I had going on. Minor victories!

Anyway, stay safe my dear readers! And please review! It seriously helps in writing chapters with thousands of words.

I once swore a vow, that I would protect the PLANTs and avenge your death. But at the end of that path, what will I have gained and what will I have lost?

- Athrun Zala to his mother's grave

Phase 16: A Disquiet Follows My Soul

Archangel, Sickbay

"You look better Kira." Doctor Klein commented, looking down at his patient's chart and making notes. "It is extraordinary how fast you recover."

"Thanks Doctor." Kira said. He was lying on his back, staring up at the drab white colors of the ceiling. His view of Dr. Klein was obstructed by the person sitting on the chair next to his bed—Lacus Clyne. She had not left Kira's side after singing him awake. She had been making small talk before Klein walked over. She was stunning to behold, and once Kira started becoming more awake and aware, he slowly realized that Lacus had been holding his hand when he was unconscious and had been singing a song about 'love.'

Kira had felt blood rush to his face. He must have looked uncomfortable as Lacus asked him 'what was wrong?' She had leaned forward and reached out a hand as if to take his again. Kira drew back, blushing even more profusely. Lacus seeming to suddenly realize why Kira was reacting that way and got flustered herself. Stammering that she had just 'wanted to make sure he was okay.'

"A simple explanation for this speed is the fact that you are a Coordinator." Klein went on, his expressive, honest face, broke out into a grin, "But I think I can also attribute it to a woman's touch." He winked at Lacus and Kira, both of which turned such a bright red that their ears started burning.

"Oh come now!" Klein said, "Nothing to be embarrassed about. When I was sick, I recovered much faster whenever my wife nursed me back to health."

"W-we, aren't . . . ummm . . . " Kira muttered, trying to look at anything but Lacus. Fortunately, there was no shortage of things to look at as sickbay had a wave of activity following the last battle. Plenty of crew were wounded and several civilians had been brought in with bad burns—apparently, they had helped fight fires.

"No, but you are two teenagers with healthy libidos." Klein spoke like everything he was saying was perfectly normal and natural. Scientific even.

"D-doctor Klein, I'm afraid I . . . oh my!" Lacus put her hands to her cheeks, her face almost matching her pink hair. "I don't think, I'm mean I'm . . . "

Doctor Klein shook his head, apparently oblivious to the commotion he had caused. "Just keep recovering Kira, you should be out tomorrow." He nodded to the flushed Lacus, "And please keep visiting him in the meantime."

With that, Doctor Klein headed away from Kira's bed, Nurse Roddenberry walked over to him and directed him towards another bed with a badly burned civilian, leaving a silent Lacus and Kira in his wake.

She is Athrun's fiancé. She is Athrun's fiancé. She is Athrun's fiancé! Kira repeated in his head. Don't think about how close she was when you woke up! How soft her hands were, how slim and pale and . . . But as much as he tried not to think about it, it only made him think about her more. The truth was apparent, if inconvenient, he, Kira Yamato, found Lacus Clyne very attractive.

And that's fine, right? There is nothing wrong in thinking about her! As long as I don't act on it. It's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. We're fine.

"Kira?" Lacus's still slightly red faced loomed over him, barely a foot away from his face.

She is Athrun's fiancé!

"Uhh yeah?" Kira managed to say, glanced furtively at her. Stop thinking about her perfectly shaped lips!

"Umm, well Mr. Holden actually wanted a word when you were more awake." Lacus hedged, like she was trying not to overwhelm Kira.

"Yes!" Kira almost shouted. Happy for a reason, any reason, to move the conversation away from what Doctor Klein had brought up. "I mean, yeah I'd be happy to talk to him."

Lacus nodded and leaned around the curtain that separated Kira's bed from the rest of sickbay. "Mr. Holden!" She waved to Holden, who was standing somewhere near the door, but due to the curtain Kira couldn't see where.

Kira sat up as Holden, the guard that had pestered Kira every time he tried to visit Risa in her cell, loomed over Kira. His sour face looked down at Kira. Surprisingly, the normal suspicion and grumpiness were gone, in fact, Kira realized that Holden looked serious. Dead serious.

"I need to ask ya, something." Holden muttered; his words sounded forced.

"Yes?' Kira asked, suddenly weary. He was unsure how he should react to this suddenly grim Holden.

"It's about that girl, Risa." Holden said, his eyes did not leave Kira's face, but Kira got the sense that he wasn't really seeing Kira. "I heard she died out there, but no one can tell me how it happened. They say you were out there when it happened. So I want to know," Holden paused for a moment as if he was finding the right words, "I want to know, is she really gone?"

Kira felt a pang of sadness at the mention of Risa, but Holden's tone was not accusatory. He spoke like a man who merely wanted closure.

"Yes, she . . ." Kira swallowed, "She really is gone. We both were retreating to the Archangel and her mobile suit was shot in two and burned up in the atmosphere. I don't think anyone could have survived that." Kira throat suddenly felt dry as he said the words. His mouth tasted bitter.

Holden did not reply for a long moment, until he finally reached out and patted Kira on the shoulder. "Okay. Thanks. She would have been happy you made it back." With that Holden turned and looked down at Lacus who was staring up at him with eyes filled with compassion. "I'll be waiting out in the hall, take your time Missy." Holden left, leaving a deeply stunned Kira in his wake.

Kira leaned forward, putting his head in his hands. The sadness of losing Risa built up inside of him again, but it was different this time. What Holden had said helped. Kira still felt guilty, he probably always would, but maybe Holden was right? Maybe he was so focused on what he was feeling, he'd forgotten what Risa thought when she was fighting. Maybe what she wanted to tell me doesn't matter. Maybe the 'why' matters more? Risa clearly cared about me. Would she want me to break over her death?

Kira smiled sadly. He could almost hear Risa making a sarcastic comment about him being a wimp.

"He cared about Risa a lot." Lacus commented, smiling a small, sweet smile. "He won't admit it, but I think guarding her made him happy."

"I never got the sense that he . . . well . . . cared about anyone." Kira admitted. Which he realized now was a stupid thing to believe. Everyone had someone they cared about.

"Mr. Holden is actually a teddy-bear." Lacus said in a low whisper, glancing at the door out of sickbay. "He tries to hide it, but you can tell. I think he maybe has daughters; he seems very soft with girls and awkward around boys."

"Yeah maybe." Kira said without really paying attention and looked down at his hands. His guilt around Risa aside, one thing was clear, he needed to get stronger. I can't let what happened to Risa happen again! That will only make people like Mr. Holden suffer. It isn't just me who feels this way, everyone who knew Risa must be hurting.

But . . . could he continue to kill people? During the last battle Kira had shot down another enemy GINN and done everything he could to destroy the captured G-Weapons. Did that mean that the path he was on was lined with corpses? A tremor shot through Kira at that realization. He felt paralyzed with fear.

"Are you going to be okay, Kira?" Lacus asked quietly, she had leaned closer to him. Concern written all over her face.

"I'm . . . afraid." Kira admitted. "Afraid of fighting." He was whispering, his voice trembled, not with sadness but from something deep within him that was crying out.

Lacus put a hand on Kira's arm as if to steady him, "It is not a sin to be afraid of dying Kira."

"No, it's not that." Kira said, surprised at how he knew with such certainty what was affecting him. "I'm not afraid of dying—well, maybe not entirely—but I'm more afraid of hurting others."

Lacus nodded at that, "The situation you find yourself in is very sad Kira. I'm so sorry." She squeezed his arm and put on a smile, "But know that I'm grateful for you saving me out in the Debris Belt. You have saved people. Not just me, but everyone on this ship, many times now."

Kira nodded and forced a smile, "Yeah, I guess so."

What Kira didn't tell Lacus, what he couldn't tell her, was a more honest, terrible truth. It wasn't the fear of hurting others that gave him pause, it was the knowledge that he could kill when necessary and do it easily, without hesitation. That, beyond everything else, was what terrified him.

Kira grimaced, "I just don't know how I can move forward like this."

Lacus took his hand again and squeezed it. The pressure was strong, but it wasn't hard enough to hurt.

"What is the most important step a person can take?" Lacus asked, the normal airiness in her voice was gone and, in that moment, her voice sounded like a politician, a leader. The tone shift took Kira aback for several seconds before he was able to respond.

"I don't know."

Lacus smiled, like she was about to reveal the answer to a complicated riddle. "The first one."

Captain's Quarters

"Burn out?" Natarle asked incredulously. Staring down at Dr. Klein's report regarding Shoko Emena's status.

Murrue grimaced, "Yes, she refused to come out of her room. When Dr. Klein finally got inside, he found her exhausted not just physically, but mentally."

"We're all pushing ourselves." Natarle said, her frown speaking volumes. She clearly thought very little of the situation Shoko found herself in, but Murrue knew better.

"This isn't about the stress, but loss Ensign." Murrue corrected. "Mobile Armor pilots do not have high survivability rates. Burn out is not uncommon, especially for those who have survived as long as Shoko has during this war."

Natarle face softened slightly, "Is there anything we can do?"

"Give her time and rest. That is what Dr. Klein recommended for now. Maybe she will recover, maybe she is done fighting for good."

Natarle nodded slowly, "Yes ma'am." The younger woman cocked her head to the side, "If I may say so Captain, you seem to know a lot about this."

Underneath her Captain's uniform, hanging from a silver chain, Murrue touched the pendant he gave her.

"I've known my fair share of mobile armor pilots Ensign." Saying those words didn't come with the pain they once did. The memories were scar tissue, always there but sealed shut. She was stronger for it. I can only hope that Shoko emerges from this stronger too.

"But with Shoko out of the picture and Ensign Adam Harris still needing a few more days to heal his arm, who can we spare to go looking for Ensign Kazaku Archer and Ensign Sinn Archer?" Natarle asked. "The Skygraspers are finally ready to launch, but who can fly them?"

"Kira also needs another day to fully recover according to Doctor Klein and I want to avoid pushing him like we did before." Murrue thought for a long moment, her eyes sweeping her quarters. She thought back to the dinner they had before descending to earth. The Captains who attended and the pilots: Shoko, that interesting man Mu La Flaga, and . . .

"Lieutenant Junior Grade Arendo should be able to fly a Skygrasper." Murrue said, coming to a decision. "But I'd like another pilot if possible."

"That leaves us the test pilots." Natarle crossed her arms, "The student volunteers like Koenig and Buskirk are out, they have no experience with aircraft. And Ian Buchanan is out too. He is the same."

"You spoke to him?"

"Yes and his brother, which is why I think Connor Buchanan is the right choice."

That gave Murrue pause, thinking back to something she had read about Connor. "According to his personal record, he doesn't have the experience." She had looked over at all the crew records available after their escape from Artemis. She had been struck by how only some of the crew had robust files, likely due to their long careers, but others, like Connor, had a noticeable lack of information. And Connor had been serving in the Earth Alliance military almost from the beginning of the war!

"That isn't what he told me." Natarle said and shrugged, "He admitted to knowing how to fly aircraft."

Murrue nodded slowly, something about this was odd. "Go order Balsam and Petty Officer Buchanan to prepare for launch. Do not let him know about this discrepancy in his file. If he admitted this to you, use it."

Cosmic Era 70, August

-Earth Alliance, Extended Program Facility: Location Unknown

The young man looked to be in his early twenties. He was of medium build, lightly tanned, with brown hair and eyes. Everything physical about the soldier screamed 'average.' The only thing that made him stand out was his scowling, suspicious demeanor. He was hostile to every one of the military scientists around him, many of whom were moving children to the next exam, others in the background wheeled carts with the bodies of those who had 'failed.' Many visitors either ignored the way things were done in the Program or knew what was happening before they arrived. But not this man. Not Kazaku Archer.

Sinn Archer took all information in and found that she was perplexed by the man who was to be her 'handler.' He would also be the first Earth Alliance pilot to be responsible for a Biological-CPU and thus it was odd that he obviously found the entire process for creating Extended extremely distasteful.

His file—which Sinn had been given in the days prior to the man's arrival—had said that Kazaku Archer was the only survivor after his family, which ran space freighter company, was killed by ZAFT forces. ZAFT had apparently believed that the Archer family was hauling weapons and in the process of seizing the freighter, violence erupted. The report was unclear how exactly the slaughter had occurred, but the result was that Kazaku Archer was the only one found alive on his family's ship. Apparently, he was surrounded by the floating corpses of his siblings.

This all had taken place years ago and since then, Kazaku had joined the Alliance as a pilot. Fresh out of the academy, he was now assigned to the famous Zero Squadron: a group of incredible pilots renowned for their daring missions and high-kill counts. Or at least they were before the war between Earth and the PLANTs had started. Now Zero Squadron was almost a shadow of its former self. The skill the pilots displayed was no match against ZAFTs superior weaponry. To help Zero Squadron, Sinn was being assigned to support it.

Additionally, to smooth over some of those in the Alliance vehemently against the Program, she was being given the last name "Archer" on top of the number BCPU-000. The number designated her as the first successful Extended being sent to the front lines. The only other prototype had lost his mind and the First Generation were still a ways off.

Sinn was lucky, she was never given the performance-enhancing drug Gamma Glipheptin, instead she had suffered through countless surgeries, building out her joints and replacing some of her organs with high tech synthetic units capable of sustaining her during High-G combat. Currently the process was deemed too expensive to be sustainable, which was why the Program was perfecting Gamma Glipheptin, seeing it as the future for BCPUs.

"So you must be Sinn, huh?" Kazaku stared down at her, looking mildly unimpressed. "You're tiny."

"The implants we gave her did impact her growth. She is just a little below average height for most girls her age." Julius Doran, one of the head scientists of the Program, said. All three of them were now alone in the room.

"And how old is that?" Kazaku's glance at the scientist had made it clear that he thought of the man as little more than an insect. Julius didn't seem to notice.

"Hmm? Oh, 17 or 18 I think." Julius said, he was barely paying attention. Focusing on filling out a form and reviewing some recent test data from their recent failure. "I need to supervise something. I'll be back in a few minutes and we can get this all finalized."

Kazaku cocked an eyebrow, "This is the first soldier you guys have given the Alliance. I'm surprised there isn't more pomp and circumstance."

"Does a food processor celebrate every time they send out packages of meat?" Julius smiled. "All we care about is creating the product."

Kazaku grew very quiet, yet his eyes burned with such fury that Sinn was expected Julius to notice this time, but the man was already turning away and heading to the cryogenic chamber. They were going to freeze the failure and try to dissect it later. Same day, different subject.

Now Sinn and Kazaku were alone. Kazaku suddenly shook his head and let out a very loud breath, apparently trying to calm him. He turned his eyes on Sinn after a few moments, "Sorry about that, you okay?'

Sinn blinked. "This unit is operating at 99.97% efficiency. Well within parameters. Until the next update or tune up can be performed in approximately-"

Kazaku held up a hand, "No, listen you never have to do that with me."

Sinn blinked. "In order for the handler to be properly informed, regular updates on this unit's status must be-"

"Jesus Christ." Kazaku turned away from her, he walked over and sat down on a pure white couch. He put his heavily booted feet on the glass table in front of him. "Do you know how to talk like a normal person? Or did they tear that out of you too?"

Sinn blinked. "I do not understand."

"You are not a machine; you are a person." Kazaku said slowly, dictating each word clearly. It was obvious he was still infuriated from before.

"I'm a Biological Computer Processing Unit Triple Zero-"

Kazkau held up a hand, his eyes were closed, his forehead beaded. "I'm not calling you that, it sucks."

"That is this unit's designation."

"You are also called Sinn and you now have a last name, mine." Kazaku paused, thinking, "In fact, the records say we are brother and sister, right?"

"That is correct." Sinn intoned.

"So how can my sister be a machine? You are either one or the other, decide."

Sinn's mouth opened, but she did not speak for several seconds, nor did her eyes blink. "I . . . don't make decisions . . ."

Kazaku brown eyes were afire with determination, "You do now dammit."

Present Day

-Italy, Apennine Mountains

Kazaku's Moebius had apparently hit the ground in a soft glade, bounced like a rock skipping across the surface of a pond, and crashed into a line of trees. Now it rested, its port side crumpled and central frame half-buried in the dirt against a trio of trees bent almost to the ground, their roots up in the air.

A female ZAFT soldier stood guard next to the downed craft, engrossed in conversation with two male ZAFT soldiers. A jeep was parked beside the mobile armor's intact right side.

Sinn Archer, a few dozen meters away, in the heavy underbrush characteristic of the light forest of the area, insects crawling across her back and sides, wiped more stinging sweat from her eyes and crawled forward to hear what they were saying.

The woman's voice was easiest to make out. "... see here? Spots of blood. They were crawling, but we didn't get any units on site for a while, so the pilot wasn't crawling for stealth; they were wounded. We have teams patrolling the area now. They say the trail goes a little less than a kilometer and just disappears on stony ground where things get hilly."

The two men looked at one another.

The first ZAFT soldier, the taller of the two, said, "Is there any sign of a dust-up along the trail?"

"No. They're assuming the pilot is hiding in the hills." The woman responded.

"Doubt it." The first male soldier said, "They would have found more blood. Even if the pilot bandaged themself, they'd be cutting their flesh to pieces on that hard ground."

"Unless they stopped crawling and started walking. Heat scanning isn't doing any good?" Asked the other male soldier, who was much shorter than his companion

"Negative. There are a surprisingly large amount animals in the area. That and professional hunters, the game they hunt, and a few towns down south. We're ushering the hunters out as fast as we come across them, but scanning is still difficult."

The taller male soldier sighed in annoyance at the women's report and turned back toward the jeep.

The shorter male smirked, "We'll find him. You sit your pretty ass here and let us take care of it." With that, he followed the taller soldier.

Sinn crawled forward as fast as she could manage while remaining quiet. The woman was watching the other two, her body language suggesting that perhaps she'd enjoy beating the shorter man senseless with the stock of her rifle and did not turn in Sinn's direction.

The two men climbed into the jeep talking to one another, their low, amused tones and occasional chuckles making it likely that the woman continued to be the object of conversation. They started driving away.

Sinn stood up from behind her bush which was in the jeep's path. Her first shot took the taller man in the chest through the open passenger window, Sinn traversed left and fired just as the driver realized what was happening. Her second shot took the shorter soldier in the side of the head, the jeep swung to the left as the driver's limp form leaned heavily on the steering.

The jeep accelerated forward until it smashed into a tree.

Ahead, the woman soldier was raising her rifle's stock to her shoulder. Sinn threw herself to the ground, once again partially concealed by the bush, and squeezed off three shots. The first two went wide, the soldier's return fire struck soil in front of her, but Sinn's third shot took the woman in the gut. The last ZAFT soldier let out a scream and fell forward.

Detached from the intensity of the exchange of bullets, Sinn's mind analyzed the fallen woman's condition. Stomach wound. Deep. No apparent exit wound. Chance of death over 90%. It will be painful.

Sinn hurried to Kazaku's Moebius, clambered up the broken port side, and peered into the cockpit. No sign of him, as the conversation she overheard suggested, but it would be efficient to deny ZAFT forces any further information they might glean from analysis of the craft. She fired into the cockpit until the control board were riddled with bullets, but Sinn saved one final bullet in her cartridge.

Sinn dropped to the ground, proceeded to shoot the sobbing female soldier in the head, scavenged the dead woman's weapons, and headed to where the jeep had come to a stop.

After seeing that the jeep could still run, Sinn removed the two men from the vehicle; however, the engine was smashed, seriously restricting the jeep's speed. A repair job was out of the question with the tools she had on hand.

Sinn frowned slightly as she started driving, the jeep's engine rattling and coughing. It would be faster than walking, but she needed to be careful and avoid ZAFT patrols.

Sinn snapped on her vehicle's military radio.

"May have some sign of passage here, looks something like crawling. But there's no blood."

"Roger. Have Ajaf and Matham reported in yet?"

"... Grid Two-Four secure."

The damaged jeep carried Sinn along Kazaku's trail of crushed underbrush and scored mud, dodging trees and running over bushes as she went. Her brother had managed to crawl a fair distance. Sinn traveled a quarter kilometer through this forest, then a half kilometer, and finally reached a narrow, shallow river that must have been the one mentioned by the female soldier.

Sinn could see that the forest thinned out on the other side of the river. Not much farther beyond the forest the landscape graduated to rocky hills that were thick with underbrush, but significantly less trees.

Sinn shook her head. It is illogical for Kazaku to head for terrain like that; it would be easier to spot him from above.

As she examined her surroundings an Agile helicopter swooped by over the nearest ridge of hills, flying slowly enough that it had to be on recon. Kazaku's crawling trail emerged on the other side of the bank, more obvious than ever, and headed toward those hills.

Sinn paused, sensing some trick of Kazaku's at work. The soldiers had said the trail disappeared on stony ground, and the searchers had not had any luck finding Kazaku.

No luck finding an injured pilot who was limited to crawling.

Kazaku knew as well as Sinn did that a downed pilot who found a river would, under most circumstances, be much better off following it downriver. Human settlements tended to be built along rivers. Rivers tended to join other rivers. Rivers usually meant fresh water.

What if her brother had crawled as far as the first batch of terrain that would no longer carry sign of his passage then had crawled back to the river? It was a sensible strategy. It had thrown off his pursuers.

Sinn turned right, the direction the river flowed, and began cruising slowly next to it. She noted that the route was much better to avoid detection as trees along the riverbanks shielded long stretches of the water from view from above.

A kilometer downriver, something hard struck the jeep's cracked windshield. Sinn almost lost control of the jeep as she reacted, coming upright fast, pistol in hand, aiming at the long grasses to her left . . .

Grasses . . . and one hand sticking out beyond them, waving!

Sinn brought the jeep around, hopped off into the thigh-high water, and slushed her way through the river.

It was Kazaku, sweating, pale, leaning against the bank in the shade of the trees. His orange pilot's suit was filthy from dirt and blood and was torn in the front—something Sinn suspected Kazaku had done to help cool himself.

"I'm glad to see you," Kazaku said. His voice was weak, hoarse.

"Why did submit me to friendly fire?"

"You mean . . . why I threw the rock?" Kazaku muttered, making a face. "I can't shout."

"Are you hurt?"

Kazaku nodded.

"Badly?"

Another nod.

"I'm pretty sure I'm bleeding internally. I don't think I'm going to get much farther."

"You're going to get back to the Archangel." The words seemed to shock Kazaku, but Sinn didn't waste time thinking about the 'why.' The mission. She had to focus on the mission. This was a rescue mission.

"Can you ride in the jeep?"

Kazaku was long in answering. "I think so."

"Confirmed. You've done well to thrown off pursuit. I'm going to get us out of the search area before they decide to come this far."

Sinn helped Kazaku up on the jeep. It was not easy. Halfway there, Kazaku let out a bark of pain and curled up into a knot, shuddering for several long moments while Sinn held him. Then, finally, Kazaku uncurled enough to take a normal position in the passenger seat. Sinn noted that Kazaku began sweating heavily as soon as he left the cooling water of the river and did not stop.

After finally securing Kazaku into the jeep, Sinn climbed up in the driver's seat and goosed the engine.

The motor let out a more vigorous cough than before, shuddered once, and died.

"I take it you bought this used," Kazaku said and smiled slightly when Sinn's eyes narrowed, for a half a second it looked like she was glaring.

Ever since The Program gave Kazaku the responsibility of being Sinn's 'caretaker,' he had seen the look hundreds of times. Sinn had an expressive face if you took the time to pay attention to her quirks. She didn't wear a metaphorical mask like Shoko where nothing got out. Sinn had a lot of emotions; they were just subtle—only to the untrained eye she appeared to be robotic.

-Archangel, Hanger

Balsam Arendo sat inside the Skygrasper's cockpit, outwardly trying to project an air of confidence as he examined the controls. It wasn't that he was afraid of flying in the atmosphere, in fact, most Moebius mobile armor pilots were trained in piloting aircraft—namely F-7D Spearheads. While the Skygrasper was a newer machine, the Earth Alliance had designed the controls to emulate the older Spearheads closely, allowing for an easier transition.

What Arendo was afraid of was the truth. What Adam had said to him, about how he was a coward, had resonated with him deeply. He had felt such intense relief at avoiding combat during the last battle too . . . But it was just nerves! He told himself as he finished the prelaunch check. Nerves! Yes! I was emotional at the loss of so many friends on the Malenkov! I'm an incredible pilot! The Eagle of Artemis!

But the thought of encountering an ZAFT forces in the Skygrapser, of potentially fighting off a real mobile suit . . . There could be no do-overs like in the simulators, it was all on the line.

Arendo grimaced and slapped his hands together, trying to stop them from trembling. Damn it!

But he did wish others could go with him, but Adam Harris was wounded, Shoko Emena was nonresponsive, and most of the test pilots were useless—although it seemed as if the tall pilot, Connor Buchanan, might have the requisite skill to also launch.

In other words, Arendo was the surest bet to start scouting for the two downed Zero Squadron pilots. If they are even still alive. Arendo thought as his Skygrasper was wheeled out to the catapult deck, moving past the large metal containers that had brought the Skygraspers originally and the shuttle that was supposed to be used to transfer the civilians over to the Advance Fleet.

Arendo slowly sucked in a breath. He had been ordered by Captain Ramius to avoid combat and to remember that he was merely conducting a rescue. Which suited Balsam just fine. I'm no coward, I'm just a realist and my reaction before was completely understandable! Arendo shook his head and tried to ignore the loud pounding of his heart.

Cosmic Era 70, August

-Earth Alliance, Extended Program Facility: Location Unknown

It astounded Kazaku that the Earth Alliance could do such a thing, make a girl whose entire purpose was to kill Coordinators. And Sinn was special, not just because she was the first success, but because of how she entered the program. The bottomless hatred the girl must have felt. Hatred that was both understandable and yet misplaced.

In that, they were the same.

"So how can my sister be a machine? You are either one or the other, decide." Kazaku said to the unhappy girl. She was such a small, pale thing, with silver hair and cold eyes.

"I . . . don't make decisions . . ."

Those words, unsure and confused, raised the hair on the back of Kazaku's neck. The Alliance had convinced this girl that she had no agency, no choice in anything. She was a vessel, a thing, where events transpired around. Kazaku knew what it was like when someone or something takes away the ability for a person to choose. His family had been powerless when their freighter was caught in the cross-fire between smugglers and ZAFT forces. Their ship had been mistaken as a target and only Kazaku had survived. His parents and two sisters had not. They had no power to stop their deaths.

And how his family were considered collateral damage. Just another number of unfortunate civilian causalities in the millennium of war that had torn through human history.

Sinn was no different. She had made a deal with the devil and became a weapon. Kazaku knew that the true horror of deals like that was not the fact that the devil cheated—which missed the point—the horror came from the fact that the devil gave exactly what he promised. But the price was your soul.

"You do now dammit." Kazaku growled out and stood up, he felt like he was a giant as he loomed over Sinn. "You have the last name of Archer now and sorry, but that carries certain responsibilities."

Suddenly a side door opened to the room and in strode two scientists, leading a group of three teenage boys dressed in the white garb of test subjects. The two scientists paused at the scene in front of them. "What is going on here?" One of them, the fatter of the two asked.

"She is coming with me today." Kazaku responded, his eyes had not left the boys behind the scientist. They were around Sinn's age, but they were different. They appeared to have more personality: One was listening to music, head bobbing to the sound coming out of his headphones, the second had his nose buried in a paperback book, a large grin on his face, and the last, was furious tapping at a portable game console. But on a deeper level something was off. Maybe it was the way they moved, jittery. Or maybe it was how they surveyed the room with disinterest, and yet, control.

"Doctor Julius needed to go check on something."

The woman leaned over to the fatter man, "It must be regarding the failed prototype."

The fat scientist nodded, "Oh yes, of course." He seemed less concerned with Sinn being unsupervised then with Kazaku, a stranger in their midst. In fact, Kazaku realized that he hadn't looked at Sinn at all. It was like she didn't exist. "Well then," The fat scientist nodded again and turned back to the door. "C'mon you three! Orga, watch where you are going! Clotho! Don't give me that look!"

The group started to exit, but one, the boy with long hair covering one of his eyes was staring at Sinn. "Leaving?" His voice was soft and smooth.

"Shani!" The woman grabbed him by the arm. "Come." She started pulling him out. The boy named Shani grinned, his eyes still on Sinn, "Weak." He turned and left.

Kazaku frowned as he was left along with Sinn, "What was that?"

"You should be aware. I am a prototype instituted after my other variant failed. This makes me significantly different in design from those in the First-Generation."

"What does that mean?"

"It means out of all the future Extended, I will be by far the weakest."

"And yet they are letting you out?"

Sinn's gold eyes studied him, for the first time she was showing a different emotion. Maybe he was mistaken but it seemed to be pride. "While my abilities are lower in comparison, my mental fortitude is resilient and stable. Which was necessary to establish following the other failed prototype."

Kazaku snorted, "Well I've seen your scores. I don't know about those other super soldiers, but you are a much better pilot then any Natural I've ever seen." Kazaku paused and looked Sinn up and down, "Don't think I've forgotten what we are talking about, but I think I may be asking too much of you."

Sinn subtly cocked her head and blinked once at him.

Is that how she expresses confusion? Kazaku though, amused.

"So how about this? You have until we leave this hell-hole to decide you want to be human." Kazaku glanced at his watch, "Shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to make an easy choice," He met Sinn's eyes and grinned, "Sister."

Present Day

-Italy, Apennine Mountains

Kazaku lay on his back now, in the jeep's emergency pack Sinn had found a small inflatable raft. The raft could hold two adults if the passengers were sitting up, but with Kazaku lying down it was all they could do to put the few supplies and weapons they had next to him.

With no room in the raft, Sinn, finding a rope in the glove compartment, had tied the rope off to the raft's front and was a couple of meters ahead, dragging the raft down the shallow, slow-moving river while Kazaku rode.

"This is pretty sweet." Kazaku said. "Why don't you peel me some fruit while you're at it?" There was still a rasp of pain in his voice.

"I'm unable." Sinn said quietly—sadly. Kazaku could barely hear her voice.

"Sinn?" He asked after a couple of minutes.

"Yes?"

"Thanks for coming back for me."

"You know too much about the Archangel and Zero Squadron to be allowed to fall into enemy hands."

"Reasonable." Kazaku said. Maybe it was because he was wounded, but to his partially delirious mind, it seemed like the conviction and stability normally found in Sinn's voice was missing. "By the way," Kazaku asked, "Do you have a plan, or is walking in the river pretty much the extent of it?"

"Negative." Sinn snapped. "Sooner or later we reach a community. At that point, I'll infiltrate and secure you a doctor."

"Right," Kazaku closed his eyes.

Sinn pressed on, "From there, we can also find a way to signal the Archangel. We'll probably be back by dawn."

"Right." He repeated.

Sinn mouth worked silently for a few seconds. "Maybe . . . I'll find a f-female doctor in town . . . you would like that, y-yes? You and your little ways . . ."

If he had more energy, Kazaku would have leapt straight up into the air in pure shock. Instead he only raised an eyebrow and sweated more. "Was that a joke? From you? And was that 'little ways' a reference to my dic-"

"I-I just mean, humor is . . . " Sinn frantically looked away from Kazaku. "Humor is supposed to help in situations where there is stress. I deemed it . . . appropriate."

Is she blushing?! Kazaku thought, surprised at how relaxed he felt despite the ridiculousness of the situation, or maybe it was just his lack of energy? He felt exhausted down to the very marrow of his bones. "It won't happen anyway." Kazaku said, "You know what the first words this hypothetical doctor of yours would be?"

"What?"

"She'll say, 'this bum is your brother? How did that happen?! Did your mother bang an asteroid?'"

Sinn whipped around, her silver hair swinging, her golden eyes bright. "Look closer. We are brother and sister. Anyone can see that."

Kazaku stared at her through his bleary eyes. He had messy brown hair, brown eyes, was of medium build, and was Asian. Sinn was small and slender, with golden eyes, and skin so pale that Adam had once joked that it 'made her hair white.'

In other words, Kazaku Archer and Sinn Archer looked nothing alike. Anyone could see that.

She has always known we aren't related by blood. She knows what our relationship is . . . and yet it means so much to her.

When I first met her all I saw was a girl, a girl who would be the same age as one of my sisters. Those bastards at the Program gave Sinn my last name and sent her on her merry way to the battlefield. Besides 'destroy ZAFT' her mission was simple: Give life to Zero Squadron. Keep us, the famous squadron, on life-support just a little longer.

"Oh, that's right, you're just as ugly as I am . . ." Kazaku said instead of voicing his thoughts, "Maybe I have a chance after all." He winced and half curled up as another wave of pain hit him.

Sinn watched, her pale skin turning a shade paler. "Enough. We've got to get you medical help immediately. That means calling in . . ." Sinn paused, her mouth worked silently for several seconds before she managed to say, "Call in ZAFT forces and . . . surrendering."

Kazaku uncurled again, but rocked back and forth a little, obviously unable to hold still.

"Come. Here. Sinn." He croaked.

Sinn splashed back to him.

When she was alongside the raft, Kazaku grabbed the front of her pilot's suit and yanked it as hard as he could.

"Listen to me. We do NOT surrender. Your body with all those modifications and our mobile armors are going to be too easy to identify. And you are also far too valuable anyway. If we surrender, the entire ship will be at risk. I'm not going to have that. You said it yourself; we have to protect the Archangel and Zero Squadron."

"Even at the cost of your own life?"

"That's right." Exhausted by his exertions, Kazaku lay back on the raft. "If the Archangel and everyone onboard are killed, the Earth Alliance has to start over building new weapons. Which means more time, more time for ZAFT to destroy more colonies, to destroy more ships. Another day may mean some young girl goes through what you have. . . or an angry young soldier with a dead family ends up what I am."

"What you are is my brother." Sinn stated, but her trembling voice undercut any authority she had tried to muster.

Kazaku shook his head. "No. I'm not." He took a long breath. "If I die..."

"You're not going to die!"

"Shut up and listen to me Sinn. If I die, you can't let them find my body. They'd identify me. They will know that Zero-Squadron is down another member. Plus a corpse will slow you down. Do whatever it takes you to get back to the ship, but don't let them find me."

"You're not going to die."

"Promise me you'll dispose of me."

Sinn shuddered. "I promise, but you're not going to die."

"Well, I'll try to hold you to that promise." His eyes closed. "There's no traffic, yet we're stopped. Why is that?"

The corner of Sinn's mouth went up in what could have been a smile and she splashed back to her towing rope.

Cosmic Era 70, September

-Earth Alliance Warship, Lincoln

"Please welcome them to Zero Squadron." Shoko said, her voice firm and commanding, but it lacked all enthusiasm. In fact, she seemed perturbed by the presence of Sinn, unsettled by the way she examined the world around her.

None of the assembled Zero Squadron members were surprised by the fact that Sinn Archer was 'enhanced.' They were told about the new pilot and her handler prior to their arrival; thus, they were all acting fairly normal. A dark-skinned man named Adam had made some crass jokes about Kazaku and Sinn not being 'related by blood,' and two women named Risa and Tifa has slapped the back of his head. Despite their regular banter, Kazaku thought he could pick up on some tension in the air, a watchfulness of both him and Sinn, that likely had a lot to do with their abnormal circumstances and also with the fact that they were new faces in a squadron with an incredible high casualty rate. Kazaku knew that there was a hesitation to be open with newbies when there was a real probability they would be killed within the week or month. The tension could be seen purely by numbers, even with himself and Sinn joining Zero Squadron, they were only ten pilots all together, two members shorts of a full Squadron.

Kazaku looked around briefing room, it was set up theater style, with rows of beaches stacked upon each other. Kazaku and Sinn stood at the front with Lieutenant Shoko Emena and her quiet, sunglass wearing executive officer, Lieutenant JG Harry Arb.

Up in the front row were the aforementioned Adam, Risa, and Tifa. Behind them were a scattering of pilots: Thomson, Wufei, and Uso. Thomson was smiling at Sinn and Kazaku, Wufei was scowling—but had been doing so since he'd arrived at the briefing so perhaps it was a normal attitude for him—and Uso, a teenager around Sinn's age looked uncomfortable, as if he couldn't decide if he should look concerned about Sinn's arrival or welcoming.

He must be fresh out of the academy too. Kazaku thought, eyeing Uso. Damn he is a young kid! Starting to see more and more of those at the academy.

Kazaku's attention was caught by the pilot Tifa whispering something in Adam's ear, which made the loud man exclaim loudly in protest and glare at Kazaku. "He is NOT better looking than me!"

Tifa giggle and blew a kiss at Kazaku, which made him grin back.

Well she seems nice. He thought.

"I know we all want to be welcoming," Shoko went on, giving Tifa a look so cold that could freeze water, "I must ask that you all uphold the decorum and responsibilities expected of us in Zero Squadron." She looked directly at Adam. "Please try to be respectful."

Adam blew a raspberry.

Shoko turned towards Kazaku and Sinn, "Anything you two want to add?"

"Just happy to be here, to do work worth doing." Kazaku said smiling and he looked at Sinn, who stared back at him for several seconds before realizing that Kazaku wanted her to speak for herself. He'd been doing that a lot since they had met a month ago, putting her on the spot, making her decide for herself. Maybe he was crazy, but it slowly seemed to be helping, as if it were putting life back into her, drop by drop.

"As a Biol…" Sinn's voice trailed off, she stared down at her feet. Her eyes fluttering, "As a pilot for the Alliance," Sinn said slowly. "As Sinn Archer, I will do my duty." Her voice may have sounded robot, her reply basic and without feeling, but to Kazaku she might as well had burst into song. The others might not realize it, but by introducing herself that way, Sinn had taken a big step. A step to reclaiming her humanity. She had introduced herself as a person.

In the months that followed, the path for Sinn was a long and difficult one. During battle she often reverted back to her BCPU self, something that Kazaku suspected had more to do with her cybernetic implants than a conscious choice, but outside the cockpit, she showed slow and steady signs of improvement. It was little things, thanking Kazaku for helping her with mobile armor maintenance, helping Adam cook dinner once—although she burned everything she tried to prepare and, according to Adam, she was 'the worst fucking cook I'd ever seen that has an unreasonable amount of confidence in her skill'—it was progress.

Focusing on Sinn allowed Kazaku not to lose himself after the other members of Zero Squadron started dying. Tifa got killed on Kazaku and Sinn's first mission with Zero Squadron, she was simply shot down during the heat of battle. Harry and Uso sacrificed themselves to take down a GINN barely a month later. And Wufei died during a furious missile exchange several weeks before their mission to Heliopolis. And then there was Thomson's death during that mission . . . and Kazaku remember all the other new pilots, coming and going after Sinn and his arrival: Hunter, Ostosa, Wedge, Dulfo, the list went on and on.

And now . . . he too would . . .

-Italy, Apennine Mountains: Present Day

The sun went down and the moon was brightly illuminated. Behind them was a rich carpet of stars—despite the war, despite the battles that filled the sky with smoke, Italy had clear skies.

At a bend in the river where the trees were thin, Kazaku said, "What's that?"

Sinn looked back to see where Kazaku was staring, and then looked straight up.

Just crossing before the moon was brightly illuminated dots, tiny in the distance. "Likely warships, but from this distance I cannot determine whom they belong too. It could be the 8th Fleet."

"Ah. Nice of them to finally show up." Kazaku joked.

Two hundred meters farther on, Sinn heard Kazaku gasping for breath. She splashed back to him, but it was slow going. It was getting hard to move in the water; her legs were cold and felt like lead.

Kazaku was not knotted in pain as Sinn had expected. He was stretched out in the pose he'd found most comfortable, but there was distress in his face. "Sorry," Kazaku said. "A bit of panic." His voice was fainter than before.

"Panic?"

"I was just imagining what a sad world this would be without me." Kazaku gave what could have been a smirk.

"That's not something you have to worry about."

"Either way, you're right." Kazaku held out a hand; there was something in it.

Sinn took a small leather-bound book from him.

"What's this?"

"It's called a 'journal.' Take it back with you. It has some last thoughts in it."

The coldness in Sinn's legs crept up to inhabit the rest of her and she shuddered again. "Not last thoughts. Don't be so fatalistic. You're just punishing yourself."

Kazaku managed a hoarse chuckle. "You would know. That's your specialty, isn't it?"

"I don't understand."

"I do what I do because I very badly want to suffer for being my family's only survivor, but what about you?" Kazaku let out a cough, "You do what you do so you can avenge the little girl you were—the orphan. We are the same. The Program saw that and assigned you to me because of that rage. You were the only volunteer for the Program because you wanted revenge, revenge against the whole world."

"I don't want that." Sinn voice was almost a whisper, she had taken a step back, "That's a lie."

"Is it? Sinn, just how much do you think you owe the Earth Alliance?"

"Some."

"For what? Your modifications? For how The Program made you strong?"

Sinn paused a moment before she answered, but when she did her voice was a lower whisper. "That's right."

"It's not right!" Kazaku growled, it was the loudest he had been since Sinn had found him. "You're putting a tremendous burden on the little girl you used to be!"

"A debt is a debt. I'm paying it off. That's what all of us are taught!"

"The account doesn't need balancing!" There was scorn in Kazaku's voice. "You can't reduce lives to numbers and exchange them like currency. You can't measure what a girl did in ignorance against what a woman has to do for the rest of her life."

"I will not listen to treasonous words!"

"Ah. That's good to know." Kazaku leaned back again, "Hey, we're stopped again."

A bit farther on, Kazaku said, in a hoarse whisper Sinn could barely hear over the river, "It's up there . . ."

"The fleet?" Sinn asked and looked up. The unknown fleet was passing before the moon again. "Not too intimidating from this far away, are they?" She asked. Hoping a joke would get a better reaction this time.

Kazaku did not answer.

"I said, not too intimidating from here, are they?"

Kazaku still did not respond.

Sinn stood where she was, unwilling to turn and look, to walk back on her cold-numbed legs to confirm what she feared. But the raft slowly drifted forward on the weak current until it was beside her.

Kazaku's chest did not rise or fall. But his eyes were still open, directed upward, and his expression—for once lacking pain or regret—was that of a child wondering at the glittering beauty of the stars.

Sinn's vision blurred as her own eyes filled with the first tears she'd shed since she was a little girl.

-Archangel, Bridge

The Skygrasper returned in the evening, empty handed.

"The area is crawling with ZAFT Agiles! No distress signal either." Balsam said as his aircraft approached the Archangel. His tone was not apologetic, instead he sounded increasingly grumpy every time he had returned to the Archangel for refueling.

"Were you followed?" Murrue asked, ignoring his tone. It was always something with these Eurasian soldiers. They were pushy when she gave them orders. Maybe it is Bezukhov's influence?

"I had to shake off pursuit several times, but no. Although I think they are slowly tracing our position."

Murrue nodded, "Get some rest once you return, you'll go out again tomorrow morning."

Balsam flashed away and Murrue turned to Miriallia, "Is Petty Officer Buchanan ready?"

Miriallia nodded, "Yes ma'am, he is prepped in the second Skygrasper and reports all systems are green."

"Once Lieutenant Junior Grade Arendo returns, launch him. Tell him to investigate further south."

"Roger!"

After talking to Connor Buchanan herself, Murrue had found that he not only had experience piloting aircraft, but also had flown in Italy before during his training days. Why his personal file seemed to be missing these details was unclear, but after pressing him to get back into the Skygrasper cockpit—and with some peer pressure from his brother—Connor had agreed to 'get back on the bicycle.' He'd spent the time while Arendo was searching to refamiliarize himself with the controls and now that Balsam was taking a break, he would search the area.

Murrue had considered launching both simultaneously, but Natarle had cautioned against it, arguing that the Archangel still needed to be defended and having multiple aircraft out may raise the risk of bringing ZAFT forces back to their position.

Murrue sat back and closed her eyes. She was exhausted. Outside of a handful of breaks, she had not gotten any sleep for over a day now, not since Le Creuset had attacked the Advance Fleet, but with two pilot's missing and with limited defensive capabilities, Murrue found that she couldn't rest even if she had the time.

Footsteps approached Murrue's seat and she opened her eyes to find Natarle standing over her. "Captain, I think it might be time to consider leaving the area."

Murrue sighed, she knew this conversation was coming. In fact, she couldn't blame Natarle for bringing it up. It was something she had been thinking about as more and more time passed and once it got dark. There was no guarantee that the Ensigns were still alive and even if they were, the likelihood of them being captured increased rapidly.

The Archangel had just shaken off their pursuers following the battle, but if they did not keep moving, ZAFT would inevitably find them again.

"I'm aware of the situation Ensign." Murrue responded tiredly.

"It is a difficult decision," Natarle went on, "But I think we should report that Ensign Sinn Archer and Ensign Kazaku Archer are MIA."

"MIA?" Miriallia asked from the CIC.

Neumann turned to her, "It means Missing in Action. It happens when soldiers go missing during combat, but what it really means is that we think they were killed."

"That's horrible." Miriallia muttered as Natarle frowned at Neumann who shrugged in response to her stare.

"I'm not prepared to do that just yet." Murrue cut in, looking at the sensor data Balsam had collected during his recent search.

"Captain!" Natarle hissed, "You are once again endangering the lives of everyone on this ship for a few pilots. This is just like before with the Strike! You moved us out of our descent angle, and we ended up here!"

Murrue paused and sucked in a breath. At least Captain Bezukhov is asleep, this would be worse if he were on the bridge.

"Ensign Badgiruel," Murrue said slowly, picking her words carefully. "I understand your perspective and you are right that we will have to leave the area eventually, that said, my responsibilities extend to all the crew members and right now, some of them are missing. It is my duty to do everything in my power to protect this crew."

"But Captain, we don't even know if they're still alive."

"ZAFT seems to think so." Murrue pressed a few buttons on her chair and the sensor data popped up on one of the main bridge monitors. "Judging from this, ZAFT has been searching this area thoroughly since the last battle."

Natarle shook her head, "There could be a number of reasons why they are there."

"True, but I choose to believe that the Ensigns are still alive, but!" Murrue held up a hand to forestall and further arguments, "I agree with you that staying here with our current battle power is untenable. Kira is not at 100%, most of our mobile suits need repairs, and we do not have a lot of pilots who can fly the Skygraspers. That is why I recommend we wait until late-morning tomorrow. If we have not found them by then, we will leave."

Natarle looked like she wanted to argue further, but she too looked exhausted and appeared to decide that it wasn't worth continuing to fight Murrue.

"Yes, Captain." She said begrudgingly.

Connor Buchanan soon launched, night stretched out, and still the pilots were not found.

-Italy, Apennine Mountains

Before dawn, Sinn rose from her makeshift camp. She had used the raft and a few blankets to set up some cover to sleep under during the night.

During the night, Sinn had heard several Agiles pass overhead, but none of the patrols appeared to be getting close. Sinn had eaten a meal of cold rations—finding them even more tasteless then usual—and went into a kind of trance that wasn't quite being asleep nor fully awake until she seemed it was almost morning.

As she left, Sinn took one last look at the small bundle she was leaving behind—wrapped in a black blanket—the body of her brother.

Despite the pulsing aches that seemed to have replaced her muscles while she dozed, Sinn was able to travel swiftly. She had good directional sense and she did not have an injured comrade to tow through difficult terrain.

She passed by the gutted hulk of Kazaku's Moebius. There were no bodies here. ZAFT investigators had come and gone, and had posted no one to guard a valueless, burned-out hull.

There were no distant sounds of ground forces or helicopters. The search had either been moved or called off.

As dawn finally broke, Sinn found the lake where she had hidden her mobile armor.

While morning was still young, Sinn swam out to where her mobile armor lay partially submerged and covered with a camouflage tarp and took a long and lonely time going through the routine power-up checklist. But when that was done, she had to act fast. Her window of opportunity would be a narrow one.

The murky water behind Sinn's black Moebius boiled as she cut in her engines; she could see bubbles and foam drift around to her viewport as her Moebius strained. Then the thrusters overcame the muck that trapped her vehicle. She rose to the water's surface and then shot into the air. Up, southwest across a narrow band of forest, a mere few moments until she found the river. She headed downriver again for a few more moments as terrain blurred beneath her.

When she recognized the approximate area of her camp, her radio picked up the weak transmitter she had activated when she left to broadcast on Earth Alliance emergency signals.

There was the black blanket atop her brother's body.

Sinn could not wait. Revulsion for the deed she was about to perform had been her companion last night; she did not have time for it now. Sinn turned so that her Moebius was pointed straight down. She sped towards the ground . . . and fired.

Her rounds turned the center of the glade into a burning inferno, charring the tent, blanket, body, and raft into a melted crater of ash. She fired until there was nothing recognizable there, nothing for the investigators of ZAFT to identify as Kazaku Archer, Zero Squadron pilot.

Then Sinn turned her mobile armor skyward and fled.

-Archangel: Sickbay

Kazaku Archer was dead, Sinn had returned, and the feeling on the ship was a mixture of sadness and relief. Kazaku Archer was well-liked and would be missed. He had been kind and caring, while occasionally arrogant—although not as bad as most pilots—he generally tried to get to know every member of the crew. But there was also a sense of relief at Sinn's return, knowing that she was safe and that the Archangel could move away from the area. There was a slow build of stress and tension with every moment the Archangel sat in the Apennine Mountains. It was slowly building, like a teapot on a hot stove. It could be seen in small ways, some of the crew snapping at each other over little things, the furtive glances some of the crew had, as if they were all on edge, waiting to be attacked once again. But once Sinn had returned and the Archangel headed out of the mountains, the tension within the crew started to fade.

Although Kira had to admit that at least within the sickbay, with the burned and injured civilians, a different kind of emotion filled the air. It was a mix of emotions: anger, resentment, and exhaustion.

It was why Kira was more than happy to finally get released.

"You are good to go Kira." Dr. Klein said, smiling at him and flipping closed Kira's chart. "But please, try to take it easy today. I don't want you near the Strike unless there is an emergency."

"Yeah, okay." Kira pulled on his uniform and started buttoning up the front. He and the Doctor were behind the curtains around his bed.

"Kira!" Miriallia's voice called from behind the curtain. "Are you there?"

"You naked?" Tolle's joked.

"Tolle!"

Kira pulled back the curtains and found himself surrounded by his friends: Miriallia, Tolle, Kuzzey, and Cagalli. They were all beaming at him.

"What are you all doing here?"

"We heard you were being released." Tolle said.

"And we managed to get off duty and say hi." Kuzzey added.

Miriallia took a step toward him, "How are you Kira? Feeling better?"

"Uhh yeah, I'm fine now. Thanks and . . ." Kira stared at his feet, "I'm sorry for worrying you guys."

Miriallia looked down at her feet, "We are just happy you're okay."

"Seriously Kira, you had use worried." Tolle reproached, putting a firm arm around Miriallia's shoulder. "Dr. Klein told us how much you've been pushing yourself. This isn't Heliopolis and you don't work for Dr. Kato and Seis, you can rely on us too."

"If you were that tired you should have said something." Cagalli, who had been examining Kira closely, added. "You can be such an idiot sometimes."

"Sorry." Kira felt ashamed.

"It was scary not having you out there during that last battle." Kuzzey said, his voice tight. "Take better care of yourself, please? For our sakes at least."

Kira swallowed, "I'm sorry." He said again. Something in his face must have tipped Tolle off because after a moment Tolle asked, "You heard about Kazaku, right?"

Kira nodded. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about the loss. It wasn't like Kira knew the man well. Kazaku had always been kind, trying to make Kira feel included, less like an outsider. And he'd helped Kira get past Holden to see Risa while she had been locked up. A part of Kira felt responsible, as if he could have changed something if only he'd be well enough to fight.

Kira sucked in a breath. He was doing it again, trying to take all the responsibility for everything that happened.

As if she was reading his mind, Cagalli gave him a withering glare, "You better not be thinking that this is somehow your fault." She shot at him.

Kira met her eyes. "N-no . . ." He lied.

Cagalli made a face. "Uh huh."

After that, they escorted Kira back to his room. Talking about some of the updates around the ship and wondering after Flay and Sai, who they had heard nothing from after they left the Archangel in a hurry before the last battle. Once Kira was back to his quarters, they all wished him well and went back to their stations. Kira watched them go before opening his door.

He was greeted by loud, excited chirps.

"You miss me Birdy?" Kira laughed as he walked inside, holding out a hand, palm down, for the robot to perch upon. Birdy obliged and looked up at Kira and cocked his head.

"I'm fine." Kira sat down on his bed, careful not to move his hand and make Birdy take off. "You were really worried, huh?"

Birdy chirped again and hopped onto Kira's bed, jumping around him happily. Kira watched him for a few minutes, smiling at Birdy's cheerful innocence.

But after a while, now that he was alone in his dark room—he hadn't bothered to turn on the lights—there was nothing to distract Kira from his thoughts and regrets. On one hand, he felt clear minded for the first time in a while. Ever since he'd climbed into the Strike's cockpit, he'd been pushing himself. Spending hours working on the Strike, learning the controls, and worrying—so much so that he'd barely slept for weeks. It was little wonder that he'd been delirious after getting pushed to such an extreme, losing Risa, and falling through the atmosphere.

And then there was that power during the last battle . . . how everything seemed to slow down . . .

Kira shook his head. It felt like a mirage or hazy dream. The only thing Kira knew was that he'd somehow defeated enemies that, moments earlier, had almost killed him. What was that power? Was it simply adrenaline?

Perhaps he had only achieved that because he had pushed himself past his breaking point? Maybe that power was why he had been so delirious afterwards?

Kira leaned back on his bed and stared up at the dark ceiling. He felt better rested and his mind was clearer, but the sadness and regret he felt over Risa persisted. Kira recalled having nightmares about her death, but like his memories from the last battle, the dreams also seemed distant. In fact, most of his memories over the last few days were eclipsed by Lacus, her song . . . her smile . . .

Kira shook himself. She was off-limits! But then Kira frowned, didn't he think about Flay in those same terms?

I really know how to pick them. Girls who are already dating a guy. Kira stood up and stretched, trying to distract himself from thoughts of Lacus Clyne.

Honestly he was still embarrassed after their last conversation and what she must have seen when she visited him while he was unconscious. He had been half out of his mind and sedated, but she had held his hand . . .

Kira twitched at the memories. It was not just Lacus he was embarrassed about either. Cagalli and Miriallia had seen him act crazy, but at least in their cases, Kira didn't find himself thinking about them in the same light as Lacus. He wanted Lacus to see him as someone strong, someone who could be relied upon. But every time they saw each other, Kira seemed to always be at some low point.

Kira walked over to his door and turned on the lights. Kira thought he'd sleep more once he got back to his room but found that his body didn't want more rest. He wasn't feeling particularly hungry either. Perhaps he should check-in on Lieutenant Shoko Emena? He'd heard from Kuzzey that she had locked herself in her quarters and was refusing to come out.

But then again, with the loss of Kazaku, maybe she'd rather be alone?

Kira's thoughts were interrupted by his door chiming. Kira turned back to the door and opened it, finding himself looking into the cerulean eyes of Lacus Clyne.

"Oh!" Lacus said, jumping slightly and blushing, "That was fast."

"Uh yeah, I was right by the door." Kira found himself almost falling into her eyes. They were so bright and blue. It was like he was staring up into the sky on a clear day.

"That makes sense." Lacus said, staring right back, not blinking.

The both were silent, the moment stretched. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. There was a feeling in the air. A kind of energy that-

Holden coughed loudly and pointedly, making both Kira and Lacus jump.

"Oh uh . . . do you want . . .?"

"May I come in?"

"Yes, I mean, if you want . . . "

"Well, thank you . . . "

They were talking over each other and now they felt uncomfortable. Holden, meanwhile, groaned audibly.

After another moment, Kira started laughing and Lacus following suit. Her laugh was like a bell.

"Come inside." Kira said, standing aside. He looked over at Holden, who met Kira's eyes.

"I'm not coming in. You kids have fun." He raised an eyebrow, "But not too much fun, ya hear?!"

"Right, yes sir!" Kira said, feeling like he'd been admonished by Lacus' father, and turned back into his room and found Lacus giggling as her pink Haro—which had been in her hands—was jumping around the room as Birdy spun around it. Both were making happy noises, creating a kind of song of squeaks and chirps.

I wonder if Athrun preprogramed them to respond in a certain way if two of his creations met?

Kira closed the door behind him. "Uhh so . . . what's up?" Kira asked, trying to sound casual as Lacus knelt on the floor and started humming along to Haro and Birdy's song.

"Well I wanted to check-in before you left sickbay, but when I got there you were already gone." Lacus said, turning back to Kira. Kira pulled out his desk chair and sat down. He gestured to his bed and she nodded and moved to it. "I must ask, how are you?"

"I'm good." Kira smiled, "Feeling much better then when you first saw me in sickbay probably."

"It was scary seeing you like that." Lacus whispered, "You were covered in sweat and muttering."

Kira sucked in a breath, "Yeah, I . . . I think I was having a nightmare." He paused, before launching into a brief explanation of what he could remember from the dream. After a couple minutes, Kira blushed. I'm an idiot, no one likes hearing about other people's dreams.

But Lacus, to her credit, seemed genuinely interested and Kira continued, talking about how the dream never seemed to end. The only thing he didn't mention was how her song had pulled him out of it.

"What do you think it means?" She asked.

Kira looked back at her, considering his response. Should he tell her what he was really thinking? That Risa was trapped in that void forever? Or should he hold back and say that he didn't know what to think? Kira decided to split the difference.

"I just think that, the world is a dark place and Risa . . . she lost her life to that darkness. The world creates monsters and we have to fight against them to not get pulled into that darkness ourselves." Kira leaned forward, hands gasped between his legs, "If we aren't strong enough or if we are unlucky, we lose."

"That's a rather sad way of looking at the world, don't you think?"

"It is what I've seen over these last few weeks. To survive we have to become stronger, but I think the irony is that eventually we become monsters too. The people I've killed," Kira's words caught in this throat, "The people I've killed, their loved ones probably see me as a monster. I didn't want to be this way, but I had no choice. The world pushed me to become this way."

"Some of that might be truth." Lacus admitted, "But I don't think you are a monster from your association with the world. The world is better for its association with you."

"But . . . " Kira closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, "I'm going to have to keep killing people and I've made so many mistakes. I can try to change, but I feel like I'm trapped."

Lacus stared at the wall to Kira room, a small frown creased her face. "My mother told me a story once and I've never forgotten it." Lacus said slowly, her face had grown a little sad for a split second, but it disappeared, she now looked thoughtful. "A long time ago there was a girl. She wore a long scarf to blow in the wind." Lacus frowned slightly, thinking back, "It was always flapping behind her.

"The girl in the scarf played and danced, as girls do today." Lacus went on, "In fact, most things were the same then as they are today. Except for two big differences. A wall."Lacus held up her hands and spread them wide, "It was a high, terrible wall stretching toward the moon. Blocking the sky, throwing everything into shadow. You see, in those days, the wall kept out bad things.

"It had existed for so long; nobody knew how it had been built. That didn't bother them. Why wonder when the mountains began or why the sky was high? Like these things were, so the wall was. And because of that wall, there was no light in the girl's world. Everything was cast in shadow.

"Why is there a wall?" The girl asked a fruit vendor one day.

"To keep the bad things out," The vendor replied.

"What bad things?"

"Very bad things. There is a wall. Do not go beyond it, or you shall die."

"The fruit seller then picked up his cart and moved away. And still, the girl looked up at the wall."

"Why is there a wall?" The girl then asked a woman suckling her child.

"'To protect us," the woman said.

"To protect us from what?"

"Very bad things. There is a wall. Do not go beyond it, or you shall die." The woman took her child and left.

And the girl climbed a tree, peeking out the top, her scarf streaming behind her. "Why is there a wall?" she called to the boy sleeping lazily in the nook of a branch.

"What wall?" the boy asked. The girl thrust her finger pointedly toward the wall.

"That's not a wall," the boy said, drowsy. "That's just the way the sky is over there."

"It's a wall," The girl said. "A giant wall."

"It must be there for a purpose," the boy said. "Yes, it is a wall. Don't go beyond it, or you'll probably die."

The girl then asked the town's elder, who told her the same thing and warned her to stay away from the wall.

"Well," Lacus continued, her eyes distant, "these answers did not satisfy the girl. She reasoned to herself, if the wall kept evil things out, then the space on this side of it should be safe.

So, one night while the others of the village slept, she sneaked from her home with a bundle of supplies. She walked toward the wall, and indeed the land was safe. But it was also dark. Always in the shadow of that wall. No sunlight, ever, directly reached the people. There was no color in her world."

"The girl traveled far," Lacus said, looking at Kira who was hanging on her every word and smiled. "No predators hunted her, and no storms assaulted her. The only wind was the pleasant one that played with her scarf.

"At long last, the girl in the scarf stood before the wall. It was truly expansive, running as far as she could see in either direction. And its height! It reached almost to heaven itself!"

"Did she turn back?" Kira asked.

"Of course she didn't turn back," Lacus said. "She climbed. There were outcroppings in the wall, things like these spikes or hunched, ugly statues. She had climbed the highest trees all through her youth. She could do this.

"The climb took days," Lacus said, "At night, the girl who looked up would tie herself a hammock out of her scarf and sleep there. She picked out her village at one point, remarking on how small it seemed, now that she was high.

As she neared the top, she finally began to fear what she would find on the other side. Fortunately, this fear did not stop her. She was young, and questions bothered her more than fear. So it was that she finally struggled to the very top and stood to see the other side. The hidden side and on that side of the wall," Lacus whispered, "the girl saw steps. The back side of the wall was crisscrossed with enormous sets of steps leading down to the ground, so distant."

"What . . .what does it mean?" Kira asked.

"The girl stared at those steps," Lacus whispered, still remembering, "and suddenly the gruesome statues on her side of the wall made sense. The spears. The way it cast everything into shadow. The wall did indeed hide something evil, something frightening. It was the people, like the girl and her village."

"I think I know this story." Kira muttered, "Doesn't it end with her going down, stealing a weapon and bringing it back to her village only for the other society to come and destroy her town as a punishment? They end up tearing down the wall in the process."

Lacus gave Kira a quizzical look, "Partially."

"No that is how the story ends!" Kira shot back, "It is a parable about how all wars began!" He felt heated, angry for some reason. What was Lacus trying to do by telling him this story? All it did was prove his point! The girl became a monster, she had brought destruction to her city and had let all the bad things into the world. Her intentions might have been innocent, but it didn't change the result!

"What she steals from that city wasn't a weapon Kira." Lacus smiled the same smile that she had shown to him once he woke up from his dream, "It was light."

"Light?"

"The town she came from was only dark, remember? There were no colors, just shades of grey. The only light the people in the town experienced was starlight. And now their side of the wall had color. You are right that her town was destroyed, but the girl and her family escape to other towns, who now had light. Yes, they now had to experience the bad of the world, but they also could experience more of the joys too. The girl made a grave mistake, but she made up for it by helping the towns and doing what she could." Lacus stood up and walked over to where Kira sat, "You aren't a monster Kira. Yes, you have made mistakes and you have failed, but just like that girl, you can choose for those failures to make you greater."

Kira realized that he had tears in his eyes.

"Why are you crying?" Lacus asked, but she smiled like she knew the answer.

Kira wiped her eyes and tried to turned away. "I don't know. It isn't like that story actually happened."

"You can believe in a story without believing it happened." Lacus said, "The girl decided that the only way she'd find answers to the world would be to climb the wall herself." She glanced at Kira. "What do you think of her decision? Brave or foolish?"

"I don't know." Kira finished drying his eyes.

"I think she was both." Lacus went on, politely ignoring Kira as he cleaned himself up.

"Well," Kira considered, "If nobody asked questions, then we would never learn anything. So maybe she was brave?"

"What of the wisdom of her elders or other town's people?"

"They offered no explanation for why she shouldn't ask about the wall! There's a difference between listening to your elders and just being as frightened as everyone else."

Lacus smiled, her pink Haro spinning in her hand, "Funny, isn't it, how so many of our stories start the same way, but have opposing endings? In half, the child ignores her parents, wanders out into the woods, and gets eaten. In the other half she discovers great wonders. There aren't many stories about the kids who say, 'Yes, I shall not go into the forest. I'm glad my parents explained that is where the monsters live.'"

Kira chuckled and as he looked at Lacus he felt something inside of him. It was something vast and deep. It went beyond just simple attraction, beyond even what he probably felt for Flay. Even after Lacus had left, the feeling did not stop, it persisted, distracting him. Kira wasn't sure about a lot of things these days, but he was fairly certainly that what he was feeling was love. And all of it was directed at Lacus Clyne. His best friend's fiancé.

Captain's Quarters

"The only thing I can say is that I'm sorry." Murrue stared across her desk at Sinn Archer. The younger woman looked a mess, her hair a tangle, her face dirty, and her eyes had dark circles underneath them. Sinn had been back from only a few hours and since then she had been given a full medical checkup—with help from the enterprising Seis Fatale. The assessment was less than positive, the battle above Earth, followed by the ZAFT Agile attack, and finally the intense situation trying to save her brother had pushed Sinn to her limit. Sinn's implants had degraded even faster, shortening her time before she needed 'repairs' to a little over a week.

Fortunately, now that they had a operational OS that a Natural could use, Seis Fatale had the bandwidth to focus on Sinn full-time. "I'll need a couple days to study these implants." Seis sang happily. Despite the sadness around Kazaku's death, the situation appeared to roll off Seis easily as if the loss of another crew member meant nothing to her. "But I should be able to perform at least a basic surgery to help maintain the implants."

"Is it that easy?" Natarle had asked, skeptical.

"Not in the slightest, but I relish the challenge." Seis then smiled, her teeth as white as her lab coat. "These implants take planned obsolescence to a whole new level. Some small parts are intentionally supposed to degrade, likely to ensure the subject is dependent upon the Alliance. If I can replace some of those parts, we should be able to extend Sinn's time until we find someone with more . . . " Seis's voice had trailed off and she waved her hands around her, trying to find the right word, "specialization."

Murrue has accepted that and now that Kazaku had died, it was on all of them to continue to support Sinn Archer—the Biological CPU.

They were all dealing with an incomplete picture of Sinn and Murrue would have been worried about the girl's mental health. but there seemed to be something subtly different about Sinn. Her eyes were clearer, she spoke a little more often, and she appeared more present and in the moment.

Sinn nodded, "Thank you Captain."

"I want you to get lots of rest, not only because of your implants, but you have just gone through a serious ordeal."

"But my duty Captain-"

Murrue interrupted her, "Until Seis is able to perform that surgery, I'm grounding you. Further stress will only speed up the degradation. You need to sleep." And now we are down yet another pilot, how are we going to get to Spain? Let alone Alaska?

Sinn blinked slowly, thoughtfully, "I'll obey, Captain. But, may I assist the deck crew after I rest?"

Murrue sighed and agreed, stressing the need to not exert herself and then dismissed the Ensign, who turned and took her leave.

As soon as Sinn emerged out of Captain Ramius's quarters, she was enveloped by Adam, who wrapped his arms around Sinn, squeezing her hard and spinning her around. "God fucking dammit Little-Archer." He cursed, "God dammit!" Adam continued to curse, but despite his words, he was grinning and even to Sinn's eyes she could tell that he was happy. Why he was swearing so much was incomprehensible to her, but she knew enough about regular people not to question it.

"I'm sorry Sinn. About Kaz . . . I'm so, so damn sorry." There were tears in Adam's dark eyes.

Slowly, hesitantly, Sinn returned his hug. A small part of her dimly realizing that she couldn't remember that last time she hugged anyone. She felt awkward, but Adam didn't seem to notice. He was going back and forth between apologizing and swearing, from smiling to crying.

"Thank you." Sinn said and she tried to smile.

Author's Note: This was a sad chapter. Not much more to say about it.

The story that Lacus tells Kira is actually based heavily on a story from the novel Oathbringer from the Stormlight Archive. If folks haven't read that story and like fantasy, I highly recommend it.

Also I should note that we are going to get to the Desert Tiger stuff around chapter 20, so while the setting is very different now from the Seed canon, that doesn't mean they will stay that way forever.

Now to the review responses:

Celline The Sleeping Beauty: Hello again! You are right. In some ways Cagalli is Kira's sword and Lacus is his shield. They both help him in different ways.

Fortitude501: Different? Most certainly! But not forever and there will be things from the original canon mixed into the next arc (around chapter 20 or so). Well if memory serves from episode 14 Seed, Kira was also worn out from the loss of the shuttle and the decent, so it is similar here. He is slowly putting himself back together though (with the help of Lacus and not Flay sexually manipulating him). Ah yes, Flay will return to the story! For now I will keep what she and Sai are planning to myself.

Gaspar: I also lost count haha, but my estimates were around 40, give or take. Mostly it was the Archangel that took them out though.

ThePizziaMan: Not sure if I've seen you review before! But welcome! And yeah, Lacus is a far more positive support system than Flay for sure.

Guest: Kira is now back in the game, but nothing could be done to save Kazaku I'm afraid. Lacus continues to be a good influence on Kira. It is my intention to get to the Desert Tiger arc by this summer, maybe in August. So you won't have to wait too long for Waltfield and Aisha! Still holding out hope for a harem, eh? Well . . . . we will see . . .

Thank you again to everyone who reads, reviews, follows, favs, etc! Especially seeing people who are consistent about it. It is nice to see people responding to what I put out there, otherwise it feels like I am just screaming into the void.

See you next time!