Despite her resolution, Saber found herself slipping into a terrible pattern with the pseudo-servant that had become both her temptation and her torment. She would manage to keep away for some time, chaining herself to her duties to keep her mind from distraction. Then a sudden burst of grief, or simmering anger, or just the slow but steady wear of heartache would drive her back to Ishtar's bed, where she could pretend for a little while before shame and guilt caught up with her.

Each time the goddess would greet her with the same sultry gaze and pleased smirk. And each time dug the thorn a little deeper, a little sharper, into Saber's soul. Each time she swore would be the last, only to find herself once again walking down the corridors towards the goddess' chambers.

That last part had been the consistent thread in all of their encounters. Ishtar had always waited, with aggravating smugness, for Saber to come seek her out.

Which was why Saber was taken aback when she returned from a hard-fought battle, shoulders heavy and steel still ringing in her ears, to find Ishtar waiting in the knight's own quarters.

The goddess sat on the edge of Saber's bed, lightly swinging her legs as she hummed to herself. She looked up as the knight walked in, then gave her a disapproving look as she swept her hand to encompass the room.

"Everything's so plain and dull in here! Like a drudge's room. Surely a king can afford a splash of colour?"

"Please leave. Now."

"Now don't be so hasty. I'm here to make you an offer," said Ishtar, with a glint in her eye that promised nothing good.

"I am not interested in new decor, or anything else you may have." Saber rubbed at her temples. She was too tired right now to deal with this. "We've... we've already taken too much from each other. And I cannot abide the thought of adding more. So please, leave."

Ishtar instead gave her an infuriating smile as she placed an elegant finger under her chin, as if in thought. "I have graced you with my presence quite often of late. Enough to make you the envy of mortals everywhere. And yet, all these times that we've joined -"

Saber winced, and Ishtar's smile grew a little wider.

"- all these times you've been gifted with my glory, and still you only think of her. Perhaps I should be insulted, but then, it only confirms my excellent taste in choosing vessels." She ran her hands appreciatively along her hips, her fingers lingering as if on fine silk.

The knight found herself imagining how much better those hips would look framed in a black skirt, which rather proved the point. She sighed and forced herself to meet the other's gaze. "I apologize for using you in such a manner. I will entirely understand if you -"

"Would you like to see her?"

" - do not wish to further... what?" Saber blinked.

"We share this body, after all. I might be persuaded to hand over the reins, for a little while."

Saber felt something bloom inside of her. Hope. Small and fragile, but infinitely precious after nights spent in self-recrimination and regret. "I... I would be very grateful. I'm sure Rin would also -"

"If," Ishtar interrupted, "you get down on your knees and beg for it."

Saber snapped her mouth shut. She drew herself up, letting her outrage flash in her glare. "I won't. I may be weak, unworthy of my title, but I am still King of Britain. My pride also stands for my people's. I won't debase it further."

Ishtar raised an eyebrow. "I see, so you value your pride over love. Duty over happiness. Now I see why your people said their king did not understand human feelings."

"You-!"

"Stop and think a moment. Your people are long gone, your duties to them long since fulfilled. Yet still you cling to pride in their name, that same pride they never thanked you for."

Ishtar rose from the bed to stand before her, with all the poise of an empress. "Besides, there is no shame in worshipping a goddess. It is only natural; no one would think any less of you for it. So I will offer once again. Kneel before me, and I will let you see your beloved. "

The goddess leaned forward until their foreheads were almost touching. Saber could feel her warm breath tickle her cheeks, take in the scent of flowers. The knight's head swam as she tried to untangle the tempest of emotions and desires surging through her.

She had to hold on to her pride, tattered as it might be. Had she not brought enough shame upon herself already? And even if she gave in, would Ishtar actually let her see Rin, or just laugh in her face? As much as her comportment had improved over her time in Chaldea, the spirit was well known for her capricious nature. This could very well be the first in a series of humiliating tasks, the promise of her loved one the carrot dangled before Saber to make her dance to the spirit's tune.

But what if Ishtar means it, and I can really see Rin again? She was so damn lonely. Settling into Chaldea, her Master's best efforts, even this perverse arrangement with Ishtar had not been able to fill the ache in her heart. Even if it would not be her Rin, it would still be a friend. And god, Saber wanted to see her.

She opened her mouth, not entirely sure what she intended to say, when Ishtar suddenly held up a hand to stop her.

"Nevermind," said the goddess, "I've just received an even more pleasing supplication." She giggled as she backed away from a stunned Saber, eyes flashing with mirth. "How very lucky you are, to have someone love you so much. As the mistress of love, even I can't help but be moved a little. Very well, then."

Saber looked on in confusion as the woman relaxed her stance, and closed her eyes. When she reopened them, they were a brilliant aquamarine. The knight held her breath as those eyes fixed on hers in wonder, and the woman (Rin?) tentatively reached a hand towards her.

Saber grabbed the woman's hands on instinct, bringing them up to her lips to press kisses on them. She stopped halfway up, hesitating. "Please, say this isn't a trick. I don't think I could bear it."

The woman gave a snort, albeit one that sounded a bit shaky. "She hardly needs tricks. She holds all the cards here, damn her."

"I... is that really you, Rin? Then the supplication - "

"Forget about that! I wasn't just going to stand there and let her have her way, that's all." Rin crossed her arms and looked determinedly away. "A...Anyway, you were already so miserable, so... "

In other words, Rin had begged Ishtar so that Saber wouldn't have to. Saber felt something constrict her chest, a tangled ball of guilt and gratitude and love. She could sort it out later; right now she just wanted to be here, in this moment.

This time, she did not hesitate as she swept Rin up into a fierce embrace, burying her face in the familiar space between her neck and shoulder. She was hugging the other girl hard enough that it must have hurt, but Rin made no protest, only bringing up a hand to gently stroke Saber's hair.

They stayed like that for a long while, holding each other. Saber breathed in the scent of jasmine untainted by foreign fruit, heard the steady pulse of blood running through her love's throat. She revelled in the feel of deft fingers carding through her hair, smoothing out her ahoge even though they both knew the futility of that gesture.

Eventually Rin gently loosened Saber's grip on her shoulders, moved back just far enough so they could look at each other.

"It's been too long, Saber." Rin smiled softly at her, not even bothering to hide the small pinpricks of tears forming in those blue-green eyes. That was fair enough, Saber knew she wasn't far from tears herself.

She reached out to hold Rin's face, to draw her in for a kiss, when she remembered that this was not her Rin. It would not be fair to burden her with those feelings, regardless of what their bodies had done with Ishtar in control.

She coughed awkwardly. "Rin, I know you wouldn't remember, but -"

"London?" interrupted Rin. "Shirou sacrificing himself like the brave idiot he always was? That damn vampire on the train?"

Saber gaped at her in open astonishment.

"I hate to admit it, but that useless goddess does have some powers when it comes to love and feelings. Enough to pick up things from your mind, if you leave yourself open to her. And with all the times in the past few days we've done... well, that."

A furious blush spread over her cheeks as she wrung her hands. If Saber had any doubts that she was talking to Rin, that dispelled them. She could not imagine Ishtar ever looking that embarrassed, especially in relation to sex.

"Then you saw...?"asked Saber.

"Enough to understand."

Enough, Saber realized as she saw the unspoken words in Rin's eyes, for it to hurt. "I am sorry. That was my pain to bear, and I should not have imposed it on -"

"Damn it, why must you and that idiot always be so unbearably noble and – argh, just come here." The raven-haired woman pulled Saber by the arm, towards the bed. "I can't take it away, but at least I can share it with you. And don't you dare argue."

She pushed the knight down onto the coverlet, then climbed in next to her. Saber made no protest, only wrapping her arms around Rin's shoulders to pull her in closer. And somehow it did help. The heat of their shared embrace, the gentle cadence of the other's breathing... it didn't erase all the harrowing memories, or the shame of her recent sins, but it did ease them.

Saber relaxed her head against the pillow, pulling Rin along so she could keep staring into blue-green eyes. Duty would eventually call, of course, but for now she just wanted to enjoy this, enjoy holding and being held in return. It was warm and sweet and comfortable, and for a long while neither moved, content to simply bask in each others' presence.

Then Rin yawned and stretched herself out, giving Saber an eyeful of soft curves and toned muscles. Ishtar's outfit really didn't leave much to the imagination, and the body it hugged was stunning regardless of which mind was in charge. Suddenly things were more than warm, as Saber felt the first embers of desire flare in her belly.

Really, can you not hold your lusts at bay for even a moment? She thought angrily to herself. Yes, it's her, and you don't need to pretend for once, but you've already been selfish enough. You shouldn't -

"So, did you... want to move to the next step?" said Rin suddenly, interrupting her train of thought. "Not that I care either way, you understand! But after what that useless goddess made me say, I want to make sure I'm getting my money's worth."

Despite the nonchalance of her words, a deep blush had settled on her nose and cheeks. And now that Saber had been pulled from her self-censure, she saw that perhaps she wasn't the only one that wanted to move things a little further. She recognized the slight tremble in Rin's limbs, the primal scent of her arousal.

She felt relief that she wasn't alone in her feelings, and also a bit of exasperation. Some things about Rin would never change, it seemed. Including a misplaced sense of pride and embarrassment when it came to admitting the things she wanted. It was adorable, yes, but it also deserved a bit of teasing.

"Next step for what? Did you have something in mind, Rin?" Saber smiled at her with exaggerated innocence.

"Oh, for god's sake – stop playing around. Just go ahead and do whatever you want."

"No. Not if you don't want this too," said Saber, before she leaned over to kiss her softly. She saw the confusion grow in those aquamarine eyes, and so pulled back with a sigh. "I've lost myself so much in fantasy these past nights, willed myself to see what I wanted to see. I don't want to do that now, not when you're finally here with me. I need to know, really know, that you want this."

Rin stared at her wide-eyed, before she caught herself and replaced it with a glare. An expression so familiar that Saber had to stifle a laugh, knowing it would only irritate her love further.

"Fine," huffed Rin in exasperation, "I want you to fuck me, okay?" She looked away, her face the same red as the ripest cherries. "You had to go and make me say it..."

Saber laughed as she reached a hand down to grab Rin's, and intertwined their fingers.

"What's so funny?" demanded her love, even as she went an even deeper shade of red at the sight of their joined hands.

"You always present yourself as a hardened magus. Always in control. But there is this side of you too, the side that is simply begging to cede that control and have things done to you."

"Getting awfully ahead of yourself there, aren't you? I'll show you control," said Rin, and the flash of intent in her eyes sent pleasant shivers of anticipation racing down Saber's spine. God yes, she wanted this. There was no need for delusion here, for shutting out details that didn't belong to maintain a fantasy. This felt good and right, and she wanted more of it, right now.

Saber lost track of time through all the rather vigorous activity that followed. But she kept her eyes locked with Rin's as much as she could, eager to drown herself in those aquamrine pools. Wanting to commit them to memory, in case this was her last time seeing them. She was still staring into them as she drifted off to sleep, sweaty and exhausted and still savouring the afterglow.

Saber woke up to an empty bed. Ishtar was at the door, once again clad in her white and gold finery, her hand reaching up to activate the electronic sensor. As if sensing the knight's gaze on her, she looked over her shoulder. Red eyes locked with blue, the same as their first meeting. But this time, instead of an insolent smirk, the goddess' smile was knowing, even gentle. And Saber found that for once, there was no shame or guilt gnawing at her. Just satisfaction, and a quiet sense of gratitude.

In the days that followed, Saber found herself enjoying Rin's company more often than she had dared imagine. Not only in her quarters, but in the corridors of Chaldea as well. In the kitchens, where the woman had strong-armed the cooks into giving her space to cook large portions of Saber's favourites. In the reading room, pouring over Chaldea's extensive collection of materials on familiars.

Saber was confused. And one night, as she lay in bed with Rin, her mind unguarded after a particularly intense release, she asked her about it.

"This is her way of thanking you," said Rin as she played with the ends of blonde locks. "She's had an unholy amount of fun rubbing all of this in Goldie's face." She watched Saber wince in discomfort before pressing on. "Anyway, she's pleasing herself too with this. She considers sex a form of prayer to herself, after all. And..." Rin frowned, "and she likes that we can only do this at her suffrance."

Saber reached up to cup Rin's face in her hands. "Not forever. I promise you. We will help Ritsuka stop the Singularities, restore the world, so you'll no longer need Ishtar's power. And then..."

Saber smiled, her face full of that confidence that she had once commanded as king. There was no hesitation in her next words. "Then we shall go to Avalon." She grinned at the shocked look on Rin's face. "I am sure that Shirou is already waiting there for us. We should not keep him waiting much longer."

Rin stared at her in open-mouthed surprise, then recovered with a snort, an affected shrug. "Avalon isn't for the likes of me. Not after everything I've thought, and done. Anyway, I'm not even your Rin. I'm just a substitute with borrowed memories."

"Am I not King?" said Saber, in a voice so bright and self-assured that Rin's head snapped up to gaze at her in wonder. "I will bring with me whoever I please, bind my heart and soul with whoever I please."

Even if I am but a copy made by the Throne of Heroes, a facsimile of the real Artoria, I am still myself. I will fight to protect the ones I love. I will move heaven and earth to keep them with me. I won't give in to despair and failure, not anymore.

"So bear with it, Rin," she said, as she offered an open hand to her. "One day, we'll walk together towards that utopia."

"One day," murmured Rin, and took Saber's hand.

Author's Note: Even when angst is requested, I can't stop myself from fluffing up the ending.

A big thank you to Gladiara for feeding the plot bunny, as well as everyone who followed along. I had a lot of fun writing this one, and I hope it was fun to read as well.