Picking Up Strays

Title: Picking Up Strays
Rating: T
Fandom: One Piece
Summary: "Corazon I thought you hated kids? No, you can't keep him! Put him back where you found him this instant!"

Corazon hated kids. Well, that was a lie. He had to prevent children from joining the Donquixote Pirates. Besides, if those kids couldn't survive a few beatings then they wouldn't survive the life of a pirate. The seas were dangerous after all.

Yet somehow, Corazon found himself returning to the El Flamenco with a baby boy in his arms and a bag full of baby supplies. The Donquixote Pirates stared at him as if he had grown an extra head. They silently watched in shock and confusion as Corazon put away the baby supplies in his room and began to prepare a bottle of formula.

The captain was the first to snap out of his trance. "Corazon, I thought you hated kids?"

Corazon quickly scribbled down two words in response. "I do,"

"You do realize that it's a baby snow leopard Mink, right?" Doflamingo asked.

Corazon sent a glare to him. "His name is Law,"

Law was silently sucking on his pacifier while being held in one of Corazon's arms. He grabbed a fistful of Corazon's black feathered coat and buried his face into it, enjoying the soft texture.

"Where did you get him?" Doflamingo inquired.

"Rescued him from slavers,"

'Ah,' Doflamingo nodded in understanding. 'Since we suffered as children, I can't really blame him,' "What are you going to do with him?"

"He's my son now,"

Doflamingo read the newest note once, then twice, and then a third time. "No, you can't keep him,"

"Yes I can and I will," He finished preparing the formula and took a seat at the dining table.

"Corazon put him back where you found him this instant," Doflamingo ordered.

"No," Corazon shook his head and held the bottle to Law who began to drink hungrily.

"I'm dropping him off at an orphanage," Doflamingo reached to take Law from his brother.

A loud snap echoed throughout the dining room. "Don't ****ing touch my son!"

Law clapped his hands happily. "Yay!"

The elder Donquixote hissed in pain, cradling his broken hand. "What the hell is wrong with you Corazon!?"

Corazon took out his pistol and aimed it at Doflamingo. "You would do anything to protect your family. The same applies to me. If you try to take my son away from me again, I'll put a bullet through your skull!" He stood up and the father and son duo left the dining room.

"Corazon just spoke!" Pica exclaimed, breaking the silence.

"And he broke Doffy's wrist!" Trebol added.

"Uhahaha, he must really love that kid if he dared such a bold move," Diamante snickered. "Doffy, you have a nephew now,"

XXX

"Has anyone seen Dellinger?" Jora asked as she entered the living room where most of the crew was.

"Cora-san stole him-dasuyan," Buffalo answered.

"Stole him?" Doflamingo quirked an eyebrow.

"Dellinger is now Law's brother," Baby 5 said. "Cora-san said so,"

"And where is Corazon?" Doflamingo questioned.

"Stabbing bread in the kitchen," Baby 5 answered. "He said that bread is evil,"

Doflamingo face-palmed. "None of you thought it wasn't okay for Corazon to handle a knife?"

"He needed me to not stop him!" Baby 5 protested.

Doflamingo sighed and headed to the kitchen. "Co—"

"So what do you boys do if you are ever offered bread?" Corazon asked the two babies.

"Stab!" Dellinger answered. "Stab bwead!"

"Den stab dem!" Law added.

"Good job," Corazon's knife flew out of his hand and nearly cut off Doflamingo's ear.

"Corazon!" Doflamingo scolded. "You know you're not allowed near knives much less hold one!"

"Doffy I am offended!" Corazon exclaimed. "You don't want me to teach my two sons how to protect themselves?"

"You're teaching them to stab bread," Doflamingo pointed out.

"Of course! Bread is evil!" Corazon defended. "What if some random stranger offers them bread laced with sleeping medicine!? What if a random stranger offers them bread laced with poison!? What if a random stranger offers them bread that will explode when bitten into!?"

"I hope you realize that those methods could be applied to any food," Doflamingo rolled his eyes. "And Dellinger's not your son,"

Corazon slapped Doflamingo so fast that the captain couldn't even attempt to dodge. "Dellinger is as much of my son as Law is! They're brothers like you and I are!"

"Jora was the one who ad—"

"Want me to break your other hand?" Corazon threatened. "Or do you want me to blow your brains out?"

'This man can't be Rocinante,' Doflamingo he shook his head and returned to the living room. 'He's acting way too different. Perhaps someone with a Devil Fruit is impersonating him?'

A few seconds later the crew heard a loud crash and a loud cry. Law and Dellinger waddled out of the kitchen unharmed. "Dada twip and kni' go fly an' stab Dada,"

"I'll go get the first aid kit," Jora muttered as she headed for the med bay.

'On second thought, there's no way anyone could mimic his clumsiness,' Doflamingo thought.

XXX

The Donquixote Pirates were fleeing an island, the Marines having been spotted on the other end of the island. "Where the hell's Corazon!?" Doflamingo exclaimed.

Corazon was rushing towards the ship with three babies in his arms. He tripped over air molecules but Doflamingo used his strings to control him and had him continue running without tripping. As soon as the gangplank was raised, the ship left the dock. Corazon collapsed on the deck. "Let me count my babies," He pointed at each of them. "One, two, three, yep we got them all,"

"Three?" Everyone's eyes fell onto the newcomer.

"Dis Bepo," Dellinger introduced.

"Owah baby bwodder," Law claimed.

"Bepo's a Mink like Law," Corazon explained. "But Bepo's a polar bear, not a snow leopard,"

"Corazon, you can't just pick up any kid you want and claim them to be yours," Doflamingo said.

Corazon gave him a blank stare. "Isn't that how Baby 5 joined?"

"Okay that's beside the point," Doflamingo told him. "Corazon, why did you even bring the polar bear with you?"

"Some men were hunting bears to eat!" Corazon explained. "They started chasing poor Bepo despite him saying that he was a Mink!"

XXX

Doflamingo was woken up in the middle of the night by the rest of the family. He hated having his beauty sleep interrupted. "Someone better be dying!"

"Corazon adopted two more kids,"

"Of course he did," Doflamingo mumbled. 'Is it me or is the ship slanting?'

"They're on the deck,"

Doflamingo threw on his coat and stormed out onto the deck to deal with whatever problem Corazon had created. "Corazon," He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please tell me why the hell there's an orca calf and a penguin chick on the deck,"

"They're my sons, Willy and Penguin!" Corazon claimed.

"My name's Shachi," The whale corrected.

"They're literally a whale and a penguin!" Doflamingo pointed out. "They're not even Minks!"

"That's racist!" Corazon accused. "Just because they're not part of the human race or the Mink race, they can't be my sons? You're such an asshole!"

"The front half of El Flamenco is literally sticking out of the water because of the weight of the whale!"

"Now you're making fun of my son's weight!? You're not being a good uncle!"

"You know what? I give up!" Doflamingo threw his hands into the air and started heading back inside. "I'm going back to sleep!"

And thus, Rocinante adopted a total of twenty one kids.

Random Omake

The newcomer today was a man with spiky black hair and pale grey eyes. "Yo," He greeted. "I'm Rei Alistair, Rocinante's friend,"

Doflamingo's eyes landed on the unconscious Sir Crocodile. He raised a brow in confusion.

"That's my older brother, Crocodile the Desert King," Alistair informed. "Since I'm chilling with Roci and his kids, I thought that you'd want a companion,"

Doflamingo silently walked over to Crocodile, hoisted him over his shoulder, and then headed back to his chambers.

Corazon adopted all of the animal versions of the Heart Pirates. Alistair is an OC from the Tales Universe.