AN: This started out as a crack fic and evolved into... something more emotional than I had originally intended it to be because why not *sighs* lol. This isn't spec fic but it's not crack fic either? It's catharsis fic, that's what I'm calling it. Because I am Father Frank talking to Lucifer basically and these are the things I wanna tell him (and wish I could do for him huhuhu). Also I wrote this way before the IG takeover by Tom, Ildy and Joe so the fact that Tom wishes he could see Father Frank again but that he couldn't because he's in Heaven and Lucifer is in Hell was just bloody kismet! That being said.

WARNINGS!

This is a Post-S4, canon divergence fic. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED SEASON 4. Unless you wanna be spoiled or are already spoiled. But seriously, if you don't want to be, skiddadle right on that back button please and thank you.

Title, and song referenced below, is by Freya Ridings (the Hackney Round Chapel version on Youtube) which is SO DECKERSTAR except you change 'I have to see the world' to 'I've got to save the world' and I cRYYYYYYY.

Also, Father Frank went to Heaven! But if Amenadiel's theory of Free Will is to be believed—and it obviously can because how else was Eve able to escape Heaven, come back to life and in her original, youthful body, if it can't be—then anyone is free to leave Heaven or Hell, which is how Frank can visit Lucifer. Trust me, I had a whole backstory, I'm just... not... strong enough to write it out so, uh.

Roll with it...?

SHOUTOUT TO Devil'sMiracle17 for beta reading the SHIT out of this and whipping it into shape better than I ever could. This was fine, but you made it BETTER and I'm so grateful to have met you through this experience! You have my heart!

"What song is that?"

Lucifer saunters into the designated music chambers of his hellish castle before seating himself onto the bench next to Frank.

"Sounds positively wretched."

Although, 'saunter' might have been too generous a term… slinks would have been the appropriate description—trudge even more so. Unless he holds court with his demons, the Devil doesn't much care for appearances these days.

At least not when he's with him.

Dejection has made a home of his friend's shoulders, so Frank does what he can to, if not extinguish—then alleviate the insidious homesickness that plagues him by providing his more human company.

Little good it does.

Frank sighs. "Something one of the newer, younger residents of the Silver City keeps blasting on repeat through the courtyard speakers. Apparently he's having a bit of trouble accepting his newfound… state and so the angels have permitted the coping mechanism, however repetitive," he grumbles. "The other residents have given the kid a wide berth, but I actually like staying in the courtyard and it's been weeks," he feels his face pinch in shame, even as he cannot hold back the admission. "Now the song's always stuck in my head. I can't catch a break, not even here!"

(And if he, too, benefits just as greatly from their arrangement then no one else need ever be the wiser)

Lucifer snorts. "It's always nice to know you're sought, not for the scintillating conversation but, for your ability to provide refuge from angsty teenagers and shrieking, mainstream bops," he says, drily. "You sure know how to make a Devil feel wanted, Padre."

Frank chuckles. "Don't forget the refreshments," he quips, raising a goblet of demon-brewed ale to his lips and taking a dainty sip because—as he learned the hard way—the beverage was not for the faint of heart, dead or alive.

He rolls his eyes, but there's the tiniest hint of a curl to the corner of his lips that exposes his amusement, "Oh, of course," it widens in mischief. "That is, when you're not puking your guts out after having partaken a little too much of the libations…"

"That was one time!"

"And my hellions are still wiping your vile, regurgitations from the side of my castle, you little weakling!"

The pair of them dissolve into giggles as they recall the events that currently fuel their mirth; Lucifer challenging the priest and he, against his better judgement, indulging him in some petty motivation to prove him wrong. Suffice to say—they both lost that night.

Much, much later, when their nostalgia trails off and their chortles fade, Frank plays the piece in its entirety, complete with its lyrics because he's heard it so many times it's that embedded into his mind. Lucifer doesn't do anything as innocuous as applaud, but Frank can sense his appreciation—recognizes it in the easiness of his breaths and the slackening of his shoulders (however minuscule, tension never truly leaving him, not even in his slumber, in the few times Frank has caught him unaware).

"Sounds like something dear Ella would have listened to."

It's mumbled out of the corner of his mouth in evident mockery, a derisive tilt to his articulations. Except it's lost in the soft lines about his mouth and the brightening of his eyes as he becomes swept in the current of his memories.

So he waits, always waits… happy to let Lucifer dictate the pace of their interactions, the weight of their conversations. He learned early on when they'd reunited that Lucifer suffered through good days and bad days like the best of them, that the good days were often outweighed by the bad, and the one method to temper them that didn't involve isolating himself on his throne for days at a time, or going on a manic bender, or some crazed combination of both, was when he reminisced of his time on Earth. Or more specifically—

The people that made his time there all the more meaningful.

Though he'd been witness to the Devil's subtle but present humanity in the all too abrupt time they spent together topside, it is never more apparent than when he speaks of the Earthly family he'd found himself, reluctant maybe but ultimately, belonging to.

Sure, the bulk of his tales involve complaining about the notorious righteousness oozing from Amenadiel's brawny form ("Never fails to bring up he's the Favorite Son like, alright! We get it, yeesh!"), and the deviousness with which his newborn nephew commands the adults around him with a mere sniffle… ranting about Maze's betrayal ("Twice, Father. Twice! The audacity of that little demon!") by teaming up with Cain ("I'm going to need a drink for this, aren't I?" Lucifer cackles. "Or ten!"), and Linda's maddening advice during his therapy sessions ("She can never just give me the answers, honestly, what else am I paying her for?"), before recounting the whole debacle with Eve—after which he upchucked the contents of his stomach over the side of Lucifer's balcony.

Yet even amidst the palpable, if thinly veiled, vexation of his intonation, there is that undercurrent of affection that one would have to be blind not to notice... but Frank does, and he is happy. Truly. And everyone he knows, and wouldn't have known if not for Lucifer's divulging moods, who is significant to Lucifer has made an appearance in all his, sometimes hurtful but mostly fond, chronicles… save for one.

Arguably, the most important one.

Yes, it doesn't escape his notice that Lucifer hardly ever speaks of the detective that spearheaded Frank's investigation when he had been alive. His friend is in the middle of narrating his experience in a nudist sanctuary, when he cuts himself off in that manner that tells him Chloe is a part of the story.

This is what he does, every time, and it happens so often that it becomes impossible to not discern that she—his partner in every sense of the word—is so deeply interwoven within his past, his present. One need only be in their presence for more than a second to confirm, there was no mistaking the connection between them, whether it is platonic or otherwise. And so Frank is of the firm belief that it would take more than a couple of short-lived dalliances with third parties to crack, what more break, their relationship.

So, he prods. Not hard. Not pressing enough to warrant his anger or, worse, aggravate his sadness. But a little hint here, a nudge there. He can see the strain in Lucifer's muscles and the melancholy that darkens his all ready too dark orbs… and he's aching.

He can sense the fight brewing in his soul—to speak of her, to bury her memory deep inside himself, to feel her, to wrap her in his darkness, to bring her to the light, to forget her, to remember her. So Frank tells him as much as he can without actually saying the necessary confabulations that he's here, that it's okay. Lucifer can cast his burdens onto him because this is what friends (for this is what they are and yes, his celestial best friend, for all intents and purposes, is the Devil and strange as it is, he wouldn't have it any other way) do, they listen and they protect and they share the load of your despair as well as they can 'til finally.

Finally, it spills out of Lucifer like a break in a dam and he is crashing, crashing and all Frank can do is hold him through the tidal wave so he doesn't drown.

"She loves me," Lucifer admits openly, softly, even as rivulets stream silently into the collar of his ever-impeccable suit. "She wanted me to stay, and I could not give her even that. I couldn't give her what she desired."

"Why?"

"That damned prophecy," he snarls, and his eyes flash red before altogether receding to their natural umber as he further expands on this foretelling, Frank's grimace deepening as a new, priestly, player is introduced and revealed to have preyed on both Lucifer and Chloe's insecurities through his dastardly manipulations, which resulted in the deaths of a hefty number of innocents.

"And Hell must always have a ruler—a celestial one at that," Lucifer concludes in muted, hopeless tones.

"Forget the prophecy!" Frank roars, an unexpected heat that tastes of indignation at the awful circumstances that seem to follow Lucifer no matter how undeserving he is of them, coursing through his veins. "Do you love her?"

And the despondency lifts for even just a fraction, replaced by a familiar exasperation.

"Haven't you been listening? First love equals destruction upon humanity? I don't really know how much clearer than the risk of an apocalyptic threat I can get."

Frank raises an eyebrow. "I've yet to hear you actually declare your love in relation to her name, Lucifer."

"Ah," he breathes, and fiddles with a cufflink, which only gives away his unease. "Funny, that—I've also yet to say them to her. Really say them. I just keep calling her my First Love, which, not a lie! Still," he shrugs but the nonchalance is misplaced in the tremble of his hands, as he lifts his own goblet to his lips for a particularly long gulp before he, mingled with an uncharacteristic sheepishness, huffily continues, "I do adore you, Frank, but if it's all the same to you, I would much prefer that the first time I say them, properly, it would be to her, yeah? We both know how awful I am at communication and at this point in the game, I wouldn't want any wires getting crossed and all..."

Frank takes pity on the poor creature and halts his rambling with a steady hand to his shoulder. "So, tell her."

Lucifer gapes. "Sure, because it's as easy as fluffing my wings out and landing at the foot of her bed. Silly me, why hadn't I thought of this before? Oh, that's right! Something to do with Evil being unleashed upon the whole of humankind? Ring any bells? We were literally just talking about this. Am I doing something wrong? Wait, what am I saying. I'm perfect." Lucifer shoots him a look so pitying, Frank must restrain himself from cuffing him in the back of his head out of annoyance.

"Heaven really does make the lot of you dull, doesn't it?"

The things he puts up with…

"There's always gonna be something, Lucifer," he entreats (ignoring his last statement). "In any relationship. Sometimes it's fear of commitment, other times it's disagreements on expenses or the number of kids you want. In your case, it just so happens to be the possibility of the end of the world."

"Is that all?" he growls, voice dripping with disdain.

"The point is—would you rather face it alone? Or take the risk together? Come on, Lucifer," he wants to weep.

Frank doesn't understand where this vehemence stems from, but it seizes his body with an urgency that feels as natural as his phantom heartbeat. Because he's caught tendrils of this peculiarity before, but never so glaring as now—this fire in his chest and a carillon in his brain that blares, Lucifer does not belong here. Lucifer ruling Hell reeks of all kinds of wrong. But what he's coaxing him to do… it feels right. Because Chloe and Lucifer feel right.

They are true.

So he asks him, though he can surmise the answer, "Are you willing to fight for that love?"

And Lucifer doesn't hesitate, not for a second. Not for a heartbeat. He doesn't even take a breath before his assent spills forth from his mouth.

"Yes," he whispers. Then, firmer—louder, "Yes. I want to fight. For her. For us."

Because of course he would, the rebel son of God. He would.

"Then what are you standing around here talking to me for? Go!"

"And what of Hell? What's to stop the demons from coming after me again. It would really help against whatever's coming if I wasn't worrying about a possession epidemic on top of the apocalypse."

And Frank thinks about those scant seconds before he died. How fleeting but impactful his last words had been. "Maybe he put me in yours," he had said. "Your Father has a plan." He thinks about how easily the words had slipped out, almost of their own volition.

He thought dying meant the cold. But—in that transitory precipice of life and death, the sanguine fluid that fueled his essence leaking from his body and staining his cassock, and Lucifer's hands, red—held in the arms of the Devil, all he felt was warmth… a glowing fireplace after a day in the snow, the fiery embers of a bonfire, the comforting flame of an inimitable presence scoring across his heart, engulfing his soul. It was magnificent.

One might even say divine.

And in that moment, he knew.

"I'll do it," he says. "I will rule Hell in your stead."

And he can see Lucifer gunning for a laugh 'til he notices the steely glint in Frank's eyes, the resolve firming the lines of his figure, making him seem taller. Stately. Royal.

"Have I ever told you," he starts, a smirk burgeoning on his lips, "that my full name is Frankiel?"

"Spear of God," Lucifer translates, slowly.

"Your Father has a plan," he repeats.

Understanding dawns in Lucifer's eyes.

"Doesn't mean it's always a good one," he ripostes, weakly.

"And yet," Frank chuckles, surety making him bold, excited even, as he gathers him into his arms. "I'm certain that in this, we can both agree—it is. It works." He nods onto the taller man's stiff shoulder. "It has to."

Because this is what he endured the pain of living for—so that in death, he could give another a chance to be reborn, to return the love which had been so lost to him before. Because God may work in mysterious ways, but He used him as a vessel and revealed the truth of Lucifer to him, so that he could use his final breaths to bestow a glimmer of hope into His son.

He would accept no other explanation apart from this miracle unfolding before him—all the cogs and wheels that made up his life, and afterlife, shifting into perfect gear.

He says as much to Lucifer, and though he shakes his head as if in denial, he gradually returns the embrace. Frank closes his eyes—and knows that same hope that tethered him in those final, critical, beautiful moments of his life, is now a living, breathing entity in Lucifer's own soul because—when he opens them, the Devil is gone.

There is much to work out—the insurgence of the demons that will surely reignite at Lucifer's once more, and final, departure, arranging visits with his daughter, how to get up on that damned throne, perhaps begin forging a new one in its stead, figure out whatever his freshly-anointed status truly entails. There will be time for all of that, eons of it, even. But for now…

The priest walks out onto the edge of the balcony that overlooks his newfound domain—Hell is a sprawling, ebony terrain before him.

And this, quite naturally, is how Father Frank ends up ruling it.

AN: Honestly, I wrote this because I just really miss Father Frank. Even after S4 'A Priest Walks into a Bar' is still hands down one of my most favorite episodes in all four seasons.

And, just as Father Frank, I too would sacrifice my spot in Heaven if it meant Deckerstar could be together. LET THEM BE HAPPY!

Speaking of, I got some bigger stuff in the works. This came to me at a 4am, sleep-deprived yet frenzy, haze and wouldn't leave me alone till it was written. I know, the lack of Chloe in this is abysmal XD but rest assured, the Deckerstar program should resume soon so, stay tuned!