AN: I'm so angry at the possibility that Danny and Rachel could be back together!

I think it's a huge, huge mistake! Danny would not forget everything that had to happen in the aftermath of the divorce, the eternal fight to spend a few hours with Grace and all the sordid issues about Charlie. As the authors of some fics on this site mention, Rachel has a very casual relationship with the truth, avoiding it or suppressing it completely, when it doesn't suit her interests.
That's why I thought to write this story. It's my first McDanno story, so please, be gentle. If you have read my other stories, you will know I never leave something unfinished. It's a medium story, from 10 to 12 chapters. I'll publish the new chapters every two days.
I thank my beta, Hugo, for his time and ideas. If you find an error, it's all mine, tell me and I'll be happy to fix it. Please, let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: All the characters and situations inherent in the Hawaii five-0 TV show, are owned by its creators and CBS. They are taken back for entertainment purposes only. No money or goods have been exchanged in the publishing of this story.

Enjoy reading!

Chapter 1: Maybe it's time to move on

Chapter Text

May, 2019

Steve crumpled the sheet of paper with the seal of the United States Navy and sighed deeply. He got up and took a few steps around his office, then collapsed on the couch and hid his face between his hands.

The whirlwind of the last hours turned in his head again and again. One more time, someone was injured as a result of his past actions. Maybe it was naive to think that, with Hassan imprisoned in a black site and Greer dead, the whole dark affair was finally over. He deceived himself on that, and now Jerry was in the hospital, with a gunshot wound.

Two hours ago

It had been anguished hours waiting for news. He remained standing, half-hidden in a dark corner of the waiting room at Queens Medical Center, while the rest of the team waited patiently, sitting on chairs and comforting each other in low voices.

When, finally, the doctor came out and said that Jerry would pull through, Steve couldn't take it anymore and left the waiting room, in the middle of the surge of questions with which Danny and Lou attacked the doctor. He hid in the bathroom to let, finally, that the guilt and the anguish came out from him in drowned sobs.

Sitting on the closed lid of the toilet and protected by the thin walls of the tiny cubicle, he took a few deep breaths to calm down himself. He shut up suddenly, alerted for the sound of the bathroom door and a few steps echoed on the white tile floor. Silently, he listened to the man taking care of his business and washing his hands, to leave the bathroom shortly after.

When Steve was sure he was alone again, he cautiously opened the cubicle door and looked at his image in the mirror, while washing his hands and pouring cold water on his head and neck.

Slowly, he opened the door and stepped out into the crowded corridor. Without looking back, he walked quickly to the parking lot and climbed into his truck, turning the engine on and driving to the HQ.

Five-0 headquarters was deserted and dark. Only the dim light from his desk lamp and the bluish light of the smart-table broke the gloom that wraped him, that gloom that was a true reflection of what was going on inside him since Joe's death. He had been forced to put a stop to his feelings and his grief, dragged irremediably by everything that had happened since his return from Montana. The cases followed one another, giving him barely time for mourning. So, as usually, he had thrown all the pain to the bottom of his mind to deal with it later.

The ring of the elevator broke the silence and the familiar pace of footsteps came quickly to enter the headquarters. He didn't even raise his head when the expected sound of his office glass door opened and Danny's voice said "Hey ..."

The silence came back heavy, crushing him, until Danny spoke again, as he sat on the couch next to him, "So ... Jerry... he'll be fine."

Steve felt the weight of Danny's hand that fell gently between his shoulder blades in a gesture that was meant to be comforting, but that went through the thin fabric of his shirt and felt like a red-hot iron that marked him deeply. He nodded silently, unable to prevent a sigh escaping his throat furtively.

"Don't do that!" Danny said, "This is not your fault, and you know that! These people are crazy, Steve. They live trapped in an endless desire for revenge ... it's all what they learned and the only thing they know. What Hassan did was for revenge, and now his wife. And unfortunately it's what his son and thousands of kids will learn."

Sighing, Steve slowly raised his head and looked at Danny with infinite sadness. "I did this, Danny!"

Danny shook his head, but Steve put his hand in Danny's chest saying, "Jerry was hurt because what I did seventeen years ago and what I did again, five months ago ..." without giving Danny a chance to respond, Steve spoke again, "This will never end ... and it has already ruined countless lives ... it will... it will only end when I ..." He broke off suddenly, closed his eyes and clenched his fists.

Danny's eyes wandered to look at Steve's hands, looking, for the first time, at the crumpled paper twisted between Steve's stiff fingers. "What is that, babe?" Danny asked softly, holding Steve's hands and trying gently to stretch his fingers.

Instinctively, Steve pulled his hands away and shook his head, "It's nothing ..." he said in a barely audible voice, "Nothing important." He got up and went around his desk, throwing the crumpled paper into a drawer and slamming it.

Danny frowned but said nothing. Sighing, he got up and walked cautiously towards Steve, who looked at him with an indecipherable expression. Danny's phone rang with an unpleasantly cloying tune, Steve's eyes involuntarily strayed to the screen that lit up and showed an image of a smiling Rachel.

"Hi ..." Danny answered, placing his phone in his ear, as he turned around and left the office, looking for some privacy. Steve listened to the unintelligible murmur of Danny's words, who leaned against the smart-table while talking on the phone. Slowly, Steve sighed one more time, opened the drawer of his desk again and looked at the letter, as if meditating on his options. He closed the drawer again, securing the lock with a small key. He walked to the door, switched off the lights and hurriedly and silently left the headquarters.