Author's notes: Hello everyone. Thank you so much for liking this story and favoriting it. I enjoy writing it a lot. I think there would be some questions coming from this chapter regarding Wickham and they will be answered all in good time. I hope you enjoy this chapter. "It felt nice to be home" Stay safe everyone.

Chapter 5

"Lizzy, Lizzy!" Lydia called out when she got closer. Lizzy's walks were always fast paced when she walked by herself.

Lizzy turned around "Lydia? What are you doing out so early in the morning?"

"Needed to think about some things. Can I walk with you?" Lydia asked apprehensively.

"Of course." Lizzy smiled and hooked her arm through Lydia's.

"What is it you need my help with, Lydia?"

"How did you know?"

"You wouldn't come for a walk otherwise. You, my dear, like your sleep."

It was true, she loved sleeping in, in the days when life was leisurely spent and she was young life was fun, full of possibility and love. Now, she would wake up before anyone else due to nightmares. Everyday was torture, she feared waking up only to find herself back in the hovel in London with Wickam.

"It's alright, Lydia," Lizzy said, placating her sister, seeing her quiet without a quip felt strange.

Lydia looked at Lizzy "it's alright, Lizzy. I do like sleeping in." Lydia smiled, Lizzy felt relieved.

"I needed to speak to you about the situation of our land."

Lizzy looked at Lydia surprised, "what do you mean?"

Lydia stopped walking, looked into Lizzy's eyes and plunge into her speach.

"Lizzy, our situation in life is not very high. Can we alter it? Maybe talk to father and find ways to make more money, have a higher dowry. Maybe our uncle Grandier can help us. I want us to have choices Lizzy. I want Kitty, Jane, Mary, you, mama to be able to live without the fear that we won't be able to support ourselves if papa is not around or that Mr. Collins throwing us into the hedgerow, just like mama fears."

"Lydia, such a heavy conversation to have. Are you alright? Something changed with you. It helps that we are all pursuing to be better but it feels like you are being chased by something."

Lydia sighed, started to walk slowly forwards looking to the ground for the words to explain "I realized recently Lizzy that mama's way of catching a husband can only put us in the path of scoundrels and rakes. It is frightening to be married to a scoundrel of a man. Our station in life does not give us much choices." She shuddered to think that any of them would marry a Wickham. She couldn't help it when her tears ran down her cheeks. There has been a lot happening to her, nightmares keeping her awake, the new neighbors coming, Jane and Bingley and most importantly Wickham being in the same town, meeting him again, seeing him charm women and ruining them without a care in the world.

"Lydia, I am really glad you are making an effort to change yourself and I support all of us going forwards, gaining choices but I am not sure what you would like me to do." Lizzy said looking at Lydia mistified.

"Father loves you above all of us." Lizzy tried to interject "it's alright Lizzy we all know, you are papa's favorite and me, mama's favorite." Lizzy let it go, it was a subject that debating it will bear no fruit. "I want us to help better manage the estate, just like we have improved ourselves, maybe we can improve our station. We can also talk to uncle Grandier in London and see if we can invest. Anything that will help us gain more to be self-sufficient in our lives."

Lizzy became thoughtful, it was true that they worked on themselves and were becoming different women and closer than ever. "Lydia you must understand that if we speak with papa, he might not be receptive, also to rise we might need to have less pin money and sacrifice in ways that might not be in your favor for a while."

Lydia smiled "there is nothing to fear on that account, Lizzy, if less pin money now means that we'll be able to choose from a better pool of men than I do not mind, dear sister."

"Lydia, are you sure?" Lizzy asked stressing the question. Lydia willingingly giving her pin money or receiving less was a wonder that amazed and terrified Lizzy.

"Lizzy, I am serious." Lydia looked Lizzy square in the eyes with a conviction that left Lizzy speechless. "Should we request help from uncle in this regard? Might he persuade papa to work harder or to let us help in managing and doing the books for the estate?"

"We can write to him while informing our sisters of the decision we have reached and ask their opinions on the matter. Tonight we can speak with papa, all of us, persuade him to listen."

"I find that sounds like a wonderful plan. Now, we must hurry home to break our fast and continue lessons."

"It has been wonderful Lydia for all of us to interact, to learn from each other, to help in becoming more successful women."

"It has been, Lizzy. I am truly happy to stay like this for the rest of our lives."

Lizzy laughed "what about a husband.? Not so long ago you were telling us that you will be the first to marry and show off your dear husband."

Lydia smiled bitterly "I suppose I thought so, to the encouragement of mama and society, plus I have always wanted to be the first to have something to lord it over all of you."

"Not anymore?" Lizzy asked jesting, smiling.

"No, not anymore. I want to stay here for as long as papa can keep me. Men are terrible creatures and devious." Lydia shuddered again, Wickham's arrival was closer with each day that passed.

Lizzy held her back and worry etched her face.

"Lydia, what has happened? Has someone done something to you? Have you been … been … violated?" Lizzy whispered the last word fearing for her sister.

"Lizzy, no. I had a particular nasty nightmare and realized that my foolishness can bring more destruction to me than I ever thought possible if I do not pay attention to decorum. I wanted to see the world as everyone loving me like you all have. The world is not that good, it could be merciless, harsh and men have authority over us. I have heard stories of what that could possibly mean to a girl who cannot defend herself."

Lizzy breathed in greatly, Lydia's action could mean the worse for a young girl. She was so relieved to hear that nothing happened to her baby sister. Though it still not quite explained her behavior completely, Lizzy was willing to let it go for now.

"I am overjoyed to hear that nothing of the kind happened to you, Lydia." Lizzy hugged her, nobody should ever go through that.

It seemed a little funny to Lydia that even when she ran away, it was her choice and she willingly went to bed with Wickham without any security for the future except for his words. How quickly that changed when he found out that he was not going to inherit Longbourne, that he lost to a cousin nonetheless. In that moment Lydia became an obstacle to his future. Lydia shooked herself to attend to Lizzy's words.

"I will tell you of my nightmare Lizzy. I try not to dwell on it, but I am sure when I come to terms with it I will say everything to you and our sisters." She trusted Lizzy, she was a good woman and a loyal person when she gave her heart to you.

"I will wait for the day, Lydia." Lizzy squeezed her hand in comfort.

They arrived at the breakfast table just as Hill went out of the room.

"Where have you been, child? Gallivanting through the wilderness again?" Their mother addressed Lizzy without glancing in Lydia's direction.

Lizzy smiled and went to sit next to Jane. Lydia lagged behind thinking about her mama's words to Lizzy that she heard growing up. She wished she was more like Lizzy, steadfast in her convictions, speaking with all in such a way that would give all passes and flattering her. She was a quiet beauty that once seen you wanted more and more. Lydia did not understand why her mother was acting in such a way with Lizzy. Dwelling on that though would have to wait as Kitty beckoned her to a seat in between her and Mary. Lydia smiled, for the first time since she came back this scene felt the most familiar and most welcomed. Breakfast with her family, her mother's boisterous voice, her papa quietly looking over everyone, and her sisters with their own world that took shape every day. It felt nice to be home.