Hi All, next chapter up. Thank you to OneChicagoPD- awesome review, you're too kind :-) Hope this chapter is what you need. Glad to see you're still reading Lanteaddicted1 :-) Enjoy…. Cheetah x

Chapter Twenty-Two

It took Jay approximately seven minutes to regret asking his boss to stay. Jay had kept quiet initially, not feeling like talking but appreciating the company. The only sounds in the room were the bleeps of monitoring devices and the whooshing sound of Jay's ventilation support. Eventually Voight spoke up, breaking the silence.

"Shall we start with talking about why you didn't want me to go?" Voight asked.

Jay closed his eyes, the drawback of having company, was their desire to talk things over constantly. "I'd rather not." Jay said, hoping that would suffice as an answer.

"Hmmm…" Voight growled. "Want to know what I think?" He asked and then continued on, making it clear his statement was not an actual question. "I think you're living in a permanent state of alert, expecting danger to come from everywhere. And I think you feel vulnerable and weak in that bed, unarmed. You're anxious because you're not ready for a potential attack."

Jay said nothing in reply, Voight took that as a sign he was close, if not spot on. "Bet you've already worked out whether you could physically fight if you had to. Checked the room out for potential weapons?" He asked genuinely this time.

"Once a soldier, always a soldier." Jay answered very quietly.

"Your safe Jay. Keyes is dead. We arrested all the others involved."

"I know. Hard to listen to the rational mind though sometimes, hey?" Jay replied with a small smile.

"Yeah it is, sometimes you need help with that." Voight said, eyebrows raised. Jay didn't say anything, so he continued again. "You need to try and relax when you're awake, it might help stop the nightmares and flash backs. Your constant anxious state isn't good." Voight decided.

"Right… I'll just switch off my anxiety then." Jay said mockingly, closing his eyes again. He thought to himself, if only it was just that simple. Voight acknowledged that although Jay hadn't agreed with Voight's opinion; he hadn't denied it either. He decided to keep pushing him.

"Where did you find yourself during your flashback today? What did you see?" He asked, as gently as he could.

Jay shook his head, not willing to go this far. He knew if he talked about it, it would come alive again. "Can't remember, I don't know. Voight…" Jay was about to ask him to leave it, his head was pounding with the stress of this 'talk'. Voight observed Jay's uncomfortable reaction, but wasn't prepared to let it go, he pushed on further not allowing Jay to finish. He felt like he was pulling a confession out of a perpetrator.

"Where did you go?" He asked again more sternly, not letting up off the gas pedal.

"Voight I can't do this." Jay said screwing up his face, breathing deeply. He drummed his fingers on the top of his bed sheet anxiously.

"Talk Jay." He ordered, deciding to use Halstead's military background to his advantage, he might just automatically respond to an order.

Jay began breathing faster, his fight or flight mode was rearing up. He felt trapped, he might as well have been tied up again, unable to get up and walk away. His hands unconsciously came up to his neck, grabbing at the skin. He could feel his heart pounding away in his chest and the previously soft bleep of his heart monitor was now piercing the room with its frantic rate. He was suddenly hot, sweat prickled his skin. A rushing sensation came over him, roaring in his ears, he had to say something, or burst. "Same place as before..." Jay blurted out. "I keep finding myself in that fucking basement."

"Jay, take a deep breath..." Voight instructed, getting up out of his chair, he squeezed his shoulder. Jay looked towards him dazed, the movement of his head made him feel instantly dizzy and nauseous. He swayed and glanced down at his hands to find he was trembling violently. He had no idea when that had started. He wondered how long he had been like that for. "Jay, you with me? Take that breath kid." Voight asked. Jay couldn't work out why Voight was saying that. He was there, wasn't he? "Jay?" He called a final time.

"Sick…." Jay suddenly blurted out, finding his voice. It was all he managed to say before the small amount of soup he had eaten earlier came back up. Voight grabbed for a bowl but couldn't get it in front of him in time. He vomited down his hospital gown and closed his eyes, hoping the ground would swallow him up.

"It's ok. Is there anymore?" Voight asked him, hovering cautiously with the bowl in his hand. Jay shook his head. He was deeply embarrassed, and Voight could tell, which seemed to make it all worse. "Let's get this off you…" Voight said, trying to pull the gown off him.

"Can't. The IV lines. Gonna have to get someone." Jay said, the shame he felt continuing. He felt disgusted at his own behaviour, let down by his own body.

"Right, ok. I'll find someone." He placed a hand on Jay's shoulder again and squeezed gently. Aware of his injuries but trying desperately to climb inside Jay's world and offer comfort to him. Jay didn't look up, he just nodded slowly, appreciation passed on silently.

Voight returned with the night shift nurse and she paused the infusions so the soiled gown could be removed. She freshened up Jay's chest and neck with wet wipes, after he forcibly declined a bed bath, complaining he was too tired. His personal limit for humiliation had hit an all-time high and he couldn't cope with anything else. Seeing Jay without his hospital gown, Voight found himself staring at the scars and bruising on Jay's chest. He wasn't sure of the exact number of ribs broken, but clearly it was most of them if the bruising was anything to go by. Jay glanced over to see Voight looking at him.

"Not great, hey." Jay said, feeling a little more like himself again.

"It'll heal kid. You're strong." Voight answered. Jay snickered sarcastically; he couldn't have felt any further away from 'strong' at that very moment. They remained in silence until the nurse left.

Voight was confident that Jay had calmed down enough, he wasted no time getting back on topic. He felt that Jay still needed to talk and followed his instincts. "Ok. So, what was happening to you in the basement this time?" He pushed on.

Jay rolled his eyes, shocked that Voight felt the need to further the interrogation. Wasn't getting upset enough to vomit enough for him? He didn't delay his answer any further, he knew his boss wouldn't accept it. "I was swinging from my wrists. Waiting." He replied.

"Waiting?" Voight asked, encouraging Jay to continue.

"Yeah, waiting for whatever they had planned next. It's classic treatment, you tie someone up, blindfold them and leave them waiting." Jay said.

"Mentally trying to break you." Voight agreed.

"Yeah, they tried." Jay smiled. "But they underestimated me."

Voight laughed supportively. "That I have no doubt about. But it doesn't mean the feelings generated in that moment are not staying with you." Voight said seriously.

"I've been through worse Voight. It wasn't even that bad this time..." Jay said, suddenly realising the depth of that statement. It made him feel sick again to think of how weak and pathetic he actually felt over something that he classed as not that bad.

Voight pulled a shocked face; he obviously knew about Jay's military past with the Rangers but had never understood what had caused him to know longer be with them. It was clear something horrific had happened.

"That's hindsight talking... How did you feel at the very moment they were electrocuting you and beating you like an animal?" He asked cautiously.

"Like… I don't know." Jay said, uncomfortable, not wanting to say the words out loud.

"Halstead." Voight growled, staring at him.

Jay sighed. "Like… like… you were never gonna come." Jay said quietly, staring forward. A tear escaped his eye without warning, he didn't even feel it as it ran down his cheek and splashed onto his new gown. He continued to stare forward blankly.

"Exactly." Voight acknowledged, nodding. His response pulled Jay out of his blank stare with a startle. "When you're going through it, they use the emotional torture to make you lose your rational mind. That leaves behind the weak, anxious man that decides he's now on his own and no one is coming to save him. Yes?" He asked, watching Jay closely. "With a good beating, that anxious man will break. He'll talk."

"It feels real. Like I could actually feel them doing it to me all over again. When I talk about it..." Jay said quietly, Voight thought he sounded like a little boy. He had an overwhelming urge to reach out and hold him, but sat completely still, hoping Jay would continue. "There's other shit in my head too, stuff from years ago. It all feels so real now." He turned his face away from Voight, not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Ok, well we can talk about all that too. Talking about it, acknowledging how you really feel, will help you start to heal, and it will become easier." Voight answered him, feeling pained hearing Jay's inner thoughts. "I'm always here, ok?" He said solidly. He reached out for Jay's hand and held it tight, unsure if he'd overstepped his boundaries.

Jay nodded; he closed his eyes still looking away but didn't let go of Voight's hand. More tears spilled from his eyes and Voight could hear Jay quietly sobbing. They remained in that position, neither of them feeling ready to let go.

Erin knew she had made a mistake going to Molly's when Antonio shoved a beer bottle in her hand. She took one sip and felt sick to her stomach. It felt seriously wrong to be out drinking beer whilst her best friend, her partner, was lying in a hospital bed. She felt devastated that they didn't want her to go and see him. It was like he had been kidnapped all over again.

The bar was packed and the volume of conversations much louder than normally expected. It was evident that word had spread about the drinking session being held in Jay's name. Officers from all over the district were there in support. Adam approached the table that the intelligence team had gathered around with a tray of potent looking shots. Kim, Sean and Trudy had joined them.

"Shots up!" He said cheerfully, passing them around.

Antonio reached for two shots, passing one towards Erin. She grabbed it and looked at the bright red colour, deciding if she wanted to drink it.

"To Halstead!" Adam shouted. The whole bar joined in.

"To Halstead!" They bellowed. The shots were downed, followed by sips of beer to lose the intense taste.

"He's gonna get over this…" Adam said positively. "He's a strong detective."

"Absolutely." Trudy agreed. "Voight said he's already improving with the new antibiotics."

"I can't believe this even happened to him. It's just not fair." Kim said, saddened.

"What's the deal with not going to see him Mouse?" Adam asked.

Mouse took a long pull on his beer. "He's strong, you're right and it's good that he's responding well to the meds. But you all have to remember that he's a private guy. He needs his space to process what has happened to him and begin to heal." Mouse said, taking another sip of beer.

"I'm certain he'd process it better with the support of his friends." Erin said bitterly.

Mouse cocked his head to the side sighing, finding Erin's statement unfair. "Come on Erin… I was also unsure of Will's intentions when he came up with this idea this morning. Wasn't like he was there for him the last time. But apparently it came from Jay too. He doesn't want an audience at his bedside any longer. Will feels he's being overstimulated by the visits and they need to stop to encourage him to relax and get better."

Erin shook her head, signalling her disagreement. "I don't know Mouse. One minute he's punching you in the face, now you're agreeing with him?" She asked.

"I guess he is the doc." Antonio said.

"Doesn't make him right." Erin said. "You know what guys… I'm tired." She said, standing. She placed her half-finished beer on the table and grabbed her leather jacket. "I'm done." She turned and left. Erin was so angry with Will and Voight for keeping her away from Jay. She couldn't believe Mouse had just accepted it, despite how Will had behaved towards him. He was supposed to be Jay's best friend. She got in her car and decided to head to Med. It was late, around 9pm, she parked the car easily and headed up to the ITU floor. Finding Jay's room, she paused before entering. She wasn't sure what made her stop, but her instincts told her to look through the glass prior to walking in. She took a sharp intake of breath when she saw Voight sat with Jay. Her initial reaction was one of explosive anger, he had clearly lied to her face. "Work my ass." She spat under her breath. Then she looked closely, she slipped her hand away from the door handle as she noticed Voight was holding Jay's hand tightly. Jay had clearly been crying, his eyes were red and puffy, and he looked pale and exhausted. He looked like he was sleeping, but Voight had decided to remain with him, sitting quietly. She took a deep breath, her eyes welling up at the scene in front of her. Tears spilled from her eyes as she let her anger go, she had clearly underestimated Voight. She turned around and left, leaving them together.