TW for drug use and mild violence

The rest of the week went mostly the same as the first day. Neelan was friendly enough, but the connection Natsu had been pinning his hopes on never came.

"I'm sorry," Gray said on the fourth evening as they sat at a restaurant on the harbor. Neelan had disappeared just before dinner, giving a vague excuse that Natsu didn't even bother to try to pick apart.

"Part of me wants to keep trying," Natsu said, wiping at the condensation on the side of his glass. The setting sun highlighted the pink of his hair and Gray reached out to tuck a piece of it behind his ear. "The other part just wants to give up. We have to go back soon anyway for the hearing."

Gray's stomach twisted and he shook his head, trying to push away thoughts of his own imminent reunion with his brother. "Don't worry about that," he insisted. "Whatever you need."

Natsu sighed, hooking his foot around Gray's ankle under the table. "I'll give it one more day," he said. "He said he was gonna bring more pictures of my mom tomorrow, I wanna see those. Maybe it'll…" He waved his hand vaguely.

Gray nodded. "Okay." He reached out and took Natsu's hand across the table, squeezing it gently. "C'mon," he said, nodding toward the door. "Let's go watch the sunset."

Later that night, Natsu woke to a rapping on the motel door. He yawned, disentangling himself from Gray and pressing a kiss to his forehead before shuffling out of the bedroom and through the kitchenette. When he pulled the door open, Neelan was standing there, hands pushed deep in his pockets. Natsu frowned.

"Dad?"

The word still felt strange in Natsu's mouth, even after four days together, and he wasn't sure he liked it. He rubbed his eyes and glanced back at the clock on the microwave.

"I know it's late," Neelan said quickly. The time read 4:56 a.m.

"More like early," Natsu said, yawning and pulling the door open. He motioned for Neelan to step inside. "What's up? Is everything okay?"

Neelan didn't reply, just stood awkwardly inside the door, and Natsu felt something coil uncomfortably in his stomach. Neelan had been strange and distant all afternoon, perpetually looking over his shoulder and nervously checking his phone, and it had left Natsu feeling unsettled.

He glanced back toward the bedroom, then reached over and flicked on the lamp that sat on the table next to the door. As soon as the light hit Neelan's face, Natsu swore.

"What the hell happened to you?" Natsu demanded, suddenly wide awake.

Neelan's lip was split and streaked with blood, and his knuckles were red and bruised. An uneasy feeling crept into Natsu's stomach and he took a step back.

"It's not as bad as it looks," Neelan said, raising his hands and looking up at Natsu. The blue of his eyes was nearly swallowed up by the black of his pupils, and his cheeks were flushed.

Fuck. Natsu felt like he was going to be sick.

"Get out," he whispered, backing away again. He gestured to the door and bit the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. Shame filled his chest, hot and heavy.

"What are you talking about?" Neelan asked, eyes widening and brow drawing down into an expression that was suddenly terrifyingly familiar. Tiny pieces of memory started to surface and Natsu pushed at them desperately to keep them down.

… I'm fine, Daddy's just not feeling good today…

"Gray," Natsu said softly, looking down the hallway at the open bedroom door.

"Don't do that," Neelan insisted, stepping forward quickly. A spike of panic flared up in Natsu's chest and he backed up into the wall, eyes skipping away from Neelan's face and down the scratch marks on his bare arms.

"I said, get out," Natsu repeated, then raised his voice and called for Gray again. A grumble came from the bedroom, then Natsu could see the flick of the lamp turning on. His hands shook and he curled his fingers into fists.

"Natsu, please," Neelan said. "You don't need to wake him up, this is between you and me."

… don't need to tell them, it's just between us…

"Leave," Natsu replied, trying his best to keep his voice even. His chest felt tight and there was an uncomfortable pressure in the back of his throat that he knew was going to turn to tears.

"You didn't even let me—"

"Get out!" Natsu's voice rose sharply. "Gray! J'ai besoin de ton aide, c'est mon père!"

There was a thump from the bedroom, and before Neelan could take another step forward, Gray was in the hallway, shirtless and blinking blearily.

"Natsu?" he asked, running a hand over his face. "Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?"

Natsu didn't answer, and Gray's expression turned immediately from sleepy to concerned. He moved forward, and as soon as he saw Neelan his face hardened, and he stepped in front of Natsu.

"He's high," Natsu said, feeling small and childish. He could see Gray's shoulders tense and guilt washed over him immediately. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't—"

"What do you want?" Gray asked Neelan, voice calm and quiet in a way that Natsu rarely heard. It was terrifying.

"I want to talk to my son," Neelan growled. "Get out of my way."

"He told you to get out," Gray said. He put one of his hands behind him and Natsu looked down to see him holding out his phone. "Appeler la police," Gray said quietly, pressing it into Natsu's hand.

"You can't—"

Gray took a step forward, interrupting what Neelan had been about to say. Natsu's fingers curled around the phone and he stared down at the screen, then looked back up at his father. Neelan's face quickly transformed to something hard and angry, and Natsu wished he could disappear.

"Leave." Gray's voice was soft, but Natsu had never heard it so cold, not even when he'd talking about Lyon. "Natsu. La police."

Natsu hesitated, and then his eyes flicked up to the scars on Gray's back and any reluctance he'd felt left him in a rush of fear. He couldn't let that happen again.

"You don't need to call the goddamn police," Neelan snarled, taking an unsteady step forward. By the time Gray's arms came up to block the wild swing Neelan took at him, Natsu was already whispering police, I need the police into the phone, and giving them the motel address as quickly as possible.

"Dad, stop!" Natsu held the phone away from his ear, barely hearing the dispatcher's voice, as Neelan stumbled backward and brought his arm back again. Gray wasn't retaliating, just had his arms up in front of him and was planted firmly between Neelan and Natsu. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Neelan's arm stopped mid-swing and he staggered backward, gaze flicking from Gray's face to Natsu's. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were flushed, and in the dim light of the living room lamp, he looked possessed.

"Please," Natsu begged, grabbing Gray's arm and pressing the phone into his hand. Neelan's stare was unfocused as he looked between Gray and Natsu, and when Natsu moved to step forward, Gray grabbed his arm.

"Don't," he said quietly. Natsu felt a flash of anger rush through him, and the words he's not going to hurt me were on his tongue before he realized how badly Gray was shaking.

"You didn't need to do that," Neelan said, voice softer than it had been moments ago. He frowned at the phone in Gray's hand. "Nothing happened, I just wanted to talk."

"You just hit my husband," Natsu growled, sliding his hand up until his palm was pressed to Gray's and their fingers were twined together. "You're high, gods, I'm so fucking stupid." Natsu ground his teeth together, feeling tears well up in his eyes. "That's why you disappeared, isn't it? Do you know how fucking shitty my life was because of you?"

"Natsu, I—"

"No." Natsu shook his head, the fear and confusion in his chest solidifying into a hard, cold anger that he couldn't control. "You picked drugs over me, didn't you?" Neelan didn't say anything and Natsu ran his hand over his face. "You… you fucking left me. I didn't have a family, I hurt myself, people hurt me because you cared more about getting high than your kid."

"Natsu—"

"Gray was right," Natsu said. "I can't believe you. Fuck you."

"Just listen to—"

"Get out," Natsu said, interrupting Neelan's words. Gray squeezed Natsu's hand as Neelan swayed, steadying himself against the table. Neelan's face fell, and something in Natsu's chest cracked as his father started to cry.

"Natsu, please," Neelan said, reaching out his hands. Gray pulled Natsu behind him again and glared at Neelan. Neelan's glassy-eyed gaze drifted over Gray's face, then back to Natsu, and he put his hands up apologetically. "You're right, I'm so sorry. You have to believe me, this isn't—"

"We don't have to do anything," Gray said, voice rising with anger. He was gripping Natsu's hand so hard it hurt, but Natsu didn't pull away. "Get. Out. That's the last time I'm going to tell you."

"I'm so sorry," Neelan said, shaking his head as tears ran down his cheeks. Natsu's chest ached – part of him wanted to reach out, to say it's okay, I forgive you, it's not your fault. But the other part of him was terrified and angry and so, so sad.

"The police are on their way," he said quietly, and he felt tears running down his cheeks. "Please go."

"Natsu, please," Neelan protested, leaning on the table. "I'm your dad, you—"

"You're not my dad," Natsu choked out, squeezing Gray's hand and wishing that he could stop crying. Gray was trembling against him, and Natsu could feel the terror radiating off him. Regret and shame flushed through him for putting Gray in this situation again.

"You're the one who wanted to meet me," Neelan insisted, staring at Natsu with unfocused eyes. "I just—"

Whatever he'd been about to say was interrupted by the sharp blip of the police sirens as a cruiser pulled into the motel parking lot. Neelan's gaze skipped from Natsu to Gray, then over to the officers that were getting out of the car. For a second, Natsu thought he might run, but instead he dropped his head and raised both hands.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly as the officers approached the door. "I didn't mean for it to go this way."

Natsu shook his head, glaring at Neelan through the tears. "Fuck you," he whispered. "I don't care."

As soon as the blue-and-red lights disappeared with Neelan in tow, Natsu collapsed.

"Hey, look at me." Gray's voice sounded far away as he knelt next to Natsu, running his fingers through Natsu's hair and touching his cheek with trembling hands. "It's okay, you're okay. He's gone, we're safe."

"I'm so sorry." Natsu stared at the scars on Gray's shoulder. Gray shook his head, grabbing Natsu's hand and trying to squeeze it, but he was shaking so badly that he couldn't lace their fingers together.

"It's…" Gray swallowed, closing his eyes and trying to take a deep breath. "I'm okay, this is—you, are you—"

The terror and anger in Natsu's chest disappeared behind a wave of guilt, and he pulled Gray into his arms, rubbing a hand up and down Gray's back as he held him tightly.

"You're safe," Natsu said, voice breaking. "I'm so sorry, fuck, I'm so—I should have listened to you, I'm sorry, he hurt you—"

"He didn't, I'm fine," Gray insisted, shaking his head, but Natsu could feel tears on his shoulder through his shirt. He shifted until he was sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch, and pulled Gray tightly into his arms as they both cried.

"I hate him," Natsu said, pressing his face into Gray's hair and sniffling. "I didn't think—I didn't wanna believe that he was like that. I wish I'd never found him." He wiped furiously at the tears in his eyes, cheeks burning with embarrassment. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Gray said gently, sitting up and running his thumb over Natsu's face. "It's not your fault."

"But it is," Natsu hiccupped, trying to hold back a sob. Everything hurt – a deep, dull ache that spread through his arms and legs and through his stomach. "Why didn't he—he didn't stay, an-and I didn't…. wasn't enough, I wasn't good, and he didn't want me, why didn't he want to stay?"

"I don't know," Gray said gently, pressing his forehead to Natsu's. "But you didn't do anything wrong. You were just a kid."

"He fucked everything up, and—and everything was… it was bad, and I hated it," Natsu sobbed. "If he—I wanted it to be a real reason, I just wanted my dad and he didn't love me enough." Tears ran down his cheeks and dripped onto his pajama pants. "And I put you in danger, I'm so sorry, it was the same as Lyon and I didn't—I'm sorry."

"He didn't hurt me," Gray insisted, tipping Natsu's chin up until they were looking at each other. "I'm just scared, but it's not your fault. And he's gone now, and if you never want to see him again, you don't have to."

Natsu nodded, wishing the ache and confusion in his chest would just disappear. He couldn't calm his breathing, and Gray rubbed his back gently when he started to suck in short, sharp breaths.

"Shhh," Gray murmured. "Breathe with me, okay? Deep breaths."

Natsu shook his head, pulling in on himself and sobbing as the tightness in his chest increased. He was eight again, curled up in the corner of his room and crying for his dad, not knowing what he'd done to make him disappear.

If I'm good, he'll come back, he thought, and it was both Natsu and his eight-year-old self thinking it at the same time. He'll come back and he'll love me and we can be a family together.

But he'd never come back, and Natsu had never had a family. Not until Gray.

"I'm sorry," he said again, not knowing what else to say. "I love you."

"I love you too," Gray said, holding Natsu tight in his arms. Natsu twisted his fingers into Gray's shirt, trying to pull in the feeling of safety that usually came with Gray's presence. Instead it was just fear and anger and hopelessness. He wiped as his face angrily, taking a shaky breath.

"I wanna go home."

French Translations

J'ai besoin de ton aide, c'est mon père = I need your help, it's my dad
Qu'est-ce qu'il y a = What's the matter
Appeler la police = Call the police