A/N So my twenty-fourth birthday was like two days ago and I wanted to do something for that, so have a very self-indulgent fic, because that's what this is!
It started out with a typo in the NicoB discord chat that I got waaay too invested in and after being encouraged by my girlfriend, Lyrecho, who I've been consulting for help, alongside friends Navi, Alicitzen, Nagi, Benven, and more (basically, the typical Bread and Bitter discord crew), I decided to go through it. Have fun with whatever shenanigans come out of this fic!
Also, full disclosure: I know next to nothing about the original Fate/Stay Night visual novel (KEYWORD: THE ORIGINAL VISUAL NOVEL), apart from the Unlimited Blade Works anime adaptation, Fate/Zero, and whatever bits and pieces I managed to hear from friends (Lyrecho especially), so like…keep that in mind.
Also, I'm like a filthy casual when it comes to Nasuverse lore, so no bully, please…
Disclaimer for the entire story: I don't own Fate/Stay Night or anything related to the Fate series!
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Wake up. Eat breakfast. Go to school.
Those are the three things I do for the most part on a weekly basis. Sometimes I have trouble getting up. Other times, I skip breakfast. And depending on my class schedule, I skip class too.
Today is not one of those days, so when I woke up, I was already heading towards the kitchen with the intent of eating breakfast. I'm not a fan of skipping meals, especially since it means that my medication will slap me in the gut in ways that don't exactly feel good for me if I take them without food.
I picked up my prescription the other day, right?
It's too early to think about this shit, so I just pushed aaaaaallllll those thoughts aside and continued going on my way, only…
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!"
BAM!
I don't remember my house ever having stairs.
Thud, thud, thud, thud!
BAM!
"Where am I?" Seriously, where am I? I stared up at the ceiling, feeling somewhat dazed and mostly awake. This isn't my house—my house was on ground-level. What the fuck is this place?!
I sat up, wincing in pain when the back of my head began to throb. My body was sore, but otherwise, I don't think anything is broken… Although, now that I actually look at myself, I don't even think this is my body to begin with.
Most noticeably, I'm missing some scars on my left arm and leg. I'm a lot slimmer than I'm supposed to be, which is not so bad, but the fact that this isn't my body is leaving me feeling especially conflicted. Not to mention, the owner of this body has a thing for expensive-looking sleepwear that I know I'm too poor to afford.
Duuuude—what even is this fabric?!
Forget that—just who am I?! "What kind of isekai bullshit is this?!"
It certainly feels like the start of some sort of villainess reincarnation bullshit (right down to the expensive-looking clothes)—do I have to avoid destruction flags from here on out now? Is that it? Man, I knew all those isekai I read were gonna bite me in the ass eventually…
I just didn't think it'd be like this…
It could be worse, I tried to tell myself. I exhaled shakily, pushing aside all thoughts that were pointing me at having an anxiety attack so early in the morning. I needed to stay calm—calm, calm, calm! We need…to focus.
FOCUS!
Growl.
Focus on food—a distraction!
Food is good, though… "Where is the kitchen?"
Should I…should I look around? Am I supposed to be here?
Soul-wise, I don't think so, but…physically—it should be okay…
"Right?" I asked no one in particular.
…
…
Oh god, I'm losing it. You know what—maybe I should just leave…riiiiight after I eat.
Gotta find the kitchen first!
Surprisingly, it didn't take me that long to find the kitchen. I had to make my way through a massive dining room and an extremely fancy living room, but I found it. Much like the rooms before it, the kitchen was completely empty. It was also really clean—like too clean.
Do people even live here?
It really doesn't look like anyone, besides the owner of this body, lives here. That would explain why no one came out to investigate the noise I made after I fell down the stairs…
Or maybe I'm just that insignificant of a person…
…
Note to self: This body might have some pre-existing issues. I can already feel them seeping into my own issues, which suddenly seem so insignificant in comparison. Wow, this person is in need of some serious therapy!
Or at least someone to vent these frustrations to…
I don't feel comfortable, because just what does that make of them?
What does that make of me?
I honestly don't know, but I just hope it isn't permanent. Otherwise, will I ever go back to my old body?
I still don't know where I am…
I'm surprised I'm not freaking out about it. Then again, my brain won't stop staring at the fridge, so I'll just go and raid it for some food—and there's nothing.
"Huh." You'd think there'd be a least a carton of milk or some shit, but it's completely empty.
Weird.
Especially since the trash bin isn't empty—it's like overflowing with empty food containers.
Someone likes their instant ramen and convenience store food…
Either that, or I've landed into the body of a socially-dead college student who's living on their own…
Wow, so this could've been me.
I'm honestly relieved that I did a better job of living on my own when I was left home alone for a month after my parents left for Mexico to handle a family emergency… I mean, it was only a month, but I at least kept the fridge full of food.
And avoided instant ramen altogether.
Speaking of which, I wonder if I can find any in the cabinets… "Hmmm…"
It's a long shot, but maybe there's something that I can eat…is that mahogany?!
How fucking rich are these people?!
Rich enough to have a cabinet full of fine china. "Woof."
Okay, I'm closing that cabinet—I'm gonna forget I ever saw that. These people are worse than my sister, who I feel spends far too much money on a house that she's barely living in because of work. Then again, at least she lives in it, unlike these people—damn.
Is this someone's summer home or what?
Frankly, I don't wanna know… I feel like I'll just get even angrier. "Oh, hey—a cup of instant noodles."
It's not much, but to my growling stomach, it's something. Guess I'll heat up some water…
…
Minutes later, I was slurping down the noodles, not really slowing down enough to savor the flavor. Some part of me couldn't bring myself to care about it. Another part of me just wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible.
So the instant I finished eating, I slammed dunk the empty container into the trash bin and started making my way out of the house. I barely made it out the front door before a wave of anxiety crashed into me like a fucking truck.
My body wouldn't stop shaking, and my chest kept growing tighter and tighter. My breathing grew erratic as I struggled to get enough air into my lungs. My stomach wouldn't stop churning, bile practically burning in the back of my throat. I collapsed onto the ground, vomiting all over the pavement.
My vision grew blurry with tears, beads of sweat soon rolling down the sides of my face. I heaved again and again and again, but nothing else came out. It hurt so much…
Hurts, hurts, hurts, hurts…
A scream tore itself out of my throat. It sounded raw and almost wild. My hands tugged down harshly on my hair, my body slowly curling in on itself until I was in a fetal position. I scream again and again and again, unable to ignore the overwhelming fear that washed over me as the world before me fell apart.
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop—StopstopstopstopstopSTOPSTOPSTOP!
My voice cracked under the intensity of my own screams. I kept screaming and screaming, until I finally couldn't. Loud, heaving sobs soon wracked my body. I could barely make out my surroundings by this point. Everything was growing darker and darker…
And then I woke up.
Huh?
I was back in bed, which made me wonder very briefly if everything that had happened was all just a dream…
It's not.
A quick look around my room revealed that it wasn't my room—it's too big to be my room. The bed isn't anywhere near close to a wall and I'm pretty sure this is too big to be considered queen-sized…
"Are you feeling better, Master?" Who the fuck—?!
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!
I nearly screamed at the sight of middle-aged gentleman sitting by the bedside, just staring at me for reasons I didn't even know. He was foppishly dressed in refined, medieval-esque clothing that was mainly green in coloration. He had an orange-colored book in his hands, which he was in the middle of reading before I had caught his attention.
"I must admit that I was not expecting you to leave on your own." He chuckled to himself as he snapped his book shut. "Though, that could just be an unintended side-effect…"
"Side-effect to what?" Just who the hell are you?! And why do you look so familiar?! "Are…are you my butler?"
Is your name Sebastian or some other clichéd butler name?
I'm trying to keep my cool with some humor, but I don't think it's working well…
The gentleman in green paused for a moment to think…then he spoke, "Just to confirm—you don't remember who I am, yes?"
"Listen—I don't even know who I am." Nor where I am.
Is it even 2019?!
Oh god—I didn't even consider that! "What year is it?!"
And I totally asked that question, despite the risk of being seen as a total dumbass.
Which is honestly fair…
I might be book smart, but that's about it. Everything else is up for debate and for the most part, I'm not exactly the first person that people go to for advice. I'm a person full of regrets and the worst sense of financial responsibility.
Though, that could just be the gacha addiction…
Considering last night's excellent decision to spend birthday money to summon an incredibly horny nun…
Local nun vores world…
I will never unsee that message…and now that I actually think about it, I feel like something is starting to click…
Think, think, think, think!
Green medieval-looking clothes, orangish-brown hair with a neat beard and mustache…where have I see that before?
Move past the nun—move past the nun!
We can think about her boobs later when I get some answers!
Wait…Hans Christian Andersen!
The little guy who keeps roasting the nun—he hangs out with this dude!
That's where I've seen him before!
"Oh my god—you're William Shakespeare!" Why is this dude from my gacha game here?!
This isn't Chaldea, dammit!
A part of me was hoping that I was wrong, but the dude didn't even try to deny it. Instead, he just laughed, finding it especially amusing at how I was pointing at him.
Oh god, the Ghost of Christmas Past is standing right across from me…
Memories of high school English classes flood my head as I recall the number of times that I had to look things up on SparkNotes so that I could understand what it was that I was reading out of Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth, and King Lear.
I faintly remember some Hamlet, but I can't be too sure how much of it was just The Lion King and jokes off the internet…
I remember other things, too, but not as much as what I remember from high school… Dear god, I remember so much out of high school, even though I'm like six years into a college education.
Clap! Clap! Clap!
"As expected from someone who owns a considerable number of my works in their library!" Shakespeare smiled at me, feeling especially proud that I had recognized him. "Though, I doubt that isn't at all related to your current situation, as you are not the same person who summoned me last night. I don't suppose you know what is going on, yes?"
"Uhhhhh…" Do you even have to ask?
"Then we are beyond simple side-effects…" Shakespeare furrowed his brow. "While this may put us at a disadvantage, I do suppose that this could make for a far more interesting Holy Grail War."
Oh noooo…
You gotta be fucking kidding me—are you telling me that the owner of this body got into a Holy Grail War with the world's most eccentric Caster?!
Wait…
"You're a Caster—right?!" I have to make sure. I can't afford to make any mistakes right now.
"You are correct!" Shakespeare smiled at me, which only made me feel even more anxious. "And to answer an earlier question of yours, according to what I read in a few letters that were left around in the library, I believe the year is 2004."
Aww man—not only did I body-hop, but I also time-traveled fifteen years into the past! "Wait…2004…"
Oh no…
That's…That's not a good year. "Nononono—this can't be happening to me…"
That means this isn't Fate/Grand Order, which was already obvious from the fact I'm not in Chaldea with my lovely kouhai, Mash. At the very least, I don't have to worry about being entrusted to save humanity. The downside is I know jackshit about anything that could be set in the original Fate/Stay Night visual novel.
All I have is Unlimited Blade Works and Fate/Zero anime adaptations under my belt, and a whole lot of memes that mean nothing to me in this setting…
"This is my life now, isn't it?" I asked Shakespeare, who just nodded his head with a smile on his face as he scribbled down a few things onto an empty page in his book. "Please tell me you're not planning on turning my life into a tragedy…"
"As tempting as that is, I'm afraid your life is already one," Shakespeare remarked as he turned back a few pages in his book. "Fujisaki Nao, age twenty-one, living completely on her own after being orphaned at the age of eighteen. No friends, no relatives—just a maid that visits every few weeks or so to maintain this mansion's cleanliness. Quite the lonely life, wouldn't you say?"
"Wow, that's just…sad." Though, that does explain why the place is so empty, and also how it's managed to stay clean despite that… "Nao…so that's my name."
"It is that, yes…though I suppose that you aren't the Nao who summoned me last night." Shakespeare looked up from his book. A smile crossed his face as he stared at me. "Which would mean that her life is far different from yours, yes?"
"I…guess?" It's not like it matters to anyone except maybe the original owner of this body, who seems to be MIA at the moment. "Why do you care?"
It really only dawns on me that I should have been more careful when answering Shakespeare's question—because that only seem to spur him on as he snapped his book shit and held out his arms like some dramatic actor on a stage. "Tempt not a desperate man, for the reaction you receive may exceed your expectations!"
I walked right into that one—didn't I?
Shakespeare's body shook with laughter, his expression that of absolute joy. He laughed and laughed, blissfully unaware of the fear he just struck into my soul as I suddenly recalled a voiced line of his in Fate/Grand Order.
"My hopes for the Holy Grail? I would wish for a more exciting world!"
This is a man who is willing to do anything for an interesting story.
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players," Shakespeare began, his gaze focused entirely on me. "They have their exits and their entrances… And one man in his time plays many parts. Let's see what your part will be in this story of ours."
I'm gonna die a brutal death, aren't I?
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A/N So like as I mentioned before, I just recently turned twenty-four! Yeah! I've been doing great, got a girlfriend during the past few months where I posted nothing up—by the by, shout out to MirrorMystic, because it's all thanks to him that Lyrecho and I had the discussion that basically led to us deciding to date. I don't know where this relationship will take us, but I know that regardless of the outcome, I'll appreciate the memories we make! ^^
Anyways, that's enough of me being hella gay for the gf, so…like… I'll be playing the visual novel as I write this fic, just so I can finally get that out of the way, and I'll be dragging my friends into whatever mess comes out of that over discord, which I'll record and depending on how things go (and by that, I mean eventually), I'll upload the videos on YouTube, so…ayyy, keep an eye out for that!
Also, if anyone is wondering about the whole situation with the horny nun, I basically used birthday money to do some pulls for Kiara on FGO and managed to get her on with the last of my Saint Quartz. Like many other people, I've been suffering through CCC event farming and like not too long ago, I did the Kiara fight with 0 KP because I couldn't be fucking bothered to farm for enough KP to nerf her, so I just went in like that and spent four hours just staring at her tits while fighting her with Mash, Merlin, and a support Nightingale.
It was hell, but I managed, though the downside was that even after I finished the fight, I STILL didn't have enough KP to purchase the first thing to nerf her. So yeah…that happened.
Moving on, I still won't go into discussion on what exactly the typo was just yet, but it does start with Shakespeare and he's pretty much the start of what will be a certain trend that you'll see in the upcoming chapters when it comes to this particular Holy Grail War. So as you can already see, we're already in AU territory.
Anyways, a bit of insight on the SI of this story, Fujisaki Nao, the name itself just happens to be a typo of the name Noa, and it's honestly common in the reviews I get for my story. I'm not mad, I just think it fits in this story that was conceived out of a typo to begin with. Many thanks to Lyrecho for that suggestion!
So that's all I have for now, I hope that you guys enjoyed the chapter so far, because I certainly did!
Until next time, everyone! KD out! XD