WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ENDGAME!

A/N: So, I don't know where to start. I have been absent for so long. Work is dominating my life now and I haven't been able to write in close to a year. But Endgame came along and it hurt me deeply. To see Thor sneak past Loki's cell as if it meant nothing. To have him talk about Jane and his mother, but not give any indication that he still thought about his brother at all. The last time I have felt this strongly for a character I was a young teen, and I feel I need to deal with this the same way I did back then: by writing. If I had the time I would probably write an entire alternate version of events but as it is, right now, all I can do is create what I wish went on inside of Thor that moment he saw Loki alive in his cell. And basically this is it.

I hope whoever reads this, whether you are one of my amazing readers of old or just stumbled across this because of Endgame, feels some form of catharsis.

Take care, everyone.
Love,
TiaKisu

Who We Leave Behind

Why?

It repeated in his mind endlessly.

Why had they ended up in this section of the palace? Why so close to him?

Why was this the price he had to pay?

Oh, he had known that he would have to face those he had lost when he had shared his story with the others, but that knowledge had so conveniently been buried deep beneath the soothing mist that mead and beer had wrapped around his mind and heart. The mist that had helped him to forget and to endure.

It didn't help him now.

He was here. Sat in his cell, with a book in his hand – reading and seemingly unaware of the world around him. Like he had always been when immersed in the written word.

Even as a little child his brother had loved books. Thor had often teased him because of it. It had been something he had never been able to understand and it had annoyed him when Loki didn't want to come out and play because he needed to „finish this first".

Right here, right now, he would give anything to hear his little brother say that again. To hear him say anything.

His muscles stopped moving. He just stood there, frozen. So close. He knew how to disable the force field that kept Loki in this cell. It would be so easy, so easy to create a new reality - to start over and have his brother back.

He could not go on, for one glorious moment didn't care about consequences and the universe anymore. About time and continuity. With every second that ticked by chances rose that Loki would notice him and deep in his heart Thor wanted nothing more than this. To look into his eyes again, even if at this time they were still full of darkness and pain and distrust.

But he would be able to tell him that he had always loved him and that he always would. And how Loki should not once doubt that he did.

Already his heart beat faster, focused on what could be as he was, allowing grief and despair to wash over him and Thor wished he could scream with the voice of the thunder he had once commanded. But nothing came, not even when a small paw suddenly grabbed his right wrist.

„What are you doing," Rocket hissed as quietly as he could.

For a moment Thor didn't respond, but then he sighed and it sounded pitiful. „This is Loki."

His gaze was still on his brother's calm face, on the way his keen eyes studied the pages before him. He didn't see how Rocket frowned.

„Loki," the Guardian tilted his head to look at the prisoner, not understanding at first, „but you said your bro- Oh."

The paw let go of his wrist then, moving higher up to Thor's elbow.

"You know your past will stay the same, no matter what you want to do now." His tail then sunk in sympathy. "I'm sorry."

Rocket was right, and he was being honest. Deep down inside Thor knew he was and the knowledge broke him.

"I just wish," he rasped, "he had known." The Asgardian didn't elaborate on what he meant by that, but Rocket thought he had a rather good idea of it.

"Maybe he did. We have to believe they all did."

Suddenly thunder-grey eyes moved to meet those that had lost just as much as he had, and in this one moment Thor didn't feel as alone anymore.

"We have to go." Rocket's voice was quiet and understanding, the paw on his arm urging Thor more than his words did. And he complied.

One step after another Thor let himself be led away from the cell, away from the brother whom he had failed so miserably.
Away from his only chance to make it right.

This time he didn't stop, followed his fellow Avenger because there still was half a universe at stake. He followed him past empty cells, directing the two of them along corridors that he knew were little frequented – out of the dungeons.

Away from him.

As they ascended the stairs, saw the light of the Golden Halls of Asgard greet them like a long lost friend he walked on, knowing that he had just left a part of his scarred heart behind with Loki. A part that burned and hurt and healed together with the brother he had fought side by side with and who he would one day – in this Loki's future – hold in his arms again, after their home was lost to flames and an ancient legend.

And maybe, just maybe, they would see each other again one day when his own time would come. In the great halls of Valhalla he would tell him everything that he should have told him long ago. He would make amends then, if only the Norns let him.

But first he had to help his friends undo what Thanos had burdened this cosmos with. It wouldn't bring Loki back, or anyone he missed so dearly. It wouldn't undo his failures. But at least it would save others from hurting like he did.

And perhaps that in itself was worth fighting for.

Perhaps, in the end, it was worth losing them all a second time for.