Guest: Thanks much!

Truckee Gal: I think both of them are just so exhausted with each other at this point. They always talk at each other and never to each other, which obviously causes all of this (waves arms frantically). I think until they both figure out how to communicate they're doomed to repeat the same pattern over and over again. I saw your PM and sent you one back. Thanks!

Gabyhyatt: He sure is. I find him to be very sympathetic as a character because I have been in the situation where I've loved someone so much but it wasn't reciprocated in the same manner but sometimes his rationale is really aggressive.

Kanga85: They both treated each other so poorly that it's no surprise that they ended up the way they did. It's a shame because I think if they ever really saw each other for what they were the two of them would be wonderful together. Maybe I'm biased…

ElizabethAnneSoph: He sure is- I think they're both lost right now. Neither of them knows what they want but they know they need peace. They're mostly just circling each other

Ashpine: I try! This is still an in-progress fic.

Gemma96: Thanks very much! Ask and you shall receive.

Thanks to everyone else who read and favorite the story. I appreciate any and all feedback. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!

Some songs that I've listened to while writing this chapter are: Bad Things- Rayland Baxter, Old Now- Rosemary & Garlic, All the Beds I've Made (Acoustic)- Caroline Spence, Recording 15- Shannon Lay, In My Veins- Andrew Belle ft. Erin McCarley

Chapter Five

Scarlett never intended to spend more than two weeks at Tara. She only wished for a couple of quiet mornings to herself and a temporary reprieve from her chaotic life. Weeks turned to months, however, and Scarlett found herself still licking her wounds on the plantation three months later. Scarlett spent many mornings settled in a rocking chair on Tara's front steps watching the sunrise with a steaming cup of coffee. Those daily contemplative hours watching the sunrise kiss Tara's earthen landscape made Scarlett feel momentarily at peace. She did not sleep peacefully any longer and there was something indescribable about the way the world held its breath for those few noiseless moments before the new day. It offered so much promise. She had lived to see this new day and each day would be what she made it.

She fell into a routine and days quickly passed. Scarlett would take her coffee on the front porch before she dressed for the day. She insisted on going into the field with her son and Will; the three of them, along with the help, performed various tasks that needed to be done until she came inside around noon to help Suellen with the girls and household duties. Scarlett saw how speedily Wade adapted to country living and couldn't help but be proud of him. He looked so serene performing Tara's daily tasks with Will. She often caught him smiling to himself in the fields and it made her heart swell with pride. He looked so like his grandfather then.

Scarlett missed her father terribly. She felt as if he was the only member of her family that she understood in any capacity. He valued her hard and opinionated Irish spirit despite her mother's protests. When she became fiery and intense, Gerald would laugh and applaud her for being just like her namesake. Gerald made her proud of being herself, but as she grew older Scarlett saw the love her mother Ellen inspired in others and sought to emulate her.

Ellen Robillard O'Hara was an enigma to Scarlett. She loved her mother dearly but never understood how she could always be so perfectly poised. Ellen did no wrong; everyone loved her. In her youth, Scarlett tried, unsuccessfully to emulate her mother in any way she could, but she was too fierce. It was exhausting trying to live up to the expectation set forth by her mother. Maybe that was one of many contributing factors as to why she rebelled later in her life against the concept of reputation. She knew she could never be the daughter Ellen wanted and yet she tried to force herself into the perfect southern belle mold laid before her.

Scarlett wondered if her mother would have been proud of her had she still been alive. Perhaps if she were still alive she would have had some additional guidance. Scarlett was so young when Ellen died of typhoid. Scarlett was just seventeen and already a widow and mother. She had no idea what she was doing. She could have used her mother's gentle hand.

She never understood her sisters either. Or at least never took the time to understand them. As children Careen was a sweet little thing, but Suellen was constantly trying to compete with Scarlett for attention. That childhood envy played inadvertently played into many decisions both Suellen and Scarlett made throughout their lives.

After their conversation on the night of her arrival, Scarlett and Suellen moved throughout Tara in a quiet indifference to each other. They understood each other insofar as they understood their underlying anger towards each other. There was still a simmering bitterness between them, but the sisters respected each other for admitting the extent of their faults. Suellen knew she shouldn't have tried to manipulate her father into sympathizing with the Yankees. Though she would not apologize for marrying him to save Tara, Scarlett admitted she could have been more tactful with Frank after many nights and over many drinks.

Scarlett began a regular correspondence with her family while she was at Tara. Her loneliness felt immeasurable against the vast landscape of Clayton County and she yearned to forge old connections to see if she could find some semblance of her old self. She started writing regular letters to her Aunts Eulalie and Pauline and her sister Careen. She penned out a short letter to Aunt Pitty asking after her and the family as a whole. She thought it was vague enough to not incite gossip thinking that she was inquiring after Ashley. In reality, she was more concerned with Beau, which Scarlett had expressed in so many words. She wrote a number of letters to Rhett describing her days and the peace she found in the country but never dared to send them. He had not called or sent her any letters himself. She didn't feel right encroaching upon his space despite missing him terribly.

Eulalie and Pauline responded often and with glee at hearing from Scarlett. Their letters were filled with banalities but were pleasant enough. Scarlett often raked them overlooking for any news of her husband, but there was never anything. Scarlett wondered if they knew that Rhett had left her and they were just being kind. Correspondence was slower with Careen- now Sister Mary Catherine. She welcomed Scarlett's letters but was busy at the convent in Charleston. She often spoke of her work helping the poor and Scarlett told her of Tara. Careen and Suellen didn't keep in contact very often. Holiday letters were the extent of their correspondence and even then they were short and succinct.

Aunt Pitty replied with a kind letter thanking Scarlett for inquiring after Beau and the family. He was still understandably despondent but India had taken it upon herself to raise and look after the boy temporarily. She did not mention Ashley and for that Scarlett was thankful. She wished him well, but she did not wish to be entwined to him in any unnecessary way. She promised Melly she would take care of Beau and that she would, but she did not want the burden of Ashley. Not anymore.

Scarlett enjoyed her letters more than she thought she would and eagerly replied. At first, she reached out to her family out of desperation but as letters came more and more frequently she found comfort in knowing that people cared for her in some capacity. The letters also allowed her to continue to lie to Suellen and Will about Rhett's whereabouts. On more than one occasion told them that one of her aunt's correspondences was from her husband who was still away on business but wished them his love.

A little over three months into her stay, however, Scarlett received an unexpected letter that made her heart stop. Pork had delivered the envelope to her while she was savoring her morning coffee. She recognized the lazy scrawl immediately and her heart leaped into her throat. She ran her fingertips over the loops of her name on the front of the envelope. She imagined Rhett sitting at his desk, hunched forward slightly. She envisioned the skin between his eyes creasing gently in concentration. She wanted to kiss that patch of skin and wrap her arms around him. Perhaps he was looking for her? Perhaps he even missed her. Scenarios ran through her mind like wild horses.

Scarlett gingerly opened the envelope, her hands trembling slightly with anxiety. She was both terrified and excited.

Scarlett,

I had visited the home in Atlanta and had been informed you had not been in residence for some time. I left some important paperwork for your consideration. See to it at your earliest convenience. It is of the utmost importance.

Rhett Butler

He was looking for her! Her heart turned over in her chest and began beating fast. He had been thinking of her and had come back. She should have penned a note alerting him of her whereabouts in case this situation arose. She had not thought about that before she hastily left for Tara. She was berating herself mentally as she hurriedly picked herself up and returned to her room. She had to get the children ready to go back to Atlanta. Who knows how long ago he had been to the home on Peachtree Street. If he came back and she was not there a second time she would never forgive herself for it.

They could finally have the conversation she was so desperate to have. There were so many things she wanted to apologize. She wanted to address the wrong both of them had done in their marriage and move forward. Scarlett's stomach tossed- she hoped he was receptive to her and her feelings. She hoped the time apart had calmed him as it had her. She had months to thinks of their marriage and the role each had played in their dissolution. She analyzed the entirety of their relationship- they were both very much at fault for their failed union.

She had an infantile infatuation with Ashley Wilkes who spurred her along despite being married to Melly. He often told her that he loved her but felt he must see the marriage through because it was the more socially acceptable match for him. She took his confessions as all-encompassing love when she should have seen it for what it was: weakness. Ashley was never really in love with her; he was physically attracted to her. He was stuck permanently in pre-war Georgia like she was for so many years. Once he came back from the war he was weak and incompetent- unable to acclimate to the new south. Over time her admiration for him dwindled and she saw him clearly as a man embellished and adorned by her imagination.

Whenever she got too close to her husband, however, he held her father away. The jealousy he had acquired over many years forced him to put up an impenetrable wall between the two of them. She knew many times before her final proclamation that she loved him, but whenever she felt she might have true feelings Rhett would push her away right back into her fantasy. He was cruel and made her feel small. He slept with other women and never confided in her completely. Whenever there were problems in their marriage he would take them to Belle Watling- never Scarlett. It hurt her to realize that she had never been his confidant in any meaningful way. She loved him, but she did not really know him.

They were both too strong-willed and buried their emotions so as to feel nothing, but their coping mechanisms backfired. They took a perverse joy in hurting each other and after a while, neither knew how to stop. He was like a drug to her- toxic and wonderful, but eventually, they could barely stand being along together. It wasn't until they put distance between them that she understood the depth of their wrongdoings.

Scarlett rushed to prepare her things. She could make the evening train to Atlanta if she made herself ready by noon. She called for Prissy and alerted her that they would be leaving that evening and to start getting the children's belongings together once they were dressed for the morning.

While she was waiting for the house to stir, she wrote correspondences to Eulalie, Pauline, and Careen to alert them that she was returning home to her home at Peachtree Street and to direct any messages to her address there. She hoped that if Rhett had indeed gone back to Charleston that word of her return would bring him home again.

At breakfast that morning Scarlett thanked Will and Suellen for their hospitality, but Rhett was returning home from his trip earlier than expected and she felt that she should be home to welcome him. Her sister and her husband nodded in agreement with her and when she was not looking shared a relieved look. Scarlett had been wonderful assistance over the course of the last few months, but they were happy to have their home back in order. It was exhausting having guests any time, but ones that stayed for a quarter of the year when Suellen was pregnant had become exhausting.

The children finished their meal in silence. Wade looked ashen pushing around unfinished eggs on his plate. He was not ready to take his leave of Tara yet. He was just beginning to feel confident in his abilities as a farmer and he was not ready to give that up to go back to the city. Ella, too, was despondent. She enjoyed the company of her cousins. She was often lonely at the Peachtree Street home since Bonnie had died. Wade kept her occupied on occasion, but he was becoming a man, and children's games no longer held much enjoyment for him. She forced a smile at her mother and ducked her head.

Scarlett did not notice her children's reluctance. She turned to Wade; "We will leave when you have finished the morning's work with Will and change clothes." He could not ignore that his mother spoke with inflection for the first time in many months.

He nodded, "Of course, mother."

Scarlett spent the rest of the morning wandering the plantation. She wanted to be alone to gather her frenetic thoughts after the morning's excitement. She could not get ahold of her emotions: she was anxious, excited, angry… she was everything all at once. Taking long, deep breaths trying to steady her moods she tried to appreciate her final morning at Tara. She was unsure of when she might be able to make the trip back and she knew she would miss the serenity of this place terribly.

She would miss her routine and the vast expanse of bright blue sky that met her every morning. She would miss the dirt under her fingernails after visiting the fields. She would even miss the nightly companionship of her sister, which she had come to begrudgingly enjoy.

Scarlett rounded on Tara's boundary fence and paused. She leaned on the wooden poles momentarily watching Will and Wade work. The two were chatting between tasks and it warmed Scarlett's heart seeing her son so absorbed. A whistle blew off in the distance signifying the afternoon break. Wade glanced towards the main house. She watched from afar as he brushed his hands against his work pants and approached Will with purpose. Will and Wade spoke briefly before the young boy offered his hand for a shake. Will took it graciously and pulled Wade in for a hug. The two of them made their way towards the house, Will's hand resting on her son's shoulder.

Scarlett smiled softly and followed after them. Wade would be changing from his work clothes now in order to prepare for their trip. They would be leaving for Atlanta in about an hour and she had to see to some final arrangements.

Scarlett walked one final loop outside the house taking in her last few moments. She felt an overwhelming intuition that she should abandon her trip back home to Atlanta and stay at Tara a few days longer. She was not sure if she was emotionally prepared to go back to Peachtree Street. Everything was still too raw. She was anxious about whether she would be received back into society and if there were any rumors about her sudden departure.

Scarlett took a few focused breaths trying to steady her increasing heart rate. She would be fine, she told herself. Peachtree Street was her home and Rhett had been looking for her. She could not stay at Tara forever. Scarlett approached the porch and wrapped her arms around her waist. She stared at the vast expanse of land and repeated in a cyclical mantra that everything would be fine. She could handle Atlanta- it was her home. She was going home to her husband who was looking for her.

"Scarlett, may I have a word?" She jumped. Will's voice broke through her refrain and she turned to face him. He had been watching her calmly from the front door.

"Will! Oh, you scared me. Of course, you may. I was taking a moment to say farewell to Tara for a while. I do want to thank you and Suellen for all your hospitality. It was quite cathartic to be here."

He nodded, "No thanks needed. You are family and always welcome." He took a few steps forward and motioned to one of the porch chairs. "I could use a sit, join me?"

She obliged taking a seat next to her brother in law. "What can I help you with, Will?"

He ran his hand across his hairline before halting at his temple to scratch an itch. "Scarlett, Wade's taken a real liking to agriculture and overseeing. He's mighty good and as dedicated a worker I've ever had. I love the boy and I told him I'd speak to you. He wants to stay here at Tara to learn how to run a plantation properly. I know he's been in school, but school won't teach you anything worth knowing when it comes to this." He gestured towards the fields. "He was afraid to come to you in case you'd be cross with him and say no."

Scarlett swallowed hard. She should have seen this coming. Her son and brother-in-law had bonded over the past few months and she saw the joy in Wade's face every day. Will took Wade under his tutelage and worked patiently with the boy. It had been evident to Scarlett that her son felt more at home here at Tara than he ever did in Atlanta. Here he had the undivided attention of someone who appreciated the land just as much as he did. He absolutely thrived here, but she wasn't sure she was willing to let him stay at Tara.

The thought of going back to the huge house on Peachtree Street with only one of her children unnerved her. The house felt empty without Rhett and Bonnie. If Wade did not come back Scarlett was fearful that she and Ella would drown in the home by themselves. Scarlett was not sure she could handle any more abandonment right now. She opened her mouth to say so but stopped herself immediately. Scarlett furrowed her brows slightly and sighed. She started again before Will cut her off.

"I see your hesitation. If I didn't think he wasn't right and serious about this I wouldn't be bringing it to you. I remember what it felt like when your family took me in during the war. I fell in love with this place and I see so much of myself in him." Will reached out and took one of his sister-in-law's hands in his and sighed. "He's struggling, Scarlett. Wade told me that things at home have been difficult since Bonnie's death. This is healing for him. You know better than anyone the restorative nature of Tara."

Tears pricked at the corners of Scarlett's eyes. She knew Wade had been struggling since his aunt had died but she did not realize that the tumultuous relationship with Rhett was playing a detrimental role to his psyche. Why had he not come to her about this? Was she that unfortunate of a mother that she didn't see when her own children were hurting? Scarlett turned her face away from Will's and attempted to nonchalantly wipe a tear away from her face.

"It's alright, Scarlett," Will said quietly.

"Rhett and I have been going through a bit of a row for a while," Scarlett said quietly taking her hand back. "I thought I had kept them from the worst of it. Does Wade know? Have I ruined my children?" Her voice cracked slightly.

Will shook his head, "Children tend to be more flexible than adults but they're far more perceptive than we give them credit for. I don't think he knows the extent, but he recognizes that something is off." Scarlett sighed and ran her hands across her face.

"Everyone has marital issues at least once in their marriage, Scarlett," Will stated. Scarlett shot him a cold look. "Don't give me that look. You and the children are always welcome here but you wouldn't have stayed at Tara for three months if you weren't trying to get some space. It all works out in the end. Suellen and I didn't speak for six months a few years back. Now we're expecting another child. Sometimes two people just need a little perspective. It's been a very hard year for the two of you. It's devastating losing two children back to back. Give it some time."

Scarlett nodded, "please don't tell anyone, Will. Not even Suellen."

Will paused and nodded. There was no need to tell her that Suellen could tell there was trouble in her marriage just as much as he could.

"Wade is thriving here. I cannot take him with me for my own selfish gain." She nodded to herself and tried to burry the ache of loneliness in her chest. She could not make more people miserable with her decisions. She wanted to be a better person. "He can stay here but you watch him, Will. You better teach him to prep the fields better. He's too gentle. Get him dirty if he's to be a real cultivator."

Will chuckled, "Don't you worry, he left the field covered today."

Scarlett smiled sadly and sighed, "Ella and I will miss his company at Peachtree Street."

Her brother-in-law rubbed a hand along the back of his neck, a stench of stale sweat hovered between them. "About Ella, Scarlett, she… well, she isn't keen on leaving her brother and cousins. She's enjoyed the company of our daughters. I spoke with Suellen and we'd be happy to have them both for a while longer."

Something ugly reared inside Scarlett and a sound somewhere between a laugh and a weep slipped from her lips. Rhett wanted nothing to do with her and now her children couldn't be bothered with her either. She knew she was never and overly affectionate mother was desperate for any type of affection and their desire to stay at Tara seemed like a personal affront. "God, I must be terrible," She cackled under her breath.

"Don't think of it that way, Scarlett. Remember how much you love this plantation? They love it just as much as you do. They're also looking for a little peace after the year they've had. Do not hold it against them that they want to hold on to some semblance of paradise just a little longer."

"I am scared, Will." She retorted, an edge still lacing her words. "I don't want to be alone in that house. There are too many ghosts there. Maybe that is selfish of me, but the thought of going back to Atlanta by myself is daunting."

"I understand but think about the children's needs as well. You've not been yourself either. You don't sleep. Taking some time for yourself might be more helpful in the long run."

Scarlett hated to admit that she knew Will was right- she had been distracted and more inattentive than usual since Melly died. She took in a sharp breath. Speaking with Rhett and rebuilding their life together was her main priority. She knew that left little in the way of mental capacity to care for her children properly. She had Mammy, of course, but if she and Rhett were to really focus on their marriage she did not want children to be privy to any potential hostility between them. Despite abandoning them for the last few months, she wanted Wade and Ella to love him.

She nodded curtly, "I will send you monthly payments for their stay." Will began to protest, but Scarlett cut him off with a wave of her hand. "I will not hear it, Will. I am not taking no for an answer. I will send monthly payments for food and clothes. Now, I will speak to Wade and Ella before I head to the depot."

Scarlett turned to him, taking one of his hands. She tried to smile but her face held a flickering semblance of her hurt. He saw a glimmer of the O'Hara resolve in her, but the raw, purple bruises under her eyes betrayed her. "Thank you." She patted the top of his hand and turned to enter the house.

"Miss Scarlett, we must go," Prissy said anxiously as soon as she entered the foyer. "Pork is bringing your bags outside."

Scarlett nodded, "I am ready. Please retrieve Wade and Ella and tell them to meet me outside. I'd like to speak with them."

The children appeared before their mother a few minutes later looking anxious. Wade was certain his mother was going to be irritated with him for asking Will if he could stay and help at Tara. He waited for a reprimand but was instead greeted with a hug and kiss on his forehead. He glanced at his mother skeptically. "You could have come to me and told me you wanted to stay at Tara instead of asking through your uncle. I want the best for the two of you and if that means staying here for a while longer then that's fine. I wish you were coming home, but I understand the beauty of this place."

Wade's face broke out into a smile and his eyes shone with excitement. Ella hugged her mother's legs. Scarlett felt a pang of regret in her chest that she had been dangerously close to overruling their wishes and bringing them home. How could she deprive them of what little happiness they've felt in many months? "Will you write, Mama?"

"I will write often. Wade will help you with your letters." Wade nodded. She kissed the tops of her children's heads and wished them goodbye.

The journey home was full of anxiety and excitement. Rhett had been looking for her; there was no mistake about it. His letter even said so in so many words. It must be a positive sign that he wanted to see her again. Despite her happiness over his letter, there was a foreboding sense of dread swirling in the pit of her stomach. She wondered what he had left for her.

She ran through many scenarios in her mind until she finally made it home to Peachtree Street late that evening. The apprehension revolving in her stomach for hours made her tremble as she entered the home. It seemed much bigger and much more grandiose than she remembered it after so many months away at Tara. Mammy greeted Scarlett with a warm smile and an embrace but there was an unusual look in her eye when Scarlett inquired about Rhett and the post.

"Now, Miss Scarlett, you've had a long day. Save that for tomorrow. It can wait."

Scarlett cocked her head and narrowed her eyes, her hands still trembling. "No, Mammy I'd like to see what Rhett left. If it was not important he would not have written to me." Mammy stalled, trying to avert Scarlett's attention, but she was having none of it. "Mammy, I will not save this until tomorrow. Give me the paperwork."

Mammy closed her eyes slowly and sighed. She left the room and returned holding a few letters and a large envelope. She handed the correspondence to Scarlett and something resembling pity flashed in Mammy's dark eyes.

With Mammy's fleeting look, panic slowly started washing over Scarlett in waves. She took the letters with trembling hands and made her way to the dining room, shutting the large oak doors behind her. She threw the miscellaneous letters on the table and stared at the large yellow envelope in her hands. She did not recognize the script and there was no return address.

She placed the packet on the table gingerly and made her way to the cabinet in the corner of the room. She poured herself a generous glass of amber brandy from a half-full crystal decanter and drank half before she turned to face the envelope. Slowly she tore open the sachet and pulled a stack of papers. She barely unsheathed the papers before the words CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE caught her eye at the top of the pristine document.

The room began to spin. She swallowed the last half of her glass before slamming the glass down onto the table and bellowing, "God, damn him."