AN: Before anyone asks, "Hoosiers" really is the nickname for natives of Indiana. (And we Hoosiers can poke a bit of fun at ourselves ... right?)

ooo

It was near the end of lunch service when Tom and Kathryn walked into the Mess Hall. Lunch didn't look poisonous, so they each grabbed a plate.

Kathryn noted Tuvok's plight and steered them toward his table. Neelix had commandeered the seat next to the commander and was chattering away.

They sat, and Kathryn managed to change the subject, chatting about a recent letter from her mother. Neelix was unexpectedly quiet for a moment, then smiled at Kathryn.

"You know, Captain, your home province has a lovely nickname for its residents."

"Really?" she asked, ignoring the province/state mix-up. "How so?"

"Well, in Talaxian, 'Hoosiers' translates to 'soaring eagles.'"

"Well, that's very nice," she said. "Truthfully, the actual meaning and origin have been lost to history."

Tuvok looked a bit uncomfortable. "What's the matter Tuvok?" Tom asked. "You get a different translation?"

The Vulcan took a breath as his companions looked at him expectantly. "Captain, I regret to inform you that in Vulcan, 'Hoosiers' does not translate to 'soaring eagles.'"

Kathryn cocked an eyebrow. "This should be good," she thought. "Out with it, then."

"The closest translation is 'bloated elephants.'" he stated.

Tom spit out his drink, then buried his face in his hands as he howled with laughter. Neelix toppled out of his chair. Kathryn managed to stay upright for a moment, until she, too, dissolved into laughter and sank, face first, to the table. Tuvok deftly moved her plate before she splashed Leola Root surprise on their uniforms.

Tom finally managed to sit up. "Oh, my God," he said wiping his eyes. Neelix managed to get back on his chair. "Well, Commander … that was ..." he managed to choke off another spasm of laughter.

Kathryn finally sat up, wiped her eyes, and cleared her throat. "Tuvok, I certainly hope you don't think of me as an elephant, bloated or otherwise."

"Indeed not," he assured her.

But something in his tone was off. She narrowed her eyes a bit. "There's more to that translation, isn't there?"

"Indeed, there is," he answered.

"Come on now, you have to tell us what it is," Tom wheedled.

"This is not the proper venue for such conversation," he replied.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow.

"It seems," he continued reluctantly, "the term might be construed as an insult to the Captain's mother."

Kathryn couldn't contain her grin. "Well, thank you for your consideration," she said, though she certainly was going to tell Mom about this.

"Well, Mr. Vulcan, this has certainly been educational," Neelix said as he got up. "If you'll excuse me, I need to start cleaning up."

"We need to get going, too," Kathryn said, giving Tom an unobtrusive nudge.

They managed to hold their laughter until the turbolift doors closed. She finally had to stop the lift; she didn't want to explain why she and Tom were laughing hysterically in each other's arms.

"Oh, my god. That's the best laugh I've had that wasn't caused by Neelix's cooking," Tom breathed.

"No kidding," she agreed as she wiped her eyes again.

He chuckled. "I've just thought of a way to have a little fun with Tuvok."

"Oh?" she asked, instantly suspicious. "And what would that be?"

"Nothing bad. I just intend to insert some nicknames, maybe some 20th-century cultural references into my conversations … see if I can get him to react to a crossed-up translation."

"Well, careful with that," she said as she restarted the turbolift. "Tuvok taught at the Academy, you know. His translator is programmed with the pronunciation and meaning of every obscenity and scatological phrase spoken in the Alpha Quadrant."

She gave him a little nudge as the lift slowed to a halt. "I found out the hard way — during an away mission with him."