Good news everyone! I have a p-atreon now for some reason! For the price of a McDonald's meal a month, you get to see my works as they're being written AND my notes on how my stories will progress. For the price of two McDonald's meals, you get to implement changes to scenes in my stories however you like. Want to put in a character, a weird sex position or some depraved sex act? You can!

My name is the same as my fanfic account, dtrocked.

Based partially on a comment Zynonmous made on Fine Dining, one of my other stories.

This will be a strange story in a strange universe. There will be sex, but that is not strange itself. What is strange is that it will contain many bizarre and shocking acts which we, the pious and God-fearing members of the FanFiction community, would never even begin to speculate about the existence of, much less write long stories about. But here it is anyway. In this story strange and shocking things will happen such as (but not limited to) hypnotism, mindbreaking, espionage, abuse of authority, impregnation, cuckolding, high treason, violation of hygiene codes in food production, wives cheating on their husbands, girlfriends cheating on their boyfriends, boyfriend and girlfriend cheating with the same guy, invasion of a sovereign nation, chicks growing dicks, dicks going up guys' butts, a specific kind of incest, forced feminisation, rape, moderate racism, brood parasitism, public indecency, dereliction of duty, attempts to coerce a public official and attempts to monopolise an industry. Strangely, they will often happen at the same time.

The only defense the author can give for writing these strange things is that everyone in this universe is fine with it. And also the author really wants to. You might be wondering how anyone can be fine or any of the listed things above, especially if they are on the receiving end. But in this universe sex resolves lots of things. Sex is an accepted replacement for force and while they are similar in that they are both fights for domination, with sex you end up with more people. Everyone is assigned carefully written characters such that while they might resent the acts above at the start, in time they will come to enjoy it. This story will get progressively stranger and more shocking towards the end. Also in between doing these strange things, funny things will happen, because we all need something to do in between the sex scenes. There will also be plot but you can skip all of that if you want.

It was the eve of New Years. Surrounded by friends, family and his girlfriend, smiling happily as they eagerly started anew in another year - this was Percy two years ago.

Percy now stared at the ceiling of his shitty one room apartment and thought - how did it go so wrong? Just a few years ago he was a hero who had saved the world twice. Everyone loved him, he had a sexy, smart girlfriend and he was on his way to college. Now he was a 19 year old college dropout sitting alone in his briefs in a cheap dank apartment which smelt faintly of booze. His mom had kicked him out, his girlfriend had left him, his college had expelled him and Camp Half-Blood and Jupiter refused to take him out for "moral reasons". He chuckled. Yeah, a camp uses kids as a paramilitary strike force had refused to take me in for moral reasons, he thought.

All this just because I slept with a few people!

His statement contained three irregularities. First, the word "few". No one had used "few" in a more inappropriate way since someone said Taylor Swift had a "few" boyfriends. Second was "people". It was technically true he slept with people, but it was about as informative as the Emperor of China saying he was doing a bit of construction work on his border. Specifically the "few people" he slept with included the Dean's barely legal daughter, most of the female professors under 35, almost all the the sorority sisters, the school counselor, the cheerleading coach, most of the female student body and a pair of tourists who wandered onto the college grounds out of curiosity and found themselves staying the night in his dorm bed. The third was "slept". No one was sleeping when he slept with them. In a 300 hundred meter radius. He did... Things things to the girls he slept with. Even in a liberal college that encouraged free non-judgemental sexual activity between consenting adults, what he did had been very distasteful. Of course, with his charm and "natural abilities", the girls were more than willing to do these things. But they trespassed so far past common decency no one could look at a cucumber the same way for weeks.

It was frankly miraculous that he lasted a whole year before he was discovered, at which point Annabeth left him and he was expelled.

Percy sighed and looked at himself. He had been drinking. What did he have? He was penniless, uneducated and alone. The only things he were good at were fighting monsters and a certain sly cunning charm that could get him into the pants of women. He looked down at his beer gut and pudgy face. Now the first was definitely gone, and he was having doubts about the second. After all, there's a limit on what charm can do. Before he was a strapping fine young lad, the envy of wannabe frat boys everywhere. Now he was 19 and already getting a head start on getting out of shape.

Looking back, Percy deeply and mournfully regretted his actions. His womanizing, his sleeping around, had cost him everything. It was fun, but it was so wrong, and now he was paying for it. Outside, the crowd sang out in ecstasy as the New Year's ball descended.

"Ten!"

"Maybe I could call Rachel," he said aloud.

"Nine!"

"After losing twenty pounds."

"Eight!"

"And shaving off my stubble."

"Seven!"

"Oh, what's the point?"

"Six!"

"I couldn't afford any weights."

"Five!"

"And I'm sure she's heard about what I done."

"Four!"

"Gods, I'm a terrible human being!"

"Three!"

"All that lying, cheating, womanizing... '

"Two!"

"I learnt my lesson too late..."

"One!"

He picked up a bottle of beer and cheered it to no one in particular. "Here's to another lousy millennium."

He cracked open another beer on the table. But instead of the customary hiss-pop, there was a sound like a kid sucking the last dregs of a milkshake off the bottom of a cup - except it was much louder.