She nodded, she was about to tell him. She felt like it was the right time and she didn't want to lose her chance, she was scared of not be able to tell him in the future.

"So, I guess you looked through the paper I had to sign when I came here to find my emergency contacts" Ava started.

"I actually don't know. I was in surgery, Goodwin took care of it" Connor said.

"Anyway, Goodwin probably noticed the only contacts I added were you and Natalie" she said.

Connor nodded, that was what Goodwin told him when she was searching for infos.

"Well that's because I have no one else Connor. When I first came here I had no one on that list, then after a while I asked Natalie if I could add her and then I put you too" she explained.

"What do you mean with I have no one else?" Connor asked.

Ava shook her head looking down. Talk about that hurt a lot and she didn't know how to explain this. He noticed her hands started to shake, even if she was trying to cover it. He immediately grabbed both of her hands.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah" she sniffed.

"What I'm trying to say it's… the only friends I have are here at med. And then there was you… we were more than friends but still. I have no one from South Africa" she added.

"All your friends and your family let you down when you moved here?" Connor asked, confused and sad.

He could see the pain in her eyes, she was trying so hard not to cry and he felt so much for her. He imagined she had a difficult life there if they all left her alone.

"Yes and no. I had a friend from med school, but I guess I lost her before coming here. I got a job at our hospital and she wanted it too. And after that she started to avoid me. Then when I got an offer from here she took my place so I think she was happy to see me leaving" she explained.

"That was really mean" he commented.

While he was very unlucky with his family, he never had problems finding good friends. But now he was trying to imagine what hell Ava went through if even her only friend let her down like that.

"And what about your family?" he added.

She let out a single sob, but that was enough for making him worried.

"Ava, we can stop. You don't have to tell me if it makes you feel so sad" Connor said.

"No, it's fine. It's just… I never told anyone" Ava said, looking at him and trying to smile.

"But… I have no family, Connor" she added.

"Are they dead?" he asked, not letting her hands go.

"It's a long story, but yeah. All of them" Ava said.

"You wanna tell me about that?" he asked again.

She nodded, taking a deep breath. She was actually glad to share that with Connor, even if it was painful. She knew that even if she always fought with him, he would've been able to help her.

"The first thing you have to know is that my parents, my mum and dad died in a car crash when I was two years old. I had no siblings, from what I have been told there was a chance my mum was pregnant when she died. But having no relatives let me completely alone" she started.

"That's terrible, Avey. I'm so sorry" Connor said, not sure what to say.

"It's okay, I don't have memory of them, unfortunately" she said shaking her head.
"I was put in an orphanage till the age of five. I was almost six when the first foster family decided to take me home with them. I was so excited, Connor. I had seen a lot of the girl in the orphanage going home with these cute families and I was convinced that what was happening to me. Little did I know my foster parents only wanted money. I was in that house with three more kids, none of us were happy. My foster dad was also an alcohol addicted; one night he went mental and tried to kill one of the other kid. I was six at this point and after that year spent in hell I went back to the orphanage, scarred for life" she added.

Connor was suffering for her, he really didn't expect that. He was sure something bad happened to her in the past but that was more than he imagined.
Her eyes were watering already and he was regretting letting her talk about it in that moment.

"Avey, let's talk about this another day. You really need to stay calm and this whole situation is stressing you out already" he told her stroking her hair.

"No, you have to let me finish because I'm not sure I will be ever able to talk about it again. Don't stop me now that I have found the strength to start. Please" Ava begged him on the verge of tears.

"Just breath, Ava" he commented, stroking her arm.

She simply nodded and kept going with her story. She wanted him to know, he deserved it. But at the same time she wanted the story to be over, she always hated thinking about that.

"I was put in foster care and went back to the orphanage three times before a nice family decided to take me home and never gave me back. I was almost nine when I finally found peace. They were nice and caring, they helped me getting better and we also had a dog. I had no siblings, my foster parents had a son before who died because of an undiagnosed heart defect. I don't know if this was the reason why I choose to become a CT surgeon but I like to think I wanted to avoid that terrible experience to other families" she continued.

Connor was holding her hand and he was able to feel how tensed and shaky she was. He was sure something bad happened after that or she would've not been so nervous.

"That was really great, you were finally happy" he commented.

He wanted to ask if she wanted him to contact her parents but he waited to hear what else she had to tell him.

"That happiness didn't last forever. After high school I got into med school and after a month or so the worst thing happened. I was in college and I got a call from the hospital in my town… A drunk driver hit my parents while they were crossing the road. There was nothing to do, they died immediately" she said starting shaking and crying really badly.

"Ava. Ava, breath. Look at me and breath" Connor told her immediately, scared she was gonna have a panic attack.

She nodded again trying to catch her breath. Truth was that her chest was hurting a lot and breathing was really difficult.

"I was alone once again and I was so scared and mad. I made myself finishing med school, I only concentrate on studying hard. I didn't make any friends except for the one who betrayed me later and I managed to graduate one year earlier. And then I left South Africa to come here as soon as I got the opportunity. That place is a nightmare for me, I basically only have bad memories. But now I'm here and I'm finally happy. I'm not alone anymore and I… I was so happy because I had you. I mean even if we frequently fight… I had you and I was feeling so good for the first time in forever. But then we broke up…" she said, crying her eyes out.

Connor was getting worried, he stood up grabbing a glass of water and went back to her.

"Now calm down, Avey. It's okay I'm here now" he told her trying to make her drink.

She shook her head, she wasn't done talking.

"We broke up and my mind went into a very bad place again. I feel so lonely and sad. And I know it's my fault we broke up and I really want to fix this. But I feel like you don't want to do that, I feel like it's not mutual. And Connor I can't lose you too" she added grabbing his hand again.

"Hey. Hey, Ava. Look at me. You're not gonna lose me okay? The other morning I was searching for you because I wanted to apologize. You can ask Maggie and Nat. I wanted to say I was sorry and I wanted to follow Nat's advice and fix the whole situation, our relationship included" he confessed to her.

"Really?" she asked him, speechless and barely breathing.

"Yes, but we can't fix anything if you don't get better so please, please. Breath and relax, you're making yourself sick" he said, really worried.

"I'm so sorry it's all my fault, I should be a better person. I only make you mad, maybe you did good leaving me. I only cause problems" she told him, almost unable to breath.

"It's not only your fault, it's my fault too. But we're not going to have this conversation right now. You need to get better first. Can you try and calm down a little?" he almost begged her.

She nodded trying to control her breathing, she didn't want to panic. She only wanted Connor to hug her till she felt better.
Connor got up and filled a cup with water, he really didn't know what to do. That was the first time Ava was so sick and devastated in front of him and he really didn't know how to help her.
He was about to sit down on her bed again and help her drinking when he noticed how pale Ava was.

"Connor, my head is spinning so much" she said trying to focus on him.

He was about to reply but she didn't give him the time.

"I feel like I'm about to pass out" she added, grabbing his hand once again.

"That's because you're not breathing properly" he said, helping her laying down from her sitting position.
"Better?" he asked her.

"Not really" she tried to say, but her vision went black.

The last thing she remembered was Connor calling her name. When she opened her eyes she noticed her room was really crowded, unlike a moment before when she was alone with Connor.
Latham was there too, together with a couple of nurses.

"Hey, there. You're finally back" Connor commented.

"Wait, what happened?" she asked confused.

"Don't worry, Dr. Bekker. You just passed out, but your heartbeat is good and your blood pressure is going up. You'll be fine" Dr. Latham told her.
"What if we leave you two alone and you try and get some rest? Or do I have to send Dr. Rhodes home and give you something to make you sleep?" he added.

"I'll get some rest, I promise" she said.

"Good, I'll be back to check on you later" Dr. Latham said before exiting the room, leaving Connor and Ava alone.

They both stayed silent for a couple of minutes, Ava was still confused and Connor was stroking her hair. He was trying to make her falling asleep but she didn't really want to. She wanted to stay awake while he was there and so she was fighting to keep her eyes opened.

"C'mon. Can you move slightly on your left so I can lay down next to you?" Connor asked.

She nodded, slowly moving. It was a bit painful but she thought it was worth it, she was craving one of the fantastic Connor's bear hug. That always made her feel so protected and calm and he probably knew that since as soon as he was laying down next to Ava he allowed her to rest her head on his chest.

"Now try and sleep, Avey. I'll be here" her told her, watching her closing her eyes and falling asleep almost immediately.

Hey guys, sorry for the absence! I couldn't log in anymore idk why -.- i'm back and I plan on finish this fanfiction. what they did to hava was so terrible, tho. let's make her happy here, at least.