5 Years Later

Dick's eyes snapped open, he stared up at the dark ceiling above him. He could hear his heart beating in his ears and every inch of his body felt heavy. His breath began to come in pants as he realised, he was once again trapped in his body. Soon enough, the face of Bane appeared over him, the disgusting mouth coming down to his face as hands pressed down on his chest.

Dick forced himself to ignore it, to focus instead on his hand. Focusing all his attention on the simple act of closing his hand. At first, the limb refused to be commanded, but then slowly one by one his fingers began to close. One each had folded into the fist, Dick sat bolt upright gasping for breath. Taking control, he sucked in a breath and held it for 8 seconds before slowly blowing it back out. He did these three times, resting one hand on his chest, the other on his stomach. Finally, his heart slowed its pace and he felt calmer.

'Damn it.' He cursed. It had been a year since he'd suffered from sleep paralysis. He'd known the second he saw the hostages during today's mission that he would be having a bad night. They had been chained to the wall, three women, each of their clothes indicated they had been assaulted. Nightwing had remained calm, guiding his team through the rescue mission. But he'd known right there and then that he would be triggered. He was going to have to organise sessions with Dinah again, he knew it.

He pushed himself out of bed. He wasn't going to be able to sleep now anyway. He was too on edge. His anxiety still making his body buzz. He pulled on his sneakers and grabbed a towel, his phone and his earbuds. Carefully ignoring the scar on his wrist as he did so. He didn't need to think about that right now. Having everything he needed, he headed out of his room at the mountain and descended down to the beach.

Over the last five years, Dick had found the health of his mind came and went in waves. For 6 months after Bane was killed, he had been good. He'd had sessions with Dinah, brought the Teen Titans and Young Justice together, passed all his exams at school. He was getting his life back on track. And then he had been triggered and spent another 3 months benched from Robin. He'd stopped eating, sleeping, functioning. After a week of spiralling, Bruce had called in Joey. The young man had sat with the boy for hours. Finally, Dick had started to rebuild his mental health again, but he didn't feel like he could go back to Robin. There were too many triggers, too many memories. After almost a month of sessions with Dinah and long conversations with Bruce, Robin was put to rest and Nightwing was born and Dick entered into a year of happy normalcy.

His next breakdown had been worse. Bane's body was discovered, the discovery plastered all over the news all week. Dick shrank into himself, not leaving his room for days. Bruce and Alfred became on high alert, keeping visual for any sharp objects. They had considered locking his bedroom windows, but Dick felt safer in high places. They didn't want to take that away from him. In the end, it had been the surprise arrival of Jason Todd that had brought Dick out of his darkness. The new boy fascinated him, and he spent many hours trying to befriend him.

At first, Jason had resisted. Not interested in making friends with his new 'brother'. But eventually, Jason caved (as most people do) to Dick's character. As weird as Dick was, Jay couldn't deny that he enjoyed the older boy's company.

They became closer after an evening on the roof of the manor. Jason had stolen to the roof in the middle of the night to smoke. Only to find Dick already up there and doing exactly the same.

'Didn't take you for a smoker?' he said, sitting down next to Dick.

'I'm not.' Dick had replied, passing over the small tube he had been inhaling from. Jason took the tube and realised quickly that it was plastic.

'Weird.' He said

'It's CBD.' Dick explained. He'd looked tired...drained. 'For my anxiety.'

Jason handed the device back and looked awkward.

'I've heard rumours.' He said. 'Around the base…did you really try to kill yourself?'

'Stepped in front of a train.' Dick said flatly. It had been 3 years since that night in the rain, the night Slade had saved him from himself.

'Why?'

Dick hadn't been able to answer him. But he gave Bruce permission to tell Jason his story. If Jason was going to be a part of this family, he had the right to know why his older brother was so unstable. Jason never mentioned it again, but whenever he knew Dick had had a bad day, and he heard him head to the roof, he would follow. Sometimes they would talk, other times they would sit in comfortable silence. It wasn't much, Jason knew that, but it was something and Dick seemed to appreciate it.

Two years after Jason arrived, Nightwing was now the leader of the team, Jay had become Robin. Everything had been going smoothly…until today and the mission with the girls.

When Dick reached the beach, he walked over to the rocks by the water and sat with his feet in the waves. He looked up at the moon that was still shining in the dark sky.

Putting his headphones in, he started playing 'Do Android's Dream of Electric Sheep'. As the soft male voice continued reading where he had left off, Dick looked down at his feet. Watching has the water gently lapped at his ankles. He stayed there for a long while, watching as the sun began to rise over the horizon. It was beautiful.

By the time the morning had really begun, Dick finally felt the anxiety die down from his chest. He stretched, popping his joints.

This was his new normal. Riding the waves of his anxiety and his depression. Enjoying the good days when they came and dealing with the bad as Slade and Joey had once shown him how to do. He still saw Joey a few times a month and had seen Slade a handful of times over the last five years. After everything that had happened, they actively avoided meeting each other in the field. But Dick knew that he asked Joey how the young hero was doing.

Honestly, he was ok. It wasn't perfect and some day's he wished he could just feel like he did when he was a kid. But he knew he would never feel the same again and most of the time he accepted that. He wasn't healed, he wasn't fixed. But at least he was no longer traumatised.

End

A/N: That's all folks! Thanks for sticking with me through another book. I hope you enjoyed this story! Please leave a review and let me know what you think :). To keep up with my other stories, make sure you are following my profile! Until next time - Karin x