Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves.
Looking up at the castle's towers, as he had so many times before, Lea was surprised to find that they appeared even taller than they were in his youth. He stood in the courtyard in the warmth of the sunlight, breathing in the clean, familiar air of his beloved hometown as the soft breeze blew through his hair. He could have stayed in that spot for hours, absorbing the view of the castle, drowning in the flood of his memories, but he knew he couldn't stall forever. He'd been mentally coaxing himself to approach the castle's tall doors for several minutes, losing his nerve and hesitating every time he tried to take another step.
Finally, with a deep breath, he turned to his companions.
"Roxas, Xion… I think you should stay outside. I don't want to overwhelm him."
The two of them silently nodded with understanding expressions, each giving him an encouraging smile. Lea graciously accepted their support, finally working up the courage to enter the castle once and for all. He marched up to the doors where he met Aeleus and Dilan. They shared warm greetings, having not seen each other since their re-completion. They had been expecting Lea's arrival, and quickly welcomed him inside.
"So… is he in there?"
"He is. I don't think he's awake yet."
Lea sighed with relief before finally crossing the threshold into the castle's entryway. Aeleus gave him a friendly pat on the back as he passed by before closing the doors behind him.
Alone again, Lea took in the enormity of the experience as he gazed up to the high ceilings. He was quickly bombarded by memories, but he pushed them away as he cautiously tread the long hallways to Ansem's study. Just as he raised his hand to knock on the door, it opened, startling him. Standing before him was none other than Master Ansem the Wise. Behind his thick beard was a warm smile and his eyes twinkled as he gazed upon his former apprentice.
"It is good to see you, Lea."
Speechless, Lea bowed his head respectfully, hiding the shame on his face. "Master Ansem… thank you for having me."
Master Ansem laid a hand on Lea's shoulder, prompting him to lift his head and cast off his guilt. As he gently ushered the young man into his study, he spoke softly the answer to the question Lea had been too anxious to ask.
"There is someone here who will soon awaken. I have a feeling that yours will be the first face he will want to see."
He gestured to the doorway beside his desk leading back into the room where his enormous computer was housed. Lea froze, staring hesitantly into the hall, trying to convince himself to enter. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder once more. Master Ansem said nothing, but offered a sincere smile and a reassuring nod. Swallowing down his apprehension, Lea finally stepped into the room.
Ienzo, back in his white apprentice's labcoat, approached him with a friendly smile as soon as he entered. "Lea, you made it. It's good to see you."
"Hi there, Ienzo. Is he here? Is he awake?"
"Let me take you to him. He's not awake yet, but Even thinks it'll be soon."
Ienzo escorted Lea across the room to a far corner where, lying in a heap on the cold tile was the motionless body of Isa. Just like Lea, he had re-completed in his black leather Organization coat. Even was knelt beside him with an electronic notepad, typing numbers into it as Lea approached. He rose to his feet and gave Lea an update before heading off to join Ienzo.
"He's coming around. You're just in time."
As Isa began to stir, Lea lowered himself to his knees, leaning in to see his friend's face. He looked quite peaceful. His eyes were still closed, and at first only his fingers twitched intermittently. Lea watched silently as his breaths accelerated to a more awakened pace. His eyelids flickered, and he moaned sleepily as he was slowly roused from unconsciousness.
Lea nudged him gently on the shoulder, whispering softly to him. "Isa… wake up. It's me. Open your eyes."
His eyes flickered halfway open briefly before closing again, his brow furrowed in an effort to pull himself out of his slumber. Knowing how little Isa slept during his service in the Organization, Lea hated to disturb him, but he persisted, calling to his friend again. "Come on, sleepyhead. It's time to wake up."
Isa managed to flutter his eyes open, staring blankly at the floor and blinking the sleep away. He timidly lifted his head with an effortful grunt, struggling to support the weight of his upper body with his arms. His movements were gradual and deliberate as he propped himself up on his elbows. Disoriented, his gaze wandered all around before fixing on Lea's grinning face as his vision sharpened into focus.
"Lea…? Is that you…?" His voice was hoarse, every word a raspy croak with several breaths in between. Lea beamed at his friend, thrilled that he finally recognized him.
"Sure is. Good morning, Isa."
He extended a hand to his friend, carefully helping him into an upright position. Isa sat there on his hands and knees with his head hanging, still quite weak, catching his breath. As the fog in his head cleared, he became more coherent and was able to raise his head. He scanned the room, observing his surroundings before letting his eyes meet Lea's. Lea gave him a warm smile and broke the silence on Isa's behalf.
"How do you feel, Isa?"
Isa lowered his eyes in thought, not answering right away. He seemed to take notice of Lea's attire, still wearing his black Organization coat. He examined the coat for a long time before looking down at his own matching ensemble. Without a word, he inspected nearly every inch of his coat, tugging at the hood straps, running his fingers down the zipper, and grasping the thick leather on his wide sleeves. He stared at his hands, his expression blank and lost.
"Isa…?"
He slowly clenched his hands into fists as his vacant expression became troubled. To both of their surprise, his eyes welled up and tears spilled down his face. Overwhelmed, he dropped his head as his composure collapsed and he wept openly. Lea cautiously laid a hand on his shoulder, and when Isa didn't pull away or protest, Lea gently guided him into his arms, embracing him tightly. Isa succumbed to uncontrollable sobs as he buried his face in Lea's coat. Neither shushing him nor speaking any words, Lea held him close and allowed him the time to finally feel safe, for as long as he needed it.
There was a shuffling of footsteps as the other apprentices hurried out of the room in consideration of Isa's privacy, leaving behind only silence as the two sat on the floor just holding each other tightly. Lea was patient and tender as he waited for Isa's anguish to subside, gently dragging his hand up and down his old friend's back. He let Isa wind down at his own pace, and gradually the sobs dissipated enough for Isa to speak between them. In his grief, he could only manage short phrases with little substance to them other than basic human needs and raw emotion.
"Please… don't let go…"
"I won't. I've got you."
"Stay…"
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."
Although the crying had ceased, Isa still clung tightly to Lea, grateful for his friend's stability as the memories rushed into his head, saturating his mind with images he thought he'd long forgotten. Pain throbbed at his temples and across his forehead, and he grew dizzy from the spinning of his thoughts. His eyes burned from the tears and his torso ached from the force of his sobs. His energy spent, he let his body relax into the comfort of Lea's embrace.
Resting there, Isa lifted his gaze to see him, soothed by his calm smile. His mind overflowed with things he wanted to say to him, but no words passed his lips. Ever an expert at reading his face, Lea effortlessly interpreted his expression, and was honored that Isa had spared a moment to think of him. Tears filled his eyes as he saw the emotion on Isa's face, having waited so many years to see something other than cold contempt. His lapse elicited a soft chuckle from Isa.
"No… don't you start, too…"
Lea laughed as they both wiped their faces, overjoyed to see Isa smile for the first time in years. The occasional apprentice popped in every so often to fiddle with a piece of equipment before rushing back out with their eyes averted. Isa watched each of them intently as they came through. The feelings his former comrades invoked washed over him as if they were a tangible force, drenching him in the noise and chaos of his reawakened emotions. Wincing at the sting of remorse, he dropped his head once more, tears falling from his face and into a glistening puddle on the floor.
His shaking breaths interrupted his speech, but with a shuddering sigh, he endeavored to untangle the mess in his heart and experience each emotion individually. He struggled to articulate his feelings through his disorganized thoughts, and he spoke to Lea in broken sentences, desperate to make sense of the pain that burned deeply inside him.
"I see their faces… and I feel… overwhelmed…"
Laying a supportive hand on his shoulder, Lea met Isa's gaze with compassion and understanding in his eyes. He smiled warmly as he gently cupped his chin, reminding him that he was among friends.
"Isa… you're safe. You're free."
Those words were all it took, and Isa lost control again, weeping softly into his hands as Lea slid his arms around him once more. With Isa's face buried in his shoulder, Lea whispered softly to him, hoping to keep him talking so that he could begin to calm down again. Isa tried and failed many times to initiate the dialogue, the words lost to his gasps and sobs. Lea graciously took the lead, allowing Isa the time to regain his breath and collect his thoughts.
"Come now, Isa. Tell me what you're feeling."
"It's all a mess… There are so many… They've come all at once…"
"It must be disorienting."
"They're so loud…"
"Can you remember what they are?"
Isa was silent, still catching his breath. He let go of Lea with his head lowered, deep in thought. He closed his eyes, concentrating on recognizing and identifying the emotions inside him. With difficulty, he began to separate some of the feelings out, confronting them one by one as they became clear.
The foremost was his guilt. It stabbed at him, practically puncturing right into his sternum. The wrongs he had committed weighed heavily on his conscience, and the shame left a sour taste in his mouth. Dragging him down into the depths was his regret for the lost time. He sank into his remorse and was pulled under before another emotion yanked him out of the pool of grief. Anger began to burn through his veins, like his blood had turned to magma. He was angry at everything; himself, Lea, Xehanort, there was no one target for his rage. The intensity of the experience worked him up again, nearly boiling over beneath his skin. Piercing through the chaos straight to his center was the fear, pounding thunderously on the walls of his chest. He recalled the panic of realizing his heart was gone, and the confusion that followed, trying to understand how he was still alive. He remembered the looks on his comrade's faces as they realized what they had done, and what had been done to them. The mounting tidal wave inside him threatened to crash, and he pressed his palms to his ears to block out the deafening sound of anguished cries buried deep inside his memories.
"It's alright, Isa. Face them. You buried them away for years. Don't shut them out."
"I don't know how…"
"Let them in so that they can pass."
"Lea, they're so loud!"
"I know. They finally have a voice. Let them speak."
Lea had known Isa since the two were young teens. He'd seen every side of him, good and bad, strong and weak, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen the usually quiet and reserved man so afraid. Watching as his friend let the emotions envelop him filled his heart with pity. Isa needed this, and Lea couldn't help but feel relieved, even thrilled that his catharsis had finally come. But at the same time, he lamented that it was hurting him so much.
Isa trembled violently, wheezing loudly between sobs, desperately grasping at Lea's coat. Lea opened his arms and cradled him, sweeping away the tears from his swollen, tired eyes.
"Breathe slowly, Isa. Listen…"
Isa laid against his chest again, listening through the walls to the soft static of his breaths. He nearly lost it all over again when he heard the sound of a steady, gentle beating against his ear. It took some time, but after a few moments, he matched the rhythm of Lea's breaths, mesmerized by the quiet drumming of his heart. His shaking body settled as he reigned in his breakdown, finally still enough to speak again.
"I was weak…"
"It's okay to be weak. Weakness is human."
Isa dropped his head, unconvinced. He had been referring to the years he spent in the Organization, sacrificing his humanity out of a lust for power, throwing away his most valued friendship with jealousy, bitterness, and resentment, and destroying innocent lives to regain his lost sense of purpose. In Isa's eyes, those actions were far weaker than any emotional outburst could ever be.
Lea gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze, smiling softly at him. Always such a good companion, he had never failed to bring light to the darkest of circumstances. It was one of the things Isa liked — and missed — most about him.
Taking notice of a change in Isa's expression, Lea inquired about his thoughts. "What's on your mind?"
Isa sniffled, dragging his sleeve across his face. "It has been so long since I've felt such joy, elation… gratitude…"
Lea's face lit up at these words. "You're happy to see me."
"I missed you, Lea."
"Aw, now you've done it…"
Lea was so moved by Isa's declaration of affection that he could no longer contain himself. His throat tightened as his eyes began to burn. He threw his arms around him and held on for dear life. Isa returned the favor and hastily grasped him around the shoulders. They clung tightly to each other and cried until they ached. So thrilled were they to be reunited that suddenly the wasted years no longer mattered, and making up for lost time was an idle fantasy no more. For now, being together again, safe in each other's arms, was all they needed.
They let their intimate moment run for what could have been either seconds or weeks for all they knew. The apprentices slowly trickled back into the room, sniffling and wiping their eyes, prompting the two to part at last, drying their faces and giggling bashfully. With Lea's help, Isa rose carefully his feet. He was unsteady at first, wavering where he stood and holding tightly to Lea for balance. Ienzo rushed over when he noticed Isa was finally standing, giving him a thorough once-over from all angles.
"As expected, you appear quite healthy. Are you in any pain? Dizzy? Nauseated?"
Isa stammered, caught off-guard by Ienzo's sudden barrage of questions. "I— yes, but it's clearing away now."
"Good. Well, you get passing marks from me. Welcome back, Isa."
"Thank you, Ienzo."
As the young apprentice strolled off to resume his work, his fingers flying across the electronic pad he carried, Isa turned to the large, reflective window at the other end of the room. He contemplated for several seconds before deciding to head in that direction. Still weak in the legs, he slowly limped to the window to gaze at his reflection, with Lea following closely behind.
He stared into the window for a long time, absorbing the appearance of his own features. To his relief, his eyes, though bloodshot and puffy from crying, were no longer amber, and his ears had been restored to their rounded state, but as he examined his face, his attention was drawn to one area in particular. He removed a glove and raised a hand to his forehead. Slowly and with the lightest touch, he traced his fingers along the X-shaped sigil etched into the skin between his eyes, unsure of how to respond to its presence. His head ached with the sudden rush of memories, leading him to conclude that perhaps its purpose was to serve as a reminder of his misdeeds. In that case, he decided that it made for a fitting punishment, to be forced to remember his cruel transgressions every time he looked himself in the face.
Lea approached him cautiously, allowing him the space and the time to process what he saw in his reflection. He couldn't tell if Isa's expression was one of repulsion and lamentation or one of curiosity and intrigue. He could think of no words to say to him.
"I suppose… I should have expected that it would be permanent."
Isa stared blankly at his mirror image while absentmindedly stroking the harsh lines of his ghastly scar with his fingertips. Lea, still lost for words, hesitated before responding to him. "Well… I guess we retain the damage to our physical bodies."
"It would seem so," Isa replied thoughtfully. "All the same, I deserved it."
"Isa…"
"So devout was I that I allowed myself to be branded as proof of my loyalty. I deserved it then, and I deserve it now."
"Isa, that wasn't a branding. It was a punishment. Xemnas let you believe you could earn his favor, when really he just wanted to keep you in line."
"Then I was gullible. And now… I am humbled."
Lea remembered the event quite well. Isa's early days in the Organization were devoted to tracking down the friend they'd met in the castle as children. He stopped at nothing to snoop around in forbidden places for clues to her whereabouts, and must have been caught dozens of times before Xemnas finally lost his patience. Isa was nearly thrown out of the Organization altogether — faced with either being turned into a Dusk or accepting this gruesome alternative. Lea winced as the painful image of Xemnas mercilessly dragging his Ethereal Blades across Isa's face shot to the forefront of his mind. In one quick slash, his friend was on his knees, blood spilling onto the floor. Lea would never forget Xemnas's sinister smile as he praised Isa for his dedication.
"What a shame. I had such a handsome face."
Lea chuckled, glad to see Isa taking a light-hearted approach to his unfortunate circumstances. "Well… it could be worse. You could look like Braig."
Isa shuddered, visibly repulsed by the idea. He found his disfigurement to be unsightly, but it was practically a work of art compared to the damage inflicted on Braig. He left his face alone and moved on to his attire, plucking at his black leather coat with disgust. As Lea stepped closer to the window, Isa was reminded that his friend also wore it, even after all this time.
"Why are you still wearing the coat?"
Lea lowered his eyes, answering him in a solemn tone. "I had a lot of friends still trapped in this coat. I couldn't bring myself to take it off until I knew they could, too."
"Solidarity… that's very noble."
Lea scratched his head bashfully, "It was either save my friends or suffer alongside them."
Isa thought for a moment in silence as he stared at the battered garment. He'd always hated the wretched thing. Most of the Organization could agree that the coats were too heavy, too warm, and too stiff. He would likely never be able to forget the scent of a fellow comrade returning from a mission having spent the day sweating inside the impermeable material. Isa couldn't wait to be out of it at last, and eagerly looked forward to the longest shower of his life.
"Was I the last one? Trapped by the coat?"
Lea stroked his chin in mock-contemplation before grinning at his friend. "Yes, you were the last friend I had to save."
"Then…" Isa declared with determination. "Get this filthy thing off me."