A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.
Chapter 10: One Day
Edna did everything just the way Jo wanted. Seeing as how neither one of her "parents" were there to take care of the final details, it was all left in Edna's hands, and she followed Jo's wishes to the letter. The morning after Jo's body was cremated, Edna, Jessie, Nat's parents, Mona, and the girls were all gathered together in the lounge, talking about Jo. Edna, Dr. and Mrs. Green, and Mona were all sitting together on the loveseat, Jessie was sitting in one of the living chairs, and Blair, Natalie, and Tootie were standing together behind the loveseat.
"I still think we should have had a funeral," said Blair. "We should have done something special to remember Jo."
"I told you before, Blair. That's not what Jo wanted," Edna responded.
"I think Jo was right," said Jessie. "I think she knew what she was doin'."
"What do you mean?" asked Tootie.
"If you guys had had a funeral, word wouldda reached Jo's Aunt Evelyn, and Evelyn wouldda told Rose and Charlie. And mark my words, had they found out the time and place of Jo's funeral, one or maybe even both of 'em wouldda had the nerve to show their ugly, stupid faces there. And they wouldda turned it all around, made it all about them instead of Jo. With those snakes at Jo's funeral, it wouldn't have been about honoring Jo or paying Jo respect. It wouldda been about poor widdle Rose and Charlie and everything they've been through. They wouldda used their own kid's funeral to try and get attention and praise and sympathy outta people. That's just who they are. That's how snakes and cowards operate. Jo was smart. She was real smart not to give them the chance to selfishly use her in death, like they always used her in life."
"Abandoning your sick, dying child when she needs you the most. Using your own child's death for such selfish, sick things. It's unthinkable," Mona said quietly with her thick Russian accent. "I can't even imagine."
"I know it's hard to imagine, Ma, but as utterly insane as it is, there actually are people like that in the world," said Dr. Green. "As a doctor, I've seen things over the years that would blow your mind. There really are parents, or as Jo put it, DNA donors, who care nothing about their own children. Or who care more about their drug habits or their alcohol or their abusive partner than they do about their kids, and they just throw their kids under the bus without caring about the deep level of devastation it puts their kids through. It's tragic. Beyond tragic. There…there's just no words for this kind of evil."
"Charlie Polniaczek threw Jo under the bus. That's for sure," said Jessie. "When Rose was destroying their family with that evil tongue of hers, Charlie couldn't take it, and he ran out on Jo like the pathetic coward he is. He didn't care that he was leavin' Jo behind in a world of misery. He didn't care how bad it hurt her when he abandoned her. He only cared about himself."
"In my psychology class, we talked about narcissists," Natalie chimed in. "Our teacher said that narcissists almost always had partners who enabled them; who refused to stand up to them and do anything about their terrible behavior, even if the narcissist abused their own children. Mr. Polniaczek sounds like an enabler to me. And as confusing as narcissists like Mrs. Polniaczek can be, I'm even more confused by the enablers who help make all of their abuse possible in the first place."
"Enablers sound even worse to me than the narcissists," Mrs. Green commented.
"They are worse," Jessie confirmed. "As horrible as it is to act the way Rose did, it's even worse to know what a snake like Rose does to her kid and to just stand by and do nothin' about it. For those of you who haven't lived it like Jo and I have, you don't know. You have no idea what it does to a kid inside to know that one of your own parents knows the other one is a threat to you and to know that they don't care enough about you to do anything about it."
"You're right, Jessie," Edna said gently. "Those of us who have never lived through it the way you and Jo have can never fully understand. But I want you to know that you're not alone. You're a member of this family too, and anytime you need me, I'm here for you. I mean that with all my heart."
Not wanting to show too much emotion, Jessie responded with a simple nod.
A moment later, Tootie said with tears freely flowing from her eyes, "I wish I had known what Jo was going through. I wish I could have done something to help her."
"So do I, Tootie," said Nat as she, too, began to cry. "So do I."
"How are we supposed to go on without her?" Tootie asked through her tears. "We're supposed to be The Four Musketeers. We're supposed to be together forever."
Natalie then lovingly wrapped her arm around Tootie's shoulders and said, "I know, Tootie. I know."
"You know one thing about this that really hurts me and makes me angry?" asked Blair.
"What?" questioned Edna.
"Jo got robbed of so much throughout her life. All through her childhood, she was rejected by her own parents. Then when she got really sick, she couldn't even have the one last thing she wanted in life. To go to the Grand Canyon and the Rocky Mountains and California on her bike. From cradle to grave, Jo was always getting robbed."
"It makes me angry too," said Natalie. "I've been angrier at God than anyone for allowing all of this to happen to Jo. But even though I'm still so angry, I have to say that Jo's death really got my attention."
"What do you mean?" Blair asked.
"It made me start thinking, I mean really thinking, about where I actually stand with God. We always like to think we have forever, so we tend to put off making things right with God. Despite everything she was going through, Jo had an indescribable peace inside. She knew where she was going when she died. And even though death itself was staring her in the face, she wasn't afraid. I realized the day Jo died that I didn't have that same certainty. And I realized that I wanted to. So yeah, I'm still hurt and angry that Jesus decided to take one of my closest friends on earth away from me, and it's going to take some time, a lot of time, for me to work through it. But even though it's really hard right now, I am putting my trust in Christ."
"I'm in the exact same place you are, Natalie," Blair admitted. "For a long time, I was so angry at God for allowing my parents' divorce to go through. The night before their divorce was going to be finalized, I pleaded and begged all night long for God to do something to stop it. When He didn't, I felt so betrayed by Him. I've been furious at God for years, just over my parents' divorce. Then when He decided not to heal Jo, that only made it worse for a while. I'm still not on the best of terms with God right now, but I do know that after all these years of being angry at Him, I'm tired. I don't want to do it anymore. And just like you said, Natalie, I also want the same kind of peace that Jo had. And I recently realized that I was never going to have that peace in my life until I just broke down and swallowed my pride and put my trust in Jesus, once and for all. I still don't understand why God had to take Jo away from us, but even though it's hard, it does give me peace to know that I'm trusting in Jesus to take care of Jo's spirit."
Mona got up from her seat in that moment, went around to where the girls were standing, and told them, "I know it hurts, girls. I know this is the most painful thing that has ever happened to you. But even though it's so hard, you all just keep clinging to your faith in the Lord. And you all just remember that Jo is in heaven now. Everything that she was robbed of in this life is being repaid to her one hundred fold. I believe that with all my heart. She doesn't need the Grand Canyon or the Rocky Mountains or California. She's with Jesus Christ. She's in heaven. And I assure you, she is experiencing more joy at this very moment than any of us can imagine."
Blair nodded and whispered, "Thanks, Mona."'
Mona nodded, and then she put her arms around Blair, Natalie, and Tootie and gave them all a ferocious hug.
A few moments later, Dr. and Mrs. Green announced to Natalie that it was time for them to start heading home. After a lot of hugs and emotional goodbyes to Mrs. Garrett and the girls, Natalie left with her parents to spend the rest of the summer with them. Not long after they were gone, Jessie said goodbye and left as well.
A couple of minutes after Jessie had gone, Blair sensed it that Mrs. Garrett wanted to talk with Mona alone.
"Come on, Tootie. Let's go into the kitchen and make ourselves a snack, huh?"
"Okay," Tootie said quietly, and then she and Blair left the lounge.
As soon as they were alone, Edna rose from her seat, walked up to Mona, and told her, "Thank you, Mona. Thank you so much for what you said to the girls."
"It was my pleasure. I'm glad Blair and Tootie will be spending the rest of the summer here with you. I know their presence will be a real comfort to you, especially now."
"It certainly will be," Edna agreed. Then a moment later, she said, "Thank you for coming up here with Natalie's parents today, Mona. It's always a joy to see you."
"It's always a joy to see you too, my dear. Oh Edna, I can only imagine what you must be going through now. How are you holding up?"
"I'm here," Edna said with a tired sigh. "That's about all I can say at the moment."
"I know what you mean. Just remember, as agonizing as it is now, it does eventually start to get a little easier."
Edna shook her head and argued, "I don't know about that, Mona. When my parents died years ago, it hurt so badly, especially the first year after their passing, but after that, it did start getting easier and easier. But this is different. I feel like…I feel like my whole world has come to an end."
"In a way…it has. Your world, your family as you knew it with you and with all of your girls, is no more. That's an incredibly painful thing to have to accept."
"I don't know if I can," Edna gasped.
"As much as it hurts, you have no choice. I wish I could tell you that you'll be able to get over this soon, but that's not the truth. The loss of a child…you never get over it, Edna. You just…get on with it."
"I wish somebody would tell me how," Edna said bitterly.
"You take it…one step at a time. One moment at a time. One hour at a time. One day at a time. You let yourself and your girls feel the pain as it comes, and when it comes, you cry it out, and you comfort each other and you love each other through this. And then, you choose to go on living as best you can. And you remember that by living well, by spending your life loving God and others, you're honoring your child's memory."
Edna nodded and said, "You're right, Mona. And the girls and I have been talking, and that's just what we're going to do. Jo may have had a lot of health problems that went undetected and ultimately resulted in her death, but the girls and I are convinced that it's really Rose Polniaczek's narcissistic abuse that killed Jo. Mrs. Polniaczek subjected Jo to terrible verbal and emotional abuse at crucial points in her recovery, and I think she willfully, purposefully did whatever she could to obstruct Jo's recovery. As a nurse, I've seen it before. People who have major surgery, especially open-heart surgery, and are then sent home to stressful home environments, are often more likely to suffer complications. The girls and I have seen it for ourselves, and we'll never be the same. After witnessing it happen to Jo, we know that things like narcissism and verbal abuse and emotional abuse really do kill. And we've all agreed that from here on out, we're going to spend our whole lives taking a stand against it.
"Blair has decided that since Jo can't become a teacher and touch kids' lives like she wanted to, she's going to do it for her. She's still majoring in art at Langley this fall, but now, she's planning on becoming an art teacher. And she's going to be there for her students, and if any of her students come to her and confides in her about going through the same kind of hell Jo endured, she's not going to make the same mistakes I made. She's not going to take this prejudiced mentality that parents can do no wrong and refuse to listen and refuse to take a child abuse victim seriously. She's going to listen to that child, and she's going to treat that child with respect. And Natalie, as you know, is sticking to journalism, and she's going to use her gift of writing to give abused children everywhere the voice that they deserve."
"Yes, I know. And I couldn't be prouder of her."
"I feel the same way, about Natalie and all my girls."
"Natalie tells me that Tootie's plans have also changed."
"Yes. Tootie recognizes now that trying to get into show business is not a good idea. Practically nobody really makes it in that career, and the vast majority of the time, those that do have to sell their souls to the devil, literally, to get where they are. Celebrities' lives almost always get destroyed by Hollyweird and end in disaster, and that's not what Tootie wants. Her parents still have their hearts set on seeing Tootie become an attorney, but Tootie wants to go into social work now. She realizes the system that is supposed to protect kids is horribly broken, and she wants to spend her life doing everything she can to remedy that and help as many child abuse victims as she can."
"That's wonderful."
"Yes, it is, and like I said, I'm so proud of my girls. And, speaking of changes, there's going to be some changes in store for my life, too."
"What sort of changes?"
"Well, nothing big just yet. I'll still be working here at Eastland as the school dietician. But as you know, Jo had a large sum of money she was going to use to take a trip in the last days of her life, but because her illness worsened so fast, she wasn't able to do it. And Jo was very generous. She left the money to me, and I'm going to use it to take some night classes at Langley this fall. It's going to take a long time, especially with me working during the day, but I'm going to work on getting my degree in child psychology. And Lord willing, one day, I'll be working to help kids as a school counselor. I may even wind up working as a counselor here at Eastland one of these days."
"Oh, Edna, that's wonderful. That's positively wonderful. I know…I know your daughter will be looking down from heaven and feel so proud of her mama."
"I hope so," Edna whispered, and then she finally couldn't hold it in anymore, and she broke down into sobs.
Mona instantly pulled Edna into her arms and whispered, "I know, darling. I know. I know. It's alright. Just get it all cried out."
After having herself a good long cry for a few minutes, Edna straightened up, got the handkerchief out of her pocket, and wiped her eyes. Then she told Mona, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be silly. You have nothing to apologize for."
"I don't know. It just feels so wrong…talking about what we're all going to be doing next. What I'm going to be doing next. Even though I know that we have no choice but to go on with our lives now, I don't want our lives to go on. Not without Jo. It's not right. Our family is broken now. It's incomplete. And it breaks my heart."
"I know. But it's not going to stay that way forever. When you start to feel brokenhearted, you just remember that one day, you and your girls will be in heaven with Jo, and all this pain will be a distant memory. You hang on and you remember that one day, the family that you love so dearly will be whole again."
Edna nodded, and then once again, Mona took her into her embrace and let her cry.