AN- After attempting to watch the Charmed reboot I had no hope for the Roswell reboot. But boy did Roswell New Mexico prove me wrong! As much as I love the original, I'm loving the reboot as well. And of course, I love Michael and Alex.

A loud bang sounded outside the cabin and in a sudden flash of panic he was awake sitting up in bed feeling as if he couldn't breathe. His body was wet with his sweat even though the room wasn't warm. He woke up like this many times through the night often having a hard time getting enough sleep. He brought his hand to his head trying to chase the images flashing through his mind. He hated that he couldn't escape them, what happened while he fought in the war. He felt his body shaking in a way he couldn't control he kept trying to breath in and out slowly until the panic left him. But the more he tried to push the images out of his mind the more they kept flying at him as if they were the only memories he had. At times he felt like he would never be able to think of or remember any part of his life that didn't involve pain, didn't involve death, didn't involve that war. Instead of the images leaving his mind more seemed to come and instead of finding his breath he felt it getting harder and his shaking got worse. He saw explosions he saw people lying dead around him. There was no escaping it, no escaping he could never escape. And then instead of bodies he saw a smile and instead of explosions he heard a laugh. His breathing began to slow as the image formed in his mind. Michael.

Michael's image in his mind was like coming up for a breath of fresh air after nearly drowning under water. He was brought back to when he was seventeen again sitting in the old shed behind his house watching Michael play the guitar. Then he saw the two of them seventeen years old standing inside the museum feeling his lips on his. Back then Michael had made him feel safe and even now just holding on to the memories of who they used to be chased away the nightmare of who he had become and made him feel safe once more.

Alex felt his body becoming normal the panic left his system, it had been so long since he had let the memories play within his mind again. He had convinced himself what he felt for Michael had just been a seventeen-year-old teenager's fling, happy another guy was even looking at him. For ten years whenever the thought of Michael came to his mind he would push them away he would pretend that it really wasn't anything and that Michael had moved on by now and that he should too. No one held on to their teenage love for ten years without talking to each other. He convinced himself he had never loved Michael and that Michael wasn't capable of love. They were kids that were all.

Yet when he had seen Michael again at the trailer on the farm one look from the other man and he had instantly felt seventeen again. Alex had expected Michael to leave Roswell a long time ago and hadn't thought he would see him again. When Michael had stormed up to him and touched him full of anger Alex saw it all melt away when their eyes met. He had pretended that Michael was just a guy who was being evicted. He saw the anger flash again when Michael glanced over at his father and growled, 'finally a real Manes man.' The more he thought of how Michael looked perhaps it wasn't anger, maybe just maybe it had been hurt.

The images of battle began to swim to his mind once more and he shook his head wishing he could think of something else, anything else and for once his mind listened. He was brought back to the reunion when he confronted Michael asking if he was cooking meth. He could see Michael's cocky smirk on his face showing a part of his intelligent mind and he could feel his feeling for the other man come rushing back.

He remembered stepping forward and taking hold of his arm and whispering in Michael's ear,

"You're wasting your life Guerin"

"You trying to hold my hand private?"

"Does the macho cowboy swagger thing ever get old for you?"

"Did it get old for you?" Michael said in his ear and then he pushed past Alex leaving him feeling numb.

Once the image left his mind he again felt the nightmares of the war creeping back in. So he pulled another memory of Michael from his mind.

He was looking at an old photo from high school that was displayed on the wall as he adjusted his metal leg. He saw his younger self and couldn't help but feel that the guy in the photo was dead, he would never be that kid again.

"Nostalgia's a bitch huh?" Came the only voice that could make everything within him turn electric. He turned to see Michael standing in the doorway looking at him. For a moment both men just looked at each other and finally, he spoke,

"I thought for sure when I got back from Iraq you'd be long gone." He kept his eyes on Michael's perhaps it was the few drinks he had, but he felt like he couldn't fight whatever it was that made him drawn to Michael.

"Is that what you want?" Michael asked as he slowly walked over his hands in his pockets. The way he was looking at him he felt like they were in the museum again and Michael had just asked to speak in private. He knew what was coming next and he tried to convince himself he didn't want this, he didn't want Michael.

"We aren't kids anymore." He felt the words leave his mouth, but his body said otherwise as Michael stepping closer Alex felt himself moving forward as if he had no control over his body it was as if it needed Michael so he could feel something other than pain and fear. "what I want." He felt himself saying, "Doesn't matter."

Michael had been looking down, but then his eyes flashed up onto his own and for just a moment they looked at each other and then Michael put his hand behind Alex's neck and moved forward pulling Alex to him. Their lips touched and Alex couldn't deny what he wanted not anymore not after ten years of telling himself he didn't want Michael Guerin. Because in that moment feeling Michael touch him again kiss him again every part of his mind that had tried to convince him what he felt for the other man was just a teenage fling was all proven wrong. Michael could set him on fire with just a touch. He wanted him he needed him and even when the kiss ended, and they rested their foreheads on each other, and Michael's hand slowly moved down to stroke his cheek Alex didn't pull away. He allowed himself to feel the love he had for Michael begin to fill him just as it had ten years ago.

Alex opened his eyes and all the warmth of Michael against him left him once more, but at least he wasn't filled with the panic that his nightmares left him in. He let himself fall back down on his pillow as he looked at the ceiling. He rolled over and closed his eyes trying to fall asleep again, but as his eye lips closed images of what he had seen and what he had done in the war came to him once more. He couldn't help the tears that began to fall from his eyes, he felt shattered so shattered that nothing would ever make him who he used to be. At times he wondered if that teenager who went to war to seem worthy in his father's eyes was even someone he wanted to be. He ran away from Roswell to join the air force all to make the man who had abused him happy, he ran away from Michael as if he was ashamed of the boy who stood up for him time and time again. He thought about what could have happened if he had stayed, what could have happened if he had just left his father behind and said who cares what the bastard thought? Would Michael still be living in a trailer committing petty crimes? Or could they be happy together? His eyes began to drift shut and this time his mind played images of the 'what if?' He imagined Michael laying down in bed next to him and wrapping his arms around him, making him feel safe and whole as he drifted off to a peaceful sleep, dreaming of a happy life a life they shared together. He heard the soft echo of Michael's voice, 'I never look away, not really.'

Michael found himself just watching the fire as it burned. It was late, but he couldn't sleep so he drank another beer, eventually, he would drink enough that he would pass out.

'You're wasting your life Guerin.' Alex's words echoed in his mind. He had almost hated Alex's at that moment. What right did Alex Manes have to tell him that? Alex had been the one that left, that ran away and went to war for the approval of a man who would never accept him. Michael wanted to hate Alex for those words, but he couldn't those words had hurt him because the only person he had ever wanted to make proud was Alex, the only person he had never wanted to let down. He had thought maybe just maybe he could have happiness, that he could have Alex after he had come to the trailer and they spent the night together, but the next morning Alex had been ashamed of him. He tried to brush off Alex's word as if it meant nothing, but it felt like Alex had stabbed him in the heart. He thought of the drive in and how during the day he had let himself think that perhaps Alex wasn't ashamed to be with him, that they could go to the drive-in and enjoy their time together, but then at the last moment Alex pulled away again and Michael was left shattered.

When he was seventeen and Alex had given him a place to stay and a guitar to play, he had been surprised by the kindness he was shown Alex hadn't expected anything in return. For a short time in his life he felt like he had someone who wasn't going to walk away, but in the end, Alex walked away more than anyone else.

The night of the drive-in he had seen Alex's father stop him and speak to him, he saw for a moment Alex stood up to his dad and Michael thought just maybe this time would be different, maybe Alex would finally move past wanting the man's approval, but in the end that night Alex had found a reason to leave just like he always did. Everyone left him in the end, even Max and Izzy in a way they both had moved on with their lives leaving him stuck. He hated Roswell he had always wanted to leave he once had the chance, but that night changed everything. The three had vowed to stay together but being together was just a reminder of that night and so even when it was the three of them nothing was like it had been before.

After what happened he knew he had to push Alex away. He couldn't be close to any human he couldn't care for any of them. He cared far more for Alex then he ever had for anyone else before and that scared him in more ways than one especially when he was seventeen. He knew back then he had to push Alex away he had even wanted Alex to leave him, but a part of him had hoped Alex would see through his act and stay. Stay by his side forever, but perhaps that was too much hope to put on a scared seventeen-year-old boy. Even if he didn't voice his hope and even though he knew it was foolish he couldn't help the pain the day Alex left town, left him.

Over the past ten years, he told himself they had just been teenagers, that he wasn't really in love with Alex Manes, that what they had was a fluke. He hadn't found himself attracted to another guy. Alex was the only guy he had ever been with and had thought about, he only found himself sleeping with women from the bar to fill the part of him that he often needed to fill. He told himself over time the pain of Alex leaving would become less, that he would move on. He kept telling himself that all the women he had been with would push Alex from his mind and for a time it did.

For the last few years when he thought of Alex, he didn't feel the small stabbing in his chest anymore. He had really thought he put the other guy behind him, he was happy with the one-night stands and the flings. He was happy not letting anyone close enough to crush him again, he was happy when he wanted the girl to walk away because that was what people always did. People always left. People would always leave so you just had to use them for the small amounts of joy.

He was happy or at least he had told himself he was happy over and over again until he convinced himself. For a time that worked he could smile and fool everyone around him, everyone knew him as the cocky guy who could get a girl to go home with him just about every night from the bar. He told himself he liked his life, Max and Izzy even thought he enjoyed the way he was living his life.

Then he saw him. He saw those eyes looking at him and instantly he was seventeen again and the past ten years fell away. Every one of his one-night stands felt empty and all he wanted was Alex again. Any delusion he was happy fell away. He hadn't realized how empty his life actually was until his eyes met Alex and he knew he didn't want to be alone. He didn't want just any girl warming his bed at night and gone by morning. He wanted Alex and he wanted Alex wrapped in his arms all night long. He wanted to wake up to Alex every morning, but at that moment he would have settled for just a smile from Alex, but Michael knew that wouldn't happen not with daddy dearest nearby, perhaps not ever again.

Alex acted cold and Michael thought perhaps he had played up everything they had once been in his mind or perhaps Michael the boy who fought feeling anything for anyone had fallen too hard for just one person. A person who hadn't felt the same way about him. That was until the reunion when Alex tried to be cold, but a crack had shown on his face, the way he stepped forward and told him that he was wasting his life. There was just a flicker at that moment and Michael could still sense the electricity between them, but he tried to ignore it. He walked away from Alex and wrapped his arms around a girl and tried to convince himself he wanted to just get that girl home. Later when he was about to go home with her he walked past a doorway and saw Alex looking at an old photo of himself and Michael had known the pain that flashed across Alex's face. He couldn't stop himself and he had gone to him as if he was a magnet and Alex was the metal and nothing could stop them coming together. In the room just the two of them they fell back to who they had once been. When he kissed Alex, his whole world snapped back into focus. He knew at that moment he was in love with and would forever be in love with Alex Manes.

It was as if he had no control when it came to Alex. He told himself not to feel anything again because in the end he could never fully let Alex in and Alex would always walk away. He threw his beer bottle into the fire and sighed he knew he should go to bed, but instead he grabbed another beer and opened it he wouldn't be able to sleep anyways his only hope now was to pass out.

He kept telling himself over and over again that he didn't want anyone to be close to him, that he couldn't have anyone close to him. He wanted Alex to walk away, but no matter how much his mind told him those words his heart was shattered. Alex made a part in him awaken that he had hidden so deeply he often forgot about. Every time Alex looked at him, every time he smiled and every time he laughed Michael was brought back to life then he shattered over and over again every time Alex looked away from him, pulled away. He wanted to be better for Alex, he wanted to be just a regular guy that got a regular life and got to be with the person he loved, but Michael could never have that.

"Comfortable?" Isabelle's voice sounded as she kicked Michael's shoe causing him to groan

"What time is it?" he asked his voice hoarse he had no idea what time he had finally passed out. He reached his hand behind his neck and tried to rub out the kink he felt. He had fallen asleep in the chair near the fire.

"Ten in the morning." She told him sighing as she saw how many empty beer bottles.

"Don't you want more for your life than this?" she asked looking around them.

Michael smirked, "I'm happy with what I have." Lie. He felt like that was all he ever did, lie about what he really wanted. It wasn't just outwards to everyone around him he also lied to himself.

"Well." She told him, "there is more to life than this."

"What? Like finding that special someone, getting married buying a house and living happily ever after?" He leaned back in his chair and smirked when he saw he had one more beer left. Grabbing it he used the edge of the chair to open it took a quick swig.

"Come on Michael." She folded her arms.

"What do you want me to say?" he looked up at her.

"Don't you have work or something?"

"Gotta fix that truck." He said pointing his beer bottle at one of the broken-down trucks in the yard." He sighed, "Then hitting the bar, wanna join?"

She collapsed down in the chair next to him and hugged the hoodie she was wearing around her.

"Is that mine?" he asked which only earned him a glare. He smirked and just continued to drink his beer for a moment before he spoke again, "I'm guessing you and Noah aren't any closer to kissing and making up." He pretended he didn't notice the tears that came to her eyes.

"He wants answers." She told him, "Ones I can't give."

"That's the beauty of how I live my life." He smirked, "No one to hide from I get what I need from the one-night stands. Talking and sharing isn't really that important."

"That's an empty life." She looked over at him, "I don't know how you live that way without feeling anything for anyone. Without having someone to make you feel-" she sighed then smiled softly, "Like you're the only person that matters."

Michael thought of Alex and felt the pull deep within him that came every time he thought of the other man. He wanted Alex he wanted Alex all day every day in his life, but that couldn't happen. He couldn't allow himself to truly voice those feelings and quickly pushed Alex from his mind. "It's pointless, all of that is just some fantasy you and Max come up with." He shook his head, "Love is something you only believe because mommy and daddy told you fairytale stories about it growing up, it isn't real." Lie. Again, his voice spoke different words then what his heart really wanted to say. "All this heartache you feel is because you let it in. you wrap yourself up in these human emotions. With these humans. We don't belong here not really not with them."

Isabelle just looked at him, "You just say that because you haven't fallen in love yet."

He looked at her for a moment he could still see the heartbreak on her face from Noah leaving her here with him. "Because I know it isn't real." He told her as again he lifted the beer bottle to his lips.

Alex sat with Maria and Liz hardly listening to what they were saying, instead his eyes were on Michael at the pool table his hands all over some girl. She was sitting on the table and he stood between her legs as he kissed her. Alex couldn't help the jealousy that flared within him, he wanted to be the person Michael was kissing he wanted to be the one he was touching.

"That guy really needs to learn to get a room." Maria's voice broke through his thoughts. "Every night in here rubbing up on some new girl. It's going to come back and haunt him one day."

"Huh?" Alex said looking back to her.

"Guerin." She said, "Over there. I honestly don't know how anyone falls for his words."

"Yeah." Alex looked at his beer. "But they always do, don't they?"

"Sometimes multiple times." Maria said, "Some girls fall for it over and over."

"He must be really good in bed." Liz said, "Only way he could get someone over and over with the way he treats them."

Alex stopped listening to their conversation when Michael broke away from the girl and looked over at him and their eyes locked. Alex felt like he was seventeen again and Michael was just the boy who came from the wrong side of the track but had a great future ahead of him. He remembered listening to Michael talk about becoming an engineer. Dreaming of a future outside Roswell. He remembered listening to Michael talk about how he was going to prove statistics wrong. He wasn't going to end up like his foster father. Michael wanted to be something, do something great with his life. But here he was, just another guy living in a trailer, getting into bar fights, hardly able to hold onto a job and it broke Alex's heart. He wondered what exactly caused Michael to give up on all his dreams, give up on having a future.

"Alex, earth to Alex." He turned away from Michael and back to the girls, "Huh?"

"Are you alright?" Maria asked.

"Just tired." He told her sneaking a glance at Michael who now was putting his arm around the girl's waist and whispering in her ear. She laughed and turned to leave Michael smirked and as he turned with her, he looked over his shoulder and met Alex's eyes again and Alex felt like someone stabbed him in the heart.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Liz asked, "It's just you seem."

Alex sighed perhaps it was the few beers, but he let a word slip out, "Lost?" Michael left with the girl and so Alex looked down at the beer he moved it in circles before he brought it to his lips.

"Yes." Liz told him, "And like something is bothering you, you know you can talk to us."

"It's nothing." He told her, "Just a lot on my mind." He frowned when he noticed a girl show up in the doorway of the bar. She seemed to scan the crowd. Seeing a girl in a bar wasn't what drew his attention, but she held a baby in her arms. His look caused both Maria and Liz to look where he was.

"What is a woman doing with a baby here?" Liz asked.

Just as quickly as the woman came in, she turned and left.

"Weird," Maria said

Max sat at his desk at the station hating that he had to pull a late shift at his desk. He was working his way through paperwork that he often put off which was the reason the sheriff had told him he had to stay until it was all done. Luckily, he was finishing up the last of it when the front door opened, he looked up to see a woman walk in holding a baby.

"You are friends with Michael Guerin?" she asked.

"Yes," Max said

"Then here." She shoved the baby into his arms. "I can't."

"What?" Max took the baby as she let go of it.

"This is his. I don't want it. Strange things happen." She shook her head, "Everyone thinks I'm crazy, I didn't want it in the first place."

"What?" Max said again. The girl wasn't making any sense.

"I never wanted a baby and by the time I was sober enough to realize I was pregnant it was too late to get rid of it." She told him, "I tried. I tried to care for it, but I can't. Something is off about it." Then she turned and hurried away leaving Max alone with the baby that he held in his outstretched arms. The baby cooed at him and gave a smiled. "What just happened?" he asked.

AN- I should be writing a chapter for a current story but I love Alex and Michael and got an idea. Hopefully, you guys enjoy.