CHAPTER XIII: RUE

I enter Cocytus' domain in a grim mood, Cocytus sitting silently at an empty wooden table. No candles are lit despite being ready to produce light, the room bathed in a gloom that made it feel far less lively. He doesn't look at me as I approach, his mind lost in his thoughts like never before. Lower limbs pour a generous portion of sake into the porcelain cup in front of him, a second cup filled and placed at the other end of the table. I gently sit in front of the table and take the cup in both hands, raising it to my mouth and consuming the contents slowly.

"You don't normally drink, uncle," I whisper to him after finishing the beverage, Cocytus exhaling mist with a growl of frustration. His breathing is the only sound he makes for long moments, the only sound in the room at all. My hands place the cup back on the table so he can refill it again, his right hand lifting his poured cup to drink his helping of sake. As he refills my cup again, he says to me once he finishes his drink, "I don't drink...but this is a time of mourning and sorrow...it seems fitting..."

The tension in the room is palpable. We both drink another helping of sake to try and get rid of the tension. I try to distract myself by appreciating the quality of the sake, noting the superb level of milling for the rice and the pure-rice style of sake. I try to remember the first time I ever drank with Cocytus, something I appreciated after having so many exotic drinks with other guardians. The memory arrives but fades quickly and we both place our cups on the table. No more sake is poured into either cup.

I reach in front of me slowly with both hands, summoning a magical box of bright yellow into being. A massive sword of ancient design enters my hands that I gently place it on the table, making sure not to break the table or anything on it. My hands are trembling slightly while setting down the blade between us. Cocytus slowly reaches forward with his left hand, the large hand touching the sword displaying a similar shaking.

"So you know already..." he hisses with regret, his hand resting on the sword but still shaking slightly. My head slowly nods as I look down at the sword I just placed. The blade is a katana of extreme size, the edge curving grandly and projecting an aura of craftsmanship and power that I couldn't comprehend. The function of the blade is pushed to the limits, the aesthetic and beauty secondary to the utility that each edge could provide.

I know the history of this sword by heart because Cocytus had told me of it during my lessons with him. It bore the name of the one who wielded it only because they couldn't bring themself to name it anything else. The one that created the weapon was a master of smithing, not creativity, yet the sword is a simple yet devastating instrument. Countless battles and duels had been won by this sword and the one who wielded it.

My right-hand touches the blade, the blade large enough to fit both of our hands touching its edge. My hands won't stop shaking despite how much I want them to stop and there's no way that Cocytus doesn't notice. He doesn't comment and neither do I, both of us staring at the blade in silent contemplation.

Takemikazuchi Mark 8. My father's sword.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me who Thamus was?" I whisper sadly as I feel the passive energy emanating from the sword. It only made me feel worse because I recognize the power, the energy flowing from the sword easily syncing with mine. Cocytus replies with a slow exhale of cold mist and takes much time to form a response. When he does, his voice is low and certain. "I couldn't tell you. To simply tell you what you want to know is not the Bushido way. You had to earnestly seek the answers, not by others will but by your own. Only then could you come to terms with reality."

"I killed him...you must know that by now..." I whisper with tears starting to run down my face, my anguish coming to the fore now that everything was being exposed. My hand won't stop shaking and Cocytus moves his hand over mine, my hand small in comparison to his. The anguish only grows with the simple gesture, my voice becoming a desperate plea. "I killed your master...my father...and I didn't even know it was him until it was too late..."

"Nothing you do will undo that. But your mother lives and your father can be brought back. For now, he has other tasks to accomplish," Cocytus grates with conviction but his words do little to ease my suffering. Though I know that he's right and that everything could be fixed in time, it still didn't absolve me from what I'd already done. We sit there in silence for long moments, my tears flowing freely down my face as I try to keep control of myself. I fail to even control the shaking of my hands from travelling up my arm, my anguish becoming low sobs of sorrow.

"His form was corrupted and you defended yourself against that corruption. You saved him from a life of dishonour by freeing him for resurrection. You should be proud of this," Cocytus grates but I snap back at him in my sorrow, shouting at him through tears, "I killed my father! I consumed his soul! I know what you're saying is true but it doesn't change anything! I still betrayed my family!"

"No, you didn't," a voice interjects from nearby, the voice noble and sure. Both of us turn to see a ghostly figure of pale yellow light approach the table, the figure reaching us and slowly sitting down with a light thud. Even in this form, the dark red of their samurai armour is apparent over the faded glow. Uneven horns resembling a crescent moon thrust from their skull helmet defiantly. My breath catches in my throat at the sight of the dead come back to life but before I can grasp anything or say anything, the figure pours himself a helping of sake into a cup he produces from the air. He drinks it swiftly through the mouth of his helmet, exhaling heavily as he says slowly, "Old friend. I wish we were reunited in better times than this."

"That you are here at all is enough, master," Cocytus grates humbly, his head bowing slightly in a show of respect. I do the same out of habit as two gateways open nearby, two new figures arriving at this secret meeting. Lord Ainz doesn't sit, his form approaching to stand grandly over everyone present. Isnadra approaches and sits at the table, her right-hand snatching the bottle of sake so she can down what's left inside. She slams the bottle onto the table, cracking it slightly as she says in an angry tone to Takemikazuchi, "You have so much to explain but I need to know. Did you plan any of this?"

"No. We both know how the magic of the New World can corrupt those of Yggdrasil by now," he explains with conviction, Lord Ainz nodding as all eyes turn to him. Lord Ainz doesn't hesitate, replying to the claim with, "Demiurge finalized the report today. New World magic has long term effects on the minds of those from Yggdrassil. From what we've observed, those afflicted show heightened aggression and psychopathic tendencies. We have begun treatment of those among the Great Tomb of Nazarick but it will take time."

"We tried to play god and had no idea what would happen," Takemikazuchi replies, an angry breath escaping his helm as he crosses his arms. Isnadra laughs harshly at his words and no one else joins in, the laugh a singular sound among the silence. She gloats to him in a harsh tone, "Playing god!? Is that what you think we did!? Is that what Beric is to you!? Us playing god!?"

"ENOUGH!" I shout with a voice not entirely my own, the room rumbling with the force of my outburst. All eyes turn on me in the silence, Cocytus and Takemikazuchi giving me slight nods of silent respect. Lord Ainz shows me neutrality and Isnadra shows me her anger from being interrupted. I try to control my rising anger at the pettiness of this conversation, my voice failing to hide anything. "Enough. The past has already happened and nothing we do here can change that. We can rant and rave at each other but nothing will change. We must fix the now and move forward. That is what matters."

"You have grown much, young one. That is not the same Beric I have come to know who speaks," Cocytus adds confidently, Takemikazuchi nodding to himself. Isnadra isn't convinced by my words and stares at me harshly, her index finger pointing at us as she yells at me, "After all you've told me and after all we've discussed already, you still believe he deserves to...to what? To be brought back? So he can do all of this all over again?"

"I will remain dead. That is my penance," Takemikazuchi explains, Lord Ainz and Isnadra turning to him in surprise. He looks among the group quickly and continues his thoughts forcefully, looking at each of us in turn as he speaks. "Izy...I always loved you no matter what you did...Momongo...you're the friend I always needed and will remain so...Cocytus...the title of master passes to you...and my son...Beric...know that I failed you and that I love you...never forget this...all of you..."

"Don't you dare!" Isnadra shouts at him, her body leaping over the table to grasp at him but everyone present knows it's already too late. The magic around him was already bleeding away and the light of his ghostly form starts to spread out and dissipate. Isnadra grasps at the energy desperately as if trying to knit it back together but her efforts are in vain, the energy slowly disappearing until there's nothing left. She stands there for a moment in shocked silence before rounding on Lord Ainz angrily and shouting at him, "Bring him back! You bring him back right now!"

"His soul could barely handle this minor summoning," Lord Ainz replies but Isnadra moves around the table and lifts Lord Ainz by his robes, her hands shaking him violently in the air as she keeps ranting for him to bring him back. Lord Ainz says nothing as Cocytus and I sit in silence, both of us listening to Isnadra rant at Lord Ainz until she slowly devolves into tearful pleas. I hear Lord Ainz being returned to the ground and when I look over, Lord Ainz holds her in a skeletal embrace as she loses self-control. I can't bear to listen to her loud sobs so Cocytus and I rise from our seats and bow to each other from the waist, our faces grim as we go our separate ways for now.

Neither of us picks up the sword on the table. It didn't belong to either of us.

I needed to be alone for a while so I chose to go to the Arena and contemplate everything I know. I'm able to access the functions of the death pit thanks to my father's access codes but I don't feel like indulging in combat. Instead, I simply lay down on my back in the sand, staring up at the open sky with its lazy clouds floating by. Every so often, a flock of birds flies overhead and I distract myself by trying to understand what type of birds they are. I don't succeed because birdwatching was an uncommon practice in Nazarick.

The moment doesn't last because magic breaches the air, an angry exhale escaping me at being interrupted in my brooding. I throw myself up from the ground and round on the new gate but as I watch the portal of magic float idly nearby, no one appears from the depths. I keep myself calm and cautious, blinking a few times to enable the proper overlays of information. The portal was going to expire soon yet whoever opened it is taking their time to arrive.

Something breaches the magic abyss and I throw my hands in front of me, barely holding onto the lance aimed at my heart as it drives me back along the sands. Shalltear follows quickly behind the lance, her face smiling maniacally as she propels herself and me into a nearby wall. The wall shatters under the force and my body is driven through several stone walls before coming to rest against a thicker wall. I use all of my strength to prevent her lance from piercing my heart, surprised that is hasn't already until the tip sunders the top layer of my skin with its unholy magic.

"You're stronger. I could feel your energy as soon as you woke up. I'm not missing my chance to see which of us is better at fighting," she says with glee but I groan in irritation to her words, a frown forming on her face from my angry reply. I'm able to push back the lance and redirect it to my right, the magical field hissing against my scales as I let her momentum carry her past me. I dash back out onto the sands and feel her presence pursue me into the open, my body turning and sliding along the ground as she stands idly a few paces away. Shalltear is wearing her full armour and points her lance at me, saying with amusement, "Running won't do you any good. Do you think you can escape me here of all places?"

"I just wanted to be left alone. A lot has happened in a short span," I reply calmly but she charges at me with great speed as I speak. Her lance strikes again and again but now, her advantage of stealth is lost. My full attention is on evasion and defence, the blows that hit absorbed by my scales and whatever is left hitting the air. I start to measure the range of her weapon and how far she lunges to strike, eventually finding the exact range I need to be to stay out of her melee kill zone. She laughs as I dodge and block her blows, saying to me through her amusement, "Is this what you have to offer? Evasion? I'm sorely disappointed."

Anger flares and I let the anger come, focusing it into a sharp point. My right-hand rises, stopping her lance thrust by lodging the point into my open palm. I ignore the pain and blood, holding the weapon fast as Shalltear uses both of her hands to try and pull the weapon free by the pommel. I use both of my hands to hold the weapon in place, my rage in full flow as I shout at her, "Is that all I am!? A source of power to be tossed around!? Some form of amusement!? My entire life has been one abuser after another!"

I use my other hand to grab onto the lance shaft, a swift forward motion sending the lance out of my hand and away from me. Shalltear is unbalanced by the sudden force applied to her weapon but I have little time to speculate, my open palms slapping together as I summon the new power awakened within me. I bring my hands apart slowly, waves of emerald light producing what I need in a flash of power. A large curved sword of emerald gemstone forges between my hands and I grasp the hilt of the sword in both hands, bringing the blade upwards then pointing the tip at Shalltear. She replies with an eager laugh, saying in a mocking tone as she points her lance at me, "The Terra Blade. I see being dead has brought you new toys to play with."

I swing the sword horizontally, sending a mirror image of the sword outwards as a green bolt of energy. She leans herself slightly to the right to avoid the attack, the energy blade impacted a nearby wall and dissipating. I keep swinging the sword in a rabid frenzy, sending multiple swords of energy at her from in a storm of light. Instead of evading, she stands still and raises her left hand towards me. A crimson shield forms around her, deflecting the bolts of energy in random directions as they impact. She starts to walk slowly towards me, her shield still deflecting bolts of energy as I cease swinging and point the tip of the sword at her.

Both of us charge at one another, meeting together in a clash of enchanted metal. Her weapon relies on thrusting and bashing to attack, lancing forward to pierce and swinging wide to slam. My weapon thrusts and slashes but is durable enough and wide enough to block her strikes. The dance of duelling commences as each of us strikes and dodges, each blow aimed for vital areas but none of the blows hitting anything. She's smiling the whole while, enjoying the rush of combat in a way I haven't seen from her.

I thrust my sword forward and she matches the blow, the tip of her lance meeting the tip of my sword as we both become locked in place. It takes all of my strength to hold her weapon back and judging from the sweat on her brow, she's using more strength then she usually does. Through her exertion, she says to me in a strained voice, "Good. Let the anger out. It's unhealthy to keep it pent up. I should know."

"Is this for me or you?" I hiss as I push against her weapon, Shalltear grunting as she pushes back from the sudden force. We both start straining from the extra exertion but both stubbornly hold our weapons in place. She hisses back at me through her smile, "Always thinking about everyone but yourself. When are you going to accept your importance? You aren't as-"

Something snaps. My face becomes a mask of anger as I let go of my sword and rush past her thrusting weapon, the field of energy hissing against my scales. I punch at her with my right fist but she also drops her weapon and deflects the fist aimed at her face with her right forearm. The duel quickly becomes a brawl as we exchange weapon strikes for punches and kicks, both of us hammering blows at each other. I start screaming at her, "I'm not important! I'm just a creation! A fake! I can be replaced just like anyone else!"

Shalltear loses her calm as well, her face becoming neutral as her right fist lashes out. The blow gets past my guard and slams into my jaw but I recover quickly from the unexpected blow. She doesn't relent, her blows taking on a new frenzy as she starts to press her advantage. Blow after blow gets past my guard, battering my face and chest with brutal force. Shalltear grabs my head and brings her armoured knee into my face, my body reeling from the impact and landing on the ground in a heap. She says down at me in a calm voice, "I used to think as you did. I once thought that we were just tools. Lord Ainz showed me otherwise and he showed you too. You just refuse to see it. Why?"

I don't reply to her question, a feral growl escaping me as I let the beast take hold.