So this is based on an episode in Season 3, but I don't remember which one (you can probably guess anyway) and the content of the episode barely matters. Also Eric may seem a little OOC, sorry for that.
I have fairly little experience with posting stories, so far, so I appreciate all kinds of advice and reviews. This is my first CSI Miami FanFiction and I'm a little unsure about the ending. Nevertheless, I'll give it a try. I have no medical knowledge, so please don't believe any of that, I didn't take the time to research anything, sorry.
Last little warning: English isn't my first language and I don't have a beta-reader, so I apologize for any minor or hurtfully big mistakes and hope the story still makes sense.
I DO NOT OWN ANY CSI MIAMI CHARACTERS OR STORYLINES!
Enjoy…
Sometimes feelings can be disturbingly strong. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to control them, they will always end up turning those tables. Sometimes, it is useless to fight them. Sometimes, they can make you do things you regret at the end. Sometimes, they can make you blind. Like love. Love, one of the strongest feelings existing. So strong, ancient greeks thought it to be impossible to fight as it was the will of the gods, more specifically cupid's will. And you cannot fight the gods, of course. And so love can make blind. When you see your loved one, you forget everything around. You are blind to said persons dark sides. And you suddenly behave differently in said persons present. Despite its power and the fact that love can be the trigger for bad and sad thing, love has always been seen as a positive feeling. Anger, on the other hand… It can make you as blind as love. Blind for the good sides of a person. And it can make you act differently just as love does. The problem is, that other than love, anger almost always triggers bad things. Things an angry person does not realize they are bad until they actually happen.
So if Eric hadn't been so angry, he probably wouldn't have done it. If Eric hadn't been so angry, he would have acted reasonably, like he usually does. He wouldn't act out of sheer emotion, out of sheer anger, without any second thought. Because usually, he thinks, he asks for another persons opinion, he observes. Because that was his job, the job he loved, thinking reasonably, working in a team, following evidence, observing. But anger made him blind. And without thinking clearly, he did something he'd deeply regret…
Miami Dade Crime Lab
„Seriously, I mean who does that guy think he is?", Eric asked for about the fifth time during his angry speech about the newby.
„Some people just are how they are and you can't really change them." Calleigh said wisely from the other side of the table. I can tell you a lot about that. She thought, thinking of her father who just at the beginning of this year showed her, that she would never be able to change him and his habits. She had made peace with that, somehow, but still tried to protect him where she could. Maybe it was because of the fact that Ryan cleared her fathers name from murder the first day they met, that she had some sympathy for him. Still, she didn't really approve of what he did to Eric. This wasn't high school anymore, no need for showing of. They were a team and should work together, not against each other.
„Ah, speaking of the devil!" Eric stated, as Ryan entered the room. „What's wrong Wolfe, finally working yourself instead of taking the credit for what others found out?"
Ryan chose to ignore Eric's accusation and silently placed the evidence bags on a free spot of the glass table, before opening one to process what was inside. He didn't expect a welcome party, when he joined the team. He knew it would have been hard even without being seen as „Speedle's replacement", and honestly, he didn't want it any other way. Respect had to be earned. That's how he grew up. Maybe it was because of this mantra, that he took it a step too far. He so desperately wanted to show, that he was a good CSI, that he would make a difference. It wasn't to make anyone proud, it was a proof to himself. Or it should have been. Turned out that he cared for his bosses praise more than he wanted to admit. So he didn't blame Delko for acting the way he did. In fact, he deserved everything that came to him, after the stunt he pulled. Still, he couldn't drag himself to admit his mistake, let alone apologize. Damn Pride! Although, to be honest, it was more out of fear and regret, than pride, that he kept on ignoring everyone, making them think, he saw himself as something better than everyone else.
„Whats the matter, lost your voice, Wolfe?", Delko's bark pulled Ryan out of his inner discussion. „Quite unusual for that big mouth of yours to shut up." He continued, but Ryan still didn't answer, although it was getting harder for him, to keep his temper down. He didn't want to fuel Eric's hate-fire at the moment. Not when he was at the receiving end of it. „Well, I don't really mind, in fact, stay that way, it's a lot more comfortable not having to listen to you little show-off!"
„Just get over it, Delko!" The words came out, before he could stop them. Damn you idiot, that was the worst thing you could have done. Ryan silently chastised himself. But it was too late anyway.
„Just get over it?", Delko asked, not believing his own ears. „Are you freaking kidding me? I was the one searching for over half an hour UNDER WATER until I found something, while you were standing on the pear working on your sun tan, then you take MY evidence, telling Horatio that YOU found it and then you tell me to get over it?" He was inching closer with every word, making his co-workers fear he was about to hurt him. And god knows he probably would have, if it wasn't for Calleigh interrupting, to let Eric calm himself.
„You know, Ryan, that's not how it works here. We're a team, we work together, not against each other. There is no reason to prove anyone of what you're capable of."
„Then what difference does it make, who gives it to Horatio?" Once again, Ryan's mouth worked faster than his brain and Eric didn't hesitate to pick up on it.
„It makes a big difference, when you lie about who got it.", he snapped.
„Technically, I didn't tell him I found it, I just didn't deny it." Ryan mumbled, suddenly feeling like he was in seventh grade all over again, facing the school bully during lunch break.
„Oh and that makes everything better, right?" Eric said, sarcastically. „Well if your such a saint, how about you're the one getting his feet wet next time, huh? Let's just see how wide you open your mouth once you have to do the hard work."
Eric was beyond mad, he was furious. Diving was no pity-party and he wanted respect for the work he did. After all, he was the only one on the team who was trained for it, and if some loud-mouth show-off came along, thinking less of what Eric did, he better know what he was talking about. In Eric's book, Ryan did have to prove himself. In the water.
Locker Room
Sighing, Ryan refolded his spare clothes, he had just tossed around in his locker while looking for his hand sanitizer. He had finally found it in the side pocket of the jacket he was wearing - just were it belonged. It wasn't like him to search for his belongings, he was a very organized person after all. Otherwise he wouldn't have managed to finish his studies while working a full time job as a police officer. But this job was different. Let's just see how wide you open your mouth once you have to do the hard work. He sighed again. This whole Eric-situation was affecting him more than he wanted to admit. He closed his locker, just for the broken door to crack back open. „I really have to fix this", he mumbled to himself, while smashing it closed to make sure it stayed that way.
„Are you talking about the locker, or about the relationship with our colleague in common." A well known female voice said from behind. Ryan spun around, not expecting to have company.
„Hey," he said unsure, „didn't notice you."
„I figured out that much already." The beautiful blond they called ‚bullet girl' said, making her way to her own locker just a few feet next to Ryan's. „But you did notice, that you screwed up a little, didn't you?"
„A little?" Ryan snorted. He was very relieved, Calleigh talked to him like she did. He envied her for her self-control and her calming presence. He didn't know her that long, but it seemed to him, that she kind of accepted him as a team member already. Probably the only one. Ryan thought bitterly.
„Alright, a little more than that." She smiled, but it didn't last long and she got straight to the point. „Ryan, I get that you want to show everyone how good you are at this job," Ryan opened his mouth to object, but quickly stopped himself, realizing, that she was right (as always), „but that's not what the job is actually about."
„I know", he mumbled, „and it's not why I chose this job, I swear. I just…"
„…want to be respected as a member? Yeah, I get it. But respect isn't earned by doing everything perfectly and getting as many attaboys by your boss as possible. Horatio already knows your capable of doing this job, otherwise he wouldn't have hired you. What you do need to work on is…"
„Teamwork." Who would have thought, that it can be this hard.
She nodded. „Others won't give you the respect you want, if you're not willing to give it back." She said wisely.
„Makes sense."
She smiled, and then sighed. „Guess you know what that means."
„Yeah, apologize." He sighed as well, „not one of my greatest skills either." Just then his phone rang. ‚H wants us back at the crime scene, we might have missed something'. „Speaking of the devil." Ryan said, referring to Eric. „There is just no end of workday in this job, is there." He added while leaving the locker room.
„Welcome to CSI." Calleigh yelled with a laugh.
Crime Scene
Only half an hour later, Ryan found Eric already standing at the peer, where they had pulled the victim out of the water beginning of the day. God, why does this guy always have to stand so close to the water. He jogged up to him, wondering, why they were only two to reprocess the whole peer.
„Hey", he said, making the cuban aware of his presence. „So what are we looking for?"
„We? We are looking for nothing, you are looking for the bullet casing."
Ryan looked at him with a mix of confusion and anger. „I beg your pardon."
„You heard correctly, since you're so much better at all this than me, than you might as well do it alone."
What the hell… Ryan closed his eyes and took a deep breath as to not blurt out something stupid like last time. Calleigh was right. It was him who screwed up, so it's up to him to fix it.
„Listen Eric, I'm sorry I took your evidence, ok. It was stupid and childish and you have every right to be mad at me. Now I can't turn back time, the only thing I can do is promise that it will not happen again."
„Very sweet." Eric said with a fake smile. „But unfortunately not good enough." That was the last thing Ryan heard, before everything went dark.
In the water
It all happened so fast, he didn't even notice the strong push against his back, or the short fall before he was engulfed by water. All he knew was that his eyes were tightly shut and an unknown pressure kept them that way, that same pressure was on his ears, making him unable to hear anything from the outside world, the only sound being his rapidly increasing heartbeat. Out of anxiety and confusion, he didn't think before taking a deep breath, filling his lungs with a painful amount of water and an even bigger lack of oxygen. Quickly falling into a panic attack, he tried to find something to hold on to, only to realize that he was practically floating, with nothing to grasp and no solid ground under his feet. With his panic level doubling and therefor shutting out the tiny reasonable voice inside his head, trying to tell him what to do, he started kicking and waving with his arms and legs like a madman, hoping for anyone or anything to help him out of this hell.
Peer
Of course Eric knew, that what he just did was as childish as Ryan's actions beginning of the day, but it still felt good. It felt good, showing the newby, that he was a man of consequences and no push-over. And also, Eric had to admit, it was actually kind of fun. I mean come on, it was a child's prank, what could possibly happen.
Water
He had no idea what he was doing, his energy was fading fast, his lack of oxygen became so big, he couldn't resist to take another deep breath only for his lungs to be filled even more of the wrong substance. Still panic was in control, so he started moving in all directions even faster, each muscle working independently as his brain was too busy freaking out. A sudden memory hit him like a truck at full speed, making him aware of the painful déjà-vu. He was not a grown man, not a reasonable thinking CSI and police officer, who had already dealt with a lot more dangerous situations. He was a helpless child, being dragged into a cold, dark vacuum and due to the lack of sound, light, oxygen, solid ground and anything to physically hold on to, his panic ran into full speed and he started screaming for help.
Peer
Ryan would come out of there, probably very pissed and then realize, that he deserved it, which would mean, that Eric would have an apology, which he technically already had, his revenge and a good laugh to end the day with. And who knew, maybe good old Wolfe would be able to laugh about it, too.
So no big deal.
He would just wait, until Ryan came back up.
He honestly didn't know what took him so long. He had expected for him to pop right back up on the surface.
Seriously, how long had he been down there already?
Water
The useless kicking and soundless screaming were taking a tall on him and even with his eyes closed, he could see a blurry vision. Slowly, his movements stopped, his thoughts faded away, as a knew kind of darkness was embracing him. A darkness that was almost relieving, because it took the pain and the panic away. And while he was physically and mentally drowning deeper and deeper, the tiny voice, yelling for him to stay awake, was nothing more than the sound of a needle, falling to the ground, before it was gone.
Peer
Okey, that is not normal! It has been almost three minutes and Eric started to panic. That was not what he planned! What if Ryan had hit his head somewhere and lost conscious? Oh God, what had he done. How long can a man survive without oxygen? He should know that, from diving school. He couldn't remember.
„Oh God, Oh God!" He mumbled, while taking his weapon and radio of his belt and tossing them next to his phone on the ground. „Oh God!" Then he jumped into the water.
Water
Other than Wolfe, Eric Delko was very familiar with water. He was used to the pressure in his ears and the floating sensation. He also knew that he had jumped farther away from the peer, than Ryan had fallen, so he know, that he had to turn around. With well trained movements, he turned his body, ignoring the stinging pain in his eyes, from keeping them open in the salty water, and then he saw him. Oh God! He thought, swimming over to the limp body of his co-worker. His left foot was already touching the sandy ground, while his arms were floating beside his pale face. Getting closer, Eric noticed the concerning blueish tones of his lips and inwardly cursed again. But he knew what he had to do. He had done it several times before. Putting one arm around Ryan's still chest, he kicked them both off the ground and continued with strong movements of both legs and one arm towards the surface. Within only a few seconds they had reached the peer, where Eric pulled them both up onto safe ground.
Peer
He took no time catching his breath. His mind was replaying the well known actions of first aid that needed to be done. He checked the still unconscious Wolfe for injuries - none- and felt his pulse - weak, but noticeable. Then he put his ear just above Ryan's mouth to check his breathing - none- Damn it! Eric put both his hands on Ryan's chest to start compressions. It took him only about a minute, which to Eric felt like an eternity, to get Ryan back. Just as he finished another mouth-to-mouth ventilation, Ryan's head jerked to the side as he coughed hardly to get as much air into his lungs as possible. At first he didn't really see or hear, everything was blurry, all he knew was that the much needed air just wouldn't come fast enough into his lungs. They felt as if they were still full of water and still in panic, Ryan couldn't stop coughing. He faintly felt a strong hand supporting him and a comforting voice from behind, but they didn't matter. All that mattered where lack of air and too much water. Slowly, his mind caught up to what had happened and as grateful as he was to be out of the water, he was still too close to it. He tried to sit up, but the strong hands gently kept him down and that voice - who was that?- told him to „Lie still, it's gonna be okey." Lie still, it's gonna be okey, he knew that voice. Lie still… Let's see… hard work…water… ERIC! Adrenaline kicked in, the human instinct to survive tied Eric to the source of Ryan's misery, which meant he had to get away. Away from the water, away from the peer, away from Eric.
Eric jumped when Ryan was suddenly back on his feet and started running, well tripping, as fast as he could. Eric knew it was still dangerous for Ryan to be unobserved after almost drowning and so he got up as well and followed him, calling his name in the process.
„Wolfe, you gotta take it easy, you're still very weak from being unconscious."
„Leave me.. alone… have to… get away…!" Ryan finally reached his car, but he fell backwards, when he opened the door abruptly. Eric caught him and tried to guide him back to the ground, but Ryan would't let him.
„I said… leave me… ALONE!" Eric was taken aback by his teammates sudden outburst. Helplessly, he watched Ryan struggling to get into his hummer, where he briefly closed his eyes to catch his breath. Dark spots were dancing in in front of him and he knew it would be beyond unreasonable to drive like this, but the thought of having to drive with Eric seemed worse, so he closed the door and locked himself inside the safety of his car.
Eric felt horrible. He didn't know what to do, it did't feel right leaving Ryan alone in the state he was in, but it seemed, that whatever Eric tried to do to help made everything worse. So he watched Ryan through the car window, leaning against the headrest of his seat, his eyes closed, taking deep breaths. Finally, after quite some time, reopened them and, without so much as glance towards Eric, he started the engine with still slightly trembling fingers and drove away.
Eric pondered going after him, just to make sure, but decided agains it. You've already done enough. He sighed while walking towards his own Hummer, the horrified look on Ryan's face, how he ran for his life to get away from Eric, not leaving the diver's mind. Dear God, what have I done?
Miami Dade Crime Lab
„Hey Eric, have you finished processing the vic's shirt, yet?" Calleigh asked while entering the room, where Eric was supposed to be working, but was too busy staring out the glass walls towards the elevator. He had been at the lab early today, hoping to catch Ryan before the busy day began. He hadn't been able to sleep very much anyway, since the … well, incident yesterday wouldn't let him rest.
„Eric?"
Something was bothering him, about what happened. There was no doubt that it was his fault in the first place, but he just couldn't understand, why Ryan didn't come back up by himself.
„Hello? Mr Dreamy?"
There was no head wound, when Eric pulled him out, he checked that. Well at least no visible one.
„HEY!" A sudden motion close to his face startled Eric and pulled him back to the present. That motion turned out to be Calleigh's hand, which she had been waving only inches from his eyes to get his attention. Now she only smiled amused.
„Back in reality?" „Sorry", he said, giving her an unconvincing smile.
„Is everything okey?" Her gaze was now concerned, eying him closely.
„Yeah, just tired."
„Don't lie to me!"
Eric sighed. There was just no getting past this woman. „I did something really stupid and now I wanna apologize."
„Well where have I heard that one before? What happened?"
Another sigh. „You don't even wanna know."
„Oh I think I do, cause that would probably explain why Ryan is as unfocused and jumpy as you are."
At that Eric's head shot up. „Ryan's here?" She nodded. „But how…when? I've been looking all day for him." he exclaimed, taking his lab coat and gloves off and storming out of the room, just to come back two seconds after.
„Documents Lab." Calleigh answered his unspoken question, shaking her head. „Men", She said to herself after Eric was gone.
Documents Lab
Having started in quite a quick pace, almost, but only almost resembling a jog, Eric stopped abruptly only a couple feet in front of the door to the documents lab, where Ryan was deeply engulfed in his work. Suddenly, the conversation he had tried to plan in his head all morning, for when he could finally apologize to Ryan, seemed to have been thrown in a blender, teared apart from each other to make no sense anymore.
Wow, what an unnecessary long description, just to realize, that he DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY! Dear God, how should he even start? ‚Hey Wolfe, sorry to bother you, just wanted to say sorry for almost drowning you, hope there is no more water left in your lungs, cause if so, you could technically still drown afterwards. The good news though is, that I don't actually want to see you dead, and I even accept your apology, so let's call it even!' Yeah, right, say it exactly like that, Eric, make it sound as if ALMOST KILLING HIM is absolutely NO BIG DEAL and can be filed away as the result of a simple colleague's disagreement. Doesn't seem heartless at all!
Eric sighed heavily. Even if he'd walk away now and try talking to him at a later point, he most likely would be standing right here again, wondering, what to say. Taking a deep, very deep breath, he entered.
—
Ryan had tensed almost painfully, when he realized he was being watched, and he barely needed to glance towards the door, to guess who it was. He had been doing a great job, avoiding the Cuban all morning. The nightshift had been quite surprised to see him come to work literally in the middle of the night, without being called to an urgent crime scene. But nobody bothered to ask, quickly forgetting him, after he had retreated to an empty documents room, to fill out the much hated paperwork that was left by him and other colleagues. They probably all thought, he was just buttkissing the superiors, especially, since everyone knew about him taking credit for Delko's evidence. The lab is like high school, where it spreads fast. Did Calleigh have such a hard time fitting into the team, when she started? Ryan doubted it, this woman just didn't make mistakes.
He turned the shirt, he was processing and remembered the first case he and Calleigh had worked together. Like really worked together, without any suspicious glances and personal relations to the case. He remembered the weird look she gave him, after she found him processing the suspects shirt, right where he was know. How she smiled, when he told her, that he took her seminar, while he was still on patrol.
Patrol. Although CSI had always been his dream for a job, patrol had never made him unhappy, to the contrary. Despite all the uneventful days, petty crimes, drunks harassing club girls on their way to the next location and the fact that he was only first responder, never allowed to follow through, being out on the streets had taught him a lot. How to observe, keep his eyes and ears open at all times, sometimes even prevent something bad from happening, saving someones life. And he'd learned how to defend himself, something, that wasn't easy for a short and skinny person like Ryan. After all the hard training he went through, he could stand his ground physically against all kinds of boxer shaped meatheads.
Except Eric.
Yeah, Eric had beaten him. Well, not beaten, he had torn him apart bit by bit and thrown him into the big black throat of memorie's invincible monster. And he didn't even notice it. Of course he didn't, I mean how could he know? Ryan had never told anyone about… that. And didn't intend to do so in his future. It was nobodies business.
Suddenly, a movement caught his attention. He saw Eric moving towards the door and tensed even more. No!, he told himself, you will not back down anymore, you made it this far. Stand your ground, like you always did. Fear is an easier target, so stay strong, you can do this! But all his efforts to strengthen his self-confidence were useless, as he felt himself uncontrollably backing further away from the door with every step Eric came closer. He forced himself to look busy, as if he didn't notice him entering. Quickly and as casually as possible, he took the evidence to the little table in the very corner of the glass room, fishing a magnifying glass from his big lab coat pocket he bend over the evidence and examined it, without seeing it. His hands started shaking uncontrollably, when the close sound of Erics footsteps came to a halt only a few feet away from Ryan.
There was a moment of uncomfortably tense silence, while Eric searched for the right thing to say, but it just wouldn't come to him.
Damn it, damn it, damn it! He cursed inwardly. Okey, just start with something like ‚ hey Wolfe, can I talk to you for a sec?' Yeah, that's good, it's a much used conversation starter. That'll work.
Deep breath, and… „Ryan, why didn't you come back up?" Idiot!
To Erics surprise, Ryan actually turned around, eying him with a confused look. There was another moment of silence, until Eric realized, that there was no taking back those words, so he continued.
„I mean, why didn't you… couldn't you swim back up?" Ryan didn't react. „Yesterday." Still no movement. „In the water…" Suddenly, Ryan jerked up and stormed out of the room.
—
The words turned in his head, while he was running. Swim back up… water… why couldn't you? Why couldn't he? He'd been asking himself that over and over again and not only since yesterday. Why didn't you swim back up? Why couldn't you swim back up? … Swim… water… ‚come on Ry, it's fun in the water!' He shook his head violently, almost walking straight into the wall, before sharply pivoting and hurrying around the corner. Curious eyes were following him, observing his bizarre behavior, as if he'd lost it. Did he? No, he didn't, he just needed to find a quiet place, to get a grip on himself. ‚Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole time.' NO! He didn't want to hear this, it was all over, it was part of his past. He'd locked the memory away to never haunt him again. Finally, he reached the locker room, sprinted right through it, to where the showers and a few sinks were placed, and splashed some water in his face to help clear his mind. His eyes were closed, his breathing heavy. He felt the cold water cool his skin and heard the silent drip of the drops falling onto the porcelan of the sink. For an instant, he was calm again. But then it all came back, rolling over him like a tsunami. Water, darkness, lack of air… ‚don't worry Ryan'… pressure, cold, floating… ‚it's fun'… fear, pain, panic… ‚I'll be with you the whole time'… Suddenly, his throat tightened, no oxygen would come through anymore and his vision went blurry. He held onto the sink for support, as he felt his knees get weak, but he couldn't stop himself from falling. Dark spots formed in front of his eyes, as he connected with the cold floor tiles with a jolt. His hands gripping his throat, hoping to somehow get some air through them. He tried to take deep breaths, tried to calm himself but nothing could stop the darkness that was slowly embracing him. Again.
—
Eric had still been staring at the spot where Ryan had stood, before he realized, that he wasn't there anymore. The young man's reaction confused him quite a lot, but he didn't waste much time thinking about it, instead he turned around and left the documents lab, barely seeing Ryan's lab coat flattering, as he hurried around the corner. Quickly, Eric followed him, just to miss which way he went at the next corner. Damn he's fast! Eric cursed as he looked in each direction to determine, where he went. He was just about to turn right, when he heard Aaron Peterson from behind him. „Hey Eric, what's wrong with the new kid?" In an instant, Eric had turned back around and hurried towards Peterson in such a speed, the lab worker immediately took a step back looking up at the cuban almost terrified. „Where did he go?" Eric urged without acknowledging Aaron's reaction at all. „Locker room." The poor guy just said, letting out a sigh of relief when Eric hurried away. „What was that all about?" Maxine Valera asked from behind, leaning on the doorframe to the DNA lab, her territory. „I have no idea." Aaron shrugged. „Probably the side effects of working in the field." With that both went on with what they were doing, not wasting another thought to what just happened.
Locker room
Eric entered and found the locker room empty. He was just about to leave, thinking he somehow missed the smaller guy, when he suddenly heard a strange noise. A thud, as if something had fallen down in the far corner of the locker room. He followed to where he thought it came from and when he reached the showers, his blood ran cold. Ryan lay on the floor, eyes closed, gripping his throat as if he was suffocating, but instead, he was hyperventilating. Alarms went of in Erics mind and he frantically looked around to find something to help. Calling someone never crossed his thoughts as he opened his locker with trembling fingers, pulling out his backpack, opening it and turning it upside down, not caring for its contents to fall out. He found the brown paper bag where his breakfast sandwich he'd bought at the bakery this morning had been in. Thankfully, he'd subconsciously put the empty paper bag in his backpack while driving to work. He hurried back to where Ryan was still breathing far to rapidly on the ground. Eric kneeled down beside him, easily lifted his head up a little and made him breathe into the paper bag. He watched it grow and shrink quickly and let out a sigh of relief, when Ryan's breathing slowed down to a tolerable level. He took of the paper bag, laid the young man's head gently on the floor before propping his feet up. „It's okey Ryan." Eric whispered as he sat down next to his co-worker on the cold bathroom tiles.
They sat in silence until Ryan finally opened his eyes again, blinking several times due to the sudden light from the ceiling lamps. „Feeling better?" He jumped at Delko's sudden voice, having not noticed him yet. „Easy!" Eric urged, but he couldn't stop Ryan from sitting up with a jolt and smashing his head against the sink above him. A small cry of pain escaped Ryan's lips and he clasped his hands on the back of his now throbbing head.
„I said easy." Eric sighed, as he got to his feet and pulled Ryan away from the sink. „Lemme see." He tried to pry Ryan's hands away to get a look at where the head had connected with the porcelain, but Ryan waved him of. „I'm fine!" He snapped, angry at himself for being so clumsy and weak. Slowly, he got to his shaky legs and walked a few feet to one of the benches between each row of lockers. There was no point at walking away anymore. He didn't have the strength for it anymore and he knew he couldn't run away for ever. But he didn't say a word, just looked down at his hands in his lap with an ashamed expression. Eric didn't know what to say either, but he knew he had to start somewhere. Slowly, he sat down next to Ryan and carefully said: „It's okey, you know."
Ryan snorted. „Yeah right, it's totally fine to completely loose it because of some…"
„Water?", Eric finished for him. „Does anyone know?"
„Know what?" Ryan asked, clearly uncomfortable with this conversation.
„That you can't swim." It was the only explanation Eric had come up with after replaying the scenario at the peer over and over again.
„I can swim, I mean…" He was looking for the right words. „I learned it, I just… Well I thought I learned, but…" Finally he built up the courage to meet his co-workers eyes. „I haven't set foot into any water deeper than my bathtub since I was five years old."
„Seriously?", was all Eric could manage after a moment. He'd always loved the water, obviously, but he also couldn't imagine how someone could live in Miami without ever going swimming at the beach.
„Yeah, I know, call me a coward if you want." Ryan said, misinterpreting Erics tone.
„What? No, no, no, I didn't mean it that way, it's just… not what I'd expected."
„Well what did you expect?"
„That's a good question." Eric answered honestly. „I don't know, just some thought of explanation or something, but…" He paused again and took a deep breath. „Look Ryan, I'm really sorry, for what I did, I mean, you apologized and I had to go on and act like a child. I didn't think of what could happen and just went on with it and … I really don't know what to say, or do to make this better, but I AM so so so sorry, man. I'd unterstand completely if you report me to IA because I'd definitely deserve that." Have I just truly said that? He asked himself. It had just come out of his mouth and know he could only pray, that he didn't put any ideas into Ryan's head.
Luckily, the young man just smiled. „Don't worry man, I may be an asshole and a coward, but I'm not a rat."
There was a moment of silence and Eric pondered the idea, to give Ryan some privacy, when he suddenly started talking again.
„It happened on a Thursday." He simply stated.
„What did?" Eric asked, when Ryan didn't continue.
The younger man took a shaky deep breath, straightening his back in the process as if to collect some strength for what he was about to say. And he did need strength, for he had never talked about this. To anyone.
„It happened on a Thursday", he repeated, not yet able to meet his colleagues eyes. „It was pretty hot, so the schools were closed, yet our parents had to work."
Eric resisted the urge to ask, who he meant by ‚ours', but he didn't have to wait long for Ryan to continue.
„My older brother Liam was watching me. He was twelve by the time…"
Flashback:
Miami Beach
„Are you sure, we're allowed to be here?" Little Ryan said, looking up to his older brother while holding his hand tightly. Liam smiled at his little brother, barely able to make out his hazel eyes under the giant baseball cap they had ‚borrowed' from their father, because they couldn't find Ryan's sun hat.
„I am sure!" Liam assured him. „Trust me, if Mum and Dad didn't have to work, we would have come here anyway. It is far too hot to stay at home getting baked. Besides, we've been here so many times already, we can manage being here alone." He turned his gaze towards the crowded beach, but Ryan quickly got his attention back.
„But what if something happens, Liam? What if someone steals our bags, or … or…" His eyes shot open, „What if there is a shark, you know I can't swim that fast yet, he's gonna eat me with one single bite!"
„Calm down, little drama queen." Liam said teasingly, crouching down to look his worried baby brother in the eyes. „No one will steal our stuff, all we have is sun cream, towels and your water wings. And we won't go far out the water, we never do. Look" He pointed out towards the sea, where one could make out a red line floating on the water. „That is the limit for inexperienced swimmers, no shark ever crosses this line, so as long as we stay within the limitation, we'll be fine."
Ryan didn't seem convinced, so Liam gave him a bright reassuring smile. „There's nothing to worry about, Ry, you've got me to protect you. And I will be there the whole time." With that, little Ryan joined in the smiling and quickly forgot the worried part inside him. If Liam said it was ok, then it would be ok.
It didn't take long and the boys were settled in the sand under the shadows of a tree, fully dressed in bathing suits, Ryan in his floaties, and more than ready to escape the aggressive sun and cool their burning skins in the water. Liam had taken upon him to be a good older brother and teach him swimming. Ryan was quite a fast learner and the boys were enjoying themselves very much. At some point, Ryan decided to take of his swim helpers, so he could swim ‚like a big boy' and Liam didn't object. They stayed near the beach most of the time, where Ryan could still partly reach the ground with his tiny feet, but soon his want for adventure was too big and he somehow convinced his brother to go further into the water. It was a little scary at first, having no solid ground to reach, but with Liam nearby, Ryan's concerns quickly vanished.
„Hey Ryan, what do you say, are we brave enough to jump from the big launching pad over there like the big kids?" Ryan turned around slowly, never stoping with the rythmic kicking and punching with his limbs in order not to drown. It was really taking a toll on him, but it was also so much fun, that he just didn't want to stop. Yet the high boards of the launching pad did scare him quite a lot.
„Uhm, I don't know Liam. I think I'm not ready, yet."
„Come on Ryan it's gonna be fun. And everyone is doing it, look, none of them is older than me." Ryan looked at the kids skeptically, how they climbed the latter and confidently walked to the jumping end of the board before jumping down and landing in the water with a splash. They stayed under the surface several second, but every single one of them came back up.
Still unsure, he looked at his brother who gave him a reassuring smile. In the back of his mind, Liam knew that Ryan probably was a little young, but he brushed that thought away, thinking it will be no big deal since Ryan wouldn't jump alone.
„I'll hold your hand the whole time." He promised.
Reluctantly, Ryan agreed and followed his brother to the ladder as fast as his little arms and legs would allow. When they reached the first step, Ryan was already exhausted, but he didn't want to appear weak in front of the big kids, that were surrounding the launching pad. He climbed after his brother to the board, not daring to look down. Suddenly he had to stop mid climb. Apparently, they had to wait before some other kids jumped and cleared the path, so Ryan waited. He gripped the iron of the ladder tightly in order to keep the nervousness at bay.
„Hey Connor, smile." He heard a man's voice and than the silent click of a camera. Then he heard a young boy yell in excitement before hitting the water with a splash.
„Hey sir," Ryan's head shot up. That was the unmistakeable voice of his brother. „Would you mind taking a picture of me and my brother? It's his first jump."
„Yeah sure, kid." The man replied and Liam climbed up. Ryan followed and was soon standing on the board looking slightly terrified.
„Ehm, aren't you a little too young for this?" Ryan looked up, meeting an older boys eyes. He wasn't an adult yet, but he was surely a lot older than Liam. He even had traces of beard on his face. His camera was in a plastic bag to be protected from the water, and an elastic was securing it tightly around the mans wrist.
„He'll be fine." Liam was quick to say, taking hold of Ryan's had and dragging him to the flying end of the board. The man however wasn't so sure.
„Do your parents know what you're doing?"
„Oh yes!" Liam exclaimed a little too enthusiastic. „They're absolutely fine with it. Right Ryan?" He placed at his brother with an unmistakable expression that wanted him to agree. So Ryan nodded, not trusting his voice to be convincing.
Satisfied, Liam smiled and looked at the older boy expectantly. The guy merely shrugged, thinking it was not his responsibility. He started fumbling with the camera, seemingly unsure of how it worked.
„D'you even know how to use that thing?" Liam said a little mockingly.
The boy seemed annoyed. „Of course I do, but it's a knew one I haven't figured out yet how to turn off the flash." He snapped, finally bringing the camera in position.
Ryan and Liam straightened, still holding hands, and smiled brightly for the picture.
There was silence. Then a click and a bright flash form the camera.
Suddenly, there was pain around Ryan's wrist and before he could look down to see what it was, he was dragged backwards of the board. He was flying. No, he was FALLING! But just as he realized that, he wasn't even falling anymore. The loud splash was more of a deafening bang in his ears, and then there was silence. Cold embraced him, and he tried to open his eyes to escape the darkness, but something wouldn't let him. He was surrounded by pressure making it almost impossible to move. He tried to take a breath, but instead of oxygen, water filled his lungs, hurting his chest and sending him mercilessly into panic. Only now did he realized, that his wrist was still captured in a firm grip, gripping his skin and hurting his flesh. Whatever it was, was dragging him further and further into the depth of the dark sea. Terrified, Ryan tried to find some kind of solid ground or anything to hold on to, he suddenly couldn't remember the movements Liam had taught him and started kicking senselessly, each limb working independently from each other. Liam! He suddenly remembered his brother. Where was he? He said he'd be there the whole time. He said everything would be fine, that there was nothing to worry about. But Ryan was worried. No, he was terrified! His mind wasn't working properly, his senseless, frantic movements were weakening him fast and above all that, he couldn't breath. In all his fear and panic and helplessness, he started to scream, filling his lungs even more with the salty water, until another, more comfortable darkness embraced him, making him feel numb and light and then, there was nothing.
End of Flashback:
Locker Room
„As it turned out, Liam was suffering from epilepsy." Ryan finished his tale.
His hands were shaking in his lap, tears were streaking down his face against his will and his voice was filled with so much grief and sorrow, that it broke Eric's heart, as he choked out this horrible memory. He hadn't once looked at his co-worker, but was well aware, that the cuban was watching him with compassion and pity.
Ryan took another shaky breath before explaining, what one could already expect. „At some point, someone must have dragged us out, maybe the camera boy, I don't know." He ran a hand through his face, suddenly looking exhausted. „All I remember afterwords is waking up on the sand, surrounded by paramedics, with Liam a few feet away. And I was wondering…" He tried to stifle a sob, „wondering, why no one was helping him." With that his voice broke and he dug his face into his hands, unable to hold the grief back any longer.
Unsure of what to do, afraid to somehow make it worse, Eric simply watched him cry, his shoulders shaking violently. The whole fight between them was long forgotten as Ryan relived the loss of his brother. Eric couldn't imagine what it would be like, to loose someone this close at that age. Loosing his best friend had torn him apart, but it was different. In the back of his mind, he knew it could happen. In the job they were in, one had to make peace with that. But at the age of five…
The minutes passed and Eric decided to give his colleague at least something resembling comfort, by carefully laying a hand on his shoulder. It felt a little awkward, but he didn't want to just sit there and do nothing. Eventually, Ryan ran out of tears, took some more shaky breaths, before finally lifting his head. „Sorry", he murmured, while wiping away the wetness on his face.
„It's ok." Eric replied equally silent, „you don't have to apologize." He took back his hand and they stayed in uncomfortable silence again.
„I'm sorry for your loss." Eric finally said, feeling utterly stupid, talking to Ryan like one of their victims family members. Wolfe merely nodded.
„I think I better take a break." The younger man said, slowly getting to his feet. „Clear my head and all." It was Eric's turn to nod as he watched Ryan leave the locker room.
Eric was still sitting on the same spot, when, after a few minutes, Calleigh entered the locker room and filled it with her sweet, innocent voice. „Hey, I've been looking for you."
Again, Eric only nodded and feeling something was going on, Calleigh sat down next to him. „Did you manage to settle things with Ryan?" She asked. No accuse, no trying to find out what happened… Sometimes, Eric felt, Calleigh could have been as good as a therapist, as she was a CSI. He turned to face her and smiled weakly. „Almost." He answered her question and dropped the matter.
—
After the break he took, Ryan went back to work as if nothing happened. Nobody brought up the subject and soon, even the fight between the two, that had spread around the lab, was practically forgotten. Still, Eric felt it was all not yet solved. He felt that after all that had happened between him and the new guy, after his heartfilled confession, Eric had to somehow show him, that he saw him as an equal, as a team member.
A week later, Ryan got a text from Delko to meet him. He didn't know the address, nor the reason, he was invited. The case was closed and to his knowledge, nothing knew had come up. Still, as strange as it was, he followed Eric's instructions to meet him there.
When he arrived, he could see the giant hummer of his colleague already parked in the parking lot, with Eric leaning against it.
„So what's up?", Ryan asked. Eric simply smiled at him and told him to follow. A little confused, Ryan obeyed. They went into the building belonging to the parking lot and as soon as Ryan set foot inside, he stopped abruptly.
You've got to be kidding me. Ryan thought. Was that guy serious? Was he really taking advantage of Ryan's traumatic experience, by dragging him to an inside swimming area?
„I've always wondered how that place stays in business in a city like Miami. Practically nobody ever comes here.", Eric said casually, seemingly untouched by the irritated look, Ryan gave him.
„Eric, what are we doing her?", Wolfe asked, obviously uncomfortable, considering what had happened, the last time, Eric dragged him near water.
„I know the owner, we went to diving school together. I asked him, to let me use the place for some private swimming lessons."
Ryan thought he heard wrong, did he just say swimming lessons? Suddenly, the younger man felt the urge to turn around and leave, not at all sharing Eric's enthusiastic smile.
Eric, sensing his friends uneasiness, wasn't about to let that happen. „Come on Ryan, you know it is important, you most certainly will need it sooner or later. And I promise I won't force you." He assured.
Of course Ryan knew he should learn how to swim. The next person pushing him into the water will probably not be as nice and drag him back up. Still, the thought of floating helplessly in the darkness was scaring the hell out of him. Suddenly, Eric was standing next ton him, one hand on Ryan's shoulder as a silent encouragement.
„Come on.", he said, „for Liam."