The Following Trailer Is Rated NM For No Mercy!

From the franchise that turned the awe inspiring splendor that was Greek Mythology into a gore filled slaughter fest for bloodthirsty teenagers, comes the prequel that reveals the original rise of Kratos from a superpowered douchebag, to a superpowered douchebag with a license to kill from the Gods.

God Of War: Ascension!

After breaking his original oath to Ares, Kratos has been sentenced to imprisonment and torture by the Furies, who are determined to force the bastard to take some responsibility for his actions. Kratos responds to this involuntary period of self reflection in typical Kratos fashion, by busting out, wrecking the joint, and curb stomping every vaguely sentient being he can find, in an epic jailbreak that would make The Great Escape crap a brick.

Now, on the run with the Furies at his heels, Kratos must pull a Wolverine and embark on a journey to reclaim his lost memories and discover his sordid past, while piling up copious amounts of corpses in the process. Then, once he's rediscovered the truth about going O.J Simpson on his family, join him as he takes his revenge upon the Furies for daring to call him out on his misguided messiah complex.

Relive the days of pre-papa Kratos, whose sense of justice and morality was as pale as his bleached Greek ass, whose idea of a friendly greeting was a castration level blow to the nuts, and whose favorite pastime was competing with Asura from Asura's Wrath to see who could grit their teeth the hardest in anus clenching fury.

So pick up your blades, embrace the joys of moral ambiguity, and travel back to the past for a nostalgic round of mythological murder mayhem and vaguely justifiable genocide, as you embark on the next chapter of Kratos' quest to single-handedly reduce the population of heaven and earth, all in the name of his Oprah sized ego.

Starring:

Angry White Dude- Kratos

Bug Boobs- Megaera

Queen Of Mean- Alecto

Marco The Phoenix- Tisiphone

Poor Bastard- Orkos

God Of War: Ascension Of The Asshole!

This probably should not have been my biggest takeaway from this game, but I miss the beard. Really… really… miss the beard… "sobbing uncontrollably."