Someone Who Understands

[Viola]

I walk with Hildy along the narrow path through rocks and dense scrub. Todd trails along behind us with Manchee, with his stupid noisy thoughts spilling out into the world and echoing in my ears.

"People without Noise don't seem like nothing at all."

"If they were normal, noisy people..."

"...maybe she can take care of Viola."

The thoughts aren't exactly spiteful, but I still feel a little stab in my chest and a strange, twisting ache in my stomach. He doesn't understand me at all. He doesn't even try. He thinks I'm just an empty vessel, that I have no thoughts and feelings, that I'm just here taking up space with my nothingness. Well, I'm not empty, and I do have thoughts and feelings. In fact, I have so many swirling and crashing around in my head right now, it's starting to make me feel a bit sick.

"A noisy little pup, isn't he?"

I turn my head to see Hildy looking at my thoughtfully. "I wouldn't take too much of it to heart," she says. "Everything's new and different for him. All a bit confusing I'd say."

"It's confusing for me too," I mumble.

"So, where are ye from, pup?" she asks with a warm friendly smile on her face.

"A settler ship," I say. "I was sent out on a scout ship with my parents..." I feel the uncomfortable tightness of a lump in my throat, choking the words I can't bear to say. I try desperately to shut the thoughts of what happened out of my mind. I don't want to think about it. Not now. My eyes are blurry with tears, but I look at Hildy, and she's looking at me, waiting for me to finish my sentence. "We crashed," I say at last, my voice sounding small and weak.

Hildy's eyes are suddenly full of concern. She reaches over and gently rests her hand on my shoulder.

"Ye don't have to talk about it if ye don't want to, pup," she tells me. She pauses for a moment, then looks down the path up ahead, as if there's something interesting in the distance. I know she's trying to think of something to say. "Ye know, I was a settler too," she says eventually. "Quite a long time ago that was. Everything seemed real strange here at first, with the Noise and all, but we adjusted in time."

Slowly, I begin to feel some of my frustration and fear ebb away. I begin to feel less afraid, less alone, because I've found someone who understands where I've come from and how I got here, someone who was once a new settler on this strange, noisy planet too.

I smile as we continue up the path, feeling more and more comforted by Hildy's warm, friendly chatter.

"Did I mention that our home is made from parts of our settler ship?" she says excitedly. "Ye wait til ye see it, pup. Quite the work of art, it is. Remodelled to look like a swan."

oOo

"Do you really think we ought to stay the whole night?" Todd asks, and it's that asking that final makes me break. I've been holding in my anger, forcing down the hot bubbling feeling and trying to forget about it, but it's too much. I can't hold it back anymore. I explode.

"Just because my thoughts and feelings don't spill out into the world like a shout that never stops, doesn't mean I don't have them," I whisper at him violently. I really want to shout at him, but the idea of disrupting the peace of Hildy and Tam's home doesn't seem right.

Todd stares at me, clueless confusion all over his face and Noise. "Huh?"

"Everytime you think 'Oh, she's just emptiness', or 'There's nothing going on inside her', or 'Maybe I can dump her with these two', I hear it, okay? I hear every stupid thing you think, alright? And I understand way more than I want to," I whisper sharply.

Todd's eyes widen. "Oh yeah?" he says defensively. "Well everytime you think something, or have some stupid thought, I don't hear it! So how am I supposed to know any effing thing about ya? How am I supposed to know what's going on if you keep it secret?"

"I'm not keeping it secret. I'm being normal," I say through clenched teeth, and I'm struggling to hold my anger back now, because he's so infuriatingly clueless.

"Not normal for here, Vi," he says.

"And how would you know?" I cut back in frustration. "I can hear you being surprised by just about everything they say. Didn't they have a school where you're from? Didn't you learn anything?"

"History ain't so important when you're just trying to survive," he spits back.

"That's actually when it's most important."

We both turn our heads to see Hildy standing by the table, and I'm glad she's here. Hildy no doubt understands the importance of knowledge, of learning, and that people can function just fine without stupid Noise.

oOo

The next morning, tension remains between Todd and me. As I walk out the bathroom after washing my face and changing my clothes, we meet in the doorway, but we don't say a word to each other. We don't even look at each other. I step silently out into the hallway as Todd slides past me awkwardly into the bathroom and closes the door.

When I enter the kitchen, Hildy greets me with a warm smile, and I can't help but smile back.

"Looks like one young pup is ready for the day," she declares joyfully.

Then, her smile drops and her brow creases. She looks at me intently.

"What's the matter pup?" she asks at last, in a soft, caring tone. "You alright?"

I nod, but Hildy frowns again, more subtly this time, but I still notice.

"Well, alright then," she says, obviously not convinced.

And it's as if she's reading my thoughts, as if my thoughts have spilled out into the world like Todd's, even though I never spoke. Like normal people do when they understand each other.

"If ye wanted to stay here, pup, we wouldn't mind at all," she says casually, but I can see in her eyes that she means it with all her heart. "We'd look after ye well, and ye could help us out on the farm."

I'm so touched and pleased by her offer that at first I don't know what to say. I can imagine myself living with Hildy and Tam, working on the farm with them, learning all about New World from them, feeling safe and happy and not so frightened.

But there's this nagging feeling I can't ignore, a thought tugging at the back of mind, telling me I should go with Todd. We did save each other's lives after all, and that's got to count for something, right? And I know Hildy was right about him, that he's scared and lost and confused too.

I can hear it loud and clear in that chaotic Noise of his.

"Thank you, Hildy," I say politely, "but I think I'll go to Farbranch, with Todd."

Hildy smiles. "I understand."

Author's Note: Some dialogue borrowed from The Knife of Never Letting Go.