What Xehanort's Real Plan Was

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts whatsoever.

Riku had just finished defeating Young Xehanort. Mickey walked up to him.

"Are you okay, Riku?" The mouse king asked.

"Yeah, Thanks, Mickey." Riku smiled, and the mouse king nodded in agreement.

But their heartwarming moment was cut short. In a few seconds, the bubble Riku had been fighting Young Xehanort in disappeared, prompting the Keybladers to look around, before Mickey pointed his gaze at the highest throne in Where Nothing Gathers.

Mickey gasped in surprise over what he saw. "Master Xehanort! We were right about you!"

Riku gasped as well. There, sitting in between Xemnas and Xehanort's Heartless, was the fearless Keyblade Master himself, with a malicious smile etched on his face. Riku growled at the mere sight of him.

Grinning, Master Xehanort began another one of his impassioned speeches. "All of this was decided. My twelve selves would welcome me here on this day, when I would return a complete person."

Pausing slightly, he continued. "It is the future which lies beyond my sight."

"Why are you doing this?" Mickey exclaimed.

Xehanort glared smugly, as though Mickey had asked him the dumbest question in the world. "It is said that-"

But then he paused. The smugness that had previously covered his cheeks was now replaced by confusion. "It is said that..." He repeated, attempting to regain his train of thought.

All of the Xehanort copies were taken aback. They had not anticipated this turn of events; the last thing they had expected to happen was their leader to become senile at such a crucial moment.

"It is said that...Kingdom Hearts...x-Blade...thirteen darknesses..." And with that, the elderly Keyblade Master fell to sleep, snoring loudly as he dozed off.

Young Xehanort gulped. When Riku shot him a glance, asking for an explanation, the time traveller panicked. "Don't look at me! I'm just as lost as you are!"

Riku shook his head. "I don't have time for this. Let's just get Sora and go." Mickey nodded, and the two of them took off to the seat where Sora was placed at.

"No! Wait!" Ansem transported in front of them and grabbed Riku by the neck with his Guardian. "We cannot allow you to remove Sora from this place!"

"Why?" Mickey asked. Despite watching Riku being choked, the mouse king made no attempt to save him.

Ansem's face flushed. "W...what?"

"Why do you need Sora so badly that you're trying to stop us?" Mickey seemed more angry than upset, as if coming here was a big waste of time.

"I...I don't-"

"Oh, come on! It's just that usually when these things happen, there's always some big master plan in the works, which nobody finds out until the very end! Which is right now!"

"He's...got a point." The barely alive Riku managed to spit out, along with a day-old apple core he had somehow acquired in Notre Dame.

The apple managed to hit Ansem square in the eye. "Ow!" Losing his grip on Riku, the Seeker of Darkness covered his face with both his hands. "It's not our fault the whole thing got convoluted! Ask our messiah, the one who led us to this forsaken place!"

Mickey scoffed. "What, you mean the geezer who just fell unconscious a few moments ago?" He pointed to the sleeping Master Xehanort, who was now drooling at the mouth.

"Wait! Wait a minute!" Xemnas had now pulled out a set of note cards. Grabbing one, he read it out. " 'In event of leader falling unconscious during big momentous speech, all power and rights are forfeited to next in command'. Who was next in command?!"

The Xehanorts shrugged.

"I think that was you!" Braig pointed at Xemnas. "I mean, since you were the leader before."

Xemnas shrugged. "I guess that makes sense. Now where did he leave off..." Skimming through the note cards, he continued. "Oh, yes: 'And when the thirteen darknesses and seven lights clash, only then will Kingdom Hearts return!'"

Riku and Mickey had never been more confused in their lives.

"Wait, what?" Mickey asked. "Thirteen darknesses?"

"What the hell is any of that supposed to mean?!" Riku exclaimed.

Ansem facepalmed himself. "You idiot! You said that out of order! That's Slide 5! You were supposed to continue with Slide 3!"

"What the hell are you talking about?! There are no numbers on these cards!"

"Right bottom hand corner! I was very specific when I gave them to you!"

"These are just little black dots! I can barely read them out!"

"Then ask the kid! He's the one who made the flashcards!"

Young Xehanort sighed. "I made those flashcards in the event that the Master fell unconscious or asleep, because I had foreseen something like this happening. I chose to leave the numbers blank because it never occurred to me you would be DUMB ENOUGH to MIX UP THE ORDER!"

Xemnas groaned. "Okay, this isn't a problem! Maybe I can just wing it." Scanning the cards one more time before throwing them away, he cleared his throat before continuing.

"Our plan is to restore the true x-Blade once more, so that Kingdom Hearts may return!"

Mickey gasped. "True x-Blade?! Then what about before? In the Keyblade Graveyard?"

Xemnas laughed. "Foolish mouse king. When Master Xehanort first tried to fuse Ventus with his dark counterpart, he soon realized the error in his plan, overlooking the true way to make the blade. When it was first destroyed, the blade split into thirteen hearts of darkness and seven hearts of light!"

Riku shook his head. "Wait! Where did this all come from? I thought you wanted to get Kingdom Hearts to rule the universe!"

"No wait!" Ansem called out. "Don't say it like that, as though it's nothing! It's a lot more complicated than you realize!"

The young Keyblader scoffed. "Is that so?"

Young Xehanort then stepped in. "While Xemnas was supposed to create Organization XIII to make vessels for the thirteen darknesses, Ansem was meant to destroy the Princesses of Heart to create a Kingdom Hearts of darkness!"

"So wait, there are two Kingdom Hearts?" Mickey asked.

"And if you want to recreate the X-Blade, shouldn't you find the original thirteen darknesses, not make them artificially with Xehanort's heart?"

Xemna's face flushed; the Nobody was at a loss for words. "Um..." He picked up a backup set of cards from his sleeve and scanned them for a bit, only to end up with nothing. "No...there's nothing in here that says that."

"It's a wonder your plan even worked from the beginning; it just got so convoluted and confusing!" Riku called the Nobody out.

"And what's worse, it doesn't even seem fun anymore; it just seems like a way to give yourself instant gratification, rather than taking the time to create something simple and heartfelt, something that really resonated with people!" Mickey added, with what might be assumed to be tears in his eyes.

"That's right! What's the point of making it so complicated, when it's just so obvious that simple and clean is much better to begin with?!" Riku cried out passionately.

By this point, it no longer seemed like they were talking about plans anymore.

If one knew any better.

Braig was furious. "For a man with thirteen clones, it's really shocking that only one of us knew the plan from start to finish!"

"Well maybe if SOMEONE had NUMBERED the cards right-"

"I told you; I didn't NEED to do that, if SOMEONE had memorized the speech beforehand!" Young Xehanort defended himself.

By this point, Riku and Mickey had tiptoed over to where Sora was sitting, hoping they could give the Xehanorts the slip.

They were in luck. By now, most of the Xehanorts had lost interest. Three of them were now playing Angry Birds on their smartphones, and another two were busy calling their mothers, telling them that their meeting was running late. One was too busy typing a status update on Facebook to even care:

"Worst! Diabolical! Meeting! Ever!"

Braig had now returned to what he had been doing before this dreadful meeting; scrolling through provocative pictures he had taken of what would later be revealed to be pictures of Kairi and Namine. Isa was just silently sitting with his hood pulled down, ashamed he had walked out on his weekly poker game to attend this dreadful meeting.

"People! There are several announcements we have to make!" Young Xehanort stopped time once again and did his business. First, he confiscated the phones from all the Xehanorts, even the ones who weren't using them. Then, he took out a packet of what he believed to be ecstacy pills and shoved them in Master Xehanort's mouth. Finally, he teleported to where Riku and Mickey where and apologized for what was going on.

"If you'll please excuse us for a moment, we'll get right back with you on the whole "big master plan" thing later. But just so you're not tempted..."

He walked over to where Sora was and slung him over his back, teleporting himself back to his seat, leaving the sixteen-year-old sprawled over the older boy's lap.

Riku shuddered. "Yup. He's Xehanort, all right."

Mickey sighed. "Well, this really took a turn for the annoying." Part of him was tempted to just leave Sora behind; anything to get out of this awkward situation that was now taking place.

When Young Xehanort restored time, the other Xehanorts started to realize what was going on.

"Hey, what happened to our phones?!"

"I almost beat my high score!"

"I need to check my girlfriend's wall!"

"Screw this; I'm outta here!"

Xemnas panicked. "No wait; we still have an agenda to follow! And lunch will be ready in a couple of minutes!"

Ansem raised an eyebrow. "I thought we were all supposed to return to our timelines to prevent causing a time paradox in the universe. Or something like that..."

But their words fell on deaf ears. One by one, the Xehanorts that were not identified by Riku and Mickey all disappeared, leaving only Braig, Isa, Young Xehanort, Xemnas, Ansem, and Master Xehanort, who by now had just woken up.

"Whatisitwhat'sgoingonicantfeelaboneinmybodydidipa ssoutagainmanihatewhenthathappensimsooldheywhatthe hellhappenedtotheothersdidyouassesletmefallasleepa gain?!"Apparently the ecstasy had been so powerful that it had pushed Master Xehanort's sanity out of the window.

Assuming it hadn't been already.

Riku sighed, and walked over to Young Xehanort, punching him before he had a chance to notice, causing him to drop Sora to the ground. He then carried the unconscious boy over his shoulder. "I'm going home; these guys are nuts."

"What else do you expect? It's Xehanort." Mickey nodded in agreement.

And with that, Riku opened a corridor to darkness, and the two disappeared instantly.

The Xehanorts left in the room, frozen in silence upon realizing what had just happened. For three minutes, they just sat in their chairs, unwilling to talk or even look at one another.

Eventually, it was Master Xehanort who broke the silence. "How could you dumb asses mess this up?!"

Unfortunately, it was too late. The remaining Xehanorts were starting to disappear; their time in this dimension was over.

"Damn it!" Young Xehanort called out, vanishing into green light. "The timelines are calling us back from whence we came! How could we let this happen!"

"Oh well." Ansem shrugged. "Their hearts may soon fall to darkness yet..." And with that, he disappeared in a flash of bright light.

"This oughta be fun!" Braig flashed one of his trademark grins before disappearing as well.

"Let them all perish into nothingness..." Xemnas bellowed, also vanishing in a flash of light.

"Then let us meet again, in the Keyblade Graveyard, and see what the future holds in store for the darkness." Master Xehanort raised both his arms up in the sky and disappeared with a triumphant smile on his face.

"I just hope Xemnas remembered to get those cards off the floor. WAIT A MINUTE!" But just as Isa remembered, it was too late; he too vanished into his timeline.

Right at that moment, Lea showed up out of nowhere. "Hey, you old coot!"

But he was too late; Lea was just standing in a white, empty room.

"What the hell..."

Later that day...

Yen Sid studied the flashcards intently.

"I see." Turning back to where Lea and Riku were, he continued. "We must act quickly and round up the various Keyblade wielders across the universe to combat the thirteen darknesses. ."

"I know where to start." Riku nodded and walked out of the room.

Sora sighed and kept looking out the window. "What kind of villains put their evil plans on flashcards, anyway?"

"If we knew that, Sora, then we would know more about the universe than we do right now..." Yen Sid said, with a wistful smile on his face.

And with that, the former Keyblade Master sat down, pondering on the next course of action to take...

The End