FAGE 11. Are You In…?

Title: Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Written for: Anne Chowdhury/TwiAddictAnne

Written By: Alyscia

Rating: M

Summary: Misunderstanding is the difference between admiration and mortification.

Prompt used: Feel free to admire me

BPOV

Taking a deep breath, I go back over my notes as I try to decide which direction to take. Mostly, I'm trying to avoid my surroundings; I'm a hermit, for all intents and purposes. I only come out of my nice, cozy home because of Alice and Rose. They're the only people I have to call family.

Rose is a mechanical engineer with long legs and blonde hair. Her special talent is making people question stereotypes. She's brilliant, with the mouth of a sailor and the body of a model. Rose Hale is the embodiment of a protective older sister.

Alice Brandon was the first woman to become a marine sniper. Not only that, she's one of the top five snipers in the world. It's not the first thing someone would think when looking at her. She's five-foot-five with short dark hair. Alice is next in line for my biggest protector.

I grew up with them, and they stuck with me when my mother died just after I turned nineteen. Renee never told me who my father was, leaving me alone if not for Rose and Alice. I would do anything for them, and them for me. They're the sisters I always wanted but my mom never gave me.

My plot ideas were scattered all over my paper. I mumbled out loud, "Who do you admire?"

"Feel free to admire me." A smooth voice shook me out of my head, almost knocking me off my chair.

Of course, it was the green-eyed devil that lived to make me speechless. Edward Cullen, the owner of the establishment where Rose and Alice loved to hang out. Something about eye candy and good food.

Part of his mouth lifted and his piercing eyes were full of mirth as he waited for me to respond.

"Writing," I murmured, feeling the tingling heat spreading in my chest and face.

He leaned in closer, his intoxicating smell washing over me. "You're an author?"

I barely heard him as I looked him over. I started with his copper-colored hair cut into a fade but long on the top, followed by emerald eyes with thick eyelashes and an eyebrow piercing. His tongue ring dragged across his plump bottom lip. My gaze drifted to his five o'clock shadow-covered jaw. Just peeking out from the neck of his t-shirt were tribal tattoos with writing I couldn't process before someone hollered my name.

"Bella!"

My eyes widened at his smile and chuckle just as Rose and Alice pulled me away from the bar to our normal table.

Edward followed us and leaned against our booth, tracing his bottom lip with his tongue ring and one brow raised. "Rose, are you going to keep torturing my cousin?"

Rose smirked. "He knows my number when he wants to admit defeat."

Edward's head fell back as he barked out a laugh. "Oh, you might wait awhile."

I let my hair fall over my face as I contemplated Rose and Emmett's dynamic. Emmett McCarty was six-three, easily two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle. He sported short, curly black hair and deep cobalt eyes, and despite his intimidating look, he was a teddy bear at the core. He loved kids so much he taught at the high school, coached varsity football, and coached Little League. He was everything that Rose would want in a guy, except that he put his foot in his mouth more often than not and made lewd comments every chance he got. Emmett and Rose met at Cullen's Bar a few months ago, and they couldn't seem to define what they were without an argument.

Awkwardly pulling myself together, I looked up to find Edward watching me. I felt my face heat up and looked back down at my notebook.

Clearing his throat, he asked, "The usual, ladies?"

I nodded my head while Rose and Alice answered yes.

Alice bumped my shoulder to let me know he walked away.

"That man has the hots for you, Bells." Rose wiggled her brows.

I merely scoffed at the thought that someone like Edward would ever have any kind of feelings for someone like me. The lack of answer made me look up at my sisters, who were giving me a disapproving look.

"You're gorgeous, and he would be lucky and thanking his stars to have a chance with you, Bells." Rose gave me a pointed look. I was used to that look; they'd both given it to me many times.

Utilizing all my restraint, I didn't roll my eyes even though I wanted to. "As you and Alice keep saying."

Before we could launch into the discussion, Edward brought our drinks with a deliberate wink my way. I felt how red my face and ears were as he walked away. Alice and Rose chuckled as I sipped on my drink and hid behind a veil of long hair.

"How's Jasper doing?" Rose asked Alice before taking a sip of her drink.

Jasper Whitlock was Alice's longtime boyfriend. They signed up for the military at the same time, but they were never stationed together since she went sniper and he went into Marine Force Recon. She discharged last year, but he was still in for another four years at least. He might be in there for life and Alice didn't know if she could deal with that.

She sighed. "He's good. He has leave next month, and we'll have a sit-down conversation."

Anyone else looking at Alice wouldn't see that she was conflicted, but I'd known her my whole life. She was my sister, and I knew she was hurting at the idea she and Jasper might part ways.

I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her in for a hug. "Everything will work out in amazing ways."

She laughed, hugging me back. "You're so cheesy, but I love it."

I couldn't help but snort.

For the rest of our evening, we drank a little, talked and laughed. The entire time I found myself always looking around for Edward. His words rattled around in my head.

Feel free to admire me.

What did that even mean?

"Bella, what has you thinking so hard?" Rose raised an eyebrow.

My cheeks warmed. "Nothing."

Rose chuckled. "Girl, you have it bad."

I ignored her, but I avoided looking for Edward again.

I felt like I was completely stuck with writer's block. Alice and Rose were too busy to let me bounce ideas off of them. They were the only ones I trusted enough to do that with, so I took a walk in an attempt to clear my head.

Notebook in one hand and my earbuds in, I walked until I found myself standing in front of Cullen's Bar. It was too early for them to be open, but it looked like someone was there behind the bar.

Biting my lip, I pushed on the door and it opened. As I walked further inside I found Edward cleaning the bar top.

"We're closed until six," Edward's voice called out. He sounded irritated.

"Sorry," I mumbled, ready to walk back out.

His head whipped up and he stared at me. "Bella?"

I nodded, still biting my lip and holding my notebook to my chest. "I didn't mean to come in, I, um…" I held up my notebook. "I'm trying to get over my writer's block."

Edward smiled. "Well, come in, sit down, and tell me what you're writing about."

I slowly made my way over to a stool and took a seat. "It's different," I murmured.

He leaned against the bar top and ran his tongue ring along his bottom lip before speaking. "Sweetheart, I'm a different kind of guy."

I took a deep breath and let it out before speaking. "I'm writing about a dragon and how she's the last of her kind when a war comes to her land."

Edward raised the brow with the piercing in it. "That sounds kind of fascinating."

I couldn't help but smile. "Thanks, I thought so, too. My editor isn't happy about it because she wants another love triangle story, but that's so overdone. For the life of me, I couldn't do it." Again, I thought to myself.

"That's the truth. So what's got you stumped?"

His green eyes entranced me and I found myself spewing everything about Oracle, the last warrior dragon. He listened and traded ideas with me. Before I realized it, I was writing out a whole chapter and ideas were flowing.

"I need to get back and type all this up. Thank you, Edward."

He took my hand with a soft touch and kissed the back of it. "You can bring your laptop next time."

Completely brain-dead by the kiss on my hand, I nodded and walked out of the bar. When I made it home, I fell against my closed door. Edward kissed my hand!

Giggling to myself, I went to my computer and opened my documents before realizing I didn't have my notebook. I really didn't want to walk all the way back for it. Groaning, I opened a blank document and just wrote everything I remembered. But, as I was trying to write, my mind wandered to Edward, thinking about what his lips would feel like against my lips. Would the metal from his tongue ring feel cold or warm against my skin?

Slamming my laptop shut, I decided to just go back to Cullen's.

As I left my apartment, I tried to convince myself to ask for his number. I wanted to learn more about him. Maybe there was something there that we could explore… slowly.

Feeling just enough confidence, I put on a smile and walked up to the bar. His back was turned toward me and I looked him over. He'd changed his shirt to a form-fitting black tee. His muscles were taut and perfectly outlined. I wanted to trace my fingers along them. Who knew a back could be so attractive?

As I walked closer to get his attention, I noticed he was talking to a petite woman with short brown hair. They were both looking down at something. I zoned in on the object and my heart stopped. My notebook. They were both smiling and laughing; most likely at me. I kept very intimate ideas and thoughts in there.

Embarrassment flooded my system as I robotically walked up. Edward spotted me.

"Bella!" His crooked smile caused a pang in my heart as my face heated.

I grabbed the book, looking at him through watery eyes just long enough to show him my pain and walk away. I promised myself I would never walk back into Cullen's, never even think about the green-eyed man that caused me so much hurt and embarrassment.

Rose and Alice couldn't convince me to leave my apartment. It took them a week before they broke in to see if I was still alive. Technically, I was. I was eating, drinking, and I worked enough to keep my editor at bay.

But I went back to trusting only them. I ordered groceries from the market and had them delivered. If Alice and Rose wanted to see me, then they had to come to me. I was a very private person; my mom wasn't the best, and when I was growing up everyone thought I was weird because I lived in my own little world where I made up characters and talked about them as if they were real. In high school, I carried the same notebook around where I wrote about my imaginary friends' lives. I never connected with the opposite sex because I didn't spread my legs. I didn't go out of my way to impress them, and apparently, that's not an attractive quality, according to them.

Tears sprung to my eyes. But, Edward... It was stupid of me. There was never a connection, he was just being nice to a patron. I was probably some kind of dare or joke, and his girlfriend got a laugh over someone like me thinking they could get someone like him.

Rose and Alice did not understand what happened that caused me to turn back in on myself, and they were going crazy trying to figure it out. I didn't want them to know because I knew what they would do to Edward. Part of me wanted it to happen, but the other wanted him to be okay.

I hated having conflicting feelings.