This Crazy World

Summary: Rory finally tells Lorelai the full story of her and Jess. This is another companion to my story This Crazy World, and it takes place right after chapter 19 of that story.

A/N: Some of you have been asking for stories with other constellations of people, and I know this may not be what you were asking for, but it was the one that wanted to be written right now.

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is not mine. Not now, not ever.

Intermission 1: Filling in the Blanks

Lorelai frowned at her phone and answered quickly. "Rory?" she asked, confused. After getting the down low on her schedule for the day she was definitely not expecting to hear from her daughter until much later.

"I slept with Jess!" Rory blurted out as soon as she heard her mom's voice, looking around one more time just to make sure no one was close by. She was in a secluded part of campus, but one could never be too careful.

Lorelai opened her mouth to respond, but no words came out. "Huh."

"I slept with Jess," Rory repeated, this time more calmly, a smile playing at her lips.

Lorelai nodded uselessly. "I know."

Rory's eyes widened at her end. "You know?"

Lorelai grimaced awkwardly. "Well, I didn't know, know, but… Well, you went there last night, and Jess is in town, so I kinda figured."

"Oh."

"And now you call me, sounding all…glowy, so I guess I was right. Plus, you just told me, so…"

Rory tried not to blush, instead focusing on her mother's new word. "Glowy?" she questioned.

"Well…yeah," her mother nodded. "You sound happy, in a glowy sort of way."

Rory rolled her eyes at the description, but knew there was no way she could stop smiling for long today. Then she froze for a moment. "Wait…did you say Jess is here? As in Stars Hollow here?"

"Yeah," Lorelai confirmed, then frowned. "You didn't know?"

"No," Rory shook her head. "I mean, he did come to Yale with me this morning, but I thought he'd just go home. He said he was going back home." She stopped, frowning. "Why didn't he go home?"

"I don't know, honey," Lorelai said, shaking her head. "He was in the diner this morning. Maybe he wanted to visit Luke? Maybe he wanted to stick around a bit longer?"

"Yeah, probably," Rory agreed. "But why didn't he tell me?"

Lorelai grimaced a bit, not sure how much she should tell her daughter. "Maybe he didn't know until he was already here?"

Rory's frown deepened. "Did Luke tell you something?"

"Well…um, yeah," Lorelai confirmed awkwardly. "But not much. I swear."

"Ok," Rory accepted. "Anyway, I should probably just ask him, right?"

"Right," her mother agreed. "But not yet."

"What do you mean?" Rory wondered. "I don't know how long he'll be staying here, and we need to talk. We didn't really talk about this, what it means, where we'll go from here, and I…"

"And all those things are important," Lorelai agreed. "But…first you gotta tell mommy everything about last night."

Suddenly Rory felt the heat start to rise in her cheeks, glad her mother couldn't see her. "Oh, well… Um…what do you want to know?"

"Well, how about you start with why you went there in the first place, then you can tell me how you ended up sleeping together," Lorelai counted, grinning at the sudden cough coming from the other end of the line. "And finally, you gotta tell me if it was any good."

"Mom!" Rory cried, eyes wide and the color rising quickly all the way from her neck to the roots of her hair, and shrank even further back against the wall.

"Ah, so it was good," Lorelai smirked knowingly.

"Well…I mean, I… It's…"

"You might want to try putting together full sentences honey," Lorelai teased her daughter.

Rory opened her mouth several times, unable to speak. "Ok, fine. It was great," she suddenly blurted out. "Happy now?"

"No," Lorelai says, sporting a wicked grin. "I can hear you blushing from here, so I want to know. Was it Dirty Dancing level or Titanic?"

"Mom!" Rory groaned, her cheeks absolutely flaming by now as she thought back on the night before. She felt silly for reacting the way she did. It wasn't like it was the first time her mother had asked about her sex life, but for some reason this was different. Maybe because it had been so long in coming.

"Oh, c'mon," Lorelai prodded. "You did promise me you'd tell me about it when we first discussed this."

"When did we discuss me sleeping with Jess?" Rory blurted, trying to remember the last couple of weeks, if she'd let anything slip. She was sure she hadn't.

"Oh, how about senior year of high school, a few days after a certain disastrous Friday night dinner…" Lorelai supplied, trying to jog her daughter's memory.

"Oh my God!" Rory exclaimed, remembering that night. "That was ages ago."

"Sure," her mother agreed. "Doesn't change anything. You promised you'd tell me before."

"Seriously?" Rory muttered. "What was I supposed to do? Tell him to just wait a moment while I called my mother?"

"Well, that might have been a bit awkward," Lorelai conceded. "But…"

"Look, mom, it wasn't planned ok? In fact, I didn't even think he'd want anything to do with me when I got there, not after…" She trailed off, not really wanting to get into that right now. "Anyway, then we were sitting on the stairs, really talking for the first time in…ever, and things just sort of…happened."

"On the stairs? Rory! Even I never did that!" Lorelai cried, shocked, only to quickly amend her statement. "Or well, there might've been that one time…"

"Mom! I so did not need to hear that!" Rory exclaimed, horrified. Then her eyes widened as she noticed two guys coming her way, watching her curiously.

"Fair's fair," her mother pointed out.

"But I never said we… Not on the stairs!" Rory hissed, so as not to be overheard, then grimaced as she thought back. "Or, well, not exactly."

"Hah!"

"Fine," Rory muttered, drawing a breath of relief when the two guys disappeared around a corner. She still chose to use somewhat less inconspicuous phrases. "There might've been some…activities close to the stairs, but we did move to a much more comfortable location for the, uh…main event."

"Nice paraphrasing," Lorelai laughed.

"I'm sorry, do you want a play-by-play of the night?"

"God no!" Lorelai exclaimed, horrified by the idea. "Why would you say such a thing?"

"Well, you've been fishing for one ever since we started this conversation."

"I have not!" Lorelai protested.

"Have too."

"Have not!"

"Seriously?" Rory muttered. "Are we really doing this?"

"We totally were," Lorelai said with a grin. "And I won."

Rory rolled her eyes, but couldn't help smiling. "Whatever you want to tell yourself."

"But really?" Lorelai started, turning serious again. "How did this happen? I didn't think there was anything there anymore. Or well, I did, but you've been denying it so forcefully."

"Well, I…" Rory mumbled, not sure how to explain it to her mother. "I mean, there's never not been anything, I guess. It's just…we've hurt each other so much over the years that I sort of gave up hope of there ever being a time when we could move past all of that."

Lorelai frowned at her daughter's explanation, getting the feeling she was missing some information. "I'm sorry, but…I think you need to fill in some blanks for me here, Hon. What's this about you hurting each other? As I recall it, he left, and…that's about it."

"Yeah, well, there might be some things I didn't tell you about," Rory mumbled, still not able to explain why she never told her mother about any of it. "Or, a lot of things actually."

"Ok…" Lorelai said quietly, not sure what to believe right now. "So tell me now."

Rory took a deep breath. "Well, you remember when he came back for his car, right?"

"Uh…yeah," Lorelai muttered. "I remember. That was a delightful visit."

Rory cringed at her mother's tone, not sure this was a good idea, but knowing she would have to tell her eventually anyway. "What you don't know is that before he left, we talked. Or rather, he chased me through town asking to talk to me and I yelled at him for leaving. And then he told me that he…loved me."

"He did what?" Lorelai exclaimed, completely taken by surprise. "I… How is it that I didn't know about this? I mean…"

"I didn't know how to tell you," Rory mumbled. "I didn't even know how to take it myself. I mean, I just stood there, and then he sort of nodded and backed off to his car and drove away."

"Ok. Wow."

"Pretty much, yeah," Rory agreed. "I was just so chocked. Out of everything he could've possibly said at that moment, that was definitely not even on the list. And then he left, and I didn't know how to tell you."

"Oh, honey," Lorelai sympathizes.

"And then, I guess it must've been right after his mom's wedding, he showed up at my dorm. And I was there with Dean, because I'd called him to come get me after a horrible date grandma had set me up with. And it was just…"

Lorelai listened in shock as Rory talked, wondering how she could have missed all of this, figuring it was possibly because she was so stressed about getting the Dragonfly.

"I don't know if it was his intention all along, but I guess finding Dean there didn't really help the situation. But anyway, he asked me to come with him. To New York, or anywhere really. He said all these things, about us being meant to be together, and I could feel it on some level, but I just…couldn't. Not like that. And I guess I panicked, because all I could say was no. Over and over and then he asked me to only say no if I really didn't want to be with him, and I shouted no again and he just looked at me, so much pain in his eyes and then he was gone. Again."

"Rory…"

"And then I went and slept with Dean the very next weekend. God, I was such a mess back then."

Lorelai wasn't sure what to say to that. She couldn't really disagree, considering, but at the same time, she didn't think this was the time to bring that back up. "Honey, why didn't you tell me about any of this?" Lorelai asked instead, wondering how much else she didn't know about.

"I didn't know how," Rory mumbled. "I mean, you never liked Jess, and you'd made it perfectly clear that you thought I was better off without him. And I guess I didn't think telling you about any of this would go over so well."

"Oh," Lorelai frowned, not quite prepared to hear it stated quite that bluntly. "I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel like you couldn't talk to me."

"I know."

"So much for the cool mom, huh?"

"You are," Rory assured her, then continued more quietly. "Just maybe not so much when it came to Jess. You've kind of always had a blind spot when it came to him, and I never knew if it would be ok to bring it up. And then I just…didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"I know. And it didn't help that I had no idea how to handle any of it. I guess that was always our problem. It was either too much or too little. And I couldn't handle it when I was younger. I wasn't prepared for it then."

"Yeah, I think I get what you mean." Lorelai said with a sigh.

"And I pretty much thought that was it. After the way things ended at my dorm, I didn't think I'd ever see him again, so I told myself there was no point in telling you."

"But then you went to his open house?" Lorelai guessed, frowning as she said it, wondering how her daughter even knew about it.

"Well, not exactly," Rory grimaced. "He came to see me again first."

"Oh? He did?" By now she supposed nothing her daughter told her during this call should surprise her, but then, it still did.

"Yeah, when I was…taking time off from Yale, actually."

Lorelai nodded to herself, remembering those months and how painful it had been. "Oh."

"He showed up at my grandparent's one night, said he wanted to show me something. And I remember being so happy to see him, and at the same time so embarrassed that he got to see me like that. Living in that fluffy room at my grandparent's house, not going to Yale. And then he showed me this book. A book that he wrote. And I just…got so excited. I mean, I knew he could do something like that, even back when he first got here, if he just…tried. And then he did."

"Wow." Lorelai didn't quite know what to think. Once more she reminded herself to just expect anything, but nothing could've prepared her for the pride she could hear in her daughter's voice. "That's some story."

"Yeah," Rory smiled. "And then he said he couldn't have done it without me, which is such a lie, because he did. He did it all on his own. He got his life together, wrote a book and found a great job at a publishing house. And he did it all by himself. And in the meantime, I had every opportunity lying at my feet, and I threw it all away because of something Logan's father said. I still can't believe I did that."

"But you got back on track," Lorelai cuts in.

"I did. But not on my own."

"What do you mean?" Lorelai frowned.

"Well, it was actually Jess who got me to wake up, go back, get my life back on track so to speak."

Lorelai blinked. She had definitely not been expecting that. "Wow."

"He came back the night after, we were gonna go to dinner, catch up. And then Logan showed up. We ended up going all three of us, which was such a huge mistake."

That, Lorelai had no problem picturing. "I guess those two didn't exactly become best buddies."

"God, no," Rory muttered. "I mean, Jess was fine, which was a bit unsettling actually. Logan was another story. He got drunk pretty fast, kept bugging Jess, trying to get a rise out of him or something. Finally Jess had enough and got out of there. I can't exactly blame him. It was awful. But anyway, I followed him, and he started yelling at me. About all of the things I already knew, but refused to see. He kept asking what I was doing, with Logan, living at my grandparents' place, quitting Yale. And I couldn't answer him. I just stood there, and realized I had no idea what I was doing. And then he left, wishing me a happy birthday of all things. It was all so surreal."

"Wow." Lorelai was starting to feel like a broken record, but she didn't know how else to respond to that. All the things she had tried telling Rory, that countless other people had tried telling her. And now this. She couldn't quite wrap her head around the fact that Jess, of all people, apparently had this huge hold on her daughter. And it was hard to try and fit this new image of Jess with her own, granted somewhat warped, image of the troubled kid she still remembered so well. "I mean, you're really throwing me for a spin here, kid."

"I know," Rory sighed. "I'm sorry I never told you about any of this."

"It's ok," Lorelai said, trying to sound convincing.

"It's not," Rory countered. "I should've told you. I should've trusted you enough. I just… I never really knew how to talk to you about Jess. And not just because you didn't like him, but because I didn't know how to handle it myself. It was always just…too much."

Lorelai couldn't help but frown at that. "Too much?"

"Yeah. I mean, he's always had this ability to either fix me, or wreck me completely, and it was always…so much. I didn't know how to… I guess I just got…overwhelmed."

"Wow." Lorelai still didn't know how to properly react to the things she heard. She almost felt like she was just now getting to know her own daughter. Then she frowned. "Wait, you said you didn't think Jess would want to see you, and you still haven't told me about that open house you and Luke went to. So…I guess something happened there?"

"Oh, yeah," Rory grimaced, not sure how to finish this. Her first visit to Truncheon always gave her a bad taste in her mouth. "He sent an invitation. Very last minute. I got it the same day Logan went on that insane trip to Costa Rica, and I just…went. And it was great. I mean, the place is awesome. I loved everything about it. And seeing Jess… Let's just say I remembered why we used to date. And he was completely in his element. I'd never seen him so relaxed, so at ease. It was wonderful. And he was so nice. I mean, the last couple of times we'd seen each other, it hadn't exactly ended great, but he seemed really happy to see me, which made me feel happy, for the first time in a while."

"Sounds nice."

"It was. And I ended up staying all night. In the end it was just me there, apart from the guys. And then they left as well and it was just me and Jess."

"Ok." On her end Lorelai could pretty much tell where this was going, and she didn't like it. But she kept quiet, letting her daughter tell her story.

"Yeah…and we were sitting there, talking about his book, and the paper, and he asked me, again, if I fixed everything. And I knew what he meant. I knew, and I still said yes. And then he kissed me. And I had plenty of time to back away, let him know I was still with Logan, but I didn't. I kissed him back. And it was wonderful, like always. But then I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. I mean, Jess had become this really great guy. And there I was, practically using him because I was upset with Logan. And I felt so horrible. And you should've seen the look on his face when he figured it out. I mean, I knew how he felt. I knew, and I actually stood there, telling him I loved Logan, more or less confessing that I had wanted to cheat on him, the way he cheated on me. It was awful, and still, Jess was so nice. I knew he was really hurt, and yet, he still wanted to make sure I was ok."

By the end she was sniffling. She knew she would probably always regret how that night ended.

On the other end Lorelai was quiet. She didn't know what to say. On the one hand she really wanted to comfort her daughter, but on the other, she wanted to yell at her for the way she had acted then. It was a weird feeling, and she hadn't expected to take Jess' side in…anything, but she really couldn't see any other way out of this. And it was unsettling to say the least. "That was quite a story," she finally said.

"Yeah," Rory mumbled, not sure how to take her mother's lack of reaction.

"I just… I can't believe I never knew anything about this," Lorelai muttered. "I mean, it's like you hid this whole part of yourself from me, a part that no one knew anything about. And I don't know how I feel about that."

"I get it, mom," Rory quickly assured her. "I didn't mean to. It just sort of happened."

"I always knew there was something different about the way you were around Jess. I could see it. He brought out this other side of you, that no one else really could, and I think that's part of the reason he scared me so much at the start. Because he had this profound effect on you, and I could never really understand it. It was like you had this big secret, and no one was let in on it. And then it fell apart and you just sort of…ignored it. And I let you. I knew I should've tried to talk to you about it, I should've done more. But I… You were right. I was glad he was gone. And I wasn't sure how to talk to you without making that obvious."

Despite everything, Rory felt a smile tugging at her lips. "It's ok, mom. I don't think it would've made any kind of difference. I know it sounds crazy, but I think we needed to go through all of this, make all of these mistakes and…grow up, before we were ready for each other."

Lorelai was quiet for a while, digesting this new information. "You really mean that."

"I do," Rory confirmed, and then she smiled. "You know what Jess told me, when he yelled at me for dropping out of Yale?"

"No. What?"

"He said he knew me better than anyone," Rory said, smiling at the memory. "At the time I thought it was crazy, because how could he? But I think he was right. He does know me. And I know him. We have this…connection I guess you could call it. And it's kind of crazy, but it's there."

"I believe you."

"And I guess a part of me always knew we were supposed to be together too. I'm just sorry it took me so long to admit it to myself."

"Talk about star-crossed lovers," Lorelai muttered, more to herself than to her daughter.

"Hopefully not anymore," Rory instantly objected.

"Well, no," Lorelai agreed. "So…this really has been a long time coming, huh?"

"Yeah."

Lorelai still couldn't quite wrap her head around all of the information she's learned in this phone call, and she was sure she'd need some time to get used to it. "You've really given me a lot to think about today, honey."

"I know, and I know I've said it before, but I'm really sorry I never told you about any of this earlier. I should have, I just…"

"I get it," Lorelai cut in. "I may not like it, but I get it."

"Ok."

Lorelai still had questions on the subject, but she figured there would be time in the future for those. "So…I guess that only leaves one question then," she said.

"Um…what?" Rory asked, frowning.

"Well, you told me last night was, and I quote, 'great'," Lorelai grinned. "You also told me about the stairs, which I consider answer enough for how it happened. But, you never told me why you went there to begin with."

"Oh," Rory blinked, not quite prepared for the topic to switch back so abruptly. "Well, I overheard you and Luke talking about the fire. And it just hit me. What if the fire had been worse? What if it had reached Truncheon? And I knew he was fine. But I still had to see it for myself."

"Oh."

"It wasn't even a conscious thing. I was halfway to Philadelphia before I even realized where I was going. And then when I knocked on the door, I've never been so nervous in my entire life. I mean, the last time I saw him was right after Logan and I broke up. He found me at the bridge, and I was a complete mess. He actually tried to comfort me, and I just ran away. So I had no idea what to expect. I was completely prepared for him to just close the door in my face."

Lorelai smiled sadly at that. "But he didn't."

"He didn't," Rory confirmed, grinning as she once more thought of the end of the night.

"And there's my glowy girl!" Lorelai exclaimed, grinning widely, tying to diffuse some of the tension from Rory's confessions.

"Seriously, mom," Rory protested. "Glowy is not a word."

"Sure it is."

Rory rolled her eyes at her mother's antics, but then her eyes fell on her watch. "Crap!" she exclaimed. "I really have to go or I'll be late for my class."

"Oh, ok," Lorelai quickly agreed. "And we don't want that."

"We definitely don't."

"Well then, go get more knowledge, and I'll talk to you soon, I guess."

"Definitely," Rory smiled, and continued before she could change her mind. "Oh, and mom, you asked before if it was on par with Dirty Dancing of Titanic. Well, it was neither."

"Oh?"

Rory could feel the blush creeping up her cheeks. "Think more like…Don't Look Now."

Lorelai blinked, trying to remember the movie. Then her eyes widened. "The one with Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yep," Rory confirmed, cheeks flaming by now. "Bye mom."

Before Lorelai had time to answer, the call was cut off and she was left staring at the phone in her hand.