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Disclaimer; I don't own Harry Potter - big deal, neither do you!

Nor do I own 'Claire's Accessories' (nor do I want to) which I have spoofed. Ha ha.

Ok - Katie and Alicia (remember them? Anyone?) are in this chapter. However - as I try to emulate JK's style - they will have no lives. Katie will randomly add her ideas to people's conversations at random points, from somewhere a small distance off. Alicia probably won't be featured in person. I have a theory that they lock her in a cupboard between matches cos she never features anywhere else (though her and Katie seem to have swapped roles in 5) - does anyone else see what I mean about them though? When I put Katie in, I was SO tempted to write 'said Katie Bell, one of the Gryffindor Chasers,' for true JKness. I mean, for God's sake, even JK who bloody well invented her keeps having to remind herself who she is!

I was so wanting to put sarcastic A/Ns in this but 'tis not my style (not in the middle of the fic) but I got so much sarcastic energy building up that (when I first wrote it) I had Katie responding to 'Have you seen Alicia?' with 'Who the fuck is Alicia?' I hope I've remembered to change that.... yeah, well I've actually cut the Q, cos that would mean them acknowledging she exists....

If you think Ron's reaction is OTT (over the top) then you are wrong - my best friend reacts like that every time I try and take him into the Muggle equivalent of the blatant rip off that this shop is.

I know Harry's only 15 in the fifth book but, because his birthday is the end of the summer, and we know Hermione's is Sept (book three), basically, she has her birthday at the start of the school year, Harry has it at the end (no one's ever bothered to give a damn about Ron's) so Hermione is nearly a year older and would be 16 in Sept of her 5th yr.

Yay - my longest ch yet! (and it was planned to be longer - but all my chs end up incorporating less than I planned).

Chapter 8 - Girly Shopping

Harry climbed through the Portrait Hole after dinner and flopped into an armchair by the fire. He yawned as he watched Angelina and Fred playing exploding snap. He slumped his shoulders - they were a player and a captain down. He didn't want to boss anyone around, but they needed to do something, especially as they were all out of practice from last year. He got up and walked over to Angelina.

"Hi SNAP Harry," she yelled, not taking her eyes off the cards.

"I yelled first," said Fred, slamming his hand on top of the pile.

"Did not!" said Angelina, also grabbing at them.

"Did!"

"Did not!"

"DID!"

"BANG!" The cards blew up in their faces, causing them both to drop the smouldering remains of the pack.

"What can we do for you Harry?" asked Fred, blowing on his fingers.

"Er," said Harry uncomfortably. Fred looked at him, making 'continue' gestures with his hands. "Er," said Harry agin.

"I think we can manage that!" said Fred.

"Manage what?" asked George, sitting next to them.

"Harry has a bit of 'er' he wants us to do something about," said Fred, "Exactly what did you want us to do with the 'er' Harry?"

"Um," said Harry, he knew the twins were joking around (it was Fred and George for God's sake) but they were making him feel even dorkier and more uncomfortable, "I was.... er.... just wondering.... um..... if...... um... You'd thought... er... about.... um.... the... er.... Quidditch team.... er.. at all?" he asked.

"Of course we've thought about it!" said Fred. Harry felt relieved. However, the twins proceeded to explain what they meant.

"You see Harry, there is less allure to this place for us than you," said George, "Well, used to be," he muttered to Fred, patting his pocket. Harry could see several shiny wrappers in it. Fred grinned.

"However," Fred continued, "We have to have something to sustain us through the summer. You see we spend it with Ron."

"Now we know you like Ron...." said George slowly.

"..... but, frankly we think he's a bit of a twat," finished Fred, brightly and bluntly, "Why what were you thinking about the 'er.. Quidditch team'?"

"Er... just that we're a player down," said Harry, "And a captain. And that we should, maybe, I dunno.... do something about it?"

"Do something about what?" said Katie Bell, who had been leaning on the fireplace chatting to someone.

"Quidditch team," said Angelina, "Come join the mini meeting if you like."

"What are we doing about the team?" asked Katie, sitting down with them.

They all looked at Harry.

"I dunno!" he shrugged, "I guess we should have a meeting," he said, his voice trailing away, as he realised they pretty much were, "But a proper one. We could combine it with Keeper tryouts. Decide on a captain and stuff."

After some arguing over homework ("Does it matter?" asked Fred) and clubs ("Alicia goes to Potions club?" said George, "Yuck - I've gone right off her..... AS A FRIEND, I meant as a friend...hem.") they decided to hold the tryouts the next Thursday after classes.

"So, that's settled," said Angelina, waving her wand. A large notice appeared on the board next to them.

'Quidditch Keeper tryouts - next Thursday, 5.30pm, Quidditch Pitch.'

"That's just boring," tutted Fred, shaking his head, he turned to George, "Shall we?" The twins waved their own wands and the notice (almost literally) sprang to life.

'Got talent?' zoomed onto the first line, leaving a trail of red smoke.

'Got a broom?' ran in from the other side, tailing gold sparks.

'Willing to risk decapitation by Bludgers?' Another red tail. Smaller, green letters appeared in brackets under this.

'(Or irrate Slytherins)'

The writing was back to black, tailing red and gold as it gave the date, time and place. There was room at the bottom for a picture of a heroic looking keeper, zooming the goal posts.

"Perfection," said the twins together, as the banner continued emitting smoke.

Harry noticed a smaller banner underneath, which read 'First Hogmeade 7th September.'

***

"There's a Hogsmeade weekend next weekend," Harry informed Ron and Hermione at dinner, "Are you going?"

"I know there is and I wish I could," replied Hermione. Harry decided it must be something to do with the fact that women could supposedly multi-task, that Hermione was reading a book, eating dinner and participating in the conversation.

"Why can't you?" asked Ron. Hermione suddenly became unable to concentrate on three things at once, because she didn't reply.

"Is it to do with spew?" asked Ron, knowing that deliberately mispronouncing it would get a reaction out of Hermione.

"How many times do I have to tell you it's S-P-E-W," she scowled, then suddenly looked furious at herself, "And no, it's not."

"Are you going?" Harry asked Ron, before he and Hermione started scratching and eye poking.

"Yeah - may as well," said Ron. After Hermione had finished and headed off to the library, he added, "It'll give us a chance to get her birthday presents."

"What are you two going to get her?" asked Ginny, sitting down beside Ron, who glared at her.

"Dunno - why's it your business anyway?" he asked. Harry wondered why Ron seemed so unnecessarily mean to Ginny all the time. Then he remembered they were brother and sister.

"Must be a sibling thing," he thought.

"It's my business because she's my friend too!" said Ginny, "And it's her 16th - it should be special."

Harry looked at Ron.

"Chocolate as usual?" he suggested.

"Yep," said Ron.

"No," said Ginny firmly.

"Girls like chocolate," said Ron weakly. Ginny sighed and shook her head disapprovingly

"I," she said, "am taking you two shopping." Ron and Harry exchanged a Look. That could not be a good thing.

***

"Maybe we can sneak out without her noticing," said Ron, as he and Harry tramped downstairs on the morning of the Hogsmeade trip, "Run back and get the cloak Harry!"

"No," said Harry, almost laughing, "It might not be that bad."

"It's shopping," said Ron, "With my sister!"

"Ok, but what would your Mum say if Ginny told her we ditched her? And maybe she's right - Hermione deserves a proper present for once."

"I suppose," muttered Ron, still looking like he was being led to his death.

Ginny stepped inside the entrance as they reached it.

"Ready to go?" she asked sweetly.

"How did you do the freaky timing thing?" asked Ron suspiciously.

"Don't be silly - lucky coincidence," said Ginny. Harry had a feeling she was lying by the fact she would never have risked letting them get away.

"Oh no you don't!" said Ginny, as Ron made to go inside Honeydukes.

"But," said Ron, "Girls like choc-" Ginny cut him off with a death glare and began leading them down a road Harry had never been down before. Ginny stepped inside a shop at the end of it. Harry was about to go inside when Ron flung an arm out, as though he was stopping Harry walking off a cliff, not into a shop.

"We are not going in there," said Ron flatly. Ginny stepped back out the door way, but only to grab Ron by the arm.

"Oh yes, you are!" she chimed merrily.

"What's wrong with it?" Harry asked Ron perplexedly.

"What's wrong with it?" Ron repeated faintly, "Are you mad? Harry, it's a girls' shop," he whined. It was at that point that Harry noticed that the interior of the shop was definitely exuding a strong pink fluffy vibe.

"Hermione happens to be a girl," Ginny pointed out, "As you so cleverly observed just before the Yule Ball last year."

"Yeah, but, come on," said Harry, though his voice wasn't whiny like Ron's, he was laughing slightly, "You can't expect us to believe that Hermione likes this stuff?" He somehow couldn't picture Hermione going into raptures of delight over a picture frame edged with fake pink fur. "Or, maybe you can," he said, meekly giving into Ginny's glare and going to step inside the shop. Ron grabbed him back again.

"We are not shopping in Clairvoyant's Accessories," he said through gritted teeth.

"Give me one good reason why not," sighed Ginny, though she was obviously amused.

"It's a girls' shop," moaned Ron, "If we buy stuff in there we'll look like girls. People will think we're.... gay." Ginny openly laughed at this.

"Don't laugh, they will," moaned Ron, "All the guys'll tease us."

"You're more likely to get teased for acting like such a baby, making such a big scene, by the group of girls coming this way," laughed Ginny. Ron panicked, grabbed Harry and scrambled into hiding. The moment of silence was broken by Ginny's hysterical laughter. There was no one coming.

"People won't think you're buying it for yourselves," she insisted, "They'll probably be impressed that you're mature enough to know what a girl would like for her birthday!" she reasoned. Ron still refused to go in.

"Fine," said Ginny, "You can stay here, on your own, outside the shop (where anyone who glances down the road can see you) while Harry acts like an adult and comes inside." Harry was about to say he'd stay with Ron when Ginny gave a particularly hard tug on his arm and dragged him inside. Damn it! She was strong.

"Don't leave me here!" Ron hissed, hurrying after them. He shuddered as they were engulfed by Girl Stuff. He and Harry stood nervously in the middle of the shop, reluctant to go ant closer, while Ginny examined key rings and hair stuff

"We're not expected to... touch it are we?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged, secretly feeling Ron was being a bit melodramatic about this whole thing.

"Well?" asked Ginny, coming back to where they were standing, "Are you going to look at anything or not?"

"Can't you find it for us?" asked Ron, "I mean.... er.... I'm sure you'd make a much better choice."

"No," said Ginny.

"Fine!" said Ron, "I'll get her... this, okay?" he grabbed the nearest thing to hand, which unfortunately was a pink thong with purple fluff on the edges. The front was enchanted so it flashed different messages such as 'sexy' or 'cutie' on it. Ron glanced at what he was holding and dropped it with a small sort of scream, as though he'd been electrocuted. Harry was fairly sure he saw the teenage witches behind the counter giggle. Ginny unembarrassedly picked up the thong and hung it back up.

"Do you reckon Hermione even wears underwear like that?" asked Ron, in a disgusted undertone to Harry.

"I don't want to think about what underwear Hermione wears!" Harry whispered back, "No offense to her or anything but..."

"Me neither, I didn't mean.... urgh!" Ron stomped off to look at hair stuff, or rather stare at it blankly.

Harry went back to looking at eye shadow. He was now sure Ron was over reacting. He found that looking at eye shadow didn't make him feel like a girl. Wanting to put it on would make him feel like a girl, and he didn't want to do that.

"What do you think of this?" he asked Ginny, holding out a small tub of 'Madame Mirabelle's Eyes for all Occasions Eye Shadow. Really sparkle on that special night.' There was a photo of an eye underneath which kept winking to show dazzling eye shadow, which changed shade.

"Ooh! That's lovely!" said Ginny, "But I don't think she'd like it in green. Maybe a bluey grey?"

"How come you're helping Harry, but you won't help me?" muttered Ron.

"Harry chose that, and was asking my opinion, he didn't ask me to choose for him," said Ginny, patiently but sternly, going over to Ron.

"Fine, what do you think of that," he asked moodily, pointing at whatever was straight in front of him.

"Revolting," replied Ginny.

Harry picked up the suggested colour. The eye shadow seemed to him to be expensive for what it was, but the trouble was it was so small it didn't look like very much. He moved over to the jewellery. Everything in this shop seemed 'dainty' or rather, small. Except the photo frames, which were just large and disgustingly tacky. Harry stooped a little to look at some bracelets. He pulled one off the shelf and examined it closely. It was a silver chain with tiny crystally orbs hanging off it. Each had a the name of a spell engraved on the link above it. There was 'lumos' which glowed brightly, one with showers of sparks, one with a small silver dice spinning inside the glass....

"A charm bracelet! Oh, how sweet!" said Ginny from behind him. Harry hadn't realised she was standing there. However, Ginny soon had to dash back across the shop to deal with Ron, who had cranked the toddler routine up a notch. Harry looked at the price. It was ridiculous.

"They have to be hand enchanted," said one of the witches from the counter.

"Oh..." said Harry, thinking it would be impolite to say 'whatever', he added, "Right." He supposed Hermione had been cheap to buy for in the past. And he was rich. Oh, for God's sake, he'd buy the sodding bracelet! He wandered over to Ginny and Ron. Ron was holding a necklace at arm's length and looking sulky.

"If I give you the money, will you take it up to the till?" he moaned.

"No," said Ginny, "For God's sake, I think they may just about have noticed you by now Ron." Ron stomped up to the cash register.

"It's not for me," he almost yelled, practically throwing the offending item at the sales witch.

"Don't worry," she smiled, "We get lots of guys in here buying for their girlfriends." Ron snatched the plastic bag (containing his purchase and receipt) from her and stonked over to wait by the door for Harry and Ginny. At that moment it was thrown open by a group of chattering girls. Harry's heart plummeted as Cho Chang stepped through the door. He hurriedly looked away - he hadn't even made eye contact with her since.... the end of last term. He couldn't even think the words. There was an awkward pause as the shop fell silent.

"Er... your receipt's in the bag," said the sales witch, handing it to him and turning to serve Ginny.

"Bet you wouldn't mind knowing what her underwear looks like," said Ron, with a small wink, as a bright red Harry hurried over to join him. Harry hoped Cho hadn't heard that.

They walked along, Ron with one hand (the one holding the pink and purple 'Clairvoyant's Accessories' bag) shoved inside his cloak. Ginny had refused to carry them. The plus side was that they now got to do what they liked. They went to Honeydukes, Zonko's (and maybe one other shop), finishing up in the Three Broomsticks, where Ron quickly shoved his bag under the table.

***

"Hi guys, did you have fun?" Hermione asked, as she met them in the Entrance Hall. Harry and Ginny quickly hid their bags behind their backs (Ron's was still tucked inside his cloak).

Hermione didn't seem to notice. She seemed too excited about something else.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Harry.

"Various things!" she beamed, "Tell you in the common room? Come on!" Edging carefully with their bags, they hurried up to Gryffindor Tower. As soon as they got inside, Harry, Ron and Ginny dashed upstairs to... er.... dump their cloaks.

"How glad are you Malfoy didn't see us with these?" said Ron, momentarily waving the bag before shoving it in the bottom of his sock draw, "He would have had a field day.... and spoilt the surprise for Hermione," he added, as they hurried back downstairs.

"So, gonna tell us?" asked Harry, dropping into an armchair.

"Is this to do with the last few days?" asked Ron. Hermione nodded. Ron made a 'So..... ?' raised eyebrow face.

"I think I've found a way to get Winky better!"squealed Hermione. Harry and Ron smiled weakly.

"Is it something Winky's consented to?" asked Harry, privately thinking "Or just something you thought would be 'a good idea'."

"Yes," said Hermione, her eyes shining, "Winky's consented - and so has Mrs Weasley!"

To everyone who keeps asking what Mr Crouch has done, it'd be kind of hard for him to have done anything more seeing as he's dead. Hermione's just blaming him still (and fairly so) because he fired Winky.