Auntie Inko has told him to be gentle. That he had stayed home from school after going to the doctor because he had gotten home and cried his eyes out. But Katsuki hadn't quite figured out the concept of gentle yet. But he really had pissed off down.
He stomped his way up the stairs, just as he had so many times before, and opened Izuku's door with a crash. The inside of his room was colorful, All Might's smiling face splashed across the walls. The lump under the blanket on Izuku's bed jumped when his door hit the stopper on the wall (installed especially for Katsuki, for how often he frequented the Midoriya household.)
"Get up, Deku! You weren't at school today, so that means we need to go play heroes and villains outside now." Katsuki declared, arms crossed across his chest in a defiant gesture.
"I-I can't, Kacchan."
"Eeh?"
"I can't play h-heroes and vill-villains anymore, Kacchan, I don't ha-have a quirk!" Izuku sobbed out. Katsuki scoffed.
"And? You can be my guy in the chair." Katsuki said proudly, chest puffing out. "Every number one hero needs a guy in the chair." he adds matter-of-factly. Izuku's head pokes out of his All Might-themed blanket, curious.
"Guy in the chair?"
"I saw it in a movie once," Katsuki shrugs. "they know who everyone is and do all the research for the heroes, and tell them where to go to fight the villains!" Katsuki cheers, the idea gaining steam as he continues to talk. Izuku seems to be catching onto the idea too, sitting up and letting the blanket pool behind him.
"Do they do quirk analyses?" he rolls off the bed, running over to his backpack and digging out one of his quirk analyses notebooks. "I can be a guy in the chair! I can do analyses on villains and tell you all their weaknesses and then you can beat them up!" he cheers, face finally brightening.
Katsuki smiles back at him, less vicious than it could have been, softened by genuine affection for his friend.
Bakugo was sick today, home in bed with a fever of 102 degrees after overusing his quirk the day before in training. Izuku had told him repeatedly to take more breaks and hydrate, but Bakugo had insisted that he could take it.
Izuku promised to bring him notes and work after school that day, and Bakugo had made him promise that he'd tell him if anyone else bothered him. He had agreed.
(He had also had his finger crossed behind his back, resolute that he would not bother his friend with his problems when he should be healing at home.)
He counted his steps all the way to the classroom, let the numbers swirl in his head instead of the words people around him jeered at him as he passed.
(Quirkless.
Useless.)
He dug his fingernails into his palms, and focused his thoughts on what they could do to Kacchan's plan to help him improve without things like this happening. Maybe try a different type of sports drinks? Maybe they could-
All thoughts were ripped from his head as he went careening headlong towards the floor, having tripped over a leg someone stuck out into the walkway. He didn't stick out his arms to catch himself, so he sat dazed for a second after his forehead clunked painfully against the tile. He scrambled to his feet immediately and booked it to his classroom, refusing to think about why he hadn't reached out to catch himself. Anxiety curled in his gut, sharp and tangy, so he changed course for the bathroom before he could reach his classroom, the beginnings of a panic attack darkening the edges of his vision.
When he exited the bathroom 20 minutes later, biting absently at his already bleeding hand, he knew for a fact that Kacchan wouldn't hear a word of what happened today.
The bite marks on his hands stung, anchoring him in the present.
(He was fine.)
By their last year of middle school, Izuku and Bakugo had isolated themselves from the entire rest of the class. Their sole focus was put into making sure they both entered their respective courses with top marks.
They both planned for UA, hero course for Katsuki, and business for Izuku. Katsuki would have opportunities at internships, and a chance to learn from top-ranking Pro Heroes. Izuku would have the chance to learn a variety of different skills, in quirk analyses and hero support alike.
The teacher droned on from the front of class, but Katsuki had long since lost interest. Izuku, next to him, dutifully copied notes onto his paper. His eyes alighted on the bite marks on his friends hands. How had he never noticed them before? A few shiny and pink, some raw and healing. None looked very deep, but… there were still four or five that he could see even as Izuku's hand cruised across the paper. Eventually, the hand paused, and Katsuki looked up to meet Izuku's eyes.
The nerd was giving him a blindingly bright smile.
Fondness tugging at the corners of his mouth, Katsuki flicked him on the nose, rolling his eyes.
Izuku's smile somehow got brighter.
(He did not forget what he had seen.)
They bumped shoulders playfully as they walked through the tunnel, and before long it had turned to friendly roughhousing between the both of them. Both boys trained at a dojo together, but with Katsuki focused so much more on the physical side of heroics, he easily gained the upper hand, pulling Izuku into a loose headlock.
"Yeild, Deku!"
A slurp, loud and oozing, coming from the grate behind them.
"No," said a voice, the tone chilling. "You."
The mass rushed at them.
Katsuki's vision blackened, behind him he heard a muffled Kacchan!
He tried to set off explosions, but the slime seemed to stifle them.
(He was running out of air.)
He tried to scream, to push out some of the gunk clogging his throat, but it choked him instead. His could feel it sliding down his throat, gagging him.
(He feels it settle in his bones, the nothingness.)
"NOW, KACCHAN!"
(When Deku says jump, he says how high? When Deku says run, he asks how far? Deku is his guy in the chair, and he trusts him above all else.)
Katsuki feels the fresh air brush across his fingertips tips. Fear makes sweat pool in his palms, and he lets out an explosion that he knows will leave his palms sore for days. The slimy, oozing mass around him screams, and pulls away from him. He stumbles forward, because he knows Izuku will catch him.
(He does, like always.)
Izuku pulls Katsuki's arm over his shoulder, supporting his weight easily. The slimy thing across from them rears back, hissing.
"You bitch. Fine. If you want to fight, I'll just take you both."
Izuku tightens his hold on Katsuki, and it's all he can do to not flop over in exhaustion. Izuku prepares to heave Katsuki over his shoulder and run but before he can, a voice echoes through the tunnel.
"No you will not- because I AM HERE!"
A huge gust of wind rushes through the tunnel, and Izuku and Katsuki tuck their heads in close together, shielding their faces from the blistering wind.
Once it dies down, Izuku looks up and he sees All Might, bright and colorful and real. Izuku almost starts to freak out, before Katsuki- on his shoulder- groans.
Izuku, knowing now that it's safe, lowers Katsuki to the ground gently, propping him against the wall. He coughs, turning his head to spit a glob of disgusting gunk onto the ground. Izuku grimaces.
"Are you okay, Kacchan?" Izuku's hands begin to shake slightly as he comes down from his adrenaline high. Katsuki shrugs, grunting, but Izuku catches sight of his face, which is pale and drawn. Izuku decides that tonight Kacchan is sleeping at his place, and that Izuku is going to smother him with everything he loves until he cracks a smile or calls him stupid Deku in that fond tone of his that he never quite manages to hide. But for the moment, all he does is reach down and grip Katsuki's hand tightly, reassuring him of his presence.
A presence looms over them, and Izuku looks up. All Might looks back down at him, dwarfing the two of them. He strikes an imposing figure, backlit by the sun as he is.
"Are you boys alright?"
Izuku, panicking, nods frantically. Katsuki, still recovering, grunts again in affirmation.
"I'm glad to hear that. Now," All Might crouches down, level with them. "that was a very reckless thing for you to do young man. By throwing yourself into the fray, you could have been injured alongside your friend." he says, gesturing to Katsuki.
Izuku stares at him, uncomprehending.
"You aren't a hero, young man. You need to leave the saving to-"
"I'm sorry, come again?" Izuku interrupts. All Might looks stunned. "If I hadn't stepped in when I did, Kacchan would be dead. It doesn't matter whether I'm a hero or not. What makes a hero," Izuku practically spits the word out, "a hero, is that they're willing to risk their lives for anyone at any moment. It doesn't matter if I have a license. It doesn't even matter if I have a quirk."
Izuku frowns at him, and All Might stares back, black eyes wide and stunned.
"You were my hero." he says softly. He bends down and slings Katsuki's arm across his neck again, pulling his friend up and out of the tunnel, back into the sunlight.
(Were. The word rings around in All Might's head for hours.)
Part of Izuku and Katsuki's plan to get ready for UA was clearing Dagobah beach. Katsuki had cajoled Izuku into agreeing to join him in the endeavor by insisting that this was perfect for physical training and that I'm sure you couldn't handle it anyway, Deku, so actually, don't worry about it.
Izuku thought it might be a problem that he was so easily coerced into competition- but damn, if he didn't want to prove Katsuki wrong.
And so began their cleaning of Dagobah beach.
In all honesty, Izuku had put their encounter with All Might out of his mind. Sure, it was horrible to have been looked down upon like that by the Number One Hero, but heroes were people. And people fucked up sometimes.
And more importantly, Katsuki had been unable to forget his encounter with the sludge villain. He woke up gasping from nightmares, trying to claw slime away from his face that wasn't there. He and Izuku usually slept in the same place on weekends, and weekdays if their parents didn't bother to enforce the "no sleepovers on school nights" rule (which happened rather often).
So, for once in his life, something in his life ranked higher than All Might in importance of thought.
But when All Might shows up around lunchtime after a day of hot, sweaty labor on the beach, and offers you an apology lunch?
You say yes.
(Were. Izuku had said. He's not sure how much he had actually meant that.)
All Might offered him his quirk and Izuku-
Doesn't know what to say.
On the one hand, he wants to say no. He has clawed his way to get to where he is, months away from taking the entrance exam and (hopefully) earning himself a spot at UA. He has worked for this, with no special abilities.
On the other hand, what kind of hero would he be, to turn down a power like this? By accepting One for All, he is that much more able to be a hero. He doesn't have to stay Kacchan's guy in the chair, he could be on the battlefield and have his back. He could have a great wealth of power to use to keep others, especially Kacchan, safe.
He looks at Kacchan, and can tell he is thinking pretty much the same thing. Kacchan arches an eyebrow at him, as if to say, just say yes already.
All Might looks over his and Katsuki's training regimens and eating plans. He only suggests adding a run in the morning, and mentions offhandedly that protein will be your best friend.
Kacchan pauses next to him, one day, as they clear the beach. There's something odd in his expression, so Izuku gives him a look right back.
"What is it, Kacchan?" the other boy shrugs, but it does not go unnoticed that his eyes flicker to Izuku's hands.
"Just wondering if a little shrimp like you is going to be able to keep up with me, battling for top spot in the hero department." Katsuki says, giving Izuku a shark like grin. Izuku squawks indignantly.
"I'll show you shrimp!"
(Later that night, Izuku feels like an overcooked noodle as he collapses on his couch. Kacchan laughs at him.
"You'll show me, huh?")
Many things stay constant across the many universes.
In some, Katsuki hates Izuku because he sees what the boy will become- whether that be hero or villain.
In others, Izuku hates Kacchan for they way he treats him, or the ways that he doesn't. Sometimes this spurs him to become a hero. Sometimes a villain.
But in this one, the two boys are inseparable. Both heroes to their core, they get along like a wildfire and will become a hero team the likes of which yet unseen.
But in a many universes, there are constants, which tie them all together. Katsuki has an explosion quirk, All Might- pinnacle of peace- is searching for a successor, Izuku makes it into UA.
As a spy, a friend, a rival, a quirkless wonder.
But he makes it in.
These constants tie the universe together. Izuku and Katsuki are bound by these same strings of fate.
Izuku doesn't break any of his bones.
He has a week to get used to his quirk before the entrance exam, and manages to learn enough control that his arms don't crack apart at the sheer power of one for all. He makes it out of the entrance exam relatively unscathed, his only injuries a few scrapes and bruises from his controlled-tumble from mid-air by the zero-pointers face to the ground, and the hard noogie Kacchan gives him out of sheer delight. Unlike him, the zero pointer and the girl with the gravity quirk do not make it out unscathed. The zero pointer is smashed enough that it is incapacitated, but not destroyed. But asphalt goes flying up from the ground when it lands, sailing through the air, and a piece the size of Izuku's fist manages to glance the side of the trapped girl's head.
(She only has a mild concussion, but Izuku knows anyways that this is his fault.)
The guilt settles like a weight in his stomach. Kacchan's parents had taken him out that night to celebrate the culmination of all his training. Izuku had been invited, of course, but had declined politely, ignoring the look on Kacchan's face.
(He didn't deserve to go out and celebrate, after allowing the girl to get hurt like that.)
He scratched at his arms, drawing blood. He pressed on the bruises along his body, turning them a shade darker. He bit the inside of his cheek hard enough to draw blood. It didn't distract him from the weight of his guilt.
(You accepted this power to save others, and yet you still allowed that girl to get hurt.)
Izuku shuts the lights off in his room, slides under the covers, and bites his hand to muffle the sobs escaping his throat.
_
Some distant part of his panicking brain wonders idly if Kacchan has an Izuku-Sense, which tells him whenever something is wrong with Izuku, because he always seems to know. Which means that he consistently has to work harder to hide his panic attacks and dissociation episodes from his best friend. Which means that now that he's in the throes of one, it's that much harder for him to stifle now that Kacchan is in front of him.
He bites harder on his knuckle, drawing blood. Kacchan rushes forward, snatching his hand away from him, holding him tightly by the wrist.
"What the fuck, Deku?"
Izuku heaves in a breath to answer, to explain why this is a logical thing to be doing, that he's fine, but after he heaves in one breath, he takes in another, and then another and his chest is tight and he can't breathe and nothing makes sense and-
Kacchan pulls him forward by his wrists, and Izuku collapses against his side. Kacchan's hand, rough and calloused, rubs up and down on his back. Kacchan isn't made for reassurances, doesn't know how to do them, and Izuku never allows himself the luxury of them. He goes to pulls his hand away from Kacchan's hold, to tuck the appendage up to his mouth and bite and make himself hurt, ground himself in reality through the pain. But Kacchan holds his hand fast, doesn't allow him to pull his bleeding hand any closer to his blood covered teeth.
Izuku grips Kacchan's wrist, unable to get the words he needs to out. Kacchan seems to understand anyways, and starts to talk. Izuku isn't sure what, at first, but soon the steady, rumbling vibrato in Kacchan's chest pulls him back to reality. Breath back under control, he manages to tune into what his friend is saying just in time to hear him say, "- and that's why I think Best Jeanist should be number one hero."
Izuku chokes on the breath he has only just managed to secure in his lungs once more. Kacchan looks at him with an expression that, on anyone else, would be blatant concern. But Izuku doesn't have time for that.
"Kacchan, what the hell. Best Jeanist is not number one hero material. All Might is by far superior, he has held his ranking for-"
Katsuki sits back, and allows Deku to lecture him on why the Symbol of Peace deserves his spot as Number One Hero.
(He doesn't mention his friends bleeding his hands. Not yet, anyway.)
They're sat on Katsuki's couch one day post-run, nursing cool water- somewhere in the limbo of time after the entrance exam and before they receive their letters from UA- when Katsuki finally asks.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Katsuki asks, voice defeated. Izuku, now tense beside him, shrugs.
"Didn't think it mattered." He mumbles.
Katsuki, as per expectation, explodes.
"Didn't think it mattered? What the shit, Deku, you're having fucking panic attacks and hurting yourself," Izuku winces at that. "and you didn't think to tell me?"
Izuku, against expectations, also explodes.
"What the fuck would you have done about it, huh, Kacchan?! Beat up every kid who tripped me? Every kid who called me quirkless and worthless the moment your back was turned? Should I have fought back, gotten myself expelled? Or no, maybe I should have gone to the teachers, who don't give a flying shit about me, who maybe hate me more than the students themselves." tears roll fat and hot down Izuku's face. "Everyone hates me, Kacchan. I don't matter. You can-" Izuku seems to choke on the words. "You can stop pretending, Kacchan. I understand."
Katsuki's breath feels as if it has been punched from his gut, a feeling he is intensely familiar with. But this-
This-
"What do you mean, stop pretending?"
Izuku lets out a quiet sob.
"To… to care about me."
If it had been a punch in the gut before, now it feels like a semi to his midsection.
"Pretend… pretending to care?" Izuku shrinks in on himself, and Katsuki lurches forward. The green haired boy goes to lurch backward, but Katsuki seizes him by the shoulders.
"Izuku." He says, and it demands the other boys attention. He looks up slightly, meeting his eyes. "I have never, not one day in my life, pretended to care for you. You are the most important person to me in my entire life, Deku. You. Quirk loving, green haired, crazily self-sacrificial Deku. You can trust me with this stuff."
Izuku stares at him with wonder in his eyes, like he can't believe what Katsuki's saying.
(Katsuki had not forgotten what he had seen, doesn't dare to, and Izuku doesn't forget a word of what Katsuki says to him.)
this is honestly not one of my better fics but,, i tried. this is honestly more of a stream-of-consciousness fic than anything. come find me on tumblr v-ennat!