Whimfu1 here, I'm happy to bring you my first 'T' rated story. I love to do weird premises and enjoy a lighter sense of humor where all is good in the world. Just enjoy this as a bit of silliness and a practice in the ridiculous. If this is the first time seeing one of my stories, because many writings are 'M' rated, hello! Nice to meet you.

If you are a reader of my other stories, don't worry they will be coming out soon. I just restarted college classes but my travel time allows me to write, just a bit more slowly. Little Intruder is almost done and Zap's next chapter is also almost out. Age gap will be a bit slower as I have a bit of a filler chapter till the next set piece. I may publish two chapters together as I hate when an author publishes just filler and leaves you hanging for another 7 months. At least one small event should fill an update and that's what I hope to deliver. I'm not writing masterpieces I'm writing fanfiction.

Art: This is just a small thing but I'd love to publish my own art for my stories. The issue is I don't know where to post. I don't like deviantart's layout from a web development standpoint and I'm unsure if the loud booru is really meant for just +18 stuff. I don't want to be self indulgent but I'd like to show how I believe some scenes in my stories played out. For instance, I'd love to show what Rachel and Winter from my most popular story, 'Age Gap', look like. I'm still looking but if you got a good idea of where to post please feel free to PM me.

Anyways enjoy the story.

As the second Lincoln to grace the oval office prepared for his interview he repeated his talking points in his head. Over the first year of his presidency the man had achieved the impossible. For the first time in history, President Lincoln Loud had achieved a 98% approval rating. With his suave, yet approachable, persona, a landslide victory was nearly guaranteed. Little could be done by the opposition against the Loud Crowd movement.

In his entire first year as the President of the United States of America he had achieved more than any of his predecessors. Dept was at an all time low, a nationwide recycling program was established, new world relations policies that created good faith in America enacted, crime rates nationwide cut by 80%, and the list goes on. The world was all good and so was life.

Except one thing.

From all appearances it was superficial, but it weighed highly on the minds of his country men and women. Through his years of study, his time campaigning, and throughout his first year as president, President Loud had neglected one thing.

Finding a First Lady.

This small point was constantly brought up no matter what the topic of the interview. Discovery of new oil fields, when are you getting married? Puerto Rico finally a state, did you meet someone while out there? Dismantling of a highly dangerous criminal organization, how do you feel about dating reporters? An entire year of leading questions and he had enough of it.

There were prior precedent for a bachelor president in James Buchanan. Lincoln had been aware of this president before the election but when you consider the importance of the country to one's love life, one was the obvious choice. After an entire year it was finally time to address the issue once again. It's a little known fact but the First Lady does not need to be one's wife. In odd cases, one could enlist a female family member. 15th President Buchanan had his niece, Harriet Rebecca Lane Johnston, as his First Lady. Therefore…

President Loud could have a sister!

"Now, Mr. President." Two chairs pointed at each other with a fireplace between them. Large lights lit up their faces and Lincoln gave the reporter a kind smile. "As is tradition, even though the new assembly of a possible Mars Colony is impressive, as always any luck on finding a First Lady?" A small laugh came from the camera operators and staff around them.

"Actually." Everyone in the room froze. The reporter looked at the President in shock. Realizing his main reason for being here was about to bring out some juicy gossip, the reporter quickly grabbed a pen to write down the specifics.

President Lincoln Loud spoke simply.

"Over the course of this year, as I hope all the citizens of these United States can attest to, I've been very busy." Subtle pauses in his calm voice allowed sentence to seem heavier than before. "I know it has concerned many and do not worry. I believe I have found a solution."

"And that solution is Mr. President?" Reporters had this tendency to interrupt even when it was not necessary. Something urging them to let the audience remember this was their interview.

"You all know I have ten wonderful, amazing sisters… I will be approaching them in order to offer the position of First Lady to one of them." His left hand moved as if gently offering a small gift.

"Incest? That's your answer?!"

"What? No let me clarify."

"That's, that's."

"Now hold up now!" The President's pleas went unnoticed.

"That's. That's."

"Allow me to elaborate!"

"AN AMAZING IDEA!"

"..."

"What?" President Loud looked at the reporter dumbly.

"You heard it here first, viewers!" The news crew focused solely on the face of the zealous reporter. "President Loud will be asking to marry one of the Loud Ten! I'm sure our viewers will be eager to share who they think will be best fit for First Lady! A poll will be, without a doubt in my mind, on our site for voting!" The reporter turned back to the president. "Thank you Mr. President for this exclusive. This has been News 11 from the White House. Good night, and god bless."

The lights abruptly shut off and the red dot on the cameras were gone. In a tornado of excitement, the crew packed up and left. President Lincoln Loud sat in his chair with a face of horror. He looked around to see his secret service men standing at either door as stoic as always. As stoic as large men who were hiding their smiles could be. The president slumped down in his chair, his palms went to his face as he internally screamed into them.

President Lincoln Loud sat at his desk in the oval office. The striped flag of the United States almost looked disappointed in him in its non flowing state. The room was silent and he sat with only his thoughts. He feared what would happen if he left this sanctum. A black computer screen reflected his somber face that he refused to acknowledge.

So long President Loud, so long! He thought. In a matter of seconds he had destroyed his political dream. All he could hope for now was that all his mandates were not torn to shreds when he was impeached or stepped down. America should not suffer for his misguided words.

*ring ring*

The phone buzzed for him. With a sigh he picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Mr. President," This may very well be the last time he heard those words. He savored them briefly before the following sentence hit him like a ton of bricks. "The Prime Minister of the UK is on line 3 for you."

Oh no.

For the sake of America, Lincoln would do his best to do damage control.

"Thank you…" His finger pressed a button labeled three which was blinking red with impatience. "President Loud speaking, what can I do for you Prime Minister Mitchell?"

"Well hello Mr. President! I do hope I find you in good health." The chipperness in his voice was off putting to Lincoln. "That interview you just completed has caused quite the stir across the pond here."

"Prime Minister, let me assure you my views and words were-"

"Oh bugger all that, anyways we over here would like to cast our own vote for Luna."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Aw, yes yes. I believe her adoption of our culture into her music has been well received here only next to Lola's refinement."

"I'm not sur-"

"Anyways tata for now, see you at the next world summit."

*click*

The phone hung up leaving the white noise of the dial tone ringing in his ear. He slowly put down the phone. Silence prevailed once again.

*ring rin-*

He picked up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Japan is on line 3 and Russia is on line 4 for you Mr. President."

"..."

Lincoln pressed 3.

"President Loud speaking"

"Greetings, Mr. President." A gruff but honorable Japanese accent came through the receiver. "About your recent broadcast."

"I can assure you Prime Minister Zenigata. My words wer-"

"We would very much like to see the marriage of you and Lily-Hime. Her artwork here has touched us greatly in Nippon."

"..."

"We will patiently wait for your decision. Have a very nice day."

The phone hung up.

Lincoln pressed 4.

"President Loud speaking."

"Lana wrestle bear with hands. Obvious choice."

The President of Russia hung up before Lincoln could even speak.

Lincoln's eyes looked down to see the buttons of 5 & 6 already blinking red.

He pressed 5.

France: "The people of France desire to see the marriage of Lucy, a poet of such magnitude would do well as the First Lady."

Brazil: "Lynn's performance at the last World Cup warrants consideration in your decision, Mr. President."

Mexico: "Have you considered in-laws in regards to Senorita Santiago?"

China: "The innovations of Miss Lisa Loud have impressed us."

Italy: "Leni's fashion fuels the heart of Mulan and we would love her to receive the recognition she so truly deserves."

The list went on.

Leaders from around the world called in with the voice of their own people, or possibly just their own. Call after call came in. None allowing him to speak. With business stated, President Loud repeated the process. Hang up, press button for next call, hear about how amazing one of his sisters was, and repeat.

The door to the Oval Office swung open midway through his conversation with the German leader. Lincoln's Vice President, and best friend, Clyde McBride came in with a look of worry. He quickly moved to a wall in the office that slowly began to flip at the press of a remote. A large television screen revealed itself.

"I understand Germany loves Luan's comedy. Yes, yes. I'll consider it. Vice President McBride has just entered the Oval Office so I need to go now. Thank you, good bye." Lincoln's white hair was messy due to the constant threading of his fingers. He had long ago thrown off his suit jacket and undid his tie. His jowls hung like an exhausted basset hound. "Clyde, please tell me something good."

"I mean good is a matter of perspective." The Vice President changed the channel so it was on a large news network. Large letters flashed on the screen: Loud's Top Ten Choices For The First Lady!

"Oh no."

"The race for support of which of the Loud Ten you support is picking up. In California we can see Lola is in the lead against Luan and Luna." Lincoln stood up from his desk. He walked around to be shoulder to shoulder with his oldest friend. The report continued. "In New York we can see Lori is on top even with her known marriage. She is followed by Leni then surprisingly Lisa. This is shaping up to be quite the race."

"I thought you said you were just making one of them the First Lady, not marrying them!" Clyde's eyes showed how confused he was.

"I was!" Lincoln shouted back. All formality between their statuses forgotten in the hullabaloo. "The reporter cut me off before I could explain myself."

"Well, just look at what's happening." The Vice President pointed to the screen.

A load of reporters and photographers rushed forward as they spotted the bouncing ponytail of Lincoln's funniest sister. On break from recording she was simply wandering after getting a coffee when the mob swarmed her. Not unfamiliar with the paparazzi she was ready for them.

"Miss. Loud! How do you feel about President Loud's proposition?!" Several microphones and flashes of cameras could be seen on screen.

"Hmm… Let me think about that?" Luan tapped her chin in a comical fashion. "I mean he's the president and as they say 'In Cest We Trust'! Hahaha!" Her finger pointed to the group of photographers.

"Get it?!~" Luan's catchphrase was finished for her.

The camera cut away back to the studio where a discussion of which Loud sister would be the best First Lady continued. Clyde muted the sound.

"Okay this is bad." Lincoln spoke plainly.

"You think?" His friend told him sarcastically. "Look, Lincoln, it could be worst."

"How so?!"

"Do you see those numbers?" Clyde pointed to a poll on screen, the numbers were in the millions. "Everyone's swept up in the wave of First Lady fever."

"What about the fact I'm going to be impeached?!"

"Actually it looks like everyone doesn't care or is supporting your choice."

"I'm not making a choice!"

"Who cares?! Wait that's Lynn!" VP McBride unmuted the news.

In the locker room, after a difficult game she had been named MVP for, the Olympian and all around world's best athlete Lynn Loud Jr. was being interviewed. Sweat and dirt dotted her tired face as she spoke about her team's performance.

"I'm glad my team had my back there. It really came down to the wire this time but like always Lynn Loud prevails!" She struck a pose as several took photos.

"Miss. Loud! What do you think about your brother, President Loud, wanting to marry you?"

"He what?!" Lynn looked dumbstruck.

"Yes less than an hour ago, while you were playing, he admitted he would be approaching one of his sisters to be his First Lady." The reported stated from her notepad.

"He did?" Her tanned skin suddenly became red. She fidgeted and began to pull at her ponytail. "Did he, um, mention me specifically?"

*Knock knock*

Both leaders of the free world jumped out of their skins. A White House intern entered carrying a smartphone.

"Mr. President, one of your sisters is on the phone for you." Lincoln looked to the intern's hand. It was his private phone meant for close friends and family.

"Clyde turn it down." His childhood friend obliged but watch on screen as it returned to another poll. Current lead, Luna, but after those interviews Lynn and Luan had jumped up immensely. Lincoln took the phone as the intern left. He raised it to his ear. "H-hello?"

"Um hey bro…" The gravelly voice of his zoologist sister came through the line. "I-it's Lana…"

"Um yeah, hey Lana. How's everything?" Lincoln wiped some sweat from his brow with his sleeve. It stained with large amounts droplets.

"Uhh… pretty good. I was just milking a rattlesnake for an antivenom… so I saw the news…"

"Look Lana, I'm sorry if some reporters are bugging you. I really didn-"

"No, I'm kind of out in a literal desert right now. It's cool. Hey listen…" On the other side of the call, Lincoln could not see Lana kicking a small stone around as she paced. "I'm finishing up here. If you want I could fly out so we can have dinner tomorrow… If you want I mean."

"..."

"Uh, Linc?"

"Yeah, sure Lana. I'll have the secret service arrange everything."

"Really! I-i mean. Cool." Lana spotted several black diamonds slither into a patch of stones. "Hey I think I see another rattler. I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Yeah I'll see you *beep*" An audible beep sounded on his end to alert him that another call came in.

"Everything okay?"

"Yes, I think I'm getting another call. Love you bye." Lincoln switched to the next call. Somewhere in the many wildlife reserves of America, Lana Loud giggled and punted a large rock in pure joy.

Lincoln fiddled with his phone as he turned on the next call.

"Oh ho ho ho!" A large hotti laughter came from the tiny speaker of his phone. "Lincoln Loud, I hear you're looking for the perfect~ First Lady."

"*sigh* Hi Lola." Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh don't be like that darling. I'm packing my bag as we speak. I've got the first flight out tomorrow." The past Miss America told him.

"Wait, I need the secret service to talk to you first."

"Of course. I'm sure they'll inform me of my role as First Lady on the way. I'll see you tomorrow. Kisses!" Lola's delicate hand hung up the phone as she began looking through her walk in closet for essential outfits.

Lincoln's palm hit his forehead hard.

What the heck was happening?