Article 1 - Chapter 1 - The Cycle of Disappearing Faith

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, it's intellectual property is owned by none other than Masashi Kishimoto. I own the OC's that I've added to the story and nothing more.

***Pre-Chapter Notes and Warnings***

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This story eventually HEAVILY diverges from canon. Every little change causes ripples to form, completely changing the trajectory of the plot. Hopefully this will be a refreshing feeling for you guys as you have an opportunity to experience something new.

The OC has Antagonistic tendencies; they won't always find themselves on the right side of morality. Also characters will not have the standard plot armor you might expect - The world of the ninja is far too unforgiving…

If either of these facts concerns you, THEN THIS IS NOT THE STORY FOR YOU. It will get DARK. After all, how can you appreciate the light if you have never known darkness?

***Content Warning: Mild profanity, Gore, violence, war, mental health issues (both acknowledged and ignored), unhealthy friendships, child neglect, mental & physical abuse, and generally dark stuff. ***

(You've been warned.)

As the story progresses, I definitely feel like it will transition into a M rating, but it isn't quite there yet. (Mostly due to language and violence.)

EDIT: (2/10/2018) - Made changes to the story, writing structure, and combed through the chapter for mistakes. I probably will still miss some stuff, but I hope you guys enjoy the work I spent polishing the story.

┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴

┬┴┬┴┤ Chapter 1├┬┴┬┴

I won't argue to you that I, as an individual, are sound of mind. Who else could so stubbornly stand in defiance at the will of a divine entity - other than a psychopath.

Religion's conception was posed to explain away that which we can't reason with logic and science: Such as what happens to the human conscious (or what some might call the soul) after the physical body dies. Some believe in an afterlife of sorts, while others believe souls are reused, flowing in a cycle of reincarnation and rebirth.

All I know for certain, is that I reject God's existence, from both realistic and rational perspectives. Any being that could stand by and watch the unfairness of life without inclination to help is unworthy of such a title. A being such as that is more in likeness to a Devil...

...

I've been alone in this dark abyss where in every direction I look there is no substance or light to be found. I can't remember how or when I arrived. Confusion and panic originally overcame my psyche while I tried to rack my memories, however nothing could drudge them back - it was as if they simply couldn't be recalled.

I thrashed my body around, discovering it's weightlessness and lack of materialism. I could touch nothing, I felt nothing, not even myself.

Fear and panic completely enveloped me, but fear eventually shifted to acceptance, and in time acceptance became apathy.

I have long since lost my track of time. My sanity's slipping away, little by little, forever being locked away into this eternal, timeless nightmare.

Suspended in this void, memories began to come back slowly. More and more were excavated from the crevasses of my mind.

The incessant nothingness tearing at the fabric of my persona, I wasn't certain if I were real, or if in fact I ever truly 'was'. The memories I found - possibly were never actually mine.

I came to the conclusion that I was not, so therefore I could feel not; My reverse engineered answer to the black abyss whose seemingly always kept me company.

My final living memory was eventually located, playing like a recording. Over and over, in the same torturous and damning cycle.

Hope is an existence that can't survive in a timeless environment. (This is of-course only my opinion. My personal answer after extensive observation and self-reflection.)

Had anyone else had been in this situation, could be fully expected to have attempted prayer, at least before discarding their hope. My pride and understanding, however, wouldn't let me call out to any being that could call themselves a god after the life I lived.

Even my life had been stolen from me by what I am convinced to be certain divine intervention.

'I was struck down in cold blood.'

Any such being who could be called a god, especially after their inaction, logically would have at least refrained from meddling in the affairs of humans - The existence I remembered meeting could not have been a god.

-As those thoughts streamed through my mind, my surroundings blurred and balls of light began streaming from the far edges of visibility.

Shock and wonder spread through me as I noticed the first change in my environment since arrival.

The balls of light jumped around energetically, appearing at the outer reaches of my vision in all conceivable directions. The balls all drawing ever nearer. Slowly but steadily.

'If I had a heart, I'm sure it would have been pounding in anticipation.'

I closed my eyes in resignation.

'Perhaps this is my soul passing on?' I wondered while my eyes clenched shut.

The muscles which strained to keep my eyes shut relaxed as more and more light bled through the eyelids alerting me to the approaching and intensifying light.

"You truly have no faith."

My eyes jerked open at the voice, but all that I could observe from the surroundings were the balls of light, still drawing ever nearer. I opened my mouth to speak, but as I did, the balls quickly bolted towards and into my mouth as if it were a vacuum.

Panic.

The fear more pure and powerful than any I had ever experienced in any memory. My throat swelled. I felt myself choking. A body frozen like ice, only able to expel noises which escaped from my throat. The foreign entity seemed unable to be dislodged.

My instincts quickly overwrote my fear. Mindlessly, I attempted performing the Heimlich maneuver, having completely forgotten that my body was immaterial. The hands slid right through my abdomen, into the center of my being.

The lump in my throat shot down, reaching the same location of my trapped hands. Attempting to leverage my strength, I tried pulling my hands back out, but nothing could cause them to budge.

Now stuck inside my abdomen, my hands began shining blindingly.

Streams of light burst out from my abdomen. Each stream moved in its own direction in a completely linear path. Watching was difficult as my eyes had difficulty surveying anything now that I was effectively blinded.

With only faint white and black blur for vision, I struggled harder to free my hands, desperately I would say. No matter how much force I pulled with my hands refused to budge and instead began pulling harder and harder. Slowly my arms began being sucked inside with no escape.

My abdomen gripped both arms like it had a mind of its own. It seemed intent on pulling them all the way inside. It didn't stop even after my back folded over and my shoulders reached my stomach. Completely folded by the spine, the rest of my body was awkwardly sucked inside.

My vision completely disappeared.

Every memory that I had ever made played in the recesses of my mind inhumanly fast like a cinematic. My childhood, adolescence, and adult experiences whirring by in flashes, even the memories that I didn't know existed and had long forgotten. It was as if I lived my entire life in that one moment.

My mind felt weak and ablaze afterward, pain unlike any I had experienced throughout my life rang out. Pressure from every conceivable direction felt like it was compacting my brain… If I even had a brain anymore.

Perhaps my mind uninhibited by the processing power of a physical brain allowed me to experience every memory simultaneously and in an instant.

I heard the same voice ring out acoustically inside my head: "You deserve nothing, so you receive nothing."

Anger blotted my mind while the ever present pain overwhelmed my senses. Intense heat pulsated out from what I could only describe as the core of my being.

"Am I to believe that you are GOD?!"

"... You are, I suppose."

"Impossible, I reject the idea of God from both a logical and philosophical standpoint."

"You are before me, yet you reject my existence?"

"No, not your existence, just your job title. Any being that could stand by and watch the unfairness of life without inclination to help is unworthy of such a title."

"The birds once flew high and sung praises to the heavens... Now birds flock in cesspools of arrogance without true appreciation"

"Why sing any praise when you struck me down in cold blood?"

"Your time expired, It is the only reason I showed myself to you."

"I don't believe it! You tampered with my entire life because of my lack of faith didn't you?!"

"One of such little faith, deserved not my attention."

"I am a man who prioritizes logic over faith. Why would I waste time in prayer when I can be proactive myself? Working for my own aspirations? Why appreciate the inequality in life when you expect me to believe you hold the power to change it yet refrain? -Or do you actually hold no such power?"

"You have seen my might... yet you doubt my ability?"

"If you could change it, I see no reason to instead passively watch from 'up high' while unfairness and inequality runs rampant, correct? —Any being that could do that is unfit to call themselves a god. Therefore it is only logical to conclude you must be an existence akin to the devil... For clarity, I'll refer to you as Being-X."

"I see... So your complaint is due to your ability to meet your own needs and a lack of my visible action? If I provide you with this, your faith will awaken?"

"What? — Don't you think it's a little late? You even killed me! Beside's, what use would there in be proving a god's existence to a mere mortal like myself. Your intentions seem far too petty."

"Those who deserve nothing… receive nothing... But perhaps this one time, I will make an exception."

"I do not acknowledge you, nor do I have any plans to. To me you are, and will never be more than Being-X."

"...We will see. This time, I will treat you as fairly as you deserve. This will be your 2nd life and therefore your last chance. Make sure this is... entertaining for me."

"Didn't you say I deserve nothing, what changed?"

"Don't disappoint me."

...

┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴

—My conscious woke, completely unaware of my surroundings. A warm moist sensation enveloped my entire body, so soothing and relaxing. I tried moving but I hardly had any control, and after some trial and error, I only managed to flex my fingers.

I didn't have the energy to move, or even pull my eyes open.

A rhythmic thump sounded, each time the slimy walls constricted around me before again relaxing. It felt natural... the pattern. It continued with a over and over with an accompanied thump sound. I was so tired. The sensations lulled me to sleep.

...

After some time, I came to the conclusion that I was a baby, still inside a mother. My eyes still refused to open yet, and I couldn't determine If I was even breathing myself. The lack of energy my body had kept me limited in how long I could truly think before losing all will to be awake and pass into unconsciousness again.

An insurmountable amount of time passed, what felt like an eternity of drowsiness and reserving my strength.

I began fumbling around, intent on escaping this prison which contained me. I was going to see a new world which was going to be influenced by this 'so-called-god'.

The thought was equal part exhilarating and terrifying. The self-proclaimed god was quite vague on what his interference in this world would be, but with being granted a lease on a 2nd life I would at least need to check it out.

I no longer felt content just laying and preserving my strength, I pushed my feet out pressing against the walls. A quiver and muffled moan met my ears afterwards and despite knowing what I was doing I repeated my actions again and again.

My effort seemed to go rewarded as I started to break my way through. A tunnel opened blinding me. A tinnitus-like ring sounded in my ears while a pair of rubber feeling gloves helped me finish the escape. The outside world was disorienting and I became fearful after realizing that with all my effort I couldn't pull air into my lungs, struggling in gasps.

I was struck on the back with something and a sharp stinging pain caused my lungs to expand filling them then emptied them with a reflexive whine.

Well, I could at the very least breathe now, but my eyes were far too underdeveloped to focus with so much light around, so I instinctively squeezed them shut.

I remember being lifted away and manhandled by many people, likely the medical staff. They spoke but the ring in my ears drown most of their words.

The words I heard through the ringing still didn't let me identify which language It was. A sharp pain appeared at the end of all my fingers. Gasps resounded around me and I was whisked out of the room after being placed on my back on top of a chilly metallic cart. I was brought somewhere else, prodded with needles and stuck with papers that clung to my body.

Even without my eyes I could feel my skin attempting to close and re-tear as I kicked and fidgeted in misery. With each beat if my heart I could feel warm liquid ooze from the openings. I heard voices filled with concern bicker back and forth likely trying to diagnose the problem or discuss ways to fix it.

I was kept secluded from my family for some time until a plethora of tests was ran on me. I kept my eyes shut tight the entire time out of fear of what I would see. It seems the worst of it was over so I pulled together as much courage as I could and lifted my eyelids. A bright white blur was all I could make out, until I had a few moments to adjust to the outside world.

I wasn't ready for what I saw next.

Bone was sticking through my arm and hand, and the skin around where it protruded was scabbed and swollen. My own bones were sticking out of my skin and I was only an infant. Positive I hadn't come out this way, I couldn't reason how this could have happened to me. What experiments had I been subjected to?

The doctors and medical staff all wore gloves but even being touched by them I could feel no protruding bones from their hands, I was a freak — somehow I was born or made into a freak.

Perhaps this is what the being who called themselves god meant, that he would make sure I'd get exactly what I deserve — misery.

It was at that moment that the godlike being was ever-cemented into my mind as 'Being-X'

┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴

The medical staff manifested a green glow from their hands which felt warm and tingly to the touch, and started to repair the damage to my skin.

They covered my body in paper with kanji printed on it which I could only assume was to block one of the only words I understood them say "chakra."

Impossible —I could not have been born into the Naruto-verse.

As much as I wanted to reject the idea, the evidence was quite convincing.

Felt cheated by 'Being-X' for the 2nd time, I closed my eyes resigned to never open them again.

I could feel them filing down the protruding bones from my hands and arms and went over for the last time with the warm aura of medical ninjutsu. After the operation was completed, still wrapped in the Kanji encrusted fabric strips, I was reunited with my parents.

Curiosity overcame me as I could no longer keep my eyes shut out of spite.

I looked into my mother's face and saw white, near pupil-less eyes, much to my surprise. I instantly recognized the staple of the Hyūga Clan and was overwhelmed with the idea that I too would have those eyes. They would be useful in navigating this world torn with violence and war. My silver lining in this world of Shinobi.

Upon ending my introspection, I caught the emptiness of my mother's eyes and the scowl that pursed her lips after looking down holding me. She bit into her lip drawing blood and passed me back to the doctors ushering them to take me away with her hands.

The face was so full of disdain and disgust. I couldn't understand why… perhaps I was born without the byakugan?

Torn, I scanned the room for anyone else, but no one else was here besides the medical assistant that reunited me with the woman that birthed me.

Even to my own mother... I must have been a freak — a mistake. I could tell from the raw unfiltered emotions which flashed upon my mother's face. 'A face even a mother can't love huh?' I thought to myself.

I briefly wondered If i had underwent some type of experimentation from Orochimaru, but as I had no idea what time period I was born in, and how close this world resembled the cannon story I remembered. Pushing that out of mind I turned my gaze back to the nurse who held me. Noticing that I was staring at her, she gave me a pitying frown.

I was hauled back away. Away from my mother, away from the person who should have cared for me unconditionally.

I could only think about locking away any love in my heart and surviving, surviving and eventually thriving just to spite that damn Being-X.

...

Authors Notes: Zemptai-sama here, I've read a lot of self-inserts among the Naruto community lately and decided to make one for myself. This OC will not be 100% of my own personality or experiences, but how I might imagine I could become if I lived through all the experiences that the OC lived through. Neglected by god and forced to be trapped in a intangible abyss would not do wonders for one's psyche. Enjoy the story and I earnestly ask anyone who is willing to, to write me a review. I will cherish each and every one of them and respond as best as I can. I write so I can share with you guys, and it warms my heart to hear your opinions and interact with the readers. Thanks!