A/N: Please don't use my review section for your angst. Thank you.

The day had started normally. As normal as possible, considering the past two weeks worth of adapting to the Pokemon life. So as things are wont to do around our favored dark legendary, it ended with a miniature war around dinner time. The only saving grace was that it ended far faster than he expected, given his minimal intervention. The many Pokemon teachers (he was now confident in calling them colleagues) had advanced leaps and leagues ahead of the students.

Therefore, it made it rather easy to suss out why all the tables had been turned into makeshift shields and where the literal twelve fires being put out around the Great Hall came from. Darkrai turned to the unfortunate Poliwrath that had been the instigator. He had been enjoying a most delicious substance called "soup" before it was knocked away from him, which only fueled his rage more.

"Aren't you supposed to be the mature type? You're part of the oldest year here, after all," Darkrai queried, his single eye baring its full intent. The Poliwrath under his gaze shivered and pointed its eyes towards the ground. The dark type was getting rather tired of its lack of fighting spirit, and was about to just fire a Dark Pulse in the hopes of getting a response.

"I do believe that is actually Mr. Longbottom from my house. A third year." Darkrai blinked at the Delcatty's explanation. Weren't third years the equivalent of adolescents for humans? He voiced as much and was given a more educated answer from the Blissey.

"Technically, they are teenagers. It is the period used to describe the years where a human generally goes through puberty and most of their development, typically from thirteen to nineteen years of age." So this Poliwrath was an adolescent. In the body of a creature that was not only fully grown, but could shoot pressurized water that pulverized rocks and break steel with its bare hands. Half a month, and he hadn't managed to lessen his headache for even one peaceful moment.

"Then you need extra training. I'm fairly sure you'd break most of the world if you walked around accidentally throwing around Superpower and Bulk Up like you did today." Darkrai sighed as he let go of his annoyance. Bloody mad this world. The Poliwrath chanced a look at the irritated Professor and was met back with a deadened gaze. He held it for a moment before turning away and tracing the swirl on his stomach in a nervous pattern.

"I don't have time to do so, with that little Eevee taking up almost all my office hours and the remedial lessons I am hosting for the other adults in this country. I believe one of the courses here is a combat course?" Darkrai asked turning towards the other teachers. The Alakazam met his question with a few hems and haws while stroking one of its whiskers, most likely composing its answer.

"While I would not call Defense Against the Dark Arts a strictly combat course, as it mainly entails self-defense and the identification of dangerous creatures, I have no doubt that Professor Lupin would happily take a few of the maladjusted students under his wing." The Pokemon offered, pointing towards the Lycanroc who was asking a house elf (and weren't those things just unsettling) for a more rare piece of meat to replace the steak that was lost. Of course, he was knocked out of his conversation by the mention of his name.

"I'm sorry, what exactly were you volunteering me for, Professor Dumbledore?" The wolf asked, feeling as though he was about to be subject to something only his best friends would think of.

"Why, hosting a few remedial control courses for some of the Third Years of course! Mr. Longbottom here and a few of his year mates would be delighted to hear you've accepted!" The Alakazam exclaimed joyously, loud enough for the settled Great Hall to hear, at the very least. The Lycanroc sputtered as he tried to respond, but was quickly cut off by the Delcatty.

"Why, that's rather kind of you, Remus! I'm sure that my Lions will love to have a place where they can be supervised so they can use their powers freely. I'm sure that the other house heads would agree with me wholeheartedly!" Darkrai chuckled as he watched the Lycanroc's gaze rapidly shift between the two other professors, looking for any suspicious intent. The wolf Pokemon apparently found what it was looking for, as its eyes widened.

"You both aren't still mad about that one-day dose of Amortentia we slipped you, are you?" He asked with a meager voice. The two Pokemon ganging up on him glanced at each other.

"Of course not! Why, I found your pranks humorous and gratifying. Although it was a shame that a few of them happened to violate the trust that I had gathered with the students and insinuate that I was 'a dirty old man', they were wondrous uses of your magic. Perish the thought!" The Alakazam responded with a false cheer that Darkrai was fairly sure would have been poisonous in any other sense. The Delcatty nodded in agreement.

"Indeed. As far as I'm concerned, all the "Hot for Teacher" graffiti was washed away long before you graduated. Water under the bridge." Lycanroc looked at both of them, understanding that there was clearly no way out of this arrangement that didn't involve him being bodily tossed through a wall. He turned towards the Poliwrath who had been spectating much like Darkrai if far more reserved.

"We will meet in the third-floor classroom next to the weaponless armor," He said, before turning to the other professors, "and for the record, James and Sirius were the ones mainly involved with that day. Especially Sirius. I feel that this is a case of the punishment not fitting the crime."

"Yes, well Potter's dead and Black's on the lam. I believe it is entirely fitting." Snape drawled from the other end of the table, his mouth-holes curved into a particularly vicious smile. Darkrai almost doubled over laughing.

Guffawing laughter rang from the third floor classroom next to the weaponless armor. It eventually tapered off into a few wheezes before starting up once more, only with less vigor. As soon as Sirius Black (Now known as Reginald Padfoot, long lost bastard of Orion Black and heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black) was able to speak, he took one more look at Remus then started laughing once more. The aggrieved Lycanroc sighed at its Mightyena companion, before using Accelerock to knock the hyena off its chair.

"Ah, for fuck's sake Remus, it's not exactly like I've got real arse cheeks anymore! That bloody hurt." The Mightyena complained, rolling onto its side so that the bruised haunches wouldn't sting. Remus scoffed at the man now hyena. He always knew Sirius was an opportunist, but for the man to use "The Change" to create his own new identity? Remus wasn't even sure how he had done it, let alone why.

Oh, Remus had known that Lily and James switched Secret Keepers. Sirius couldn't shut up about it when the two of them were alone. He had merely assumed that Padfoot had killed thirteen Muggles and Peter in his rage, and condemned his friend. It wasn't as though Remus was any more calm about the betrayal, but he wasn't daft. And for all that Sirius was his friend, he knew Sirius often loved more than he thought, so it wasn't difficult to assume he had become a mass murderer in his rage.

"Well, now that you're sane once more, would you please explain this ridiculous plan of yours?" The Lycanroc asked, still unsure how to deal with this unexpected rekindling of their friendship. After Sirius had explained that Peter was the true culprit, both men were left in this purgatory of joking and awkwardness. It was as if only one of them truly grew up.

"Look, it's not that bad. I'm just gonna pretend to be my own half-brother. Then, I'm gonna call for a dismissal of my own incarceration 'posthumously' for the name of Black because there was no fair trial. They'll play kiss-ass for a bit, and at that very moment, I'll reveal to them, that in fact, I was Sirius Black all along! It's foolproof!" The hyena exclaimed, padding around the room as he explained his master plan. Lycanroc sat there unimpressed.

"Yes, it is foolproof. But you're an idiot. How will you even establish yourself as your own half-brother? I assume you're still keyed into the wards at your old home, so you could falsify records, but…" The dusky wolf trailed off. Though when Sirius turned around to face Remus, he had that same mad glint in his eye that ended up getting Remus punished for the Amortentia incident.

"That's where it's genius! I checked with the goblins right before I came here to meet you. All I had to do was present records on the Head of Black's stationary, and some blood, and they gave it to me. Thanks to whatever changed us, half the identification systems we used don't work! That means you are now legally looking at Reginald Black, Head of the most Ancient and Noble House of Black." Sirius said while laughing at his own dastardliness. Remus blinked owlishly. If Sirius had already had everything he needed then…

"Why the bloody hell are you here and not filing the paperwork for your own dismissal?!" Remus exclaimed, unable to believe his friend's procrastination. It was just like sixth year all over again! The hyena calmed down once more, before grinning at Remus.

"Well, as I see it, you owe me. Twelve years in that hell and not even a word. You explained why, and I forgave you, but I still need you to do a favor." Whatever he was planning for Remus was clearly of some discontent. As if he needed more on his plate, but it was the least he could do for abandoning him.

"I need you to get me a dead body." Remus blinked. Giving his friend the benefit of the doubt, he asked the question that was likely going to plague him with headaches for the next week.

"Why exactly?" Asked the wolf, already expecting an absurd answer.

"Alright so, I found out that the bodies from before the change are still human. So, maybe, just maybe, the amazingly handsome Sirius Black ran into a bit of trouble before 'The Change'. And maybe, his body washes up on the coast. And maybe his best friend will be there to identify him?" The Mightyena asked eyeing the wolf snarkily. Remus blanched, Sirius had foresight that was frightening sometimes.

"So all you need is for me to identify you to declare you dead?" Remus asked, sincerely hoping that was all. Though, if he had to be honest, a wolfish grin on a hyena was perhaps the scariest thing he had ever seen.

"Didn't you hear me? We need to get the body first." Remus paled. That was beyond the line by far.

"Bloody hell, Sirius! I am not going to go rob a moratorium!" The Lycanroc shouted loud enough to wake the dead. The Mightyena shushed him before explaining.

"No see, look, I've already got the dead body arranged. I just need you to help me move it and frame it! And no, I did not kill someone, before you ask. Just read this." He said as he pulled out a rolled document tied with a ribbon from his travel bag. He pawed at the knot for a moment before allowing the document to unfurl across Remus's desk. Remus looked down at the document.

"I Sirius Black of sound mind, body, and magic… etcetera, etcetera and I James Fleamont Potter of sound mind, body, and magic… etcetera, etcetera, do hereby allow the other parties as denoted by this agreement to use my body once in a scheme to fake his own death." The blue eyes of the wolf traveled down through the rest of the document at record speed after reading that line. Bloody hell, his friends were madmen! For Merlin's sake, there was even a clause that should both of them be dead, then he himself would be allowed to use their bodies for one fake death each. His eyes drifted back to the smiling hyena.

"I can't condone this." He said, drawing a line in the sand. It was one thing to acquiesce to Sirius's insane plan, but this was another matter entirely.

"Too late, you owe me," Remus growled in response, eliciting one from Sirius as well.

"I am not helping you rob James' grave, Sirius! Do you have any respect for the dead?" He shouted at the mad dog. Perhaps, twelve years of dementor induced fear had broken his friend, and this was the result.

"Yes, you are!" The other caning shouted at Remus.

"No, I am not! He was our friend. How could you do this in good conscience?" At this rate, it would devolve into a full-blown battle, Remus thought as he pulled together some energy for a Rock Polish. He would need to be in top shape to fight the Mightyena.

"Yeah, the friend that didn't let me rot in prison on trumped charges!" A flame was beginning to leak from Sirius's mouth, a clear indication of Flamethrower. He always did have a penchant for fire spells.

"Because he was DEAD," Remus raised his voice, rage overcoming his reason, "HE WAS DEAD AND THEN YOU GOT YOURSELF LOCKED AWAY! AND NOW WHAT?! SIRIUS GOT IN TROUBLE AND BOTH OF US HAVE TO BAIL YOU OUT AGAIN?!" Things were about to take a turn for the bloody, before the door to the classroom collapsed into the room, hinges breaking instantly. As the door fell, in tumbled a ragtag assortment of young Pokemon. The pile slowly shook itself, before a small blue dragon with a grey crest pulled itself from underneath all the groaning limbs. It looked at both the older males before frowning.

"Why are you guys talking about robbing my dad's grave?" The question broke the tension, and both of the older Pokemon glanced at each other trying to get the other to go first.

"Er…" Remus eloquently said, unsure as to handle the situation. Thankfully, it appeared that Sirius had recovered first.

"It was Remus's idea! I'm just Reginald, not in any way or form related to escapee Sirius Black! Thank god you children showed up! This man was trying to talk me into desecrating the grave of my- I mean his best friend." Sirius said, acting as though he were not the mastermind behind this convoluted mess. Remus sat there stunned for a moment unable to believe that this man had somehow pinned the whole Amortentia fiasco on him.

"Merlin's sake, Sirius-"

"Reginald."

"-who is going to believe that?" The wolf asked incredulously. The hyena shrugged.

"It was worth a shot."

As Darkrai breached the threshold of the castle doors, he found himself letting out a sigh of relief. Fortunately, the adults had been less rowdy (although there was still outrage and petulance) over the course of their lessons and had taken to them fairly quickly. With the exception of a few family rivalries that boiled over into blood sport, Darkrai felt it went quite well. Now, all he needed to do was relax with a nice cup of herb water (Tea was such a dumb name) and a good meal. Humans, anomaly or otherwise, always had the most refined foodstuffs across all dimensions.

"Professor! Professor Darkrai! Professor!" Arceus damn them all to the Reverse World! Now what? He let his anger go as he turned to face the greatest bane of his existence since he first met Cresselia.

"Eevee, haven't you ever heard the phrase 'If you bother the Darkrai too much, you'll get nightmares for life'?" He asked while scowling. Which in truth, was more or less his single eye becoming laserlike in focus. The little bundle of nervous energy eeped.

"No! Why professor? Is it part of Pokemon culture? Oh, wait, but that would mean-" He clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Because that is what you will tell your descendants if you do not get to the point. Immediately." He growled. Seeing her eyes widen, and his threa- message. Yes, message. Much more teacher-like. Seeing her eyes widen and his message fully received, the Eevee paused for a moment to gather her thoughts.

"Professor Lupin is conspiring with Sirius Black to rob the grave of Harry's dad! They're on the third floor!" She exclaimed. Conspiracy? Darkrai huffed, he wasn't a law enforcer in this dimension (By technicality only. Generally it would be the duties of the dimension's own legendaries). He let her go. Maybe, if he killed this 'Soren' and this 'Lincoln' professor fast enough, he could still enjoy a nice dough-treat (Donuts were also a stupid name) before the kitchens fully closed for the night. He looked around the entrance hall, and thankfully, there were no other presences nearby. No need to give anyone a reason to look for bodies.

Gripping the annoying brown fluffball by her scruff, and ignoring her yelps of indignation, he powered himself up and let it all off in a burst of speed. It would be only a few seconds before he reached the room, but he was pretty sure phasing through the ceiling at high speed would kill the Eevee. And though he would very much enjoy it, he still had a fair amount of years stuck here teaching. Killing a student would be in bad taste. He'd kill her after she graduated. For all the headaches of course.

"Okay, so look kiddos, it's not what it sounds like." Sirius said, trying to convince the assorted third years that he wasn't a mass murdering grave defiler. He looked to the Lycanroc next to him who merely rolled his eyes, signifying that Sirius was on his own.

"So you're not gonna rob Harry's dad's grave?" Asked the Zangoose, once he finally got himself untangled from his brother's tails and hair. Sirius scoffed. Of course, he was gonna rob James' grave. He just wouldn't say it.

"Technically, he gave me a legal contract to use his corpse in one nonsensical way after his death." The Mightyena justified. See? He was perfectly sane. There was no grave robbing here, just perfect execution of a magically binding contract between peers. Then his mind caught up with him. He whirled on the small blue dragon.

"You're Harry?!" The lizard just nodded, while backing away slowly. While the hyena's Intimidate had worn off long ago, that didn't make staring down an insane prison convict any less frightening. Remus pushed the Mightyena away, to give the child some breathing room. Although, the yellow eyes never left the body of the blue dragon. Lupin decided to take the reigns before the situation derailed even further.

"How did you children even break that door? That thing should have been able to take a Hippogriff ramming it at full speed thanks to the enchantments." The Professor asked as all eyes shot towards the blue smooth-skinned creature with a swirl on its stomach. One of the monkey boys decided to answer.

"Well, you see professor, we were all just minding our own business, when Neville here," he pushed the blue-skinned creature to the front, "sneezed and shot us all into the door with enough force to blow it to pieces." Remus' eye twitched for a moment as he stared the smiling green monkey down. This kid was as bad a liar as Sirius! He was about to open his mouth to reply before a black blur shot past the open doorway. A voice echoed down the hall.

"No, professor! It was in that room! They're conspiring in that room!" Oh dear, the wolf thought to himself.

"What are you talking about? Is that not the room Professor Lycanroc is hosting his remedial courses? I thought we were looking for this 'Lipton' fellow." The imperious voice asked, his momentum clearly stalling.

"We've worked together for three weeks. Eaten at the same table for three weeks. How does he still not know my name?" The wolf muttered to himself. It wasn't a serious question, but it was quite baffling. He paw smacked Sirius, as the hyena had broken into giggles upon hearing his butchered name. Remus watched with anticipation as the black blur came back through the hall, and stopped instantaneously at the door way. It strode past the threshold, Eevee still in hand before pausing when its eye settled on Mightyena.

"Oh, there's a dark type in here. Nevermind then. Carry on with the conspiring." Darkrai said nonchalantly as it placed Hermione floor. However, the small fox was not going to take the casual dismissal so easily.

"Professor! How could you?! They're conspiring to rob a grave. Defile and abuse a corpse! Are you just going to stand there and let them?!" The Eevee shouted incredulously. Darkrai waved her off.

"Seems like someone was not paying attention to last Thursday's lecture." He said, while Hermione sputtered at the implication. She was a stellar student! The legendary patted her on the head, like one would a child that needed a booster seat at twelve years old.

"Dark types are prone to heinous crimes. He's simply fulfilling his nature." The legendary explained slowly.

"Prone? I thought you meant they just had dark thoughts!" Hermione asked, clearly not able to reconcile the fact that a whole type gave Pokemon carte blanche to be criminals. Darkrai shook his head.

"No, I meant they often commit heinous and malicious crimes. In fact, I ate my first still-beating heart when I was ten years old." Darkrai sighed, remembering the taste of that lovely Farfetch'd heart. However, as he was lost in his remembrance, all the other Pokemon in the room took a large step away from the reminiscing legendary. Darkrai shook away the memories.

"Anyways, I would be more surprised and offended if you said he had not committed acts of violence and... " Darkrai explained before his train of thought derailed. Wait a moment, this world was a fever dream cooked up by Hoopas. His eye drifted over to the Mightyena. Maybe the dark types here needed to be properly educated.

"You have committed crimes of sinister nature before right?" The legendary asked the now confused pooch. The Mightyena shared a glance with its compatriot in conspiracy. The Lycanroc nodded and made a waving motion near his throat. Getting the message, Sirius improvised.

"Er, yep! Sent to prison for the mass murder of thirteen people simultaneously! No parole, no trial!" The Mightyena barked out. The Darkrai let out a breath he wasn't aware he was holding. At least that much was the same. Though, thirteen murders and no trial? Truly this Mightyena was a 'Mon after his own deadly heart. He eyed him carefully.

"You know, I am looking for an assistant." He ventured forth. Anything to ease the workload of dealing with these brats would be a gift from Arceus Himself. The hyena shivered.

"Nope sorry, too busy with the...uh… the grave robbing! Too busy with the grave robbing, you see. Got a lot to plan, aurors to evade and all that." Darkrai nodded. That was a rather lucrative and respectable position for a dark type. Well, unfortunate.

"Very well. But if it doesn't pan out, please let me know. I could always use some more ferocious help. Anyways, off to bed children. No need to bother the Mightyena's work." The children sputtered and refused of course, not able to understand the beauty of a dark type at work.

"Now, now, I understand that none of you are dark type, so you will never feel the rush of a perfectly executed crime. But that is no excuse to be type-exclusionary." The legendary lectured, ignoring the indignant gasp of "Did he just call me racist?" from the young fox. He pushed them along slightly faster.

"Furthermore, if any of you report this to any other authorities, I will feed you your own spleen and then curse you with nightmares as you fade into the afterlife. It is only proper etiquette to let the dark type enact the crime before attempting to crucify them. And I do not teach rude children. Am I understood?" At that very threatening tone, combined with the sense of dread that permeated the space around the dark type legendary, all the younger Pokemon nodded. In fact, the Poliwrath fainted standing upright. Darkrai simply picked him up as he was left behind by all the terrified children. He turned around, picked up the door as well.

"Anyways, no need to thank me, I am the patron legendary of dark types. Just make sure to get in a few good stabbings if you see any guards. Or food. I accept offerings of foodstuffs as well now." And with that, Darkrai slammed the broken door closed behind him, wedging it in the doorway. Sirius turned to Remus.

"I think that we have to rob the grave at this point." The wolf merely nodded, the sense of defeat seeping into his bones.

Hermione rocked back and forth in shock, her world falling apart around her. Harry simply stroked her tail as she curled into a ball. Well, he supposed that it was ironic that the only one who had taken Professor Darkrai seriously when he said dark types were villainous. Snape was a dark type too. Though he surmised that perhaps Hermione did not have her priorities straight.

"Have to tell teacher. Can't tell teacher. Teacher told me not to tell teacher. But must tell teacher." And so on and so forth. Maybe it was a phase and she'd grow out of it, Harry hoped. Though considering that she had just started laugh-crying, it would be a bit much to hope for any major change.

"Baby steps, Hermione. Baby steps." He said. Her fur was very soft thankfully, and felt great against his stub. So it wasn't all bad. Ron, the only one of their group who had felt the primal nature of a Pokemon before, had been equally as accepting as Harry had for the most part and had gone to bed early. The whole "eating the still-beating heart at ten years old" bit was probably still quite traumatic, but Harry was a dragon. Nothing really phased him anymore. Except flying. That phased him a lot. He glanced around a room at all the other nervous faces.

"So-" He opened before Neville finally blew up from his frozen state.

"NO! We are not telling this to anyone! I like my spleen, Harry! Please don't make me tell anyone!" The poor Poliwrath shouted, fists putting dents into the common room floor. He really should learn how to control that better, thought Harry. And to think, this all started because Neville asked them for support after he started a food fight by using a knife too hard.

"There, there, Neville. Don't worry, I doubt Harry's going to let us. I'm sure he likes his spleen too." Ginny said, soothing Neville much the same way Harry was doing so for Hermione.

"I could take it or leave it." Harry joked back. Though, perhaps that was the wrong thing to say, as many of the other young Gryffindors sent back paled considerably.

"Harry, mate, we're behind you and all that, since, you know, it's your dad's grave. It's only right. But, uh, I'm not exactly prepared to fight an actual demon over it." Seamus said, clearly anxious. Harry nodded, while he wished he knew more about his parents, and why Professor Lupin was planning on robbing his father's grave, it wasn't worth dying over. Though, he still felt that Professor Darkrai was the Satan to Arceus's God if anything.

"Now, for today's lecture, we shall be going over moves and in turn, statuses, and items. Mainly, because each preceding element is the reason for the next. Moves create statuses, which led to the first items being used for treatment. Now, moves are divided into three categories: Special, Physical, and Undefined…" Professor Darkrai explained. However, for once in her life, Hermione wasn't listening with rapt attention. That wasn't to say she wasn't taking notes, nor was she foregoing learning more of being a Pokemon. It was just, the implication of being a dark type finally hit home for her last night. For the past two or so days, she had been trying to understand how exactly a whole category of Pokemon would want to commit crimes.

It scared her. It scared her even more when she found out that one of the evolutions of Eevee was a dark type. She didn't want to k-k-kill anyone! She wanted to learn, and grow up, normal like every other-

"Uh, Hermione?"

-person. She also wanted to understand them. To know more about their problems and issues. Maybe if she did, she could help dark types like Professor Darkrai turn away from-

"Hermione?!"

-a life of crime! After all, she had read that Sociopaths could lead fulfilling lives when properly monitored with a proper support network (though, support network wouldn't be the exact term, more like blackmail network).

"HERMIONE!"

"What Ron?! What could be so important, that you're shouting in my ear?!" The girl shrieked back, leveling a withering glare at the mongoose.

"You're glowing," Harry answered. Hermione looked down at her paws, and sure enough, she was covered in bright light. And just as fast as she had noticed it, it was gone. Instead, in its place, were a pair of velvety limbs. They weren't exactly pink, more a light purple color. And… was that a second tail? She craned her head (because she was now taller than she remembered) and caught a glimpse of the dual ended tail that had replaced her fox puff. In fact, she seemed much more feline-

"Just when I thought you couldn't get more irritating, you manage to evolve into a psychic type in the middle of my lecture." Her attention shot towards the Professor who was glaring at her balefully.

"Uh…"

"Oh good, looks like evolving made you quiet. Thank Arceus for small miracles." He said before resuming.

"Then, along with these attributes, there can be an elemental aspect, which is attributed to type…"

Hermione looked down at her new form once more. Perhaps this was a sign? That she was on the right path, so she was gifted with a form that could help. Psychic types were generally empaths and highly intelligent.

Unfortunately, in her excitement, Hermione had forgotten that dark types were immune to psychic abilities and that they generally hated psychic types with a passion. If anything, Arceus was trying to give her a sign to stay as far away from 'helping' Darkrai as possible. He already had one brainy psychic type trying anyways.