Dean couldn't do it, he couldn't handle it, he couldn't be what he was needing to be and he was failing that and he hated it but he just...couldn't.

He and Mary had managed to find Jack and bring him back to the bunker after a brush with a demon and angels and a lot of Jacks new powers.

Apparently the kid was just as surprised, he had no idea what he could do or what he was capable of. Or at least that was the story that he told them, Dean didn't believe him in the slightest, he could see hints of malice and secrecy hiding behind his eyes. He could see the snide looks and the smirks, showing that Jack was well aware of what he was able to do.

Mary told him that he was being ridiculous and was putting too much of his hated of Lucifer onto Jack but Dean ignored her.

He stayed in his room mostly, not wanting to be near the nephilim despite how much Mary was trying, and failing, to connect with him.

And in the darkness and secrecy of his room Dean couldn't help but think, it should've been her. She was the one that Lucifer had tried to grab, making his brother come forward to protect her. He hated himself for it and fought the urge to throw up every time the thought crossed his mind but he couldn't handle it, couldn't handle the fact that his brother was in an alternate universe that he couldn't get to and he had no idea if he was okay.

He knew Sam, and he knew that Sam was capable of a lot of things and he was as just a good a hunter as Dean was, they were both trained by their dad after all and they were both resourceful and able to do whatever it took to survive.

But then he thought about his little brother trapped in an apocalyptic world without him and all Dean could see was Lucifer digging his claws into him and he wasn't able to do a single thing.

Jack searched for him, he wanted his approval and wanted his guidance, for some reason the kid imprinted on him and had taken to copying him. Mary had said that Jack admired him and wanted to be like him.

Dean just thought that he was trying to get on Dean's good side to get his guard down enough and would then double cross them.

So Dean kept his distance from the kid and allowed the distance to grow between him and his mom. He kept himself either in his room or in the library to try to find a way to bridge the universes together to get his brother back and just took each day as it came.

And at night when he managed to get to sleep he felt a strange almost drowning sensation of grace drifting over his mind that a corner of his soul recognized. He never remembered it in the morning but he always went straight to the library to keep researching.

I do not own Supernatural.

150/365

I do take requests so if you have requests you can send them to me.

I know the chapters have been short lately and I'm trying to make them longer, I just don't want to give away too many things all at once.

Also at the end, its not Jacks grace that Deans feeling.